how do you really succeed at this?

You want it badly enough to be consistent with your logging, and eating in a deficit. Don't set unrealistic goals (too rapid or too restrictive) and learn the art of patience

Nope - there is no more to losing weight than eating fewer calories than you use (CICO) Read through the pinned posts at the top of each message board. Then follow the guidleines mfp provides re your calorie targets. Keep to that target and you WILL lose weight - but it may take time. No quick fix pills. Eat leass than you use and it will work. The process is simple - not easy. The simpler you keep it the more likely you are to stick to it. Eating nutrient dense foods (some call these 'healthy foods') helps to keep you well and more satisfied. In theory you will lose weight even if you were to eat your entire calorie allowance in Mars bars - but you will end up feeling terrible! To increase the number of calories you have to play with you can use exercise but make sure you are being real about the amount your exercise uses. You can lift weights but you don't have to. You can walk, swim, cycle, anything to move more than you used to. Put the exerices you have chosen to do that day into your diary and it will give a suggested calorie burn based on your stats. Most people opt to eat back half of those exercise calories (mfp can be overly generous on some exercise). You may find it helpful to make some mfp friends to support you on your journey - choose people who will share their diaries as it may give you a better idea of how others are doing it.

In summary - Eat less than you did while overweight and move more! Mfp has hundreds of members who have succeeded. Good Luck.

chandraminick wrote: »

I know there's more to it than that. Who do I look to learn how to train? I'm in rural Idaho, and there's a Golds gym, but I don't see a following for anything close to body building for women, and I've always thought that what the way to get it. Maybe, I'm wrong, and under the wrong impression.

The notion that "there's got to be more to it than that" is actually what often causes people to fail.

Note that you are talking about two different issues- weight loss and body building. For weight loss, all you need is a consistent, reasonable calorie deficit. No special foods, eliminating certain foods, shakes, supplements, special meal timing, none of it. For body building, you likely do want to follow a plan, and there are good threads here on that, but that's a different topic.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10332083/which-lifting-program-is-the-best-for-you/p1

You know yourself better than anyone else. And I definitely can't speak on the hardcore working out stuff, because I haven't done that. But as far as weight loss goes, I know for me the best was not being like super strict and black/white with food being good/bad. Now it's actually just moderation through counting calories, which is so simple, that has kept me from regaining a major weight loss (over 100).

In your post above I recognized a lot of what one of my friends did. When she was going through a divorce 3 years ago, she lived in a small apartment with no TV and even no internet aside from her smartphone on cell data. She went to the gym every night after work. She ate 1 large meal per day and maybe a small snack if she was lightheaded during the work day. She lost weight rapidly and worked out extremely frequently. As soon as she changed her lifestyle back to a more moderate and social level, all her progress went out the window. Sometimes I think instead of hyperfocusing on 1 area of life and/or cutting all distractions, it can be very beneficial to seek balance and moderation in all things. Just another view.

Unless you have a doctor telling you there is something hormonal going on, there is nothing hormonal going on. Yes, I know there must be something going on before the doctor says so. But too many people use that excuse without actually having a diagnosis. See a doctor. Get diagnosed. Until you have a legit diagnosis, assume there is nothing wrong with you and proceed accordingly.

chandraminick wrote: »

I know there's more to it than that. Who do I look to learn how to train? I'm in rural Idaho, and there's a Golds gym, but I don't see a following for anything close to body building for women, and I've always thought that what the way to get it. Maybe, I'm wrong, and under the wrong impression.

You don't need to go to a gym to get fit. Plenty of us here don't.

For example, I'm 44, I've lost 45 pounds and kept it off for 6 months now.

What I primarily do is:

Walking (30-60 minutes)
Dancing (using Just Dance on Nintendo Switch)
Classical Stretch (on PBS) a 30 minute stretching & strengthening program

There's a real misperception that you have to train at competitive labels or go to a health club or expensive yoga studio to lose weight and get fit. NO. You can do just fine with moderate exercise.

As everyone has said, eat less and do more. I do daily yoga and now the snow's finally gone I'll be walking every day, too. I look forward to losing a pound a week but I've given up the emotional roller coaster of weighing myself daily or even more. I don't value myself by numbers on a scale any more but by the way I treat my body, including the love I give it. Good luck. You have a lot of support here.

Patience
Accountability

Agree with so many other posters. If you want it bad enough you just buckle down and do it. You resist temptation and you make yourself the priority.
There are no tips and tricks, there is only eating at a deficit and making your calorie goal each day. If you want to tone up or exercise then more power to you...and the more you get to eat.
I'm over 40, have two kids under 2 and I'm making myself the priority right now. I want to be around a long time for my kids and be the healthy example in their lives. This is not something I'll compromise on.
Accept that attitude and you can make it happen. I hope you can find some happiness in your life though.

@chandraminick I am rural, live on a farm. I am probably older than you, doesn't matter. I lost 70ish pounds doing the CICO thing. It is not as bad as it seems. Walk a couple of miles every day. There are tons of exercise videos on youtube - surely you can find some you will actually do. You may find you like running or swimming or the elliptical or some other machine.
Find your passion. Log your food. Learn how to cook "Skinny" and eat what you love in moderation.
Oh, I have been on maintenance for about three years. You can do this!