My journey journal

This journey is tough. I have gained 9 pounds in the past month. I am in such a slump that I dont even feel like I'm trying. I even considered not logging my food. I figured "what's the point".
Challenge: as a mental health counselor I find myself feeling like a hypocrite because of my ongoing struggle with poor eating habits. I question my authenticity of evoking change and making a difference when I don't (or won't) make my own changes.
Overcoming challenge: be authentic with my clients. Share my struggle so they know I understand that change isnt easy. I can also us my story to diminish the stigma of seeking help by demonstrating that everyone needs help with something.
I also have signed up for a life coach. I can start to use that person as my accountability partner. I considered going back to my doctor again for another "jump start". But still thinking on that one though because I'm not sure I want to deal with the side effects of the meds.
God bless and keep logging.

Today was a better day. I didn't have as many sugar cravings/snack attacks. I only craved my morning cup of coffee. Not because of the caffeine but because its something warm and sweet. But after that I was okay.
Challenge: I dont feel like facing a challenge today.
Overcoming obstacle: take it one day at a time. Don't pressure myself. Allow myself to feel how I feel. Keep logging. Don't lose faith. It will happen.
God bless and make it happen

These past few weeks have been wins and losses. For whatever reason I was moody as heck last week. Melancholy was my vocabulary word for a couple of days. I believe I used it in my sentences correctly!
Win: Diet adjustments. Whelp... Lets start with the win of having a mature definition of diet. My consistent logging has helped me to realize that diet is my eating "LIFE STYLE", not just an eating plan from a weight loss pamphlet. So as of last week I have made some minor adjustments that I believe will help improve my health and decrease my calorie intake. One I started a couple months ago was substituting a fiber supplement and 16 oz of water for breakfast. As of last week I have added a raw vegetable to my breakfast. And I love it. I feel so "green". I have also substituted fresh fruit with either whipped cream or a tablespoon of caramel and/or light chocolate pudding after dinner to satisfy my desire for dessert.
Challenge: I've binged like crazy for the past two weeks. My calorie count has averaged 3000 per day. And it showed because I am at 215lbs, 3 more pounds than my last weigh in.
Overcoming challenge: chewing gum. I thought of that two days ago. It worked for me before way back when I was in high school. Today was my first day with it and ended with half my calories than yesterday. And interesting enough, @deviette words were confirmation to me. Thanks so much!
I also plan to eat a bulk of my calories during lunch. I found that I eat less for dinner when I eat a bigger lunch. And as always....keep logging. That's my meter to determine the effectiveness of my changes and to measure my progress. Its a great tool and "it works if you work it"!
God bless and adjust as needed!

Sunday Sharing - I am thankful for my relationship with God. Its not a religion but a genuine relationship. I am free to be honest about my hurts habits and hang ups. I can speak freely to my father with no condemnation. I am thankful for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ dying on the cross and rising on the third day with all power in His hands. The power to deliver, to save and to set free. I was called back to the family and am now a child of God. And as Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father, the Holy Spirit is here as my comforter. To lead and guide, as my intercessor and to empower. And because of God's love for me, I am free to live. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I pray that my life reflects my gratitude. That others may come to know the great love of God through the love I show. I pray that the Father be big in me and that I bare good fruit in Jesus' name. I pray that He finds me to be a good and faithful. And that He be pleased with me. Because He deserves my highest praise, sacrifice and obedience. Not just for what He has done but for who He is.
God bless and Amen

These past couple of days have been pretty hectic emotionally. I've felt anxious and an overwhelming sense of dread at work. I know its because I'm responsible for making multitude of decisions each day that impact lives. Not just the lives of the clients but as a manager that includes the the lives of the staff as well.
But through it all I continued to stay focused. And through the use of non judgemental awareness (a.k.a mindfulness) I have come to understand that I am an "emotional" eater. I like to eat foods that evoke good feelings. I like to eat foods that get my dopamine receptors firing because then I feel all good inside!
Challenge: most of my feel good foods are high in calories, high in sugar and/or high in fat. Also, that desire to feel good drives much of decision making. Such as carbs and not vegetables. Desert even when I'm stuffed. Not turning down a second breakfast of Chic Fila biscuits at work even though I already ate at home. I do it because it feels good. And if I say no I feel anxious about missing a moment to feel good.
Overcoming Challenge: Continue mindful eating to find other feel good foods. Don't judge what I find. But rather use that information as a tool in my meal planning. And as always, keep logging.
God bless and feel good about what you do.

Testimony: Through mindfulness eating I have come to accept that raw vegetables do not feel good to me. That would have previously put a halt to my efforts of eating vegetables for breakfast. But through further observation of myself, I discovered that warm foods feel good to me. So this morning I warmed up my vegetable and actually enjoyed it.
God bless and let this food be nourishment to my body.

I am feeling bumbed out.
Challenge: I didn't even try yesterday. I knew it was going to be that kind of day. I felt a "forget it" attitude kick in around 9am. So then i told myself... "Lets see how many calories I eat when I don't try". I didn't use my gum to combat my snack attacks. I ate the office goodies that I avoided yesterday. I ate the catered lunch, to include 6 cookies, instead of my lunch I made at home. My grand total was 5055. Probably would have been more if I had my morning coffee and after dinner dessert.
Overcoming challenge: 1) keep logging. the habit of logging enforced some restraint. I eat a salad at lunch first. I ate half the sandwich and saved the other half for dinner. 2) buy healthy foods for the house. I ate better at home for breakfast and dinner because there wasn't temptations and/or distractions. 3) take it easy. This road is rough enough. Give myself credit for what I did do because those habits took a long time to acquire! 4) keep working at it. If i learned those habits I can learn some more. 5) Be thankful. Today is a new day. It is a blessing to be alive. There is no calorie count that gives more joy peace and happiness than the love of God. I am thankful for all of His blessings and pray I can use them to help others. This thing isn't all ABOUT me. Its just FOR me so He can grow me for His Glory.
God bless and move on.

Today was a great day. I was mindful of my choices and took pride in fueling my body with mostly healthy foods. I had a protein packed breakfast that held me over for 4 solid hours. I got in some steps doing my bi-weekly grocery shopping. My fridge is full of more fresh produce than ever before. And I was under my spending budget, unlike the myth that eating healthy cost more money would suggest. I got in half a slice of cake and 2 alcoholic beverages during dinner at olive garden.
But I ate salad and broccoli to balance it out ;-) And my day's ending calories are half from yesterday. I am definitely a happy camper today.
God bless and good night.

Challenge: this week I accepted my reality that I do not want junk food to end. When I'm eating something sugary/fatty/carby and delicious I tend to eat it all up, gobble it all down and stuff myself. I eat and eat and eat even if I'm not hungry or if I'm already stuffed full. I once told myself that once I started eating I had no self control to stop. I guess its called being greedy. And I can tell its different from my reality that I over eat when I am anxious about being wasteful. Although the two weigh on me differently they also can occur at the same time.
Overcoming challenge: Being aware that I have the thoughts is the first step in overcoming. In a non judgemental way I can accept how I feel when I'm feeling it. And because the Word says I overcome by my confession I can replace those thoughts with self edifying/encouraging words in those moments. I can eat mindful to allow myself time for awareness of how I'm feeling. I can tell myself that its okay for the food to end. I can tell myself that its okay to save the rest for later. I can remind myself of the concept of leftovers.
As I write that out I feel like those are basic ideas. But I'm going to give myself a break. Although they may be common knowledge and practices for someone else, I won't let that stop me from taking this opportunity to learn them for myself.
God Bless and back to the basics.

I am excited that I continued to focus on the quality of my food. I've found that fueling up on high fiber really does cut down on snacking because I feel fuller longer. And the fiber helps things moving in my digestive system. I've also noticed a change in my mindset about somethings. Once upon a time I was excited about getting to McDonald's. But this past week I was a little flustered thinking of the low quality of the food there. Good news for me, and the sustainability of the company, McDonald's is more than fried foods and biscuits now to accommodate the health conscious consumer. So I felt pretty good about my choices.
This change in thinking also has me considering the quality of food I feed my kids. I think about their little digestive system and I want to feed them foods that won't hurt them. I don't want them hyperactive from too much sugar. Or constipated from junk. Or dehydrated on fruit punch. So I see that this change is not just for me.
God bless and thank God for a renewed mind.