How to handle spouse/s.o who distracts you from dieting or going to the gym

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  • MystikPixie
    MystikPixie Posts: 342 Member
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    The last SO I had made it a point to keep me off the treadmill and out of the gym, and I for some reason allowed it. Being extremely insecure he felt if I was large, I'd be unattractive enough that nobody would want to assist me with cheating. Not that I'm untrustworthy, and not that I couldn't easily have relationships whilst I'm large or small, he was just that insecure. This isn't something I realized until I was friggin huge, my muscle I'd worked so hard to gain turned to flab and I ended up tripling in size. I just hate that I allowed myself to be played by such a horrible human being.

    My opinion would be to give them one chance to get on board with the fitness train or hit the curb. But I'm bitter about people trying to control my fitness and therefore my life so I may be too quick to get rid of that kind of negativity from my life and you may be more forgiving. So it's really whatever you have to do to stick to what you want to do and feel good about yourself.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    jcstevens86 wrote: »
    Basically to sum it up how do you handle a spouse who gets mad when you say you cant or wont eat what they have fixed to eat when they know you have a diet to stick to or when they get mad when you wanna leave to go ro the gym

    My advice to the person is to communicate about their goals and why it is important to them. Don't be negative about the other person's choices. Respect that your partner might not want to eat the same as you or do your new activity.
    Suddenly announcing you won't eat things you have always enjoyed together and that you are taking off to go to the gym more could leave your partner feeling defensive or left behind with your changes.
    Plan meals together. Have some of what you both want. If someone cooks for you say thank you. Cook for them.
    Plan exercise time. Invite them to join you. Leave some time free to spend with your partner.

    If it is your friend's relationship issue then just tell them to talk to their partner about it not you. Go exercise on your own or find another gym buddy.
  • Heather4448
    Heather4448 Posts: 908 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    I'll go to the gym with you. What do you say? Planet Fitness. 4 am tonight. We'll stroll the treadmills together at a relaxing pace while holding hands and watching Fox on TV. Then we'll recline on the hydromassage beds. Afterwards, some purple Tootsie Rolls, a peck on the cheek, and we'll go our separate ways.

    Hnnnng.
  • misnomer1
    misnomer1 Posts: 646 Member
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    cook your own food.
  • _Captivated_
    _Captivated_ Posts: 5,669 Member
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    Parts of this thread are a challenging read...
  • mskimee
    mskimee Posts: 228 Member
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    I'm wondering what is the context of you're wife getting mad? Is it like "Oh hey, I don't want you getting fit and healthy at all" or is it like "Hey, we have both been at work all day and I have just cooked a meal you don't want to eat and now there is a *kitten* ton of housework and stuff to do, but you are off to the gym with you're mates and leaving me to do it all by myself again!!"
    I mean, if this is a new thing (going to the gym and eating healthy) have you given her time to adjust or are you just doing it and expecting her to adjust straight away? If she has been cooking the same dinners for a few years and suddenly you're like "no, I won't eat this now" she might be feeling a bit like you are being awkward or something.
    I get it, working out and getting healthy is not easy, especially without support, but here is an idea: you cook for her and show her what kind of food you prefer to eat. Or make healthy suggestions. Or just eat less and save the leftovers for another day. Or ask her that morning what is for dinner and make your goals fit around it. Or fix your own meals. If the gym is eating into your time as a couple, set time aside especially for the two of you so she doesn't feel left out out.
    If I'm being out of line here, I apologize, but you gotta respect that she needs to adjust to you're lifestyle as much as you do. Her lifestyle changes by default if you have changed you're diet and priorities!!
  • jcstevens86
    jcstevens86 Posts: 3,338 Member
    edited October 2017
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    Inked_momma_ wrote: »
    Kick em to the curb!

    Lol thats what i told him to do
  • jcstevens86
    jcstevens86 Posts: 3,338 Member
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    mskimee wrote: »
    I'm wondering what is the context of you're wife getting mad? Is it like "Oh hey, I don't want you getting fit and healthy at all" or is it like "Hey, we have both been at work all day and I have just cooked a meal you don't want to eat and now there is a *kitten* ton of housework and stuff to do, but you are off to the gym with you're mates and leaving me to do it all by myself again!!"
    I mean, if this is a new thing (going to the gym and eating healthy) have you given her time to adjust or are you just doing it and expecting her to adjust straight away? If she has been cooking the same dinners for a few years and suddenly you're like "no, I won't eat this now" she might be feeling a bit like you are being awkward or something.
    I get it, working out and getting healthy is not easy, especially without support, but here is an idea: you cook for her and show her what kind of food you prefer to eat. Or make healthy suggestions. Or just eat less and save the leftovers for another day. Or ask her that morning what is for dinner and make your goals fit around it. Or fix your own meals. If the gym is eating into your time as a couple, set time aside especially for the two of you so she doesn't feel left out out.
    If I'm being out of line here, I apologize, but you gotta respect that she needs to adjust to you're lifestyle as much as you do. Her lifestyle changes by default if you have changed you're diet and priorities!!

    This honestly has nothing to do with me....its a buddy of mines situation of course me being me i told him get rid of her but i understand things arent that simple....he didnt tell me much other than she argues when it comes to his diet she basically wont compromise with him not to mention she said if he goes to the gym its nit with out her but that will never happen beings she is 2 lazy to get off the couch and off facebook long enough to go work out
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    jcstevens86 wrote: »
    mskimee wrote: »
    I'm wondering what is the context of you're wife getting mad? Is it like "Oh hey, I don't want you getting fit and healthy at all" or is it like "Hey, we have both been at work all day and I have just cooked a meal you don't want to eat and now there is a *kitten* ton of housework and stuff to do, but you are off to the gym with you're mates and leaving me to do it all by myself again!!"
    I mean, if this is a new thing (going to the gym and eating healthy) have you given her time to adjust or are you just doing it and expecting her to adjust straight away? If she has been cooking the same dinners for a few years and suddenly you're like "no, I won't eat this now" she might be feeling a bit like you are being awkward or something.
    I get it, working out and getting healthy is not easy, especially without support, but here is an idea: you cook for her and show her what kind of food you prefer to eat. Or make healthy suggestions. Or just eat less and save the leftovers for another day. Or ask her that morning what is for dinner and make your goals fit around it. Or fix your own meals. If the gym is eating into your time as a couple, set time aside especially for the two of you so she doesn't feel left out out.
    If I'm being out of line here, I apologize, but you gotta respect that she needs to adjust to you're lifestyle as much as you do. Her lifestyle changes by default if you have changed you're diet and priorities!!

    This honestly has nothing to do with me....its a buddy of mines situation of course me being me i told him get rid of her but i understand things arent that simple....he didnt tell me much other than she argues when it comes to his diet she basically wont compromise with him not to mention she said if he goes to the gym its nit with out her but that will never happen beings she is 2 lazy to get off the couch and off facebook long enough to go work out

    I can't imagine why she'd be less than thrilled about him hanging out with you.
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    It doesn't end well most of the time. Marriage or couple's therapy, maybe?
  • Corprina
    Corprina Posts: 215 Member
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    It take two to make a marriage work. They have to meet half-way in all things. He says she doesn't compromise, but does he. Compromise has to go both ways otherwise the marriage will never last.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,509 Member
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    There are personal things in your life you want to do for yourself. That usually goes for everyone, married or not. So if this is yours, then your spouse needs to understand it.
    The issue would be HOW LONG are you away at the gym? More than 2 hours?
    And as for food, eat what she makes. Whether you trying to lose/gain/maintain weight it's about calories in/out. Don't fall for the hype that you need some special diet to lose/gain/maintain. Make sure your macros/micros are balanced and get in the right amount of calories.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • Renaissance_Turtle
    Renaissance_Turtle Posts: 960 Member
    edited October 2017
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    CaptainFantastic00 wrote: »
    I feel like this thread was fun but I do not want to read it all.

    Cliff notes?

    @CaptainFantastic00
    Someone posted the thread *kitten* about their SO wanting to stay *kitten*. Everyone was giving *kitten*advice or *kitten* comments. They came back to *kitten* because everyone started to give them the usual *kitten* about the post. Poster went all *kitten* about it because they were getting *kitten* from the new *kitten* committee as is our MFP welcoming custom.
    *kitten* feelings were probably hurt & will probably be gotten the *kitten* over eventually.
    Can't help with the rest as there is another page I haven't gotten to *kitten* read yet...
  • jondspen
    jondspen Posts: 253 Member
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    Here's what I would say, "Listen hon, I love you, and I know this is all about you not wanting me to get healthy because your too much of a lazy pig to get off you fat *kitten* and motivate yourself, so you want me to be a fat lazy pig also that way you don't have to feel guilty and pathetic when you look in the mirror. I understand that...but while we are married, this is still my body and my life, and if you don't like it...then don't cook anything for me. I'll fix my own meals...and you can eat your slop out of the trough. Kisses my love!"
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
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    jondspen wrote: »
    Here's what I would say, "Listen hon, I love you, and I know this is all about you not wanting me to get healthy because your too much of a lazy pig to get off you fat *kitten* and motivate yourself, so you want me to be a fat lazy pig also that way you don't have to feel guilty and pathetic when you look in the mirror. I understand that...but while we are married, this is still my body and my life, and if you don't like it...then don't cook anything for me. I'll fix my own meals...and you can eat your slop out of the trough. Kisses my love!"

    Your body is not yours anymore after marriage. Same as your dreams.
  • km8907
    km8907 Posts: 3,861 Member
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    Does he let her know what he wants to eat, or does he wait until she finishes cooking to tell her he's not eating that? Why isn't he the one cooking if he wants something specific? Does he work all day and come home for 5 seconds just to leave and go to the gym for a couple hours everyday? I dunno. I can see both sides. She wants to spend time with him, he wants gains. If he wants to be with this person, he needs to involve her more or make it up to her in other ways.
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    jondspen wrote: »
    Here's what I would say, "Listen hon, I love you, and I know this is all about you not wanting me to get healthy because your too much of a lazy pig to get off you fat *kitten* and motivate yourself, so you want me to be a fat lazy pig also that way you don't have to feel guilty and pathetic when you look in the mirror. I understand that...but while we are married, this is still my body and my life, and if you don't like it...then don't cook anything for me. I'll fix my own meals...and you can eat your slop out of the trough. Kisses my love!"

    na... that's too much
  • janetterdz93
    janetterdz93 Posts: 118 Member
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    Get her involved of course!!!

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