The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

I had a fitful sleep last night. I was thinking how fortunate I am that I never got caught drinking while driving. I can manage to turn anything around to be about ME!! LOL

I need to be clear about my relationship with this "friend." This was a "drinking buddy." This was not a lengthy relationship & I say was because there is no relationship with this person any longer. I am good friends (long time friend) with the person who confided her current issue to me & there were many times my former "friend," aka drinking buddy, tried to undermine that relationship, which was a huge red flag to me.

I was in the process of developing a friendship with her, but our common bond was wine. Not a good basis for a friendship especially when I was questioning my relationship with alcohol...There was a combination of factors besides my stopping my drinking that led to the demise of any further relationship with this person. As we all know it isn't only the actual act of drinking, but the thinking behind the drinking & the negative, critical spirit that takes over when alcohol becomes the actual "friend." This person, apparently, has a long history of being a downer, allowing jealousy to poison her relationships etc etc. At one point in my life I would have jumped in with both feet to be the hero in her rescue but I'm passing on that one. I am beyond spending way too much energy trying to fix someone else & beginning to spend that energy on fixing myself.

@Kelly2yB I appreciate your kind words. Yes, I'm very thankful I am AF right now cause it's a slippery slope that I was also on, so this is NO judgement of her, it just really has rocked my world for some reason & I'm still in the process of figuring that out.

I absolutely feel some compassion for her, but she made a really stupid choice...bottom line. If I was in her spot I would be feeling that same way about myself. She had a lot of help after her first DUI & the close friend of mine driving her to all her doc appts, treatment appts etc etc & wherever else she needed to go and NOW this same person who bent over backwards to help is reeling from this latest STUPID decision!! Yes, there are some sad issues underlying her drinking, but her behavior is totally selfish!!!! I am feeling some anger here....tired of dealing with selfish, stupid people. So, I choose not to. That's my bottom line.

I truly hope she gets the help she needs, but I'm not holding my breath on that one & i need to take care of myself here. Is that selfish?? I prefer to think of it as self-FULL because if I don't take care of myself, I will be no good to anyone else! I'm not getting involved in anyone else's drama & I'm certainly not interested in being there for her & that is OK!! I will definitely be there for my actual friend who is left to pick up the pieces once again, but still have to set up some boundaries around that too.

@JenT304 this person is same age as me, 59 years old. She was just beginning to get on her feet from the last one & knocked her feet out from under herself. This was HER choice! I do feel bad for this person on a certain level, BUT it has given me pause to reflect on my own past STUPID actions & I think it is helping me to realize how dangerous & poisonous alcohol is aside from the physical aspect...This situation is VERY SOBERING for me. I don't know how else to express it!!

@RubyRed427 No DUIs perk, perk, perk for being AF!!! I really think reflecting on my own past STUPIDITY is what kept going through my mind last night & waking me up thinking THANK GOD I did not get caught or like you said hurt someone else!! I am just SO thankful I woke up to my drinking problem before I slid to the bottom of the slippery slope!! I LOVE being sober & am really beginning to love my life as a non-drinkier...I was walking the dogs this morn & stopped as they sniff, sniff, sniffed & remember looking around thinking I love my head being CLEAR...no fogginess!! YAY!!

I SO hope we all continue to enjoy our very wise choice to be AF. Julie you are a real inspiration for me & I know you can get through the future temptations coming your way & look forward to hearing your success story You GO girl!!

Hi, Everyone!

Tomorrow is Day 28 for me, and I am celebrating that that is technically a month. Yay! Knock on wood, I'm really not missing drinking much at all, and I feel and look so much better. I took a "before" photo yesterday for weight-loss reasons . . . trying to lose the last of the weight. Although the photo definitely shows that I need to lose weight, I was shocked at how nice my face looked--not bloated or puffy or round, but pretty. Yay! Catch up, body!!

On the DUI discussion . . . I shared with the Less Alcohol thread some months ago that it was one of my high school students who drove drunk and killed a group of college kids--all except one in the group who was so badly burned and disfigured that she became a national symbol of the dangers of drinking and driving (Jacqueline Saburido). This kid (the student) had probably never driven drunk in his life before that; he was a real straight arrow. But he went to one party, was driving a massive SUV, and that was that. He spent some years in prison and I know he spent some time afterwards speaking to student groups. Anyway, it just drove home to me how even one episode of this risky behavior can ruin so many lives.

Kate from The Sober School has a nice entry in her Monday blog today--blogging from her Paris vacation and talking about how she is enjoying it so much alcohol free. That has been a concern of mine. I can't even imagine subtracting the vino from the Italian vacation I had in March. We didn't over-drink (no hangovers) but enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine each day. But I don't think I'd risk that again because it would be too easy to come home to my old bad patterns (like I did in March). Her post was encouraging. She also links to a really good article written by the Times of London food critic about the myth that wine is necessary, or even helpful, for appreciating food. I'd link it but I think I'd screw it up. But check out "The Sober School" if you're interested.

joha5603 wrote: »

Please, can anyone relate? Why do I find it so incredibly annoying that my mom starts every email with, "Hi Honey, good to hear from you. I hope the drinking thing is going okay..." Honestly, I often FORGET that I'm off the sauce, but it's obvious to me that this is as much (if not more) an issue for other people than for me. (To be fair, my mom has a few other "issues" and pigeon-holing people is part of a thing she's developed. Everything and everyone is very black/white, right/wrong with her.)

On another note, I just asked 2 girlfriends out to see a band tonight. "Oh, no way! It's Tuesday! I can't be hungover tomorrow!!" I said I was planning on not drinking and they just kinda cocked their heads at me... and silence. "Oh right... you're not drinking. And you want to go out?!!?" Well, I don't know, I still like live music.... thought I'd give it a shot. These 2 situations give me a kind of FML feeling.

It gets better! My mother does the same thing to me sometimes, as do other (mostly) well meaning friends. They'll say, "Will it bother you if I drink?" And I'm all like, "I changed my life for me - you do you." That got exhausting so now I just say, "nope" and carry on. Also a big live music fan here - people scoff that we would go to a show sober. I like music, not screaming over it and drinking my paycheck (a generalization that I know is not true of everyone at a concert but...) We see a lot less shows these days, but the ones we do catch are that much more special. Hope you find some sober show buddies perhaps!