Ever Had A Stranger Insult Your Weightloss Success? (A bit of a rant)
Replies
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I would say to him, when has it ever been acceptable to say anything rude to a complete stranger? You have no right to tell me anything or give your opinion. You do not know me or my struggles. Have a nice day.
It is never ok to bully even if you are an adult. I have been where you are and bullied my whole life. I am sorry he was a jerk but for every jerk that there is, there is an abundance of supportive people.3 -
yep I've had the EXACT same thing to me on multiple occasions. It gets to mentally2
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I’m sorry you experienced that. People say what they like about your body without thinking. I’ve had more comments on my body now after losing 103lbs than when I’ve been overweight my whole life. My cheek bones have just been uncovered and my face can appear a bit drawn when tired, but I’ve still got lower body fat to lose. One guy I hadn’t seen for a while said, you’ve changed, have you got cancer? In a very matter of fact way (not caring concern) and he’s a doctor colleague. When I said not that I know if he said cool, cross fit?!!! Some people!
People are jerks.
My face wasn't all that different when I was heavier, only at like 280+ lb did I have a double chin, for example, and I've had a lot of people say "Oh you always had a skinny face for your body so I didn't know you lost sooooo much weight". Who says that to someone!? Apparently a lot of people think it's a perfectly normal and decent thing to say to their former classmate or coworker when they run into them in a store or something. Ugh!
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I do not miss working at a grocery store. Did for a few years and it made me realize just how crappy people are. Also hated how I had to bite my tongue so much or risk getting fired.1
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seltzermint555 wrote: »Ugh. Screw people like that guy. Seriously. I bet for every jerk like that, there are at least 20 other people noticing your awesome progress & thinking "she looks great" but who are just too polite to mention they noticed!
I am really sorry that he hurt your feelings.
I've had stuff like that too...mostly from people I know, though, not from strangers. I work in an office where I really don't come across a lot of people on that type of frequency. Either they're my coworkers for years or a person I see once, and never again.
Mostly though, to be honest I've always hated the comments from people who say "KEEP IT UP" because I feel like they're judging me. I'm sure it's my own insecurity. I'm really happy maintaining as a size 10 but when people say "Girl you look great - keep it up!" I don't take it as "You've made great progress from 130 lb ago" or "You look good", instead I take it like "You're almost normal, but you need to lose way more, so don't stop now".
We all have our things!
I'm sorry that the "keep it up" is annoying - sure, they're judging you, but also they're cheering you on! Maybe they realize the work you've put in.
My take.3 -
I lost 100lbs in highschool, and a kid I had never met before called me fatty... I had already lost 75lbs at that point, that one hurt a lot.9
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I find it annoying when ANYONE who is a total stranger comments on anything that anyone else does! My husband bought some steak one time - the woman behind us said "all that red meat is going to KILL YOU, you know." WTF? One time I was behind a quite-pregnant woman in line at the grocery store and the *cashier* was the one giving her *kitten*. "Where's your husband? Wait WHAT? You're driving?! OMG you're doing it wrong and I can't believe you're so irresponsible and why don't you care about your baby?"
I seriously don't understand what people think gives them the right to comment on anything about a complete stranger.
Friends, family - that could be annoying but it seems different.3 -
I'm guessing there are plenty of people who have been silently inspired by your progress.
As for that guy, I'd just give him a quizzical look or say, "Good thing it's my body, not yours, isn't it? I sure feel great! Have a nice day."2 -
I find turning the subject to them quite powerful
"Thanks for noticing all my hard work. I feel great! So, how's your health? I've really been worried about you." 
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drbeanie2000 wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »Ugh. Screw people like that guy. Seriously. I bet for every jerk like that, there are at least 20 other people noticing your awesome progress & thinking "she looks great" but who are just too polite to mention they noticed!
I am really sorry that he hurt your feelings.
I've had stuff like that too...mostly from people I know, though, not from strangers. I work in an office where I really don't come across a lot of people on that type of frequency. Either they're my coworkers for years or a person I see once, and never again.
Mostly though, to be honest I've always hated the comments from people who say "KEEP IT UP" because I feel like they're judging me. I'm sure it's my own insecurity. I'm really happy maintaining as a size 10 but when people say "Girl you look great - keep it up!" I don't take it as "You've made great progress from 130 lb ago" or "You look good", instead I take it like "You're almost normal, but you need to lose way more, so don't stop now".
We all have our things!
I'm sorry that the "keep it up" is annoying - sure, they're judging you, but also they're cheering you on! Maybe they realize the work you've put in.
My take.
I don’t think most people that say “keep it up” mean it in a negative way at all.
I’ve said it to people myself.
It means:
Keep it up—living healthy—exercising—eating well—taking care of yourself. All positive things, and “keep it up” is said in a supportive way. At least by me.7 -
Don’t worry about what people say to you sweetie, keep doing what is best for your health. They always going to talk anyways. If you’re a little overweight they say “you’re too fat, and if you lose weight they say you look anorexic. Ugggggghhh 😡😡😡
I learned that no matter what you do, you can’t please people, so I’m happy with my success!
ENJOY YOUR SUCCESS! 👍👍👍2 -
You need to read a book called The Four Agreements. One of the agreements (arguably the most important one) is "don't take anything personally" because honestly, everyone has their own biases and agenda behind what they say/ do. So you have to ask yourself, what might have motivated him to say that? Does he prefer larger women? Was/ is he attracted to you? Does he think he's qualified to dispense health advice? Does he feel uncomfortable about his own weight so commenting on yours makes him feel better? Who knows, but the beauty if you really look it is.... it has nothing to do with you. Just be you and don't take what this dude said personally, cause it honestly doesn't matter.9
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drbeanie2000 wrote: »I find it annoying when ANYONE who is a total stranger comments on anything that anyone else does! My husband bought some steak one time - the woman behind us said "all that red meat is going to KILL YOU, you know." WTF? One time I was behind a quite-pregnant woman in line at the grocery store and the *cashier* was the one giving her *kitten*. "Where's your husband? Wait WHAT? You're driving?! OMG you're doing it wrong and I can't believe you're so irresponsible and why don't you care about your baby?"
I seriously don't understand what people think gives them the right to comment on anything about a complete stranger.
Friends, family - that could be annoying but it seems different.
This. SO this. I've made it a rule of thumb not to make comments to people that are none of my business about their lives.
An example: someone prominent in our small town (and I used to see and talk to her often) lost a lot of weight, and the difference made her look like a whole new person. I was unsure of what to say: if she'd lost the weight deliberately, I wanted to congratulate her. But, also, it's been my experience that sometimes people drop a lot of weight because they've been sick, and I thought, if she has a serious illness, it could be really hurtful to say she looks great. I thought, I could ask her if she was trying to lose weight, but then realised it was none of my business to ask such a personal question. I thought, I could mention, 'you've lost a lot of weight', see what she says, and if I found out it was deliberate, then I could congratulate her. But then I realised, who the hell am I to comment on her weight? That's none of my business to comment on someone's appearance, and I'm sure she was well aware that she had lost weight.
I ended up seeing her on my walks. I STILL refused to ask her about her weight, or comment on it. But I did say hello and it's a lovely day to be walking.
An acquaintance who doesn't like this woman very much brought up her weight to me. In a cranky tone, she stated, 'and I'm sorry, but I think she looked better before!' So I told her it was not her body or her choice.
I've since found out this woman who lost all the weight has cancer. I don't know if the cancer caused the weight loss, or whether she intentionally lost weight before she found out, but you know what? None of that is ANY of my business, and I'm SO glad I never took it upon myself to say anything, despite my wanting to congratulate her if it was intentional. My need to give her positive feedback was not the most important thing.
We need to tread carefully. OP, one day, that guy is really going to put his foot in it and learn his lesson.9 -
So here's a question.
I frequently see woman at the gym, obviously just getting started. I want to encourage them, but I don't want to seem condescending or make them self conscious. Most of the time I just smile at them. Thoughts?2 -
I think the best way is to make them feel welcome in that space.1
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camilledaisy wrote: »I think I may have “wooed” a couple of people because of where the woo is on my phone. I suddenly realized that my thumb hovers over it while I’m scrolling. So perhaps other people are having the same problem... Anyway I’m sorry you had to put up with such rudeness, I think some people don’t have any filter.
Please excuse my ignorance but what does "woo" mean?0 -
If I was going to the gym and I will not be going to the gym, I wouldn't want encouragement or advice from strangers unless I asked for it. Would you treat a man the same way, that is the question. Say hi or howdy but let them ask you for help not the other way around. It absolutely makes some people want to leave and never go back. There are trainers/owners that can let someone know if they're doing something wrong. The number of gym memberships I've thrown down the toilet...we simply haven't got the time. How's it goin', toots? Anything I can do for you just let me know. Here, let me show you how to do that. I'm packing up stuff and running for the door.1
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People just love to think that they can voice their opinion. I love the saying, "opinions are like *kitten* everybody has one" doesn't mean you need their *kitten* shoved in your face right? I lost 40 kilo and I got asked if I lost it on my own (yes, no surgery!!!) got asked if I lost it by choice or illness (ehm, I guess that's maybe something in their personal experience - maybe they complimented someone on losing weight and they were ill?) and generally people telling me "oh don't lose anymore weight you look perfect like this". Ehm... I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much. I will never look anorexic though, I think the last time I looked really skinny is before I started menstruating age 12-13, after that I have been curvy no matter what size.1
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i think woo is like great job! good going! & sexy!seltzermint555 wrote: »Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.
To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"
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cathynicolette wrote: »camilledaisy wrote: »I think I may have “wooed” a couple of people because of where the woo is on my phone. I suddenly realized that my thumb hovers over it while I’m scrolling. So perhaps other people are having the same problem... Anyway I’m sorry you had to put up with such rudeness, I think some people don’t have any filter.
Please excuse my ignorance but what does "woo" mean?
Woo basically means nonsense, generally of the woo woo as seen on tv infomercial variety, Also found from Dr Oz and others.
Stuff like take this pill and eat whatever you want and you'll lose 30 lbs in 30 days with no side effects.
Obviously it's usually a bit more subtle.0 -
To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"
That's because (1) the word "woo" is ambiguous and (2) the folks who set up the site in their wisdom decided to put Woo in between Like and Hug, which implies it's in the same category. But MFP doesn't seem interested in changing it. For the correct definition of woo as used here on MFP, see:
https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Woo
It's best to just ignore the number of Woos you're getting, since you have no way of determining what the person clicking Woo meant by it.0 -
To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"
That's because (1) the word "woo" is ambiguous and (2) the folks who set up the site in their wisdom decided to put Woo in between Like and Hug, which implies it's in the same category. But MFP doesn't seem interested in changing it. For the correct definition of woo as used here on MFP, see:
https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Woo
It's best to just ignore the number of Woos you're getting, since you have no way of determining what the person clicking Woo meant by it.
Also note that the icon used is rolled eyes and the abbreviation is WTF.
Others that aren't exactly as they appear!
Hug=Awesome
inspiring=agree
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Redirect "shouldn't you be more worried that you're walking around with your fly unzipped?" Then when he looks just walk off.0
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This is part of it really, some people think it's okay to comment. It passes after a couple of years. I've made similar threads about comments.
-Heads to big for your body now
-You're to skinny
-Nice muffin top with vascular arms (it's loose skin, like *kitten* off)
I still get stared at in the change rooms walking to the showers cause of the lose skin, I'd like to say it doesn't bother me but it does. Sometimes I want to ask them if they want to take a picture, but I don't. Rise above or tell people to *kitten* off too.2 -
That is horrible. Well done on such a difficult transformation! A 65 pound loss, that is extremely impressive!!! Way to go!! 3
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i think woo is like great job! good going! & sexy!seltzermint555 wrote: »Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.
To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"
Nope, for MFP standards is the opposite. So just use it if you don't like the comment, or don't use it at all.1 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.
A lot of people think it means "woohoo"1 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.
To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"
Omg, what does it mean??? lol Isn't it a "horray" ?0 -
Paleo_Babe wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »Gotta love it when someone "woos" everything but they have nothing helpful to add.
To be fair, for the first week I was on forums I thought woo was like "wooo/hooray/yay"
Omg, what does it mean??? lol Isn't it a "horray" ?
Essentially it means pseudo scientific nonsense.0 -
drbeanie2000 wrote: »I find it annoying when ANYONE who is a total stranger comments on anything that anyone else does! My husband bought some steak one time - the woman behind us said "all that red meat is going to KILL YOU, you know." WTF? One time I was behind a quite-pregnant woman in line at the grocery store and the *cashier* was the one giving her *kitten*. "Where's your husband? Wait WHAT? You're driving?! OMG you're doing it wrong and I can't believe you're so irresponsible and why don't you care about your baby?"
I seriously don't understand what people think gives them the right to comment on anything about a complete stranger.
Friends, family - that could be annoying but it seems different.
This. SO this. I've made it a rule of thumb not to make comments to people that are none of my business about their lives.
An example: someone prominent in our small town (and I used to see and talk to her often) lost a lot of weight, and the difference made her look like a whole new person. I was unsure of what to say: if she'd lost the weight deliberately, I wanted to congratulate her. But, also, it's been my experience that sometimes people drop a lot of weight because they've been sick, and I thought, if she has a serious illness, it could be really hurtful to say she looks great. I thought, I could ask her if she was trying to lose weight, but then realised it was none of my business to ask such a personal question. I thought, I could mention, 'you've lost a lot of weight', see what she says, and if I found out it was deliberate, then I could congratulate her. But then I realised, who the hell am I to comment on her weight? That's none of my business to comment on someone's appearance, and I'm sure she was well aware that she had lost weight.
I ended up seeing her on my walks. I STILL refused to ask her about her weight, or comment on it. But I did say hello and it's a lovely day to be walking.
An acquaintance who doesn't like this woman very much brought up her weight to me. In a cranky tone, she stated, 'and I'm sorry, but I think she looked better before!' So I told her it was not her body or her choice.
I've since found out this woman who lost all the weight has cancer. I don't know if the cancer caused the weight loss, or whether she intentionally lost weight before she found out, but you know what? None of that is ANY of my business, and I'm SO glad I never took it upon myself to say anything, despite my wanting to congratulate her if it was intentional. My need to give her positive feedback was not the most important thing.
We need to tread carefully. OP, one day, that guy is really going to put his foot in it and learn his lesson.
In this situation I find the good old faithful "you look really nice/pretty/handsome/etc today" works nicely. It gets your point across (a general compliment) without pointing out anything specific.
And someone who is sick won't generally be offended to be told they look pretty or really nice today even if sick. We all want to look and feel beautiful.
Just refrain from the facial smirk and eyebrow waggle while giving the compliment and you shouldn't come off as a creepy weirdo. Hah!4
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