My Life Is Full Of Drama

If you want to flirt and date and party with other people.... why did you get married??

Particularly to a man who has 3 kids (assuming they are his since you are only 19) I know the world says age doesn't matter in a relationship, and maybe it doesn't if you're both on the same page of life. BUT his being 32 with children marrying a 19 year old who still wants to party?? I'm kinda wondering "WHAT WAS HE THINKING!" :laugh: (Sorry - I know, stereotypical thinking - I know nothing about your relationship) It's obvious to me that the two of you are not on the same page right now.

Of course he doesn't like it - you're supposed to be his wife! There is nothing wrong with having friends and hobbies of your own, but from what you're writing I'm not sure if that's what you're trying to do. It sounds like a bit more than that is what you want.

Marriage is about communication and compromise on both of your parts AND commitment - somehow that's what you guys will have to do to work through this.

Only you can truly know what the priorities are in your life and whether you want to continue to be married or not as to if you are even willing to compromise and keep your marital promise of commitment.

i didnt marry a man with three kids!
step and our own also
(3years.... 15months and 3months)
(we dnt do the step kid thing the mom isnt around andhasnt been since birth so I AM MOMMY)
when i got married i was ready to settle down
so i thought..i didnt party...i didnt go out
i love him alot but i dont know what i want
so im struggling
hes gotten more busy with THREE kids and a bar and grill
and they just opened another
which means less time for us
so i keep telling him i need time and attention too!

he has a right tO be upset
the person he dated and married a few years ago
is not who i am today
but people change and i still love him and our family
JUST CONFUSED.
:-(

This says more than your first post. Have you heard of the book, "Love and Respect"? It is based on the idea that men need unconditional respect, and lots of it, and that women need unconditional love, and lots of it.

What I hear you saying is that something is missing - possibly the attention from him that you used to have - and that you are seeking it somewhere else. What he is probably feeling from your flirting with other men is a lack of respect (and rightly so). This is going down a pretty dangerous road, and once you've had a wreck, it will be hard to make things pretty again.

Like all the others have said, marriage is a committment. If you are committed, then spend your energy seeking the fulfillment you need within that marriage. (Realistically, you are going to be faced with the same dilemna in your next relationship, anyway.) My advice? Have a good long look at what you are craving, and sort things out about what your needs are. Then have a good long talk with hubby about how both of your needs can be met.

Just my 2 cents.

i don't have time to read all the comments but i really suggest marriage counseling.

thanks for all the support everyone.

i dont regret my marriage nor children
i love my family and husband
but prior to opening the second bar & grill
we spent his 2 off days together
he works everyday 4pm to 3am he bartends now
one off day was date night and other was with the kids
at seaworld disneyland or the wild animal park
but he started working more and eventually
met someone who made time for me
and i didnt cheat...but ending up telling my husband and left for a few months...im now back and realzed that guy i dated was a jerk!
my husband told me he was sorry and it was all his fault he wasnt taking care of his responsiblities at home and he knows i need the same time and attention he used to give while dating and first married
so agreeded to make time for me and be better
and he did for a bit....but hes working alottttttt again
im gunna try to talk to him again
before i ruin my mattiage

I'm pretty sure... last time I checked... dating someone else while you're married... that IS cheating. I do think you need to go talk to him. I think you need to really think about what you're saying and doing. He's working 80 hr weeks to support you and your 3 kids and that makes you upset? He's providing for your family, if that means there's less time spent with you then you need to make every second you have together count. Don't spend those valuable minutes telling him about you scuzzy new hooters job or that you want to see other people. YOU need to try being there for HIM too. Relationships are a two-way street. How would you feel if HE met someone else, and dated her, WHILE HE WAS MARRIED TO YOU!? I'm sorry, but 17 is too young to get married. And seriously? what the hell was a 30 yr old doing marrying a 17 yr old?? Anyways sorry, I'm very opinionated, can ya tell?? Good luck with everything, hope it turns out well, especially for the kids' sake.

Yea, I agree with all of this.
I am doing school full time and working 20-30 hours per week and trying to keep a 4.0 and train, and my boyfriend is working 40+ hour work weeks too. We have an apartment and bills to pay for. If he were to work 80 hours a week so I could just focus on school, the last thing on my mind would be to find someone else. MEN are few and far between, and it sounds like you have one. If we can find time to spend together, even if it is just an hour before bed, so can you. Relationships are active. Love is active. Affection is active. You can't expect it all to come to you. You have to share it.

thanks everyone
all advice and words are appreciated
and helping me think

we had alot of married friends
i used time with all my married friends
while our hubbys worked and we wouldd stuff like lunchs shopping playdates and now...all but two of thoes friends are divorced and now they get to party and have fun so i might even envy them for that

but i need to remember
i have kids and a husband who cares
and thats def more important
my kids def come first in my life
i spend all day and most nights me and the kids
just when my sister in laws or mother in law
take the kids...i get an itch to go party
ill use that time to make ask my hubby to take off work
but i just feel like i shouldnt have to remind him to spend time with me
he should want to....not be obligated to??? you get it?
idk.....i fee like if he cant remember to spend time with me
then he dosent want to???

I understand what you mean about not wanting to remind him to spend time with you, I have been there. But what helped me is learning that in his mind, providing for you and the kiddos is the MOST important thing. Also, quality time may not be his love language so he really may not realize just how important it is to you. Remember, typically speaking, men are better at focusing on one task as opposed to women who typically do more multi-tasking. He may need help to adjust his focus. It is disconcerting to have to remind him, but it is life. HTH.

Sounds a lot like my first marriage. I was young. Had my first 3 kids back to back. (last one popped up a few years later).
He was 8 yrs older than I was and tried to control my every move. I didn't start out wanting to see other people. I was never the party type. I was, however, soffocating under his thumb.
You need to decide, right now, whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man. You're a mother and the hanky panky lifestyle has to stop regardless. But as a wife, you need to be there for him, or be gone. Don't drag him through your coming of age, sowing you wild oats. Everyone goes through those stages, but you need to have self control. Set a good example for your children. You will have to answer some tough questions from them later.

Ok, my 2 cents....I have read everyone's response to this. I am 35 and have never been married, not because I couldn't find someone then, but because "I wasn't ready". I was ready 4 years ago and couldn't find a good man to save my life.....found alot of 1 night stands at the bar with my girlfriends who were also looking for Mr. Right....it took a long time to find my fiancee, and I am glad that I did.

Partying and flirting is over rated and in the end leads to lonliness. Alot of people marry for the party....the white dress the fairytale and never really think about what it means. My fiancee works 18 hours a day at 2 jobs.......he leaves on some days at 5:45 am, gets home at 7pm in time to change eat and leave for his 2nd job at 8:30pm.......he doesn't get home until 3am.........back up at 5:45 to do it again. I live far from family and friends and have no friends in my town...I stay home alone all day......the 1 day my fiancee has off he is asleep until 3pm....and up long enough to visit for a couple hours and eat......I WOULDN'T TRADE HIM FOR THE WORLD. He is the hardest working man I have ever seen, he is my king....and I respect him more then I think he will ever know......now that being said.....I miss the attention, I think sex is damn near non existant most months and the money still never stretches enough......I have thought about leaving.......about how my life would be somewhere else......and always come back to this.....My fiancee is a hard working man, he treats me with the utmost respect and love, he communicates effectively and though he is not here with me, he lets me know that he understands what I am needing from him, reminds me why he cannot be here and lastly assures me that these long hours will pay off later. I love him....every inch of his dusty southern butt! I couldn't see 1 day for the rest of my life without him in it.

You're a lucky woman, go to a club 1 night and watch the women...shoot you work at one you should know. Majority of the women there are looking for what you have and most of the men are looking for sex......

Talk to your husband, afterall he is your bestfriend.....hear what he is telling you when he tells you why he cannot be there...really think.......he is working so hard so that he can provide for you and the kids....

I hope that this works out for you honey.

P.S Nothin wrong with denim minis and cowboy boots.....I happen to have quite a few of those combinations....I think moreover the overall reason you are wearing them........like hooters.......

Well, why did you marry your husband? Because the thought of not having to work and his status seemed glamorous? Or because you wanted to build a strong marriage to lean on during the hardest of times?

Just a quick quesrion...How did you meet your husband?