Post your favorite joke

Options
135678

Replies

  • AngryViking1970
    AngryViking1970 Posts: 2,847 Member
    Options
    A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

    For all these years, he had never thought about the box. But one day the woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

    In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.00. He asked her about the contents.

    “When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

    The little old man was so moved he had to fight back tears; only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

    “Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all this money? Where did it come from?”

    “Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    Options
    Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 

    The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
     
     There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"

    :laugh:
  • Mandygring
    Mandygring Posts: 704 Member
    Options
    Lol
  • rondineff7266
    rondineff7266 Posts: 25 Member
    Options
    A man orders a drink at the bar so the bartender pours him a drink but the man pushed it to the side. He then proceeds to order 10 more drinks and he drinks those. The bartender couldn’t help but notice and said to the man “excuse me but I noticed you didn’t drink the first drink I served you so was there anything wrong with it”? The man replied “ oh no no it’s that I’ve been going to AA and they told me that if I didn’t take that first drink I would be ok”.
  • Mandygring
    Mandygring Posts: 704 Member
    Options
    Lol I need to not eat the first cookie but all the other ones after....I see the logic lol
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,619 Member
    Options
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_vepNSQpdg

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png
  • more_skal
    more_skal Posts: 400 Member
    Options
    What kind of bees produce milk?

    Boo-bees!
  • Mandygring
    Mandygring Posts: 704 Member
    Options
    Hahaha those are funny.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    Options
    So there's a fly...
    and a gnat lands on its back. The fly says, "is there a gnat on my back?" The gnat says, "gnat at all." The fly says, "that's the worst pun I've ever heard." The gnat goes, "what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!"
  • rondineff7266
    rondineff7266 Posts: 25 Member
    Options
    Who doesn’t eat Thanksgiving dinner?

    The turkey because he’s already stuffed.
  • mccormf1
    mccormf1 Posts: 153 Member
    Options
    Why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors?

    Because If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
    Options
    So a Rabbi, a Chicken and a Rodeo Clown walk into a bar...

    the bartender says: " What is this? Some kind of a joke ?? "
  • Mandygring
    Mandygring Posts: 704 Member
    Options
    Why do hamburgers fly south for the winter?

    So the don't freeze their buns off lol