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The 'mom guilt' therapy thread.

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  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_WingsBullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,481Member Member Posts: 5,481Member Member
    I often feel guilty for alot of things. It's not easy to do it all on my own and sometimes I'm just exhausted. I hope they will always know how much I try.

    They might not realize it now, but they will. <3
  • AmberGlitterSparklesAmberGlitterSparkles Posts: 699Member Member Posts: 699Member Member
    I have a teenager and a toddler. I am trying to balance each one's needs. Some may say that having children this far apart may be nice. Truthfully, I feel guilty, because I was young with my oldest and not making much money. I couldn't provide her with the things I can now provide to my youngest. There is such a difference of how each one is raised, and sometimes it makes me feel that my oldest thinks that I give the little one more attention.

    I can so relate to this. My son is 13 and my daughter is almost 2. I do feel guilty a lot that I couldn’t do the things for him that I am able to do for her now. I try to make up for it where I can. The truth is, he is a very grateful child. He never complains about it, and he adores his sister. I think as mom’s sometimes we need to remember that we do the best we can with the situation that we’re in. That money doesn’t create the love. Inspite of the differences, they were raised to the best of our abilities and end up being good kids. So, don’t beat yourself up over it!
  • 100_PROOF_100_PROOF_ Posts: 1,175Member Member Posts: 1,175Member Member
    zcb94 wrote: »
    I feel tons of guilt for existing with a birth defect that eventually made my gyno order me not to ever even THINK about ”doing the ditty,” let alone procreation, of course. I follow doctor orders, including/especially the unreasonable/unhealthy ones, religiously, so there probably never will be a “Señor Zcb94.” I did fill the resulting hole in my heart with a fur-son since the likelihood of adopting a newborn fresh from the womb/who will appreciate Mothers’ Milk is unknown to me/seems next to nothing. That’s all good and dandy, but I can’t even care for the cat/fur-son without help. The only comfort, I guess, is that he loves me, so that helps (though I can’t help but think that he’s confused about who his real guardian(s) is/are since I need help with my own survival, let alone his)!

    Your fur kids are lucky to have you. Think about it like this- where would they be if you didn't take them in? Maybe in a shelter or on the streets or worse. So please try not to feel badly about not being able to care for them 100% by yourself. I can bet that they are still much better off with you as their mom . They still love you even if you aren't the only one caring for them.
  • zcb94zcb94 Posts: 4,191Member Member Posts: 4,191Member Member
    100_PROOF_ wrote: »
    zcb94 wrote: »
    I feel tons of guilt for existing with a birth defect that eventually made my gyno order me not to ever even THINK about ”doing the ditty,” let alone procreation, of course. I follow doctor orders, including/especially the unreasonable/unhealthy ones, religiously, so there probably never will be a “Señor Zcb94.” I did fill the resulting hole in my heart with a fur-son since the likelihood of adopting a newborn fresh from the womb/who will appreciate Mothers’ Milk is unknown to me/seems next to nothing. That’s all good and dandy, but I can’t even care for the cat/fur-son without help. The only comfort, I guess, is that he loves me, so that helps (though I can’t help but think that he’s confused about who his real guardian(s) is/are since I need help with my own survival, let alone his)!

    Your fur kids are lucky to have you. Think about it like this- where would they be if you didn't take them in? Maybe in a shelter or on the streets or worse. So please try not to feel badly about not being able to care for them 100% by yourself. I can bet that they are still much better off with you as their mom . They still love you even if you aren't the only one caring for them.
    Fur-baby-just one. :smile: Actually, my bestie at the time, accompanied by a few of her own friends, rescued him and several siblings from a roadside. His four-legged mom got squished by a big, mean car just before the litter was supposed to wean, so I’d like to think that my presence heals him as much as his does me (For example, when I use furry blankets to “do bedrest” (injury treatment/recovery) in the cold, he suckles-right term?-them, as if expecting them to suddenly lactate. That said, you definitely have a valid point about us being better off together!
    edited July 2018
  • ExistingFishExistingFish Posts: 896Member Member Posts: 896Member Member
    I feel the mom guilt often, not as much as I used to though. My first was a preemie and I had a rough C section due to pre-eclampsia. The guilt was real, probably some undiagnosed mental health issues there too. But I've moved on. Now I've got 3, and the mom guiltiest part is that I don't get outside with them often enough. I hate outside, it's hot and sweaty and there are bugs and I hate it. I don't want to raise my kids like that though. I need to do better.

    I used to feel guilty about leaving them in childcare at the gym, but my 3 and 5 year olds love it now and beg to go to the gym, so not so much. I remind myself that I'm getting healthy for them, to be there for them. Choices we make about our food and eating healthy we make for them too, so they can grow up healthy.

    There will always be something. Just remember you are doing the absolute best you can at this time for your children, where they are and where you are in life.
  • 4legsRbetterthan24legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 16,400Member Member Posts: 16,400Member Member
    More seriously, moms, the ones of you doing things right (and tight...thanks again autocorrect) matter so, so much. My wife suffers from the mom guilt. I spend some part of my time trying to help her realize how good she is, to point her to the fantastic things she does. That would be the thing I'd give you all if I could, just the appreciation that I feel for that job when well done. :smooched:

    I refuse to believe you are perfect, but you make it hard some days
  • 4legsRbetterthan24legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 16,400Member Member Posts: 16,400Member Member
    Question for the moms:

    Did you feel much guilt when they were babies. Or did the guilt grow with them, as they do/know more and have more experiences under their little belts?

  • AmberGlitterSparklesAmberGlitterSparkles Posts: 699Member Member Posts: 699Member Member
    Question for the moms:

    Did you feel much guilt when they were babies. Or did the guilt grow with them, as they do/know more and have more experiences under their little belts?

    I think it depends. My sons father was very abusive. I stayed with him probably longer than I should have. I had guilt during that time. Also, though such sever depression I had no desire to do anything about it. I have no guilt surrounding my daughter right now. Except at first when I had to go back to work and send her to day care I felt bad about that.
  • jennacole12jennacole12 Posts: 573Member Member Posts: 573Member Member
    My daughter and I both have celiac and whole I don't eat the 'gluten free' substitute foods I do let her on occasion.

    Her fav mac and cheese also has a 'normal' version. Last year I bought the wrong one and fed it to her... she was so sick for about 8 hours.. not to mention the damage it does befor her little body can heal again...


    I still feel horrible about it. Way to go mom....

    Awww don’t beat yourself up it was a mistake and the fact you are able to maintain her allergy 24/7 is amazing so you deserve a pat on the back!!
  • jennacole12jennacole12 Posts: 573Member Member Posts: 573Member Member
    Great thread! Mom guilt is so real! I feel guilty about everything all the time. I feel bad that I work a lot, I feel bad I workout and run and in this current moment I feel bad that my sons bday is in 2 weeks and I haven’t planned his party yet 😭
  • jennacole12jennacole12 Posts: 573Member Member Posts: 573Member Member
    Moms if you want to ugly cry watch this... it makes me feel better though even though I bawl my eyes out!


    edited July 2018
  • LounmounLounmoun Posts: 8,433Member Member Posts: 8,433Member Member
    Question for the moms:

    Did you feel much guilt when they were babies. Or did the guilt grow with them, as they do/know more and have more experiences under their little belts?

    Well, when my dd was a newborn I had trouble breastfeeding her and she cried and cried and I felt a heavy amount of guilt about not loving her right away because I was so frustrated and tired. I felt guilty for giving her formula. I don't feel guilty about it now but did for quite awhile.
    I felt guilty for various things at different times.
  • ACanadian22ACanadian22 Posts: 371Member Member Posts: 371Member Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    My child has been struggling with various things. She is in therapy and on medication and struggles to leave the house much less do things other kids her age are doing. Maybe I did something wrong when I was pregnant to mess her up. Maybe I was wrong to have only one child. Maybe I was wrong to homeschool her. Maybe we shouldn't have moved here. Maybe I should have put her in therapy years ago. Maybe I spent too much time with her. Maybe someone else could have done better as her parent.
    In my brain, I know that I have tried really hard to be a good mom but still feel the guilt that I should've been better.

    My poor Mom went through this with me. I am agoraphobic. I still cannot go far. She did nothing wrong at all. Brain chemistry is something no one can control. Just be there when she needs you. xoxo

    Oh, add to that. Try being a Mom who can't travel far. I hate it and my kids always tell me it is fine. My husband does a lot to help.
    edited July 2018
  • skctilidieskctilidie Posts: 1,349Member Member Posts: 1,349Member Member
    My daughter and I both have celiac and whole I don't eat the 'gluten free' substitute foods I do let her on occasion.

    Her fav mac and cheese also has a 'normal' version. Last year I bought the wrong one and fed it to her... she was so sick for about 8 hours.. not to mention the damage it does befor her little body can heal again...


    I still feel horrible about it. Way to go mom....

    That’s the sort of genuine mistake that can happen to any of us. One of my boys’ asthma suddenly kept getting worse and worse this winter and his doctor and I couldn’t figure out why, as he was taking all of his meds regularly, etc. It wasn’t until I randomly found the care instructions for the spacer for one of his inhalers that we figured out why...the way I’d been cleaning it was a big no-no and ruined the anti-static coating of the inside so that he hadn’t been getting his full dose. I felt like the world’s biggest idiot.
    Parenting is hard enough and has plenty of guilt-inducing moments all on its own, even more so with our kids who have those extra medical things to consider. You’re doing a great job, even when there are moments that things don’t go right.
    edited July 2018
  • MotorsheenMotorsheen Posts: 14,948Member Member Posts: 14,948Member Member
    now here's a great mom:

    ydg24j4v27n.gif
  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_WingsBullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,481Member Member Posts: 5,481Member Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    now here's a great mom:

    ydg24j4v27n.gif

    Haha!
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