Why did you get married?
Replies
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I was developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.5
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Btw I took a difference approach to this- as in "Why won't you get married" as in why not?
For me - when I commit to something I give my 100% even if it tears me apart from within I just cannot quit.
For example- This new job of mine- I knew it would be SO RISKY- as in I would have to work for almost free until I make this business venture profitable and sell it- I could've taken a comfortable approach but I didn't because I like chaos and I have basically zero expenses so I took upon it and it was going to take a year but I was able to put in 16 hour days and 6 months in -we are at a point that it's for sale now. If I had a family that would be a big no-no. People say work-life balance - What balance? if I don't mind doing what I am doing but I won't have this option otherwise.
Total freedom,
Even now -sometimes some things that would make me happy I don't do them because they won't generally workout because I'm in a family and I think about all of them. One example- Not buying a two door sports car because we are a family right now- so I bought 4 door instead of 2 door.
Travel freely,
Die freely lol
What do I even need a kid for?
I have other reasons as well lol-actually this approach cleared somethings for me.
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »man, you sure like loaded questions.
Does the 3rd party know your SO is taken? thats a factor in their guilt level IMO.
I think everyone involved is to blame on some level if someone cheats. Not a popular opinion though
However, the law only punishes the seduced not the seducer. Society punishes both seducer and the seduced. Homewrecker and cheater are the labels given.
Wouldn't they have amended the law if seducer was actually at fault?
Depends upon where one lives as to "punishment" on the seduced as well. Not all areas have laws against cheating. I don't agree with cheating. But, I can certainly understand why someone would.
As to who to punish? I'm of the opinion that it's better to just walk away than to punish. If they've cheated before, chances are they'll do it again.
It's not like you'll ever know. Chances are 99% they're not going to tell you and neither will their family or close friends who know all about their history.
Somehow it always comes out. Someone gets jealous, they get lazy and comfortable and slip up, or they do it so much they are bound to get caught. In my experience anyway...1 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »man, you sure like loaded questions.
Does the 3rd party know your SO is taken? thats a factor in their guilt level IMO.
I think everyone involved is to blame on some level if someone cheats. Not a popular opinion though
However, the law only punishes the seduced not the seducer. Society punishes both seducer and the seduced. Homewrecker and cheater are the labels given.
Wouldn't they have amended the law if seducer was actually at fault?
It's not illegal to cheat, but I guess if you want to say divorce court punished the seduced/cheater then I can agree with that. What exactly would you do the the seducer, put them in jail or something. It is also pretty hard to prove, I feel you are assuming the person who cheated was seduced, maybe they did the seducing? Do they get double smacked?2 -
Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
Curiosity, excitement, adrenaline, something new. Something secretive
our little secret.
Can you do something else that makes you curious or excited or give you adrenaline rush or try something new without hurting your significant other? I'm just brainstorming here. I have never cheated on my partners but I got cheated on. That chick ended up being a better fit for my bf so I am actually happy for them. It really hurt my feelings (and my ego) though for a long time.
I also think you can play the cheating game for only so long. Until you really find the person you are scared to lose. I think.1 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »man, you sure like loaded questions.
Does the 3rd party know your SO is taken? thats a factor in their guilt level IMO.
I think everyone involved is to blame on some level if someone cheats. Not a popular opinion though
However, the law only punishes the seduced not the seducer. Society punishes both seducer and the seduced. Homewrecker and cheater are the labels given.
Wouldn't they have amended the law if seducer was actually at fault?
It's not illegal to cheat, but I guess if you want to say divorce court punished the seduced/cheater then I can agree with that. What exactly would you do the the seducer, put them in jail or something. It is also pretty hard to prove, I feel you are assuming the person who cheated was seduced, maybe they did the seducing? Do they get double smacked?
Seriously what is this? A scene from a Catherine Deneuve movie?
I watch alot of soap opras when I'm not making home cooked meals and tending the farm
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »man, you sure like loaded questions.
Does the 3rd party know your SO is taken? thats a factor in their guilt level IMO.
I think everyone involved is to blame on some level if someone cheats. Not a popular opinion though
However, the law only punishes the seduced not the seducer. Society punishes both seducer and the seduced. Homewrecker and cheater are the labels given.
Wouldn't they have amended the law if seducer was actually at fault?
Depends upon where one lives as to "punishment" on the seduced as well. Not all areas have laws against cheating. I don't agree with cheating. But, I can certainly understand why someone would.
As to who to punish? I'm of the opinion that it's better to just walk away than to punish. If they've cheated before, chances are they'll do it again.
It's not like you'll ever know. Chances are 99% they're not going to tell you and neither will their family or close friends who know all about their history.
Funny you should mention that. I've been cheated on three times. Two of the three, I know they did either from their own mouth telling me. Or, from close friends/relatives of hers telling me. The third, in retrospect, I'm now thinking she was cheating on someone else while we were together.
While this may be uncommon, I still hold to my views that if I know they've cheated, I won't pursue a relationship. If you're going to argue that I'm holding someone accountable for the sins of others, it's more like protecting myself from it happening again to me.0 -
A covenant to each other & to God. It kept us together thru richer/poorer, for better/worse, in sickness & in health.
Through good times, hard times. If we didn't get married & made a commitment before God, it would have been an "out" through some of those hard times & we would have missed out on growing together & getting closer. It's been 4 kids & 46 years now1 -
Found the love of my life, though I often take him for granted! He’s everything and does everything for me and our kids!0
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mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
This may be the situation in some cases but i think over all its selfish. Leave the marriage if you are unhappy. And overall theres something missing within the cheater that they need to ask themselves why do they cheat.
Selfish, disrespectful and cowardly. If my partner cheats, it doesn't matter if the person he was with knew or not - he's responsible for his own behavior and actions. If he's not getting what he needs from our relationship he needs to be brave and courteous enough to say it isn't working for him and we can try to find a solution together or part company.6 -
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »man, you sure like loaded questions.
Does the 3rd party know your SO is taken? thats a factor in their guilt level IMO.
I think everyone involved is to blame on some level if someone cheats. Not a popular opinion though
However, the law only punishes the seduced not the seducer. Society punishes both seducer and the seduced. Homewrecker and cheater are the labels given.
Wouldn't they have amended the law if seducer was actually at fault?
It's not illegal to cheat, but I guess if you want to say divorce court punished the seduced/cheater then I can agree with that. What exactly would you do the the seducer, put them in jail or something. It is also pretty hard to prove, I feel you are assuming the person who cheated was seduced, maybe they did the seducing? Do they get double smacked?
Oh yeah that's true lol I didn't think of that. I assumed the one that was "seduced" was in a relationship and then out of no where like the word suggests got "seduced" haha . Don't they actually, do get double smacked? Like in court they won't get anything and plus guilt rides them hard how they ruined so and so years worth of relationship but now I'm just indulging in hypothetical far beyond my comprehension.0 -
Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
Curiosity, excitement, adrenaline, something new. Something secretive our little secret.
Can you do something else that makes you curious or excited or give you adrenaline rush or try something new without hurting your significant other? I'm just brainstorming here. I have never cheated on my partners but I got cheated on. That chick ended up being a better fit for my bf so I am actually happy for them. It really hurt my feelings (and my ego) though for a long time.
I also think you can play the cheating game for only so long. Until you really find the person you are scared to lose. I think.
Isn't that a flaw too- "too scared to lose" ? how strong is the relationship that if you have to keep worrying about "what if" ?0 -
mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
This may be the situation in some cases but i think over all its selfish. Leave the marriage if you are unhappy. And overall theres something missing within the cheater that they need to ask themselves why do they cheat.
Selfish, disrespectful and cowardly. If my partner cheats, it doesn't matter if the person he was with knew or not - he's responsible for his own behavior and actions. If he's not getting what he needs from our relationship he needs to be brave and courteous enough to say it isn't working for him and we can try to find a solution together or part company.
I , agree with this.0 -
Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
Curiosity, excitement, adrenaline, something new. Something secretive our little secret.
Can you do something else that makes you curious or excited or give you adrenaline rush or try something new without hurting your significant other? I'm just brainstorming here. I have never cheated on my partners but I got cheated on. That chick ended up being a better fit for my bf so I am actually happy for them. It really hurt my feelings (and my ego) though for a long time.
I also think you can play the cheating game for only so long. Until you really find the person you are scared to lose. I think.
Isn't that a flaw too- "too scared to lose" ? how strong is the relationship that if you have to keep worrying about "what if" ?
It's not a matter of how strong the relationship is. It's a matter of perception. One person could be completely afraid of the other cheating, and start to "see" indications of them cheating: working late, on the phone/computer a lot, having to leave in a hurry at different times of the day/night, etc. Then, add in that perhaps said person is being sneaky a couple of times a year...
Are they cheating? Or, is it that their work really places that much of a demand on them that they legitimately are doing work? As to being sneaky, ever think of said person is trying to surprise the love of their life with a gift for birthday &/or anniversary and they don't want them to know?
Perception is a *kitten* at times. No matter how right you may be, you'll be in the wrong if they see you that way.1 -
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Which time?1
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Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
Curiosity, excitement, adrenaline, something new. Something secretive our little secret.
Can you do something else that makes you curious or excited or give you adrenaline rush or try something new without hurting your significant other? I'm just brainstorming here. I have never cheated on my partners but I got cheated on. That chick ended up being a better fit for my bf so I am actually happy for them. It really hurt my feelings (and my ego) though for a long time.
I also think you can play the cheating game for only so long. Until you really find the person you are scared to lose. I think.
Isn't that a flaw too- "too scared to lose" ? how strong is the relationship that if you have to keep worrying about "what if" ?
You don't need to worry about what if's, when full disclosure exists between the primary couple.0 -
SweetAsSugar7 wrote: »It was the next 'logical' thing to do.
Same here. 20 years later, I'm still happy I did it but don't think I would again if ever in the position. I just don't see the necessity of it.0 -
Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
If I was married and my husband were to cheat, given the levels of leash release I prefer to allow ... It's my fault. If the boundaries and rules we agreed upon are broken, with me not keeping sight of the rules of engagement or the rules of times apart, the onus is hypothetically mine to shoulder.
I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.0 -
Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
Curiosity, excitement, adrenaline, something new. Something secretive our little secret.
Can you do something else that makes you curious or excited or give you adrenaline rush or try something new without hurting your significant other? I'm just brainstorming here. I have never cheated on my partners but I got cheated on. That chick ended up being a better fit for my bf so I am actually happy for them. It really hurt my feelings (and my ego) though for a long time.
I also think you can play the cheating game for only so long. Until you really find the person you are scared to lose. I think.
Isn't that a flaw too- "too scared to lose" ? how strong is the relationship that if you have to keep worrying about "what if" ?
What I meant by this is maybe one day you will find someone whom you respect enough not to cheat behind her back because if that person leaves you for that it will hurt like hell and you never forgive yourself because you knew deep inside that she was the one.
I didn't mean you are literally scared in your relationship and start making conspiracy theories in your head.0 -
I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.2
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LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
So if statistically about half of all marriages end in divorce, statistically about half of all marriages end in death.2 -
@huntersvonnegut Yes... whether it be mental, emotional or physical.0
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He was someone I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. 27yrs later I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Getting married was the next natural step to us to express our commitment to one another.1
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If cheating occurs something is wrong or not working in that relationship. Examples; 1. my friend was dating a daddy figure rather than partner. It didn't work out. 2. My other friend was with a guy for seven years he cheated on her throughout. They came across as more brother and sister lol. 3. The other married well you would think it would work the artful met the dodger lol. Cheating was part of their sadistic power games. Their still together the cheating has become a game. The man says his not leaving because the other woman are not better than his wife. The wife I'm not leaving he retires soon I'm not letting a younger woman have access to my earnings.
One thing for sure cheating happens when something can't be clearly communicated1 -
huntersvonnegut wrote: »LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
So if statistically about half of all marriages end in divorce, statistically about half of all marriages end in death.
Its the how they died you gotta pay attention to 1 -
LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
that "half of you" as in 50% - wasn't this disproved as in a wrong datum ?0 -
777Gemma888 wrote: »Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
If I was married and my husband were to cheat, given the levels of leash release I prefer to allow ... It's my fault. If the boundaries and rules we agreed upon are broken, with me not keeping sight of the rules of engagement or the rules of times apart, the onus is hypothetically mine to shoulder.
I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
Isn't open relationship enough for this? why "marriage" with those parameters ?1 -
777Gemma888 wrote: »I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
First bit - that's messed up imo and does not show any commitment on the part of the husband. A marriage is about more than "a piece of paper" or about the sex. If partner A chooses to travel for work, there should not be any obligation on partner B to show up and "service the needs" within 2 weeks or else partner A cheats. What if both partners work to support the family? What if partner A is away for work and partner B ends up in hospital with an accident? Oh, sorry but you weren't here to service me so I cheated on you. That's absolute rubbish, sorry.
Second bit - If a couple opts for an open marriage and agree to the terms of how it will work that's different.
Threats of "if you don't do X, I'm going to do Y" are not okay.4
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