What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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Some weird things...
- Shaving your legs is a lot quicker but trickier. I've knicked my legs so many times since they are thinner and more angular, less fat and rounded.
- People will continue to ask how you're doing it, what the secret is, even if you have told them repeatedly what you've been doing.
- You can build a resentment about people bringing up your weight loss. I visited my mom and she would say things like "I knew you'd lose the weight in your own time, there was no use pushing you about it." and gasping and saying "You could wear a bikini this summer!" - I never felt so awful about it in my life. Like what was I before, a whale? It made me want to crawl into a hole and die. This is the same person who gave me a diet book for Christmas and sent me to a weight loss hypnotist when I was 15 so I just learn to bite my tongue.
- When people don't invite you to things and you realise maybe it's your personality people don't like, instead of how you look.
Been feeling a little jaded and reflective about things, just thought I'd keep it real and see if anyone else had a similar experience. I'm still super happy with my progress. ✌49 -
sugarlemonpie wrote: »...
. I visited my mom and she would say things like "I knew you'd lose the weight in your own time, there was no use pushing you about it." and gasping and saying "You could wear a bikini this summer!" - I never felt so awful about it in my life. Like what was I before, a whale? It made me want to crawl into a hole and die. This is the same person who gave me a diet book for Christmas and sent me to a weight loss hypnotist when I was 15 so I just learn to bite my tongue.
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I have been there. I know it hurts but the truth is that it is just love. Not the kind of love I wanted to receive or needed at the time, and comments like these by my mom and feeling how much she wanted me to lose the weight and freaked out if I didn't actually stopped me from losing. But there you go - children (any age) often perceive this kind of interaction as "not unconditional" love but the parents feel they are acting out of love - they loved you fatter and thinner and cared and felt responsible so deeply that they wanted the best for you, and thought they knew what it was, and worried....
We all show love in the only ways we can but expect others to show it to us in the ways we need to see it. Funny old world.
Always remember it's love, leave the part that sounds critical on the table and take the love part... While they are there to give it.
Using "you" in a general way here, I am not assuming I know your (poster above) exact experince. I just feel it is a very common issue and one that resonates strongly with me.
Sorry for the rant!
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Picked up a kettle bell of roughly what I've lost, for reference.
Ya'll.
I couldn't even walk around with that thing. No one tells you HOW HEAVY the extra weight is. Losing 50 pounds slowly (especially when you have more to go) seems like a matter of fact thing but realizing that you were walking around with that is just... mind blowing. Like, where does that even come from?! I honestly have no idea where all of that weight was sitting.67 -
purpleannex wrote: »When someone who didn't know you, when you were the fattest kid in school, says "it's alright for people like you, you can eat want you want".
Yep! I always laugh at that. My mom took my brother and I to a kids weight loss program when I was a preteen bc I was getting to big for the girls’ plus sizes. I lost the weight and was normal sized since senior year of HS, with obvious detours for pregnancies. Don’t think any friends inrl knew me back when.
Now a bunch of friends have a weight loss challenge and I’m lumped in with the “skinny “ folks who aren’t invited to participate (not that I would want to at this point, but still) and some of the participants comment how I obviously don’t have a problem with overeating. Hah! If only you knew. It’s still a propensity I fight to this day.
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There's a limit. Met one person who hadn't seen me in over a year and finally had to ask if she was hitting on me, as she wouldn't stop about how much I've lost. Had lunch with another friend who noticed but didn't make a big deal of it. Nice to be mentioned and then move on.
Exactly. I love the "you look great!" and that's it comments because I can say thank you but the one's that make me uncomfortable say things like "you've lost a lot of weight", "wow you got skinny". I can't say anything to that, I want to walk away from you lol And once I mention I still want to lose 20lbs I get "omg you're going to be skin and bones!". No. I'm still overweight, leave me alone.[/quote]
^^ Yes! I've lost 60 lbs so far and have about 15 to go. However, now that people can actually see my high cheekbones, I look thinner than I am and I sometimes get some pretty nasty looks from others when I tell them I still have more to go.
As for feeling all of my bones? Definitely. I think I irritate the spousal unit when I do it. He always comes back with, "Yes, baby. You're skinny now." LOL14 -
Picked up a kettle bell of roughly what I've lost, for reference.
Ya'll.
I couldn't even walk around with that thing. No one tells you HOW HEAVY the extra weight is. Losing 50 pounds slowly (especially when you have more to go) seems like a matter of fact thing but realizing that you were walking around with that is just... mind blowing. Like, where does that even come from?! I honestly have no idea where all of that weight was sitting.
I was thinking this on the weekend - our car is in the shop so we walked to the supermarket to get stuff. I walked home with about 8kg of groceries and couldn't believe how much it felt like.9 -
I keep hearing 'Have you've gotten taller?' - I mean I'm pretty sure I stopped growing years ago! Does anyone else find this?8
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CeciliaBobilia wrote: »It just occurred to me that people hug me a lot more than they used to and some people who never hugged me before now do.
(I don't really like being hugged by acquaintances, so I couldn't help but notice the change.)
I'll take your problem
I love to hug. I'm a cuddler. 
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My prescription sun glasses, which I wear all the time kept falling off my face when i looked downward. The other day they fell off on passenger side of truck while driving client somewhere. When we got back in, she sat on them & broke off one of the sides. I got it fixed & got them tighter
A few months ago I had enough of my glasses slipping off my face, never realized I lost weight in my head! I didn't even think that was possible!!7 -
harrietmaley wrote: »I keep hearing 'Have you've gotten taller?' - I mean I'm pretty sure I stopped growing years ago! Does anyone else find this?
YES! People would say that to me all the time. I was an adult when I (gained and) lost my weight. I would laugh and say 'Yes. At 35 I finally hit that growth spurt I've been waiting on!'
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*laugh* No one says that to me because I'm already really tall. However, in the play I'm in, my character is supposed to get confused for another. Sadly, the actor who's opposite me is going through some RL stuff, and let the director know that he might not be able to continue. Well, when informing the rest of the cast, the director told us not to worry, that he was getting in touch with some "tall, thin white guys."
I *think* I managed to keep a straight face, but inside, I was squeeing.
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harrietmaley wrote: »I keep hearing 'Have you've gotten taller?' - I mean I'm pretty sure I stopped growing years ago! Does anyone else find this?
There’s a tiny, elderly woman at the Y who tells me I’m growing every time I see her. I’m 5’10” and 47 y.o.15 -
That you wont even notice, but you can walk between all the cars in a parking lot. When you used to look for that one guy who parked too far to one side so that you could have more room to go through.43
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To you and all the others who now feel annoyed by fat excuses. It is because you are new to a success, and a bit of false arrogance comes in to play. It is like a highly degreed person thinking ...'you're a dumb..ss...or a rich person looking at a working joe at starbucks thinking... 'no wonder you're broke.' Embrace your success with grace and gratitude, and wish others well.emcclure013 wrote: »gamerbabe14 wrote: »That you want to reply to your friends FB posts about their diets for the New Year but you choose not to. I want to help but I know I can't convey to them via FB that keto isn't a magical diet that'll cure their ailments.
I've been seeing this a lot too. One of my FB friends is doing no meat, no carbs, no sugar, no fun. She just started Monday and already she's complaining about issues with it. I've talked to her about MFP before, but no luck.
Nobody told me that it would be so hard to sit on the sidelines and watch others be how I used to be. I would never say a thing, but it drives me up the wall hearing all the excuses people have for why they can't lose weight. I know many people have said this on the thread before, but I would have never guessed it would happen to me!37 -
elisa123gal wrote: »To you and all the others who now feel annoyed by fat excuses. It is because you are new to a success, and a bit of false arrogance comes in to play. It is like a highly degreed person thinking ...'you're a dumb..ss...or a rich person looking at a working joe at starbucks thinking... 'no wonder you're broke.' Embrace your success with grace and gratitude, and wish others well.emcclure013 wrote: »gamerbabe14 wrote: »That you want to reply to your friends FB posts about their diets for the New Year but you choose not to. I want to help but I know I can't convey to them via FB that keto isn't a magical diet that'll cure their ailments.
I've been seeing this a lot too. One of my FB friends is doing no meat, no carbs, no sugar, no fun. She just started Monday and already she's complaining about issues with it. I've talked to her about MFP before, but no luck.
Nobody told me that it would be so hard to sit on the sidelines and watch others be how I used to be. I would never say a thing, but it drives me up the wall hearing all the excuses people have for why they can't lose weight. I know many people have said this on the thread before, but I would have never guessed it would happen to me!
Stupidity isn't the same thing as ignorance, though. And when it's deliberate ignorance that makes people feel better but doesn't actually help them, I have problems with it as well.10 -
harrietmaley wrote: »I keep hearing 'Have you've gotten taller?' - I mean I'm pretty sure I stopped growing years ago! Does anyone else find this?
I get that too. My physiotherapist told me it has to do with the change in posture from the Weight loss. I just plain carry myself differently which gives the illusion of taller.
I no longer hunch together like I permanently want to roll myself into a tiny teeny ball in the hopes the people won't notice my size. Now I sure as hell hope they notice that 35kg loss!19 -
how much better your skin will get!
I used to have pretty bad hard skin on my feet - it has reduced by around 80% and what remains feels a lot more 'normal'
backs of my arms and thighs used to be constantly pimply with kind of red spots. All gone!
And this was not tried for or a goal. Just happened!
I also get alot less acne around TOM. Always a bonus!
Or "different". I get a less QUANTITY of acne but the quality has changed. Instead of many small breakouts, I've been getting larger white heads, but definitely fewer of them.
Too, I've had some pretty bad post-workout breakouts if I'm not diligent about washing my face right away.
And I'm not sure if it's the cold weather, but my skin has definitely gotten drier. I used to have VERY oily skin and now it's a weird combination of super oily patches and super dry patches.
This. My skin had been oily even when I was healthy weight but now it has become a combination of oily and dry patches.3 -
That when you see other overweight people you want to go to them and tell them how much better you can feel with diet and exercise. Having to restrain myself at times as I know how different I feel after losing 59 pounds.16
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loribethrice wrote: »
My face is a hot mess that will not clear up. I've paid for laser treatments, taken a ton of antibiotics, used a ton of prescription face creams, tried Proactiv and Mary Kay Clear Proof, use Cetaphil daily. Nothing works at all. It's been bad for the past 3 years and gotten worse as I've lost weight.
This is so hard - I’ve been there! What’s helped a lot for me is a diet change - no dairy (this is the major culprit for me), limited alcohol, sugar and chocolate- and oil cleansing on my face. My skin reacts to almost every cleaning and moisturizing product; oil cleansing is the first time it didn’t do that. It’s taken about 5 months but my skin is vastly improved. I also take probiotics to counteract all the antibiotics I’ve had.
Good luck!!4 -
loribethrice wrote: »
My face is a hot mess that will not clear up. I've paid for laser treatments, taken a ton of antibiotics, used a ton of prescription face creams, tried Proactiv and Mary Kay Clear Proof, use Cetaphil daily. Nothing works at all. It's been bad for the past 3 years and gotten worse as I've lost weight.
This is so hard - I’ve been there! What’s helped a lot for me is a diet change - no dairy (this is the major culprit for me), limited alcohol, sugar and chocolate- and oil cleansing on my face. My skin reacts to almost every cleaning and moisturizing product; oil cleansing is the first time it didn’t do that. It’s taken about 5 months but my skin is vastly improved. I also take probiotics to counteract all the antibiotics I’ve had.
Good luck!!
Dairy is a huge culprit for me also. I would turn to Greek Yogurt as my go to when I needed something sweet or in addition to my lunch. So on top of any dairy I was already eating I added the yogurt and sometimes more than one a day. It make me break out worse than when I was a teenager. I still eat dairy, but I try and keep it lower1 -
Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »Nobody told me that regardless of how much I lost, it would not be enough to please everybody.
I'm tall, western, and live in Asia. I also happen to speak the local language, which the lady behind me at the supermarket checkout obviously didn't imagine as she chatted up the checkout girl with phrases like: "Look at this fat foreigner. And she's buying so much chicken! No wonder she's huge".
So many things went through my head. The main one was: "Lady, you think I'm huge now, you should have seen me 50 lbs ago!" But the truth is I'm at a healthy BMI, I'm lighter, more toned, fitter than I've ever been in my entire life. And yet it was still not enough to make the random stranger not look down on me and my food choices.
I know it shouldn't bother me, but really, I felt gutted.
Oh Asia, it can be blunt sometimes. When my husband and I went to Singapore the first time, someone came up to me and said, "Ang mo! So fat!" There was no ill will in that at all but I was 130lbs and it really caught me off guard.5 -
New one for me today. My shoes are all starting to slip, yes even my feet were poofy. I really love my shoes and have a quite a bit of money tied up in them so this is not good.5
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I remember that happening to me. I refer to that as a good problem, lol.0
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I found out that lots of my friends and relatives were concerned about the fact I was morbidly obese, but didn't say anything until I lost a good deal of weight. "We were getting awful worried about how big you were..."
It stung a little to know that people were very aware of my weight and would probably talk among themselves, but couldn't bring themselves to talk to me personally about it. I realize it's an extremely sensitive/possibly taboo topic to bring up, but I was nearly 400 pounds and had almost grown out of a 4x shirt!
I understand that I had to come to the realization and muster up the willpower to begin losing weight, but it really bothered me once I found out how long people were holding back their concerns.26 -
elisa123gal wrote: »To you and all the others who now feel annoyed by fat excuses. It is because you are new to a success, and a bit of false arrogance comes in to play. It is like a highly degreed person thinking ...'you're a dumb..ss...or a rich person looking at a working joe at starbucks thinking... 'no wonder you're broke.' Embrace your success with grace and gratitude, and wish others well.emcclure013 wrote: »gamerbabe14 wrote: »That you want to reply to your friends FB posts about their diets for the New Year but you choose not to. I want to help but I know I can't convey to them via FB that keto isn't a magical diet that'll cure their ailments.
I've been seeing this a lot too. One of my FB friends is doing no meat, no carbs, no sugar, no fun. She just started Monday and already she's complaining about issues with it. I've talked to her about MFP before, but no luck.
Nobody told me that it would be so hard to sit on the sidelines and watch others be how I used to be. I would never say a thing, but it drives me up the wall hearing all the excuses people have for why they can't lose weight. I know many people have said this on the thread before, but I would have never guessed it would happen to me!
The purpose of this thread is to discuss things that we weren't expecting to come with weight loss. Please let us express this without judgement.31 -
That when you see other overweight people you want to go to them and tell them how much better you can feel with diet and exercise. Having to restrain myself at times as I know how different I feel after losing 59 pounds.
I have a bit of an add-on, if you will.
That when you're at the gym or (in my case) Zumba class and seem to kind of, sort of be keeping up, and you see the slightly larger person struggling in the back---- it's so hard to not come up and say "I've been there, it gets better." I don't know if they started higher and this is their "better." I don't know if my noticing them struggle will make them not want to go to class.
So I make eye contact and roll my eyes like I'm dying and we keep it as a little secret between the two of us.45 -
elisa123gal wrote: »To you and all the others who now feel annoyed by fat excuses. It is because you are new to a success, and a bit of false arrogance comes in to play. It is like a highly degreed person thinking ...'you're a dumb..ss...or a rich person looking at a working joe at starbucks thinking... 'no wonder you're broke.' Embrace your success with grace and gratitude, and wish others well.emcclure013 wrote: »gamerbabe14 wrote: »That you want to reply to your friends FB posts about their diets for the New Year but you choose not to. I want to help but I know I can't convey to them via FB that keto isn't a magical diet that'll cure their ailments.
I've been seeing this a lot too. One of my FB friends is doing no meat, no carbs, no sugar, no fun. She just started Monday and already she's complaining about issues with it. I've talked to her about MFP before, but no luck.
Nobody told me that it would be so hard to sit on the sidelines and watch others be how I used to be. I would never say a thing, but it drives me up the wall hearing all the excuses people have for why they can't lose weight. I know many people have said this on the thread before, but I would have never guessed it would happen to me!
I don't think my annoyance with "fat excuses" will ever go away and is a result of my "new" success... There's a whole other world out there of people who not only glamourize obesity but validate their excuses.
It's not arrogance if these people come to us with questions and don't take the advice and make all these excuses. Don't ask me "how I did it" and don't even listen.
Who do I have to be grateful for my success? Me. I thank myself every day I started when I did. So I do embrace my success with grace and gratitude.21 -
I know all of these have been mentioned before but they hit me again this week. Which is it's own thing I guess. No one tells you that you can be told a bajillion times by other people that a thing happened when they lost weight (i.e. they're cold all the time) and still be completely surprised when all of a sudden you too are freezing your butt off. I'm constantly surprised by myself now.
Others:
How awful you'll feel sometimes when you're so successful with weightloss and others aren't and you can see where they're going wrong. And you wish you could help but you know they're not ready to hear it because they can tell you to your face that your way isn't going to work (90 lbs down and still going) while their cleanse/extreme fast is what they need.
Similarly when you see friends/ family start putting on a lot of weight and you're just like please don't do that. You have no idea how much work it's going to take to get it off and how frequently *kitten* you're going to feel about yourself. But you can't say anything about it so you sort of hope they'll ask about what you're doing so you can help in some way.
How much your opinion of yourself yo-yos. In the span of a minute going from holy crap I look so awesome to omg I'm so fat back to I'm rockin this. It's exhausting.
You lose weight in your head. I can now wear hats and they look good on me. I always thought they looked stupid and sat funny because I have a very square head. Turns out the problem was just that it was fat. Upside I'm totally buying floppy sunhats this summer.
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zharptichka wrote: »I know all of these have been mentioned before but they hit me again this week. Which is it's own thing I guess. No one tells you that you can be told a bajillion times by other people that a thing happened when they lost weight (i.e. they're cold all the time) and still be completely surprised when all of a sudden you too are freezing your butt off. I'm constantly surprised by myself now.
Others:
How awful you'll feel sometimes when you're so successful with weightloss and others aren't and you can see where they're going wrong. And you wish you could help but you know they're not ready to hear it because they can tell you to your face that your way isn't going to work (90 lbs down and still going) while their cleanse/extreme fast is what they need.
Similarly when you see friends/ family start putting on a lot of weight and you're just like please don't do that. You have no idea how much work it's going to take to get it off and how frequently *kitten* you're going to feel about yourself. But you can't say anything about it so you sort of hope they'll ask about what you're doing so you can help in some way.
How much your opinion of yourself yo-yos. In the span of a minute going from holy crap I look so awesome to omg I'm so fat back to I'm rockin this. It's exhausting.
You lose weight in your head. I can now wear hats and they look good on me. I always thought they looked stupid and sat funny because I have a very square head. Turns out the problem was just that it was fat. Upside I'm totally buying floppy sunhats this summer.
Yes the hats! I always looked like a dumb *kitten* in hats!! LOL now I don't mind it at all 5 -
The most surprising thing I learned was that the journey wasn’t really about losing weight at all. It was about learning how to love myself and care for myself, learning what I wanted out of my life and going after it instead of just tolerating anything from anybody, and realizing that my problem with my weight wasn’t actually about my weight, it was about my emotional problems and wanting to self medicate with food. Also, realizing this is a lifelong journey of self-betterment, and not simply a “fad diet” or “14-day detox” or “magic pill”. There is no quick fix. It’s hard, but being overweight, self destructive, and miserable is much harder.49
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