TOM's Bad Rap

I feel sorry for TOM. He gets so much hate. Women b!ch about him, men mock him, and no one likes him. And TOM is just an ordinary guy. Doing nothing wrong, just getting hated on. And then I remember that TOM is actually the devil. But I never think of my monthly SUPERHERO time as a bad thing, I mean, I'm bleeding for days straight and I'm fine. I run, I work, I comment on the forums and life goes on, because I am a SUPERHERO. We never called it TOM growing up. We were more delicate.

"Elysa, let's wear white pants and twirl about in a lake!"
"No thanks, Aunt Olga is visiting, she hates white pants, especially in lakes"

Or we'd say

"The mother f_cking PAINTERS are in today. I'm going to bite off all the heads today."

I generally preferred the term Painters for my superhero week of the month. For a while my friends and I would wear red the first day, as a warning sign to our friends.

So, lets just, leave TOM alone for a bit.
And I (in my Ambien induced delirium) will explain what happens when you bleed.

Women, when the painters show up, when Aunt Olga comes for a visit, keep in mind you've know this, it was planned, same time every month for the most part. When the Painters come they...redecorate a little "down there" and it sucks, but it has been happening for the better part of our lives don't be shocked that you might crave more food than normal, don't whine about cramps, or weird poops. It happens, we know it happens, we have female friends in the real world we can ask about it. So Leave TOM alone! *insert that crying boy here*

The painters have come and things need to be rearranged, there will be some pain as the lining of your uterus is stripped and send out of your 'gine to be left in the toilet bowl or sanitary basket (which ever is appropriate). This process causes cramping. Also it's icky because there is no non-icky way to make this happen unless we want to go back to living in special huts during our Superhero week.

Your body is all jacked up on hormones, and is literally tearing itself apart, avoid dairy, dairy is hard for the body to process normally, so its particularly hard to digest it now that they've started on uterine improvements. Lay off the ice cream, eat dark chocolate, for Krum's sake eat a cucumber!

Your twins might get achy - because they're Divas and Drama Queens. Give them a little more room, or maybe give them less room, keep them stable though, it's for the best.

For your bits, the ones being remodeled, there are a few options. Heat packs help, as do hot baths, but really, if you want to cure the pain of remodeling you should either find your boyfriend/husband/significant other....or a...um, can I say "toys" and find alternate paths to the big O. (Maybe that cucumber we discussed earlier would be useful now.) That should cure a fair bit of the cramps.

I would like to add that this method of handling the Painters/Aunt Olga/TOM is Vegetarian/Vegan/Dairy friendly due to the suggestion that women not eat dairy. So, win!