How to politely tell a coworker that their comments make me feel bad?
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"It's still smaller than your head"
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If you don't want to go to HR, maybe just say something like " ok got it I have a big butt can we talk about something else because I'm done discussing this with you!"2
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Its not appropriate in the workplace, period. You have to be honest with her if you dont want to go to HR, however, the best revenge for me would be to lose weight and look better than her,
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So I have a coworker who has started to make comments about me having a large butt every time I bend down to get something. Not sure how to tell them nicely that it hurts my feelings. Anyone have a suggestion?
This is terrible. I don't get people and their need to be like this at all. Hugs.
I am getting old and do not tolerate things like this, my very first thing I thought of what I would say when I saw this was to say to them 'my butt is none of your business'
But if you are looking for something a bit more 'nice' just tell them 'hey look, this makes me feel bad so please stop'. Surely she will understand that its inappropriate and it would be enough to stop and hopefully she would apologize.1 -
I have been struggling with this politely thing regarding their comment.
Perhaps you could say I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I appreciate our working relationship but kindly ask that you not discuss my weight or body any longer. No offense but this is just something I am very sensitive about.
That said, report them to HR and get a new nice partner to work with.9 -
I had a coworker who happened to be the Number 2 person in charge of the whole agency. He was the Executive VP. He made an inappropriate comment to me one day about my weight. I was flabbergasted and hurt for days. But before I retired, I calmly told him how offended I was. He apologized and then in his back peddling made another inappropriate comment. I realized that he just was stupid and uncouth. But at least he knew he was rude and inappropriate and I had let him know about it. I agree with you about not going to HR until you give this person a chance to be aware how rude they are.0
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This is harassment and you need to get past being "nice" about it. I know you have to work with her, but someone insensitive enough to do this to begin with is not going to stop unless you put the fear of God or a lawsuit into her.
How about "Did you fall asleep during the sexual harassment training? What makes you think it's okay to talk about my body at all, let alone that way?"9 -
If you really want to get out of this situation without causing problems with someone you have to spend so much time with "sandwich" it. Identify 2 things you really like about spending time with her, tell her the first one, tell her you dislike comments on your personal anatomy, then tell her the second one. Be sincere and matter-of-fact.11
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Thank you everyone. She is actually my “good” partner so definitely want to keep her around. My other two seem to be trying for a world record of stupid (I wish that was an understatement.
I actually sent her text (felt tnqould be easier because I hate conflict for the most part). She apologized and said she actually meant it as a compliment-as in she has been tying to work out to get a bigger booty, but won’t say anything anymore.I have been struggling with this politely thing regarding their comment.
Perhaps you could say I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I appreciate our working relationship but kindly ask that you not discuss my weight or body any longer. No offense but this is just something I am very sensitive about.
That said, report them to HR and get a new nice partner to work with.
Lol our partner pool is extremely limited. If I did change, there is a good chance I’d ended up with someone worse.
I’d rather work with a competent partner who makes the occasional rude comment than work with someone who is incompetent who I wouldn’t trust to babysit a pet rock.
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cmriverside wrote: »"Did you really just comment again about my body? Next time, I will take my documented descriptions of your comments to HR."
Yeah, I wouldn't even try to come up with "nice."
Not really something I’d want to get HR involved in since I have to work with her for 12 hours each week I’m an ambulance. I feel like involving HR would make things worse.
But you have just as much right to be in a workplace where you're not waiting for the next time she does it, either. If you're still truly hesitant then warn her that one more comment and you'll be going to HR. And stand by it. If she makes it worse keep going back to HR.1 -
I agree with everyone here, what this person is saying IS harassment. But we all lead out own lives so, to answer the question, I would just tell the person that his kind of commentary is making you uncomfortable.0
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Thank you everyone. She is actually my “good” partner so definitely want to keep her around. My other two seem to be trying for a world record of stupid (I wish that was an understatement.
I actually sent her text (felt tnqould be easier because I hate conflict for the most part). She apologized and said she actually meant it as a compliment-as in she has been tying to work out to get a bigger booty, but won’t say anything anymore.I have been struggling with this politely thing regarding their comment.
Perhaps you could say I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I appreciate our working relationship but kindly ask that you not discuss my weight or body any longer. No offense but this is just something I am very sensitive about.
That said, report them to HR and get a new nice partner to work with.
Lol our partner pool is extremely limited. If I did change, there is a good chance I’d ended up with someone worse.
I’d rather work with a competent partner who makes the occasional rude comment than work with someone who is incompetent who I wouldn’t trust to babysit a pet rock.
I'm so glad you got it out. I'm also glad that she wasn't intending it the way you were taking it. Not that her comments are appropriate, just that she was seeing it as a complement. Hopefully, your work relationship can stay good.3 -
Thank you everyone. She is actually my “good” partner so definitely want to keep her around. My other two seem to be trying for a world record of stupid (I wish that was an understatement.
I actually sent her text (felt tnqould be easier because I hate conflict for the most part). She apologized and said she actually meant it as a compliment-as in she has been tying to work out to get a bigger booty, but won’t say anything anymore.I have been struggling with this politely thing regarding their comment.
Perhaps you could say I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I appreciate our working relationship but kindly ask that you not discuss my weight or body any longer. No offense but this is just something I am very sensitive about.
That said, report them to HR and get a new nice partner to work with.
Lol our partner pool is extremely limited. If I did change, there is a good chance I’d ended up with someone worse.
I’d rather work with a competent partner who makes the occasional rude comment than work with someone who is incompetent who I wouldn’t trust to babysit a pet rock.
I’m assuming you’ve worked with her long enough that she was there when you were losing weight pre-pregnancy and knows what you’ve been through? It was still a bit rude. But I’m glad she knows better now.0 -
Thank you everyone. She is actually my “good” partner so definitely want to keep her around. My other two seem to be trying for a world record of stupid (I wish that was an understatement.
I actually sent her text (felt tnqould be easier because I hate conflict for the most part). She apologized and said she actually meant it as a compliment-as in she has been tying to work out to get a bigger booty, but won’t say anything anymore.I have been struggling with this politely thing regarding their comment.
Perhaps you could say I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I appreciate our working relationship but kindly ask that you not discuss my weight or body any longer. No offense but this is just something I am very sensitive about.
That said, report them to HR and get a new nice partner to work with.
Lol our partner pool is extremely limited. If I did change, there is a good chance I’d ended up with someone worse.
I’d rather work with a competent partner who makes the occasional rude comment than work with someone who is incompetent who I wouldn’t trust to babysit a pet rock.
I’m assuming you’ve worked with her long enough that she was there when you were losing weight pre-pregnancy and knows what you’ve been through? It was still a bit rude. But I’m glad she knows better now.
No, she’s actually relatively new (only been working together about 4 months). Sadly I lost most of my permanent partners from prepregnancy. Two no longer work at the company and the other changed his schedule to all day shifts because of child care issues.1 -
cmriverside wrote: »"Did you really just comment again about my body? Next time, I will take my documented descriptions of your comments to HR."
Yeah, I wouldn't even try to come up with "nice."
Not really something I’d want to get HR involved in since I have to work with her for 12 hours each week I’m an ambulance. I feel like involving HR would make things worse.
stand up for yourself or stop complaining then.
What they are doing is not only just mean but HIGHLY inappropriate for anyone, much less the workplace. But if yo're not willing to DO something about it, then theres nothing any of us can say that will help.7 -
NVM. Should've read other posts before I commented.1
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I can change the size of my butt - but you will stay stupid forever!1
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You have to confront this person yourself if you are not comfortable reporting it to HR. This person should not be allowed to continue this and you need to explain that it has to stop it or you will have no other options but to file a complaint with your HR department.
This is totally unacceptable behavior and extremely immature on this persons part.
Everyone deserves to work in an environment with non-abusive co workers.0 -
Cool - that's exactly how I would have handled it - start out nice and escalate only if necessary, given the circumstance
This bit actually scares me a little, considering what you do...Lol our partner pool is extremely limited. If I did change, there is a good chance I’d ended up with someone worse.
I’d rather work with a competent partner who makes the occasional rude comment than work with someone who is incompetent who I wouldn’t trust to babysit a pet rock.
edited to fix quotes2
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