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How would you convince someone you love to take their blood pressure meds?
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There's no excuse for her behavior, and it is extraordinarily selfish. You are clearly terrified of losing her, and that should be enough, but the truth is that you both could, and I would bet she hasn't thought much about that.
My father had a terrible stroke at 58, and has been in diapers, and had to have constant care ever since. He tries to get up several times every night, and can't participate in any of his hobbies in the slightest. He obsesses over the mail coming, appointments, visitors, synchronizing the clocks, etc, and harasses my mother about all of it constantly. There is frequent talk of putting him in a nursing home, but it would cost thousands every month, and utterly break his heart.
It is emotionally abusive to you to not consider how the consequences would effect you, and prioritize that over her irrational hang-ups.7 -
Thank you, as far as diet goes, she's good. We cook wholesome, healthy meals, she takes some supplements, i encourage lower salt options.
I have a medical background, so because of it I'm sometimes labeled partial to conventional medicine. I don't know what is the cause for high blood pressure, she has no insurance and haven't had blood work for a couple of years. I read all the responses , and it's so inspiring and supportive. I feel a little less alone. She tried to talk to me last night, and i couldn't at all at first. I can't accept this, and although i haven't threatened with leaving and not taking care of her if something happens...i don't think i can ever leave her or do anything of a sort, it's just so frustrating. She tried to tell me how she could do different things to make it work, and one by one, i reminded her how we tried and it didn't. I will try not to fight it so much head on, thank you for this insightYes, reasons being that she's against medications, pharmaceutical companies and doctors in general, side effects of medications, holistic way of treating illnesses, things like that. So accountability partner isn't going to help. I don't know what else to do, how it's not an obvious answer to treat this condition with what works, a proven, long enough on the market and safe enough pill that helps?
She is in a state of cognitive dissonance. Trying to fight her fears head-on will only dig her in deeper. It's like a Chinese finger trap. The harder you pull the more entrenched and withdrawn she becomes. The way out is to agree with her. Don't threaten to yank her away from her cherished (false) beliefs. Gently coax her towards a more relaxed way of thinking. It takes a while.
If it were me, I'd state the fact of her current BP numbers, and brainstorm some holistic cures she might try for a week. Then test again. You can be her accountability partner for taking charge of her health, even if it is wandering around trying all kinds of ineffective treatments for a few months. You and I both know the holistic cures are not nearly enough, but you can't deny her "reality" head-on. Let her figure it out on her own.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/10/19/fighting-cognitive-dissonance-the-lies-we-tell-ourselves/
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TavistockToad wrote: »Yes, reasons being that she's against medications, pharmaceutical companies and doctors in general, side effects of medications, holistic way of treating illnesses, things like that. So accountability partner isn't going to help. I don't know what else to do, how it's not an obvious answer to treat this condition with what works, a proven, long enough on the market and safe enough pill that helps?
is she doing other things to try and lower her blood pressure?
Yes, some supplements (waste of money, in my opinion ), diet. Not so much on exercise, but she's not overweight, maybe could benefit from being more physically fit at the moment, but it's not an easy one too. I can't seem to motivate exercising together, there's always something gets in the way.0 -
It sounds like you are doing everything you can do. It has to be her decision. My mother in law will not take her BP med. I check it for her and my husband and I are constantly trying to get her to take it. She has a number of silly excuses and our efforts on her are wasted.
I personally feel that the 30 second inconvenience of swallowing a pill is a pretty weak excuse compared with the risk of stroke, but apparently a lot of people don't feel that way. Keep trying to talk to her, but as hard as it is, you may have to just accept that she is an adult who knows the risks...
She cried last night, i held her. Felt so bad. I might have been a bit rough. So one of the reasons for quitting it this time was that her ankles are swollen, so she's retaining water. And that's the dreaded side effect. Ughh. Her ankles aree not swollen, but she doesn't believe me. I told her, that i would be the first one to notice and point it out. Today, when we were having breakfast i saw that thw blood pressure pills were back in her little pile. Sigh of relief, but for how long? I'm just so scared. Told her that she might never have a stroke, but if she does, it will suck sooo bad.3 -
It sounds like you are doing everything you can do. It has to be her decision. My mother in law will not take her BP med. I check it for her and my husband and I are constantly trying to get her to take it. She has a number of silly excuses and our efforts on her are wasted.
I personally feel that the 30 second inconvenience of swallowing a pill is a pretty weak excuse compared with the risk of stroke, but apparently a lot of people don't feel that way. Keep trying to talk to her, but as hard as it is, you may have to just accept that she is an adult who knows the risks...
She cried last night, i held her. Felt so bad. I might have been a bit rough. So one of the reasons for quitting it this time was that her ankles are swollen, so she's retaining water. And that's the dreaded side effect. Ughh. Her ankles aree not swollen, but she doesn't believe me. I told her, that i would be the first one to notice and point it out. Today, when we were having breakfast i saw that thw blood pressure pills were back in her little pile. Sigh of relief, but for how long? I'm just so scared. Told her that she might never have a stroke, but if she does, it will suck sooo bad.
Is this the first BP med she's been on? Has she discussed the side affects with her doctor? Maybe she just needs her med(s) adjusted.0 -
It sounds like you are doing everything you can do. It has to be her decision. My mother in law will not take her BP med. I check it for her and my husband and I are constantly trying to get her to take it. She has a number of silly excuses and our efforts on her are wasted.
I personally feel that the 30 second inconvenience of swallowing a pill is a pretty weak excuse compared with the risk of stroke, but apparently a lot of people don't feel that way. Keep trying to talk to her, but as hard as it is, you may have to just accept that she is an adult who knows the risks...
She cried last night, i held her. Felt so bad. I might have been a bit rough. So one of the reasons for quitting it this time was that her ankles are swollen, so she's retaining water. And that's the dreaded side effect. Ughh. Her ankles aree not swollen, but she doesn't believe me. I told her, that i would be the first one to notice and point it out. Today, when we were having breakfast i saw that thw blood pressure pills were back in her little pile. Sigh of relief, but for how long? I'm just so scared. Told her that she might never have a stroke, but if she does, it will suck sooo bad.
Swollen ankles are also a side effect of high blood pressure.4 -
I'm not on BP pills, but a lot of the pills I am on the side effects have been mostly temporary and in a lot of cases there have been other meds I could take to reduce the effect of the effects while i adjusted to the meds.
Perhaps a visit with the doctor would be a good idea? Have a talk with her doctor alone about your concerns, if she's signed a HIPPA form (if you're in the US) giving the doctor permission to discuss her case with you, you should be able to meet with them if your schedule an appointment. If not the doctor, maybe a nurse practitioner or physician's assistant. Then have them meet with her, and explain everything about high blood pressure, why she has it, what the risks are, what life after a stroke is like, how dangerous it is to go without the medications, etc. You can bring up her concerns about side effects and how to mitigate them during the appointment where the doctor explains everything, and it would be a good idea for both of you to be there, but you not say much, just to give support.
A lot of people turn to alternative medicine, even though alternative medicine is nothing but woo, because the alternative medicine "doctors" take TIME with their patients. They explain things to them, all in an effort to get you to spend lots and lots of money with them, of course, but it makes the patient feel good - and that gets them sales. It's just psychology and the alternative medicine "doctors" are good salespeople.
You can't make her take her meds if she doesn't want to, but you can encourage her and help educate her. Her doctor, if they are any good, should want to educate her too, because they do want to keep her alive (dead patients don't make appointments
I'm kidding, most doctors want to save lives, the money is just a bonus) and healthy! 3 -
I agree with you i kind of see it same way. I don't think she wants to hurt me in any way, and she's a wonderful person. So, in short, no,not prepared to walk away. I won't do that, and i can't give up either. I will try to talk about it again, because today, when i saw the pills out, i didn't say anything, i don't want her to feel being under microscope and under constant scrutinyand judgment. Maybe we can agree on somethingShe does not want to take the medication. She only takes it to shut you up when you freak out.
I think you have an issue where you believe one thing (medications help, doctors help, untreated this could lead to a serious problem like a stroke) and she believes another (pills/doctors are bad, alternative methods are better, my problem isn't that bad). That is a huge difference in approaches to health/life.
Can you let her treat or not treat her health issues as she sees fit?
Does it scare you enough to say to her, "Refusing proven treatment for your condition is too risky. I won't watch you do this to yourself." and be prepared to leave the relationship if she won't take the medical route?
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I hear ya! It's better than possibly having a stroke/heart attack and those have far worse consequences if you live through one (you'll have to be in the hospital for a while, will need to take other meds, etc). Uncontrolled high blood pressure can lead to aneurysm, damage to your eyes' nerves, heart failure, damage to your kidneys, bone loss, damaged and narrowed arteries, trouble sleeping, memory loss, stroke, heart attack, pulmonary edema, complications in pregnant women (preeclampsia or eclampsia), etc.
If all else fails, tell her that you can't imagine a world without her in it.
Ask her if the roles were reversed, would she want to live without you? I'm not being overly dramatic, high blood pressure is dangerous. It's too late for to wish she had taken meds if she gets damage from it. Hang in there, you are a good spouse. 
(PS I know many on the meds and they have no side effects from taking them, there's many types of BP meds so if one is bothersome, she can take another).
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I agree with you i kind of see it same way. I don't think she wants to hurt me in any way, and she's a wonderful person. So, in short, no,not prepared to walk away. I won't do that, and i can't give up either. I will try to talk about it again, because today, when i saw the pills out, i didn't say anything, i don't want her to feel being under microscope and under constant scrutinyand judgment. Maybe we can agree on somethingShe does not want to take the medication. She only takes it to shut you up when you freak out.
I think you have an issue where you believe one thing (medications help, doctors help, untreated this could lead to a serious problem like a stroke) and she believes another (pills/doctors are bad, alternative methods are better, my problem isn't that bad). That is a huge difference in approaches to health/life.
Can you let her treat or not treat her health issues as she sees fit?
Does it scare you enough to say to her, "Refusing proven treatment for your condition is too risky. I won't watch you do this to yourself." and be prepared to leave the relationship if she won't take the medical route?
I hope you have a good conversation.
This is a rough position to be in. Sometimes you can't really do anything because they have to choose it.
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I can't speak for BP meds but my spouse has severe depression and anxiety that is fairly well controlled with medication. Problem is, when he feels well, he sometimes goes off his meds thinking he's in control and can handle things on his own. Beacuse of this, there have been times that I've managed his medication for him- holding his meds in my purse and handing them out every morning. Its a pain for me, we both feel like I'm treating him like a child BUT we both prefer those annoyances to him having a full blown depressive episode or panic attack. For us, it doesn't matter how it gets done, just that it does. If that doesn't work, (talk to her about it first then) maybe just check her meds occasionally so you can talk to her if she's missed a day or two, rather than wait until you realize it a month or more later. If she's honestly forgetting, maybe she'd appreciate a reminder. If she's purposefully not taking them, you guys need to really hash it out so you're on the same page about why she's not taking them. Maybe there are other alternatives to meds she could try. Maybe you could both give an alternative method (diet, exercise, ?) a period of time and if her BP doesn't change, perhaps she'd be willing to do meds then. Best of luck!!3
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Have your wife elevate her feet periodically throughout the day, and call the doc to let him/her know she's having a side effect that is unacceptable to her. There are dozens of medications out there to treat hypertension. In the meantime, make sure she knows you appreciate she is taking her medication. (She probably put her medicine out so you would be sure to see it.) Tell her you are perfectly willing for her to try other methods of controlling her BP. As long as she's controlling it. And then let her do it. Maybe go with her to the doctor, and discuss alternative treatments, if that is something she is interested in. Be supportive, but ultimately it's her decision.0
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This may sound weird, but... high BP in women can be a sign of clogged heart arteries. The general symptoms that are listed everywhere are for men, for women they are totally different and much well known.0
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Maybe her ankles are swollen from heart failure as a result of chronic hypertension
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Essentially though, your wife is an adult. I'm assuming she's making an informed decision about not taking the tablets.
If she chooses not to accept perscribed treatment that is up to her. Patients have the right to refuse.
How you choose to respond to that is up to you.
As others have suggested perhapsyou could help her explore non pharmaceutical ways to manage blood pressure, although depending on the eitiology of hers they alone may not be effective.
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At some point though, you need to accept that if she doesn't want to take the medication no amount of pleading, cajouling, coaxing etc from you will keep her 'compliant'. It needs to be her decision.
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I wish I had something constructive but I don't. I would be beyond mad at her. Maybe that is wrong but it just seems irresponsible to me not to mention flat out dumb. Sorry for you.0
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GlassAngyl wrote: »My dad had two strokes, had such high blood pressure that the nurses and doctor was over him frantically trying to reduce it, two clogged arteries, and high cholesterol.. And he refuses to take his meds.. I can't make him.. Same reason as your wife as well.. Enemy pharmaceutical company. We were given a list of foods he can't have.. Which he complied with for awhile, then he just got sick of it and told everyone he can do whatever the hell he likes. So I just cooked for him the way we are cooking for everyone else here.. A high fat diet in good fats and low carb. He had a heat stroke and went back in. He had an MRI and none of his arteries were clogged. BP and cholesterol was down to reasonable levels as well. They told us to keep doing whatever it is we are doing. Uhm, feeding him everything we were told not to?
Not saying do this with your wife.. There are different causes, but if she prefers homeopathic remedies, you may ask her doctor about diet.
My mother is diabetic and has high blood pressure and I was told to feed her a high carb diet...I did what you did...high healthy fats low carb and her health improved. I think they got something wrong with their diet advice for sure. But as for getting someone to take meds they don't want to....it's frustrating and ultimately you can't make them. Worst thing you can do is argue with them, best thing you can do is simply remind them everyday and hope they take them. Good luck.0 -
Is she aware prolonged high blood pressure can cause blindness? It tells how on this page:
http://www.texasheart.org/HIC/Topics/Cond/hbp.cfm
This very thing happened to a friend of mine's mother.0 -
A diet low in sugar and high in garlic, chilli, spices, and greens is almost guaranteed to remove plaque from arteries. My dad had high cholesterol/BP and had a mild heart attack earlier this year. He left the hospital with a big bag of pills. I encouraged him to change a few things in his diet and he has been able to reverse his hypertension and bring his cholesterol down to safe levels again without taking any of those pills. He is fitter and happier than i have ever known him.
Pharmaceuticals are only effective in the short term. I work in healthcare and see this first hand. I am fortunate to work with doctors who encourage holistic health.7 -
debmclernon wrote: »A diet low in sugar and high in garlic, chilli, spices, and greens is almost guaranteed to remove plaque from arteries.
I'm a nurse who works in the cardiac catheterisation lab of a major hospital.
That's where you come for stents to unblock your arteries.
Sometimes minor disease is treated with pills.
Blockages of 60% + are treated with stents.
Sometimes we suck a really fresh thrombolitic clot out with an aspiration device.
Sometimes we drill out a tough hardened plaque with a neumatic drill called a rotoblator.
Blockages in the left main artery or triple vessel disease is referred for surgical review/bypass surgery.
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If you try to treat known coronary artery disease with the BS diet you described you will probably eventually suffer a major heart attack as blockages progress and cause ischemia (lack of oxygen) to the heart muscle.
Likewise, a person with a stent who stops their cardiac meds, particularly antiplatets such as aspirin is almost certain to develop in stent restenosis (a blockage in the stent).
Your advice is dangerous.
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