Loneliness and weight loss.

If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??

Replies

hesn92

Im 28 and just got married. You're still young! There's no reason to freak about not being married yet.

Fitkam90

hesn92 wrote: »

Im 28 and just got married. You're still young! There's no reason to freak about not being married yet.

Congratulations on getting married! Definitely gives me some hope

busyPK

I was married and divorced by 27.

You're young and have plenty of time to settle down. Work on being the best possible you and being around people that support you.

aeloine

I'm 24 and not married. Have been with SO for 3.5 years, and don't expect to get a ring before I'm 28.

cwolfman13

You're still young...

I got married when I was 30...I'm 43 now in a couple weeks.

I have a buddy who was married in his mid twenties and divorced by 30...he remarried in his mid to late 30s.

I'd say that most people I know who married young are divorced...most people I know who married later are still together...

dutchandkiwi

I am 49 and was married at 38.
I did have a long de-facto relationship before then and to be honest I was most lonely when I was with that man. Being in a relationship =/= no longer lonely

unknown

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unknown

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SoozeE512

I'm 31, single, and haven't so much as been on a date in 8 or 9 years. All of my siblings and friends are married or engaged to be. Many of them have kids already and don't always have time for me.

I get that it's easy to let yourself feel lonely because you don't have what other people do (I felt that way for a few wasted years), but it's more fulfilling to go out and live your life as you want regardless of whether or not someone else is along for the ride. If/when I should find the right person for me to marry, at least then I'll be able to look back and say I did things with my life before they came along.

jemhh

I was 21. It has worked well for us. HOWEVER, that is far from the norm/average these days. Most people I know are getting married in their later 20s and early 30s and I certainly know people who have gotten married later than that.

TavistockToad

I was 29 when I got married

seltzermint555

I got married at 25. Divorced at 35. Remarried before I turned 37, although I did not expect that to happen!

You never know 100% what direction your life's gonna take. Honestly, my first marriage wasn't bad and we got along, but some of my loneliest years were with my ex husband. We were living separate lives in the same house, in many ways.

Learning to enjoy your own company is a wonderful thing, at every age.

rundgrenrocks

It's a great time to get healthy and fit when you are single. You are the only person you need to take care of. It gets more difficult to prioritize yourself once a spouse, kids, and two or more extended families are in the mix.
When I was 26 I decided to work on me. I dieted and exercised and got down to my best shape. I started doing fun things alone, like going to the movies (my last solo movie was "Groundhog Day", so it's been a while!). People started fixing me up with their friends because I looked and felt good, and that's how I met my husband. We married when I was 28 and he was 32, been married 22 years. One of the things he admired about me was my ability to be independent. He was in the Army and wanted to know I would be okay when he had to leave for weeks or months at a time. Some of my friends who married young or never lived alone still have trouble functioning and running a household.

PennStateChick

I'm 34 and engaged.

KelGen02

There is no time frame on marriage... I married young 23 had my first son at 25 and divorced at 27... Take your time, be selective. Learn to be happy and enjoy life on your own, being married or with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you will be happy in life. Never leave your happiness in the hands of others. I remarried at 33 and have been happily married now for 15 years. My husband and I had our third child at 36 years old. There is no time table when it comes to building a life with someone. And you certainly do not want to settle just because you feel like the clock is ticking.

I too am an emotional eater, I had to work very hard on changing that pattern. Believe me, if I can do it, anyone can do it

Focus on you this way when the right one comes along, you will be ready and live happily ever after.

miolmimi

The happiest people I know never got married. Including my boyfriend.

LearningToFly13

Fitkam90 wrote: »

If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??

Being married wont necessarily stop you feeling lonely. Maybe being comfortable and happy in your own company and realising you're enough by yourself will make you a better partner for someone else when/if it happens. Some people feel lonely even when they're surrounded by friends and alot of people feel lonely within a marriage. Loneliness is sometimes a state of mind. Count today's blessings and make your life full now. What you don't have, you don't need right now.

LearningToFly13

miolmimi wrote: »

The happiest people I know never got married. Including my boyfriend.

Haha truth

Fitkam90

suzannesimmons3 wrote: »

Sadly many people find out you aren't only lonely when you are alone.

This is very true

Fitkam90

TeinyWinehausen wrote: »

Fitkam90 wrote: »

If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??

You are so young. I do not say that in a condescending way. I am 43 and never married. I cannot relate to eating for comfort but when I experience lonliness, which is more often when I am amongest people, I go do what makes me happy. What is your focus in life apart from marriage? What are you passionate about or have always dreamed of doing? Refocus. Life has so much to offer.

Thank you for the advice. I am definitely trying to figure out what I enjoy doing. I don't have many hobbies, other than going to the gym lol

Fitkam90

SoozeE512 wrote: »

I'm 31, single, and haven't so much as been on a date in 8 or 9 years. All of my siblings and friends are married or engaged to be. Many of them have kids already and don't always have time for me.

I get that it's easy to let yourself feel lonely because you don't have what other people do (I felt that way for a few wasted years), but it's more fulfilling to go out and live your life as you want regardless of whether or not someone else is along for the ride. If/when I should find the right person for me to marry, at least then I'll be able to look back and say I did things with my life before they came along.

Wow, so many of you are full of wisdom! I'm bad about sitting around feeling sorry for myself sometimes instead of accepting my singleness and embracing it as a blessing. Thanks!

brookielaw

I got married at 40. Sure I can relate. You don't get to be the size I was without some underlying issues. I truly suggest getting to the root of the problem, what triggers binge behaviors. I understand, having found comfort in food all of my life. You really are better off alone than in poor company though. If I married any of the bozos I dated prior to my husband I would not be happy now. (Honestly, there's no rush. I had my daughter at 41 also.)

Fitkam90

jemhh wrote: »

I was 21. It has worked well for us. HOWEVER, that is far from the norm/average these days. Most people I know are getting married in their later 20s and early 30s and I certainly know people who have gotten married later than that.

Yes, people are getting married later and later these days. I was hoping to be married at 18 like my mom lol, I'm so glad I wasn't that young and married though. I'm glad it worked out well for you!

Fitkam90

seltzermint555 wrote: »

I got married at 25. Divorced at 35. Remarried before I turned 37, although I did not expect that to happen!

You never know 100% what direction your life's gonna take. Honestly, my first marriage wasn't bad and we got along, but some of my loneliest years were with my ex husband. We were living separate lives in the same house, in many ways.

Learning to enjoy your own company is a wonderful thing, at every age.

So much insight on this post! I know a few couples in my family who coexist like that. It makes me sad, which is why I'm so picky and why I'm still single. I don't want to settle and be unhappy. I'm praying for my spouse. I know everyone isn't religious, but my faith definitely gets me through.

need2belean

Fitkam90 wrote: »

If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??

Girl. I got married at 29 so do not worry. My brother and sister in law got married at 34. It doesn't matter anymore. Wait until you've found that someone. I do understand the binge eating though. I didn't do it because I was lonely per se. I used to go to the bars and then get taco bell on the way home and eat it while falling asleep watching netflix because I could. There was no one there to keep me away from that and I wanted that taco bell damnt!! Now that I think about it, it could have been a lonely thing or the fact that I was just drunk and hungry. Either way. Do not give up girl.

Fitkam90

rundgrenrocks wrote: »

It's a great time to get healthy and fit when you are single. You are the only person you need to take care of. It gets more difficult to prioritize yourself once a spouse, kids, and two or more extended families are in the mix.
When I was 26 I decided to work on me. I dieted and exercised and got down to my best shape. I started doing fun things alone, like going to the movies (my last solo movie was "Groundhog Day", so it's been a while!). People started fixing me up with their friends because I looked and felt good, and that's how I met my husband. We married when I was 28 and he was 32, been married 22 years. One of the things he admired about me was my ability to be independent. He was in the Army and wanted to know I would be okay when he had to leave for weeks or months at a time. Some of my friends who married young or never lived alone still have trouble functioning and running a household.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I definitely tell myself I have to be happy and content now alone, so I can be happy and content in my marriage.

Fitkam90

PennStateChick wrote: »

I'm 34 and engaged.

Congrats!

Fitkam90

KelGen02 wrote: »

There is no time frame on marriage... I married young 23 had my first son at 25 and divorced at 27... Take your time, be selective. Learn to be happy and enjoy life on your own, being married or with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you will be happy in life. Never leave your happiness in the hands of others. I remarried at 33 and have been happily married now for 15 years. My husband and I had our third child at 36 years old. There is no time table when it comes to building a life with someone. And you certainly do not want to settle just because you feel like the clock is ticking.

I too am an emotional eater, I had to work very hard on changing that pattern. Believe me, if I can do it, anyone can do it Focus on you this way when the right one comes along, you will be ready and live happily ever after.

Thank you for sharing your story and wisdom with me! So very insightful and humbling.

Fitkam90

LearningToFly13 wrote: »

Fitkam90 wrote: »

If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??

Being married wont necessarily stop you feeling lonely. Maybe being comfortable and happy in your own company and realising you're enough by yourself will make you a better partner for someone else when/if it happens. Some people feel lonely even when they're surrounded by friends and alot of people feel lonely within a marriage. Loneliness is sometimes a state of mind. Count today's blessings and make your life full now. What you don't have, you don't need right now.

This is 100% true! I realize these things, which is why I'm single by choice, and frustrating that I allow myself to get down in the dumps even when I know better! It's definitely helpful and humbling to see people's responses.

LearningToFly13

Fitkam90 wrote: »

LearningToFly13 wrote: »

Fitkam90 wrote: »

If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??

Being married wont necessarily stop you feeling lonely. Maybe being comfortable and happy in your own company and realising you're enough by yourself will make you a better partner for someone else when/if it happens. Some people feel lonely even when they're surrounded by friends and alot of people feel lonely within a marriage. Loneliness is sometimes a state of mind. Count today's blessings and make your life full now. What you don't have, you don't need right now.

This is 100% true! I realize these things, which is why I'm single by choice, and frustrating that I allow myself to get down in the dumps even when I know better! It's definitely helpful and humbling to see people's responses.

That's pretty normal. Everyone feels down about something from time to time... just don't let it overwhelm you. You're young, you're beautiful and healthy. Life still has so many possibilities for you.