Less alcohol- February 2018- one day at a time
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Welcome to all the newcomers! You will find unconditional and non-judgmental support here. @eddie_fields thank you for your honesty. It is never too late to set a good example for your son. I wish I had set a better example for my now adult daughters. Now I am a Grandma with another on the way and I am determined to set a good example for them.6
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eddie_fields wrote: »Thank you....I think I have realized I cannot do moderation...I cannot say I am borderline anymore...I AM an alcoholic. therefore, I need to go dry again completely and learn to abstain 100%. I will need to learn new skills, new techniques. But in my heart I know I cannot do moderation. these are my confessions
I am right there with you! For the last five years I have consumed more cheap vodka than a small frat. I thought moderation was possible. In 2016 I did dry January successfully. Thought I had things on the right track. Went well for February and March, didn’t drink on any week nights. First week of April was Spring Break, I am a teacher, so I drank for 9 straight days...at least 10 shots a day. Went hard. After that week I slowly let alcohol creep back into my week days. By summer break I was drinking four days a week, during summer I was going 6 out of 7...why? Just a case of the eff-it-why-nots I guess.
I tried dry January 2017, made it a week and said screw it. If I am going to drink a ton after this month anyway let’s get back to business. And went hard all year.
December 2017 I was listening to a podcast and the guy said be careful what you are doing in front of your kids because you are their hero. Well I immediately remember my 9 year old asking me one night when I was drinking if I liked being drunk. What? I told him the truth. But when I heard that podcast it got me thinking I don’t want my son to grow up thinking he should drink 6 nights a week because I did.
So I went into dry January 2018 knowing that I really wanted to slow down my drinking long term but took the dry January goal just in case I was strong enough to stick to it long term. End of January came I was motivated to keep going. Still hanging in there.
I am like you. I know I can’t moderate. It’s much easier to just abstain than it is to cut back. It’s like having a chocolate cake in the kitchen. Some people can eat one piece and forget about the cake. Me I become obsessed and can’t think about anything but getting that cake in my face. When I open up the possibility to drink, I am introducing a vodka-cake into my life...not good.
I am new at this so don’t know if I can offer much good advice. I am highly motivated because of my son so that is maybe not encompassing. The other thing I try to do is stay busy. Go for a ton of walks, read, golf, anything to avoid temptation and create an opening to give into that temptation.
Good luck!
I think a lot of us on here are all or none type of drinkers. I definitely find it easier to just not drink at all. Welcome to the group!! Everyone here is awesome. Like @JenT304 said there is NO judgement. Which is why I love coming here.6 -
samanthaholze wrote: »I've been embarrassed to say these things out loud or even write them down-
Look how many of us there are on this thread. Obviously, you are far from alone. I went to a Mardi Gras brunch Sunday, and there were at least 100 people there. The only beverages offered were Bloody Marys and mimosas. I asked the host if I could get some water, and he happily gave me a can of La Croix, but I think I was the only one not drinking. It made me wonder how many of the 100 people were just like me, struggling with alcohol. Surely statistics would say that at least some of them were in the same boat. I'm just grateful we all recognize it's an issue and that we have this group.8 -
I am curious. What is everyone's triggers to drink?
Mine is socializing
What are your triggers?3 -
I am curious. What is everyone's triggers to drink?
Mine is socializing
What are your triggers?
HALT (as in halt, stop, don't drink) is a fairly well known acronym for these drinking triggers. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I can say these things can cause me to want a glass of wine, especially being hungry later in the afternoon.
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@norminv I feel your pain. I have been struggling as well with work stress, which seems to be a huge trigger for me. I think I'm in the all or nothing category since once I start, I just continue. Now I do not binge or get drunk but I will drink a bottle a night if left unchecked.
Thank you all again for sharing. I have to keep up here daily to keep my head on straight. It just seems that if I drink, I feel like a failure to you all and should just keep quiet until I can actually share something positive.
Day 1 AF starts now, again......10 -
I had a really down day yesterday. Work has been beyond busy and taking too much of my personal time, and I just had a general feeling of sadness.
I managed well. Went to the gym, no unhealthy food or drink.
Something I noticed last month and is standing out more. On stressful days I dont have urges to go for the bottle too often, so that’s a win. But I really notice that I just want to eat everything in the house or go get some food that is terrible for me. So that is a whole other thing I guess I need to keep working on
Good work Eric2 -
I am curious. What is everyone's triggers to drink?
Mine is socializing
What are your triggers?
HALT (as in halt, stop, don't drink) is a fairly well known acronym for these drinking triggers. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I can say these things can cause me to want a glass of wine, especially being hungry later in the afternoon.
That's interesting. Last night I ran then went to the grocery store before going home after work. This is pretty typical. I usually run or exercise, go to the grocery store if needed and then go make dinner. We normally eat pretty late (8:30-9:30). I was in a good mood when I got home, but as I was preparing dinner, I noticed myself starting to get irritated at the fact that I had to cook. I was hungry and I just wanted to be done with dinner and eat my food. I said to my husband " Cooking is a lot more fun when I'm drinking wine". I know I was hungry and I was focused on that hunger. Usually I will have a glass of wine while I cook. Maybe I do it to take my mind off of the hunger, because I do not usually think about being hungry when I am cooking. But I never associated drinking with hunger before.7 -
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My triggers are definitely cooking (but dry Jan really helped revise that habit!) and FOMO - like not wanting to miss out on socializing. But anxiety is also a trigger. I am working on that one and it’s been helpful to find new ways to relax without numbing out.2
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WinoGelato wrote: »2nd night in Dublin not as successful from a moderation perspective. Had a chance to end my night at a decent time after 2 glasses of wine but got pulled into a long conversation that led to another glass of wine, and then one more at the lobby bar after dinner before calling it a night. I’m still counting some small victories - I spread out the consumption over about 5 hours so it was less than a glass per hour, I remembered to drink water with each glass of wine, and when I got back to my room my cheeks weren’t flushed, I didn’t feel drunk, I didn’t have any concerns that I couldn’t remember conversations.
Feeling tired today and had a slight headache but probably as much to do with jet lag and lingering head cold as the drinking.
Tonight is an awards dinner which always leads to constant filling of the wine glass... followed by dj and dancing. Am really hoping to skip that part as I have to give a presentation tomorrow morning and want to be fresh and focused for that then Flying home tomorrow. Ready to get back into my time zone and routine - eating, exercising, and sleeping.
Good for you! I am quite certain that a business trip like this would present a challenge for me. Congrats on the small victories. I can certainly relate. As I mentioned earlier, I feel some sort of disappointment in myself that I have gone over on my target here and there. But at the same time, I am happy with the progress that I have made in being able to space out my drinks, drink water and not over do it. Not drinking enough to be hungover or have any memory lapses has been a pretty big victory for me.2 -
My triggers are hunger and boredom. Hunger is the more prominent reason.3
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My trigger was was waking up
I was going to say getting out of bed, but I didn't necessarily have to get out...... 7 -
My trigger right now is watching yet another high school shooting on the news. Ugh.8
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My trigger right now is watching yet another high school shooting on the news. Ugh.
Awe, that's really messed up. I wish people would realize that there are other alternatives.
-- On topic
My trigger is being bored. If I can't keep myself occupied(other than watching tv or something along those lines) then I want to drink. It may be a "hand to mouth" complex as well.
*Edit because I said "can" instead of "can't"4 -
My trigger....the weekend! I am good all week and then Friday comes and I can't wait to get off work.5
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Went out to lunch with my hubby for Valentine's Day and passed on the wine. This was the first outing to a restaurant since I went AF. It was different not ordering alcohol. The menu had only alcohol on it for drinks, which was made even more weird...LOL! I had a wonderful meal with my hubby! They even gave me a carnation.
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I am curious. What is everyone's triggers to drink?
Mine is socializing
What are your triggers?
I thought mine was work stress, but my work isn't very stressful anymore honestly. But if I have any other conflict in life - like arguing with my hubby, which does not happen often - I just want to drink. We've had two arguments since January and both times that's all I wanted.4 -
How many of you out there are struggling with the not drinking/still want to lose weight issue?
It's driving me nuts. I decided to not obsess over what I was eating because trying to abstain from alcohol was enough and I should put all my energy there. But after a day or two of "not caring" what I eat, I can already feel myself gaining weight. Even though I've cut the drinking way way down.
So then, even if I've been sober for a few days, I still feel like *kitten* b/c of how I'm eating. So I either get depressed or I obsess about what I'm eating. It's a vicious cycle and I hate it.
I'm not sure what the correct direction is for me.8 -
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My trigger is just plain old habit. Going out to dinner. Drinks. Hanging out with friends. Drinks. Going to a concert. Drinks. Cooking. Drinks. Eating. Drinks. Cleaning...meh, yeah sometimes that involves drinks too. Maybe if I just stuck to working, running and playing with my dog I would be okay.8
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Social gatherings are my trigger too, but since starting this challenge I haven't gone out much. Except that wedding a couple weeks back where I got blackout drunk. 4
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@springsweet Be kind to yourself. If it is more important to you personally to cut back on the booze, then allow yourself to eat a little bit of what you are craving. I need to lose weight too but I bought a big ol' slice of cake for me and my husband to share tonight. To me, the sugar and calories in the cake are preferable to drinking the night away.8
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springsweet wrote: »How many of you out there are struggling with the not drinking/still want to lose weight issue?.
Me!! This is huge! I'm trying not to give myself a "pass" to eat more since I'm not drinking. I just keep trying to log all of my food and stay within my points. Good luck...it's so tough sometimes!!
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Hi guys. I'm writing first comment and been reading everyone's comments. I'm so happy to find this as I've been struggling. I started Monday. As I'm joined a 12 week challenge at gym. Unfortunately I drank the weekend as I knew I was starting but that's it. I actually went AF on Sunday so this is my 4th day. My problem is my hubby and I have been drinking practically daily for so many years. I just don't feel good anymore. How do you stop when your hubby wants to keep on. Ugh. My problem is not only him. Depression boredom lonely. He works away and I lost my job thru not my fault. Redundancy. I drink alone which I hate also. My goal is now to not drink for 12 weeks. So I'm hoping joining gym will keep me focused. I'm loving it and the social part of it too. Wish me luck and the same to all of you!12
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My triggers... stressful days like today. Class party and a long day in school- felt like I was in a busy Chuck E. Cheese all day long; kids were so wired. My nerve endings were crying. I said to myself several times, "I JUST want to drink when I get home." So, my trigger is stress and the longing to numb myself.
Other trigger, friends who party and drink a lot! Every activity or get together seems like it always involves drinking. Always.
I view drinking as a reward for a job well done.
Tonight, I made some tea after a delicious crab legs dinner that husband cooked. Day 45 today - dry but on edge. I'll stick with the tea tonight however.
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You've come to the right place. You did a great thing joining a gym, it will give you somewhere to go and something very positive to do.
I know it's cliche, but try to plan out your day so you know you have things to do - even if it's just to read a chapter in a book, go for a walk, plan your meals for the week. Come here and read some threads, start one if you have a question or an idea. I personally spend way too much time on Instagram and Pinterest - I might be starting a thread to help with that addiction! But it keeps my mind occupied so I don't think about eating or drinking...although I do search for recipes a lot. A few pages back there are some links to meditation and that might also help.
Good luck! We're here for each other.3
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