WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JUNE 2018

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  • auntiebk
    auntiebk Posts: 2,515 Member
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    BFFs
    My BFF left her pain in this world in 2005, don't think I'll ever be blessed with another. Fortunately I'm ok with the sea of acquaintances and VERY thankful for the gals on this thread.

    Men's emotional vs social needs
    Joe will call his brother and accept his father's calls.... sometimes. Has one friend from a job 3 years ago that he really hopes will come and visit, but do they chat on the phone? nope. Not even sure I serve that function for him, he's pretty self-contained ;)

    Lisa lovely setting! 11 acres just right. Fingers X'd. even tho' it's offered "as is" can an inspection alert you to structural, termite, roofing, wiring, plumbing issues? You are so on point about this thread. Love y'all right back.
    Lanette, Neither do I get along with the Medicare and CMS search engines... but I'm stubborn ;)
    Medicare and removal of ruptured breast implants:
    Thank you. Her first choice (breast) surgeon would not even give her a consult appointment, but referred her to a plastic surgeon who accepted a 50% down payment and will take monthly payments for the rest, but that's only for his fee, not the surgery center nor anesthesiologist. The NIH link says Medicare coverage varies by state?!? but when I followed the link to Oregon got "sorry not found" Dug around a little more and found this from LCDId=346988
    "2. Removal or revision of a breast implant is considered medically necessary when it is removed for one of the
    following reasons:
    a. Mechanical complication of breast prosthesis; including rupture or failed implant, and/or implant extrusion.
    . . .
    https://www.cms.gov/medicare-coverage-database/details/lcd-details.aspx?LCDId=34698&ver=23&SearchType=Advanced&CoverageSelection=Local&ArticleType=SAD|Ed&PolicyType=Both&s=-&AdvSearchName=8&KeyWord=plastic&KeyWordLookUp=Doc&KeyWordSearchType=Exact&kq=true&kq=343279627&ua=highwire&displayPDFNote=Y&bc=IAAAACABAAAA&

    Don't understand why her surgeons told her Medicare would reject? She's had a breast MRI that confirms the impants are both ruptured. UNLESS neither surgeon is a Medicare Participating Provider who does not take assignment (can bill up to 115% of medicare approved amount) or has opted out from Medicare (can bill whatever). You'd think her insurance agent would explain this to her if that's the case. What an education! It all stinks to me, but I'll wait to discuss with the other class members Wednesday
    Karen in Va, I think your BFF loss grief is worse than mine. (((hugs)))
    Tracey in AB must have been so hard for you to call authorities when your bipolar friend was threatening herself.
    Long story:
    I had an "adopted but not really" baby brother R who even wheeled my papa up the aisle when Joe and I married. I lost R for forty years after I hand delivered a letter to his shrink listing my fears that he had the means and intent to take his own life. He went ballistic, threatening me, even my Mama. Joe got us a lawyer and made it clear to R that he must never EVER come around again. 2 years ago R contacted me through FB, apologized and asked for forgiveness. Some months (and very pertinent sermons) later, I was able to. I have not asked Joe to forgive R, nor do I talk to R on the phone around Joe, but I'm thankful R is still alive and we have contact.
    Okie glad your landscape guy only takes several of days to work up an estimate, we've been waiting since MAY 15th for the roof repairers estimate.
    Rye "Maybe we should have his best friend from work and wife over for dinner soon! . . . it could even be fun . . ." Brava!
    Rita "Medicare paid for my impant removal" Thanks, that's VERY encouraging!
    Heather Va va va VOOOM!

    Oops, where DOES the time go?
    f8qt1s098sxm.gifBarbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD.
    60 g protein 8/10, meditate 9/10, walk one more step 9/10, knee exercises 9/10, 5/8 times walk Tumble, times SWSY 0/4, hang up or purge art 0
  • coastalgosgal
    coastalgosgal Posts: 2,900 Member
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    KetoneKaren wrote: »
    Kelly young adults make many blunders before they decide what kind of person they want to be. I wish your young friend had taken the olive branch. I would have.

    I know two women, friends from HS, with a story like yours. It took years for the straight friend to forgive the gay friend for being gay, but she finally did, at the gay friend's father's funeral. Unfortunately, they had only a few years to be friends again, because the straight friend has Alzheimer's, and doesn't even know her own husband anymore.

    These two women are part of a group of 5 of us who were good friends in HS. There are a couple of others who have joined in since then, and at least 4 of the group gets together every 6 months for the last 35 years to spend a weekend together and catch up. I am the farthest away, so don't get to go as often. My former best friend is not part of that group, but she is friends with some of them, so it's complicated.

    Fortunately, all of my friends exept my best friend were unimpressed with my revelation that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a woman, and are perplexed that my former best friend would sacrifice a wonderful friendship instead of figuring out a way to adjust.

    I am grateful that most of my old buddies don't care one way or the other.

    This group is interesting; gay & straight, conservative & liberal, all levels of education, working & retired, single & married, religious & atheist...I really don't know why we are such good friends, but we are...I really cherish my relationships with other women, including those on this thread.

    My partner has her own group of women friends and a best friend from HS.

    Then we have some mutual friends, men and women. Lots of friends for two introverted people!

    When I was married (twice), both husbands had buddies they spent time with. I liked that. I thought that their friendships and interests which did not involve me made them more interesting people.


    Karen in Virginia

    Somestimes, being complete opposites can be the one thing you have in common. You just all have the gift of adapting, adjusting and a simple appreciation of each other. That's that's awesome!
    Rebecca
  • coastalgosgal
    coastalgosgal Posts: 2,900 Member
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    KetoneKaren wrote: »
    Rebecca. Have you tried the Epley maneuvers someone mentioned? It might help your vertigo resolve.

    I do them twice a day. * insert thumbs up sign*
    Rebecca
  • coastalgosgal
    coastalgosgal Posts: 2,900 Member
    edited June 2018
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    Heather, Lovely picture of you two!!! I notice your dangily red earrings you had bought a couple months ago! Perfect pairing!
    Rebecca
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,800 Member
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    LisaInNCNow wrote: »
    On the subject of best friends - just a question for y'all... after a little bit of explanation.

    Both of the men I married were not, apparently, interested in making friends outside our marriage. The ex- and I had one "couple" friendship, and he got them in the divorce (long story short, he needed them more than I did). During our marriage, I was the one who kept that relationship going, but apparently he continues to visit them regularly since our divorce. I don't.

    My current and final husband simply doesn't reach out for friendships. Lots of acquaintances, guys he works with that feel comfortable calling him, that kind of thing. He doesn't ever call, text or email them, but will take their calls.

    I depend heavily on my best friend's advice, comfort, and just hearing her voice on the phone regularly. She does the same with me... when we've played phone tag for a couple days in a row, the messages start getting more urgent. There is no one like that in his life. He's also not terribly close with his family (12 brothers and sisters), though there have been a lot more calls to him of late, of course, due to their father's death. I'm not terribly close with mine either--I see one sister once or twice a year, and that's about it.

    But in terms of emotional support, both men had one source, and that was me. Are all/most men like that? And in those with same-sex partners, do you find that you and your partner differ in that? I know a number of us are married to men who land somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, as well, and interested to know whether they have any source to turn to outside their marriage.

    Inquiring minds want to know!

    Lisa in AR

    My husband is the same as yours, no real friends. We don't even have any couple friends. He seems quite content just being my friend. I personally don't think this is very healthy, but it works for him. He is not very close to his family either. I talk to them more than he does. His Father and him haven't spoken in almost 2 years now and I fear that will never get resolved. He does speak to his Mother if I call her when he is around and hand him the phone. His sister and him don't talk either. I found this with a lot of my friends husbands as well, they seem to become hermits. I only have one friend whose husband is a social butterfly and she is the hermit.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,800 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    LisaInNCNow wrote: »
    On the subject of best friends - just a question for y'all... after a little bit of explanation.


    But in terms of emotional support, both men had one source, and that was me. Are all/most men like that? And in those with same-sex partners, do you find that you and your partner differ in that? I know a number of us are married to men who land somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, as well, and interested to know whether they have any source to turn to outside their marriage.

    Inquiring minds want to know!

    Lisa in AR

    First, I probably land somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum.

    Second, in terms of emotional support, both my husband and I have one source ... each other.


    My family is scattered around the world, and my husband's family aren't close. Neither of us have anything remotely like close friends. Just each other.

    In some ways, that has been all all right through this recent situation because it means I don't have to deal with amusing and entertaining other people. But on the other hand, occasionally, I'd like to be able to talk to someone.


    Machka in Oz

    I personally can't imagine doing what you are doing on my own without a circle of people around me. You are very strong in my eyes for being able to do it alone. I hope your husband continues to improve.
  • OregonMother
    OregonMother Posts: 1,577 Member
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    LisaInNCNow wrote: »
    But in terms of emotional support, both men had one source, and that was me. Are all/most men like that? And in those with same-sex partners, do you find that you and your partner differ in that? I know a number of us are married to men who land somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, as well, and interested to know whether they have any source to turn to outside their marriage.

    Inquiring minds want to know!

    Lisa in AR

    This is my husband. And I do believe he may be on the spectrum, but sometimes I doubt it, so if he is, it may be borderline. But he just doesn't see the need to have friends. Like you said, he has work acquaintances, even a couple from previous company's that he keeps in professional contact. But he would never go out to hang out with anyone socially.

    I have work friends, and I have church friends, but I also have my friend-friends -- people I have known for nearly forever. That was the joke when we first moved back here -- I kept running into people I knew when I was in school in Oregon. In fact, a guy in my high school graduating class bought the house three doors down from us. We didn't know it until we were all standing outside chatting and as he kept talking, I realized that we knew each other! Lol

    The people I consider my best friends (I don't know that they all feel the same way, but that's okay): K lives in LA area, and when I go to LA, we usually get together and when I lived in DC and she came for a visit, we ran around together one day. My family knows her and her husband because we have stayed at their house a couple times. P lives an hour away, and we don't see each other as often as we should. But she is really close to her sisters and doesn't see the need for close friendships like I do. M lives in this same community, and we try to get together for coffee every few months. She has sisters, but she is not that close to them.

    I was also burned by a very close friend when I was in grad school. We have reconciled somewhat, but it's not the same. She lives on the East Coast, so we wouldn't be able to see each other much, even if we wanted to. Which I do.

    I also have had a couple close guy friends, which I have decided was not a good thing. I am still in casual contact with both of them, but I keep them at arms distance. I've been close to one of them for 30 years -- through my two and his three marriages. He joked a couple months ago that his relationship with me is his most successful relationship. :smirk:

    With all this, however, like M in Oz, I think my husband is still probably my best friend. I tell him nearly everything and greatly value his opinion. I still wish that he had some guy friends to hang with once in a while, however.

    And I also greatly value my on-line friends. In addition to this group, I have a "mommy-group" -- a group of women who were all pregnant at the same time as I was pregnant with my youngest -- and we have remained close for nearly 12 years.

    Felicia
    Willamette Valley, OR

  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,086 Member
    edited June 2018
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    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    auntiebk wrote: »
    BFFs

    Tracey in AB must have been so hard for you to call authorities when your bipolar friend was threatening herself.
    It was a very difficult decision, but I was aware of the mental health act here in Alberta and knew that she needed help. I have known her since I was 13 she is 2 years older than me. We met when I was "dating" her younger brother, but truthfully I probably stayed close to the family for their Mother more than anything. I loved her like she was my own. She was truly one of my best friends. I had thought over the years that my friend was bi-polar, in high school there was an episode that made me think it the first time. Then a few years later there was another one that made me think it. After her mother was killed in a car accident I saw it, but we moved to Alberta shortly afterward so I wasn't seeing it as clearly as I should have. In 2005 there was another episode but again we lived in different cities. I took her phone calls every single day though and tried my best to help her through it but also tried to reach her children's ex to come get the kids. He didn't return my calls :(. She then seemed to get turned around again, she earned a masters degree, and was doing very well. In 2016 she had another episode. She had me pick up all of her worldly possessions to store for her because she was leaving her bf and she didn't trust her children or Father to take care of her stuff without stealing from her. (This was in her mind, they wouldn't have) She asked if she could stay with us for a few days, I reluctantly agreed. I knew my husband wouldn't be able to tolerate it for long. So we agreed to 3 nights. On the 5th night I told her she had to leave. This is when she turned on me, she left a lot of stuff at our place that I wasn't even aware of, including all of her Mother's jewelry. She wrote all over facebook that we kicked her out on the street to be raped, she told everyone that I was in an abusive relationship, accused me of stealing her dead mother's jewelry. Threatened that she "knew People" and they would beat me to get her stuff back. That is when I called the police. I contacted her three children and Father and told them what I had done. I told them I was scared for her life, and they needed to tell the police the truth if they were called. We all agreed that we would never tell her who called the police. She ended up being hospitalized for over 2 months. Her reality is that I abandoned her in her time of need and that I never supported her. I let her believe this because I know I saved her life, and that I supported her in the only way I knew how. I haven't seen her since this happened. I have talked to her several times and she is doing well right now, staying on her medications and seeing her therapist. I only pray that she continues and that if she ever finds out it was me that she realizes it was only out of pure love.

    You did the right thing. Her reaction to what happened is her mental illness and nothing to do with you. Prays for her and you. When she has an episode she needs professional help. I would not tell her it was you who called the police. Given her state it could have been anyone and when she is in a better place she probably knows that. She is just trying to find blame rather than blame it on the mental illness. Part of the problem with some mental illness is the person who suffers from it their mind plays tricks on them and they cannot see how ill they truly are. It is the people around them like you who are put in the thankless position to get them the help they need. I will thank you for getting her the help for her because she is not capable of saying thank you.

    :heart: Margaret
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,800 Member
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    margaretturk wrote: »
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    auntiebk wrote: »
    BFFs

    Tracey in AB must have been so hard for you to call authorities when your bipolar friend was threatening herself.
    It was a very difficult decision, but I was aware of the mental health act here in Alberta and knew that she needed help. I have known her since I was 13 she is 2 years older than me. We met when I was "dating" her younger brother, but truthfully I probably stayed close to the family for their Mother more than anything. I loved her like she was my own. She was truly one of my best friends. I had thought over the years that my friend was bi-polar, in high school there was an episode that made me think it the first time. Then a few years later there was another one that made me think it. After her mother was killed in a car accident I saw it, but we moved to Alberta shortly afterward so I wasn't seeing it as clearly as I should have. In 2005 there was another episode but again we lived in different cities. I took her phone calls every single day though and tried my best to help her through it but also tried to reach her children's ex to come get the kids. He didn't return my calls :(. She then seemed to get turned around again, she earned a masters degree, and was doing very well. In 2016 she had another episode. She had me pick up all of her worldly possessions to store for her because she was leaving her bf and she didn't trust her children or Father to take care of her stuff without stealing from her. (This was in her mind, they wouldn't have) She asked if she could stay with us for a few days, I reluctantly agreed. I knew my husband wouldn't be able to tolerate it for long. So we agreed to 3 nights. On the 5th night I told her she had to leave. This is when she turned on me, she left a lot of stuff at our place that I wasn't even aware of, including all of her Mother's jewelry. She wrote all over facebook that we kicked her out on the street to be raped, she told everyone that I was in an abusive relationship, accused me of stealing her dead mother's jewelry. Threatened that she "knew People" and they would beat me to get her stuff back. That is when I called the police. I contacted her three children and Father and told them what I had done. I told them I was scared for her life, and they needed to tell the police the truth if they were called. We all agreed that we would never tell her who called the police. She ended up being hospitalized for over 2 months. Her reality is that I abandoned her in her time of need and that I never supported her. I let her believe this because I know I saved her life, and that I supported her in the only way I knew how. I haven't seen her since this happened. I have talked to her several times and she is doing well right now, staying on her medications and seeing her therapist. I only pray that she continues and that if she ever finds out it was me that she realizes it was only out of pure love.

    You did the right thing. Her reaction to what happened is her mental illness and nothing to do with you. Prays for her and you. When she has an episode she needs professional help. I would not tell her it was you who called the police. Given her state it could have been anyone and when she is in a better place she probably knows that. She is just trying to find blame rather than blame it on the mental illness. Part of the problem with some mental illness is the person who suffers from it their mind plays tricks on them and they cannot see how ill they truly are. It is the people around them like you who are put in the thankless position to get them the help they need. I will thank you for getting her the help for her because she is not capable of saying thank you.

    :heart: Margaret

    Thank you so much, it is true. What she believes happened is her reality and her truth. I can only be there to support her. I truly was afraid for her life, it has made me much more aware of mental illness and how it affects those we love as much as the person with the illness.
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,335 Member
    edited June 2018
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    vzqy611px2cr.jpg
    This is the local band that greeted us when we docked in the morning. We asked them up on deck for an evening concert. :D

    Rebecca - What you are doing is not the Epley manoeuvre. That you only have to do once. It worked like a miracle for my DH and for Mary. Please Google it, read the easy instructions and watch the very clear video on Utube. Your husband will have to do it for you because it can be quite scary. My DH really freaked out and I had to be really firm with him. But it WORKS. We did it on the bed.

    Heather ☓ x
  • KJLaMore
    KJLaMore Posts: 2,835 Member
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    First off- Welcome Scrapstitching! Way to go on the loss! Glad you found us, chime in when you feel so inclined and please tell us a little about yourself (name, where from as specific or non specific as you wish, your health journey...)

    DH and I are the proverbial opposites that attracted. He is very anti social. I am very outgoing (but do need quiet time for myself to recharge). He is a pessimist, I am on optimist. He likes to stay home, I like traveling and all that goes with it. When he was in high school for the senior class mock elections he was voted "President of the He-man woman-haters club" :D
    https://goo.gl/images/Sf8iv4

    ttfn KJ(Kelly)
  • KJLaMore
    KJLaMore Posts: 2,835 Member
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    Starsub99 wrote: »
    Im looking to lose 4 lbs in june.
    Starting a walking program...working up to 3 miles 4 X a week.
    Goal is to stay under 1400 cal day

    Welcome! You can do this! I am glad you found our group, please remember to bookmark, return and join in the conversations if you feel so inclined. Tell us a little about yourself, your journey and what we should call you. :) KJ (Kelly)
  • LisaInAR
    LisaInAR Posts: 2,020 Member
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    Heather, you both look amazing, and that dress is just drop-dead gorgeous on you!

    Thank you to all who have/will answer my question. The majority are confirming something I've thought, that many men center their emotional needs and support in their wives/significant others, and not just the men I happened to marry.

    Love talking to y'all!
    Lisa in AR
  • KJLaMore
    KJLaMore Posts: 2,835 Member
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    Heather- You and your hubby look stunning! And good for you for convincing the band to play on deck. I bet they even enjoyed the change of venue! The artwork on the church looks amazing! Funny thing; the day after you posted pictures of the little chair/cabanas that were on the beach in Germany; I drove past our local beach and noticed that they now have the same type of chair/cabana bundles for rent on the state park beach! Cool! I never go there, but cool, nonetheless! As a local, we know all of the private beaches and tend to stay away from the state park beach/tourists.
  • KJLaMore
    KJLaMore Posts: 2,835 Member
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    Gah! I keep remembering others I wanted to say something to: DANA- I love that your bff's name is Donna! Dana and Donna! How fun!

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