Treated differently after weightloss

amusedmonkey · July 2017

I'm not being treated any differently now than I was being treated 120 lbs ago. Either I'm not very perceptive which is quite possible, or that I have not change much in terms of confidence, how I carry myself, how willing I am to let people in, my body language...etc, which is also possible because I don't feel any different. Either way, I have not experienced much of a difference. I'm glad I didn't. One of my biggest fears when I decided to lose weight that I would be treated differently and people would have higher expectations of me pressuring me to act in ways that are out of character for me (wear make up, do my hair, dress a certain way...etc). I'm happy that this hasn't been the case and that most people I know haven't changed in any way towards me.

Now it's very possible, and I imagine quite likely (although who knows), that the internal dialogue and thought process of people when they see me have changed. I don't really care. Internal thoughts are spontaneous and compulsive. Neither I nor other people have control over that. Most people were and still are polite to me and accepting of my quirks, so that's all that matters to me. My overall experience has not changed much apart from obvious things like fitting into chars and going up flights of stairs.

SnazzIT · August 2017

lemmie177 wrote: »

I always thought the "women hate women" thing was untrue, or at least a dramatic over-exaggeration, until I lost weight. Not so much with people I know, but with strangers and passerbys.

Unfortunately its true, as soon as I lose weight I get the evil eye from my mother in law and only sister in law...who both bigger than me. When I was bigger they always made cruel jokes about me in public, however, they only did it when my husband was not there to defend me. I always held my tongue, but secretly vowed to lose all the weight and show them...lol the last laugh is mine :0

JLAJ81 · August 2017

tiffaninghs wrote: »

reverse for me... more attention at over 300lbs.. nw that im in the 170's to 180's i get no attention at all. i guess cause theirs nothing remarkable about me now.. im just a regular fish in the sea.. and I no longer have a big butt or large breasts so no one is paying any attention.. lol

You are crazy! You look great!

KimbersNewLife · August 2017

I have definitely noticed a difference and I've only lost 30 lbs. My husband is so different now and he treats me different. All joking aside he is still hard to live with and a total jerk sometimes but he always freaks out and apologizes right away. Rewind to about 10 lbs ago and he would die before he admitted he was wrong. It is actually very annoying because I am still the same Kimber and he used to be so much less involved in my life now he's suddenly wanting know all about me. In a way it's not fair to him either because I have changed too. I am far less lazy than I used to be and in my humble opinion more interesting!

masterwilde · August 2017

So just as a comment really, but with regard to holding a door open for a woman, I was brought up with manners and respect in the UK, so regardless of age or size, the door will be held open.

I have been fit, and ive been morbidly obese, currently losing weight, but the confidence is certainly cyclical, and the attention is both good and bad, as you see women that you thought were nice and all of a sudden dont wish to associate with a fit man.

It seems humans are just different in their attitudes and love to project their own feelings of themselves onto others.

natajane · August 2017

I've been slim and I am large currently.
When it comes to general treatment, I think people treat you how they assume you treat yourself. When I'm taking the time to groom, put on nice clothes, wear makeup and share my authentic self with people then the response I get is so much warmer. Men and women. Size doesn't seem to affect that.

Career wise, I am believing that study quoted earlier unfortunately. It sucks but unconscious bias is strong. When I'm slim if I get a raise then I'll come back and let you all know

callielizabethrocks · August 2017

M my biggest surprise was how many people decided it was OK to openly talk about my sex life after my weight loss. These weren't complete strangers but they definitely were people I never discussed this topic with before, and out of the blue would say things like "I bet you are dating a lot more" or " I bet you're having a lot more sex." In every instance it was completely inappropriate and horrifying that 1 – felt it was OK and 2-that they thought that was a reasonable conclusion to draw.

As with most things, I realize that people's reactions to my weight-loss had a lot more to do with them and their *kitten*, then me and mine.

Polo265 · August 2017

Okiludy wrote: »

Just from a professional of view google "wage of fat people compared to fit". This is full on *kitten* but statistics show an overweight female can make as much as $9000 a year less than a skinny female. Now I am a guy and find jacked up. Should it matter in most office jobs?

For men being slightly overweight is ok but obese or more is not. From a Business Insider story here is a quote "What we found across our studies is that obesity serves as a proxy for low competence," Schweitzer said in a release. "People judge obese people to be less competent even when it's not the case."

In my company there is not one obese person in upper management. We also have very few in mid management that push into the obese range. This does not correlate to the average amount of obese people.

How you are treated professionally is one of reasons I am losing weight. It's lower on the list but when you hear of the CEO talking *kitten* about a "fat" person you know full well that weight affects your pay.

During my career in the business world, my observations have proven this correct, with one recent exception. The current president is the heaviest person in the whole organization. Nonetheless, heavier folks in middle management did not advance and heavier folks in the staff never advanced into middle management. Sad!

qstneverything · August 2017

A lot of men have stopped trying with me since I lost weight - which is a big win for me as I'm happily taken. From the impression that I got, a lot of men thought I was desperate because I was fat and thought I'd be an easy score. Jokes on them

I got a promotion for losing weight! My boss said it's evidence that I can smash personal goals and that I'm clearly not lazy.

Yay

judydj1220 · August 2017

I was at a wedding this weekend when one of my friends mentioned how her brother-in-law was "mean" since he lost weight. He was no longer fun because he doesn't eat/drink like he did before. Another friend suggested he was mad because he didn't eat/drink like he did before. It kinda irked me that they would rather have him "fun" as opposed to healthy?? (both friends are overweight). I could understand where this guy is coming from - my focus is now on more healthier food/drink options - but I don't understand how you can call someone "mean" just because their focus has changed from going with the crowd to doing what is best for his health. (I'm sure I got talked about when I left the table for being "mean")

perkymommy · August 2017

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

I get treated better by women when I'm fat than when I'm thinner.

I get checked out by men in any state of fatness for me.

same.

Most females don't want to be around a female that proved she could lose weight and get in shape lol. Men don't usually care either way.

perkymommy · August 2017

fatvegan88 wrote: »

I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.

I had a friend who did that when I was in my late 30s. We both had lost a lot of weight and she went crazy. Still is and it's been ten years ago.

Ironandwine69 · August 2017

I don't have an experience with this, because I have never been too overweight.
But..I have experience from the other side...
Sometimes people treat someone differently because all of the sudden some people act differently. Self confidence that comes from weight loss and getting in shape is great, but some people take it to the extreme and become cocky and attention *kitten*. I don't like to treat someone because they lost weight and they look great, if anything I try to be supportive and motivating, but I have no patience for that. You see it on this site lot too.

cjv73 · August 2017

I have lost and gained many times over, and I can't say that I've ever really noticed a difference in how others treat me. But then, I am almost 5'11" so even at my heaviest I do carry it pretty well. Sadly, my husband is the one who treats me differently when I'm big.

BloopInAHat · August 2017

RAD_Fitness wrote: »

I wonder how much people's perceptions of how much different they are being treated is dependent on their confidence level when they lose the weight.

I no doubt thing that obese people are looked at differently, just as taller men are and how better looking people are as well.

But I also believe if you show that you are confident in yourself, some of that goes away even if your obese, short or not the best looking.

My experience has been that people see obese, confident people as a 'challenge', someone to be taken down a peg or two.

JeromeBarry1 · August 2017

amandaeve wrote: »

I am surprised that so many people feel more confident thin. Loosing weight was the hardest thing I've ever done, so I am proud of that achievement. Still..I feel like other people conquer bigger challenges every day. However...

In response to the above posts, I now make MORE THAN TRIPLE what I did when I was heavy. On top of that, I now have insurance; so I went from 50% of my income going to health care to barely 4%. I never correlated it having ANYTHING to do with my weight (maybe I'm clueless?), but I do match that statistic.

My obese father made half what my skinny mother made. I still feel like there were other reasons for that, but the fact still stands. The thinner family members on my father's side do make more than the fatter family members.

When the obese were still an abuse-able minority in the country, research pointed to the economic value of height, finding that taller people were paid more, and blonder people were paid more. I'm going to guess that you switched jobs or even careers after or during your weight loss. Whatever the merit, I congratulate you.

VeronicaA76 · August 2017

People treat others differently based on outward appearance. Weight, height, age, clothes, skin, hair.. it's human nature. We should all make an attempt not to.

As far as negative treatment, well there are just some people that are going to be negative no matter what. They're jerks, what else can I say.

Now, losing a bunch of weight sometimes shows who was your real friend and who wasn't. I lost some people that I thought were my friends, turns out that as soon as I was no longer bigger than them, they didn't want to hang out with me anymore. That was an eye opener.

Sadly the difference in treatment by those you're closest to hurts the most. And is the most frustrating, because you are still you, there's just less mass.

Seeing how people treat me differently helps me see how horrible double standards are. I try to make a concerted effort to never treat someone differently based on weight, or much else for that matter. There are exception, am I going to go to a party alone when asked by a random guy covered in obvious gang tattoos...no. Random mom at my daughter's school that has kids of her own...maybe, if she seems nice, why not.

GemstoneofHeart · August 2017

I distinctly remember the moment I hadn't seen a particular coworker much over the course of a month, he came to my office to ask me a question, and the second I turned around his jaw dropped and he fumbled over his words for a good minute. I guess my weight loss really hit the extremely noticeable point over that month.

I have noticed a huge difference mostly from strangers. People are generally friendlier with me, such as cashiers, waiters, and other passerbies.

GemstoneofHeart · August 2017

CSARdiver wrote: »

I think much of depends on your circle and the climate of thought. Our executive culture is shifting to a more energetic one - biking/running groups have formed, we have a Toastmaster's chapter on the way, and there is a definite movement towards new ideas and best practices.

Our new executive head of business development was the one who started the biking club and she tends to be very vocal and one of the key sources for innovative ideas. The old guard perceives her (and anyone advancing ideas) as a threat and use whatever ammo they can to diminish her, but it's not working.

One of the points I'm careful of as we dismantle the good ol' boys club is that we don't replace this with another discriminatory club of our own.

Now that's what I call good leadership.

seltzermint555 · August 2017

perkymommy wrote: »

fatvegan88 wrote: »

I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.

I had a friend who did that when I was in my late 30s. We both had lost a lot of weight and she went crazy. Still is and it's been ten years ago.

I have known many people like this, male and female. It is strange and off-putting to me.

Treated differently after weightloss

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