Less Alcohol- June 2018- One Day at a Time

@lorrainequiche59, we share the same evil twin! Everything you said is ditto for me.

Today is Day 6 and begins 3 days of alcohol-soaked events. Tonight we are being treated to dinner at a wonderful restaurant where I normally begin with a martini and go on from there. I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, I'm the designated driver for my mom's birthday gift of a vodka distillery tour--just Mom and my sister and me. There are some good vodkas around here--Tito's, Deep Eddy, Dripping Springs--but the fact that I'm driving will be my saving grace. Friday night I'm invited to a "Whine and Wine" party--all women and always a lot of fun. I've already included in my e-vite RSVP that I'm doing an alcohol-free June but promise to contribute my share of "whine." That way, I've "announced" already that I won't be drinking. I figure if I can make it to day 9 AF, I'll have cause to celebrate.

AF today, day 2, been sat in the bar drinking sparkling water and lemon on my last night in the desert. Good to know that when I get on the bus tomorrow morning at 5 am for the airport, my head is going to feel great.
So many people have missed that bus due to drinking the night before and it causes huge problems and expense. I've got on it in the past feeling like death warmed up and it makes a long day of travelling so much worse.

This is why I believe Rational Recovery is the only program for anyone concerned about their drinking. If you're in a Moderation Management program they may not speak about their founder and AA has a statistical rating of less than 1% of people who start and stay sober for life. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but I'm 64 and I have played all the mind games I see posted here and I do not want you young people to suffer a lifetime like I did before finding a very simple solution. My addictive voice is instantly recognizable to me and I tell it to go straight to hell and then I drive to my grandchildren's house and pray that a cop pulls me over. Quit rationalizing your drinking, if you're on this topic, you've got a problem and it ain't gonna get better as long as you let your Beast make decisions that you pay the consequences for. And if you're really serious about losing weight for christ's sake alcohol turns to sugar! Ago youngsters the old man has had his say and I wish you the best.

AUDREY CONN/TWITTER
STRUGGLE
Addiction, Drunk Driving, and Suicide: The Struggles of Audrey Conn, Founder of ‘Moderation Management’
Audrey Conn founded Moderation Management as an alternative to A.A. In December, almost 15 years after killing a father and daughter while drunk driving, Conn killed herself

A few days before Christmas, in a Portland suburb, Audrey Conn committed suicide in her mother’s house. Her death, like her life, was immediately seen as something larger in a vituperative debate over whether all problem drinkers need to entirely abstain. Conn, 56, was a founder of Moderation Management, a behavioral program for non-dependent drinkers who seek to change their habits.

She came into national headlines in 2000 after a tragic accident. In January of that year, Conn, who then used her once-married name, Kishline, announced to MM members that moderation wasn’t working for her, and that she was leaving the group to attend Alcoholics Anonymous and other abstinence-based programs


Two months later, with a blood alcohol level three times the legal limit, Conn drove the wrong way down a highway in Washington State. She plowed into an oncoming car, killing Danny Davis and his 12-year-old daughter, LaShell.

The story ignited a huge controversy. Omitting the fact that Conn/Kishline had been attending AA at the time of her accident, prominent abstinence-only proponents used the tragedy to attack moderation. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD), which is widely considered A.A.’s mouthpiece (A.A. does not comment publicly on what it calls “outside issues”), released a statement that said the incident “provides a harsh lesson for all of society, especially those individuals who collude with the media to continually question abstinence-based treatment for problems related to alcohol and other drugs.” Journalists seized on the news, and condemnatory articles and television segments followed.

What those stories failed to capture was the complexity of those who struggle with “alcohol use disorder,” the clinical term the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the 2013 DSM-V, uses for risky drinking. It denotes a spectrum, from mild to moderate to severe, and replaces the DSM-III’s term “alcohol abuse” and “alcohol dependence.” (Those terms, published in 1980, replaced the much older “alcoholism.”)

Like many women who drink riskily, Conn also struggled with depression, said Dr. Marc Kern, a psychologist at Addiction Alternatives, a substance and alcohol use treatment center in Los Angeles. He was a friend and colleague, and is board chairman of Moderation Management.


Conn, Kern said, didn’t identify with the A.A.’s embrace of the disease theory of alcoholism, which can loosely be described as this: drinkers who can’t control their consumption have a brain disease that, if not halted by abstinence, will continue to worsen.

“Audrey had the courage to say, ‘One size doesn’t fit all,’” Kern said. Conn sought to address the disparity between programs for severely alcohol-dependent people and those in the milder stages of problem drinking. The National Institutes for Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism estimate that of the 18 million Americans with AUD, about 15 percent are in the severely dependent range. (For the severely dependent, abstinence is typically considered the best route to recovery.
In the early 1990s, when Conn was trying to change her own drinking habits, there was little help available outside abstinence-only programs designed for the severely dependent. Like other unhealthy behaviors, risky drinking is more easily addressed when the problem is mild.

Conn, her friends say, had tried A.A.’s 12-step program, which was founded in 1935 when knowledge of neurology was in its infancy. Its tenets include declaring one’s powerlessness over alcohol, accepting the aid of a higher power in maintaining abstinence, and relinquishing one’s ego. Conn found herself at odds with A.A., and contacted prominent researchers who had published numerous peer-reviewed studies that proved the ability of many problem drinkers to cut back. (In the intervening years, such studies have continued to mount.) With their help, Conn developed the program by setting moderate drinking guidelines and limits, drink monitoring exercises, goal-setting techniques, and strategies for identifying triggers.

During her three-year prison stay, LaShell’s mother and Danny’s ex-wife, Sheryl Maloy-Davis, a devout Christian, approached Conn with forgiveness, and in 2007, the two women published a book about their experiences called “Face to Face.” Maloy-Davis, 50, said this week from her home in central Washington that she made a decision for her two surviving sons not to let bitterness consume her. “I told Audrey I forgave her, but she always had such a hard time accepting that,” Maloy-Davis said.

After prison, Conn struggled with guilt, shame, and, as a convicted felon, the inability to find employment, Kern says. She also continued to battle alcohol. “She really wanted to be able to not drink but it had a hold of her,” Maloy-Davis said.

Conn attended A.A. daily for the past several years, Maloy-Davis said, but fell off the wagon repeatedly. That, in turn, compounded her guilt. “She knew the damage she’d done with her drinking and knew what her choices had done to others but couldn’t fix it like she would liked to have,” Maloy-Davis said.

Conn’s social media posts reveal sharp shifts in mood. Women with alcohol use disorder are twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with anxiety and depressive disorders. They’re also more likely to self-medicate unpleasant feelings with alcohol. In A.A., such conditions are considered “outside issues.”

“A.A. tells you, ‘Don’t drink, don’t think, come to meetings, and you’ll be fine,’” said Dr. Andrew Tatarsky, a Manhattan psychologist who is also an MM board member. “The problem is the drinking, the cure is abstinence, and the program is the way.” While many people find benefits from the mutual support and camaraderie A.A. offers, he said, it doesn’t address the complex emotional issues that drive so many people to excess drinking in the first place.

Holding abstinence as an ideal—which is reinforced by A.A., the vast majority of U.S. treatment centers, and the broader culture—can help contribute to a desperate cycle of shame, guilt, and an escalation of drinking or substance use, Tatarsky said. “In A.A. there is a tendency to blame the person who keeps drinking,” he said. “If they were just following the program, they wouldn’t be drinking.”

Scott Stern, a Manhattan psychotherapist who was a friend of Conn’s, said her death highlights the need for a variety of scientifically proven treatment options, including FDA-approved pharmacological treatments, such as naltrexone and acomprosate, that have been shown to help reduce cravings and curb drinking. Others, such as topirimate and varencicline, have been found to help reduce drinking as well but are currently used off-label to treat AUD.

It is important to note that the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration lists MM, in conjunction with a web-based program called moderatedrinking.com, in its national registry of evidence-based treatment programs. A.A. is not included.

While neither MM nor A.A. worked for Conn means only one thing: they didn’t work for Conn, Stern said. “There’s a spectrum,” Stern said. “It’s not that you’re either this or that. What this tells us is that we should put more effort into creating more choices.”

Day 6 being sober. Very happy. Not finding it hard right now (it gets harder on the weekends). I have bought some nice new teas for myself, as well as this "chocolate drink" product made of raw organic cacao, cinnamon and coconut milk. It's so tasty and satisfying! I have had it at night the last two nights instead of wine and it's great. I recommend! I have also been drinking Lacroix. I find it a fun calorie free substitute. Just drinking a lot of non-alcoholic healthy treat beverages and loving life!!

@mdrhodes8317, while I appreciate your passion, I respectfully disagree that the program you endorse is the “only” way and that some of the posts here represent “mind games”. Some of us here are around your age and have also some years of experience behind us. A very important piece of this group is our support for each other even if our particular paths or approaches differ.

I myself have been educated on this thread by reading posts from a few folks who have been mightily helped by AA although I don’t think that would be the right fit for me.

Again, I do appreciate your input and am glad Rational Recovery has worked so well for you and many others.

I've missed the last two pages. Sorry, will try to catch up soon.

I just wanted to share today's struggle.

Still haven't drunk since Jan 31. However, today I declined an upcoming work social event, saying to the practice manager that I would feel uncomfortable at a large social event being 'newly' AF.

She then was pressuring me to change my mind. This stressed me out. I'm already stressed about a big run I'm doing on Sunday. She said I have a few weeks to decide.

I hope I feel less stressed after Sunday and more confident about attending the social situation. I don't want to avoid these things forever.

Day 3 AF, I’ve been doing this commute 6 times a year for 6 years, today is the first time I’m not stressing, racing through to get beer, then more beer, then goto the toilet, then beer, then toilet , then queuing and swaying for the plane, wondering if I should goto the toilet again or if I cn hold it until I’m on the plane.
Sober travelling, who’d have thought it ?