The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

RubyRed427

deceived1 wrote: »

Hi everyone! Checking in. 165 days sober today. Been trying to quit permanently since 2016 -- this is my longest stretch (4 months, 3 months being the other two longest ones). I'm so much happier without alcohol, so trying to learn/absorb as many tools as possible to make this last. I will not drink with you all today!

I smiled at your last sentence! Congrats on the long stretch. Xo

lorrainequiche59

Great posts. Very encouraging!! My folk festival is now history!! I spent the weekend with my 10 yr-old grandson enjoying the very chillaxed atmosphere of Summerfolk! My daughter was able to hang with us off & on between her volunteer duties too. Nothing terribly exciting happened, I just enjoyed hanging wherever we hung! Lots of music in lots of locales which was enjoyable...I really love people-watching...just seeing all the families having fun & the kids being free to be kids. I saw various people snoozing on the grass & was envious that anyone could relax enough to fall asleep around a ton of people. For me it is a definite trust issue.

For some reason I was expecting to see more drunken behavior, but only saw 2 twenty somethings who were obviously inebriated mid-afternoon on one day....Of course, I stayed clear of the beer tent after hours and we only stayed late one night to watch some bands at the main stage. For the most part it is a family-friendly event with lots of security to prevent stupidity.

@deceived1 well done!! I won't drink with YOU today either!! Too funny! Welcome to our little growing group of people who are also trying to be happier without alcohol.

So glad to see all the new ones embracing their sobriety whether it is the beginning of your journey or well into your new lifestyle...I LOVE being sober. For me it has been 80 days & 17 hours according to my quit drinking app. I'm not actually counting the days but look at the app now & then just to see. And like many others here have tried many times to break free or at least stopped enough times to realize 'moderation' is not my thing!! So hoping the best for us all & thank y'all for being such great people!!!

lorrainequiche59

Kinda quiet on here. Hope everyone's doing well!!

I was really angry today!! Just spittin' mad. Just cause!! Then I bawled! I wonder if some of the anger I stuffed down is making it's way back up!! Any thoughts, or insights on that? Wondering if anyone is having anything similar? OR has had? Please share

lorrainequiche59

Just cuz not cause!! The perfectionist in me

whitpauly

lorrainequiche59 wrote: »

Kinda quiet on here. Hope everyone's doing well!!

I was really angry today!! Just spittin' mad. Just cause!! Then I bawled! I wonder if some of the anger I stuffed down is making it's way back up!! Any thoughts, or insights on that? Wondering if anyone is having anything similar? OR has had? Please share

I felt the same way today! Irritable,kinda sad,kinda anxious and the thought of getting crunk crossed my mind! I was trying to convince myself that it's not even worth it to be sober if I gotta feel this crappy,grrr,hopefully it's just PMS and tomorrow is better

donimfp

@lorrainequiche59, I don’t have any answers but have been experiencing little unexplained bouts of depression, and I’ve heard depression described as anger turned inward. I may be on the wrong track but I’ve been chalking it up to my body and brain adjusting to this brave new AF world and just breathing through it rather than resisting it. Hope tomorrow is more pleasant for you.

PaperDoll_

I'm sorry to hear some of you are feeling sad, depressed, and angry. It does get better. I've been sober for quite a long time now, and it has actually helped my mood tremendously in the long run. I'm very calm and easy going. It takes a lot to make me angry now or to make me feel depressed. I'm a kind of happy that I never was when I drank. I feel everything genuinely, and I have to handle my problems instead of trying to drink them away.

I guess it's natural to be feeling this way though when you're giving something up that your body and mind has been used to. For those of you that truly want to quit, hang in there! It is worth it. I don't know anyone that has regretted giving up drinking.

whitpauly

Thanks @PaperDoll,I'm sure it's just part of the process,my problem is that I never really get past the "blah" I freak out cuz I feel uncomfortable and drunk again to do called feel better but I know I gotta stick with it,hope everyone has a great day!

lorrainequiche59

@donimfp I absolutely agree with the description of depression being anger turned inward...I also learned through past therapy that anger is a secondary emotion layered over helplessness, hurt or frustration...SO, when I'm mad as a hornet at "seemingly nothing," I ask myself what I'm feeling helpless, hurt or frustrated about!! So, yesterday on the way to work I used my recorder on my phone to vent to myself & just pour out a bunch of crap that's been building & this morn I wrote out 6 pages in my journal. The stuff that poured out of me was a lot of repressed anger of injustice from the past, feelings of abandonment, past disappoinments & on & on & on!!! Stuff that I've stuffed with alcohol AND food!!

SO, now that I'm NOT using alcohol & working (not always 100% successfully, but getting there) at not using food, the feelings are emerging. When I got home from work yesterday, I thought if I were drinking still, I'd be drinking right then & there because that is how I used to cope with my anger, or should I say NOT cope...and guess what?? Now I get to cope with it ALL, past & present in sobriety...YAY!! I seriously mean YAY!

At one point my anger used to scare me & I still initially can feel that way cause I can get REALLY angry, just cuz. BUT once I begin to ask myself the questions, I know the answers will be revealed. So, now I try to view my anger as a block to where I'm going, so if I can work through the messy & scary feelings of anger, I WILL remove that block to get to where I want to be in my life.

I can get pretty wordy in my comments here, but it is truly my way of working it all out...there is something about writing that is cathartic for me & helps me to figure my stuff out. Especially in this forum because I feel free to spill it. So thank you to all who read through my rants & give me feedback...or not...it doesn't really matter to me cause this is my process & hopefully someone can relate.

lorrainequiche59

ME AGAIN!! LOL Just a side point to share from Annie Grace's 30 day Alcohol Experiment,on the topic of alcohol in moderation having health benefits & articles that "claim" moderate drinkers live longer than tea grannies. It's on Day 11 of the experiment (I'm kinda behind, I'm actually on Day 15 but doing catch up) she dissects an article that is based loosely on a "study." The points the article uses from the study to back up their "claims" are taken out of context & Annie printed out the actual study & showed HOW it was twisted to appear to support supposed health benefits & longevity from moderate drinking. When she highlighted what the study was actually saying compared to what the article was "attempting" to prove, it was an absolute false conclusion leading it's readers to believe moderate drinking is healthy. The actual study did NOT conclude that!! It is NOT good for us including our heart!...like Craig Beck says, alcohol is poison so how could drinking poison in moderation be of benefit...you may be drinking less, but you're still drinking poison!!

Long story short, there are thousands of studies (10 times more showing the negative health consequences of alcohol consumption vs a handful of "studies" showing any benefits) for eg alcohol is a KNOWN carcinogen...it gives people cancer, she actually posted a video detailing how that happens...on a cellular level it impairs our cells. She also compared the number of people who die from alcohol vs prescription & illegal drugs combined...alcohol victims are WAY higher...yet the attention is on drug use.

There is also the consideration of who is behind the study being considered & who is financing it....who is truly benefiting from people believing alcohol is good for you!!! Just another tool in the alcohol-free toolbox to use if that craving hits & a longing for poison rears it's ugly head.

donimfp

@lorrainequiche59, your "rant" makes perfect sense to me. I'm coming to similar realizations. Here's an example: Yesterday while working out, I said to my trainer (who has also become a friend with whom I can joke and share fairly intimately), "I haven't had any alcohol for 21 days." He replied, "I haven't had any alcohol for 58 years" (his age; he's never even tasted alcohol). I said, "And this time, I'm finally getting to the place where I don't even think about alcohol for a whole day!" He said, "I haven't thought about alcohol for a whole lifetime!"

OK. I know he was joking around . . . but I felt so dismissed and not validated by a person who is supposedly working to help me get to ultimate health. It just niggled at first, but as the day went on, it started to make me a bit angry and upset. My "normal" response would be to have some wine and forget about it . . . but probably continue to resent him a little . . . until that resentment was triggered by maybe another insensitive thing . . . followed by either blowing up and bringing up yesterday's situation or, more likely, more wine and growing resentment.

This morning while walking, I thought, "What a concept! I'm going to be direct and clear with him." Tomorrow at our workout, I'm going to say, "Elmer (not his real name), you hurt my feelings Tuesday, and I want to tell you about it so it doesn't become a thing between us and lead to unnecessary resentment." Then I'm going to tell him about it. And I know him well enough to know he will say, "Oh, geez, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking." End of story, and maybe a bit of insight for him, who has never had a drink, about how important this is to someone who has had a drinking issue.

This kind of honesty and directness would NEVER happen if I were using alcohol to cope. I know this is a little thing, but it's a start. I consider it a gift of AF living.

RubyRed427

I went to an Alanon meeting the other day because a friend who is in AA invited me (his wife was in alanon and the lead speaker ). Anyway , it was good to hear from a speaker who lived with an alcoholic. But it had a different dynamic there than an AAmeeting . I haven't been to that many AA meetings due to time, but when I'm there I feel relief. Because I know they every person there know precisely how I feel and mourn the loss of drinkng (initially).

I think a non drinker (like Dominfp's trainer ) can't understand that we depended on alcohol
To cope with life.- good and bad. It was a daily presence.
I'm on day 30 AF so it's still
Like an open wound for me that is healing.Like my therapist said "it was the love of your life and best friend you turned to ". I'm so thankful this thread because I know some of you are in the same boat and must stop drinking, and can relate to my mood swings and depression. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with me; I know I'm
Not alone feeling angry or depressed at times. Love you all!

Kenni94

So glad to have found this thread. I’m new around here and am at the beginning stages of my journey. Atleast once a month I say “ok no more alcohol that’s it.” Then the weekend comes and bam, I’m slouched over the toilet after having one too many beers and feeling like a failure the next morning. I also think alcohol is the blame for awful anxiety attacks that I’ve never had before until this year. They are specially bad during hangovers. It sucks but for some reason I do it all over again. I have tried cutting back, but like others in this thread have said, I can’t have just one. So it’s better to just avoid it. One of the problems also is my family loves alcohol. Anytime I visit them or go out somewhere with them, I get pressured into drinking. Or I watch them all having fun and feel left out. Another thing is I also feel like I’m a very boring person, and alcohol makes me more interesting. As weird as that’s sounds...

Lately tho, exercise has been keeping me preoccupied a lot. I’ve been doing kick boxing and it’s and excellent stress releaver to replace stress drinking. And counting calories has also made me stop and think before having a beer. I think to myself “all that hard work you just did and you want to throw it away with a drink?” It’s slowly helping. I drank too much this weekend so I’m back to the start. This time I’m determined, for my health and well-being. I won’t let others pressure me and I won’t give up.

mbaker566

I've found i need to be particular to which al anon meetings i attend. i have found good ones but they too need to work they steps and not just whine. whine to your sponsor. get a sponsor. get some desperation.
how many temporary insanity inmates were in need of a 12 step program?

Chris R used to say that a meeting should be a pep rally. i'm having issues with that locally so i just listen to speaker tapes on the Tube

tifano

RubyRed427 wrote: »

I went to an Alanon meeting the other day because a friend who is in AA invited me (his wife was in alanon and the lead speaker ). Anyway , it was good to hear from a speaker who lived with an alcoholic. But it had a different dynamic there than an AAmeeting . I haven't been to that many AA meetings due to time, but when I'm there I feel relief. Because I know they every person there know precisely how I feel and mourn the loss of drinkng (initially).

I think a non drinker (like Dominfp's trainer ) can't understand that we depended on alcohol
To cope with life.- good and bad. It was a daily presence.
I'm on day 30 AF so it's still
Like an open wound for me that is healing.Like my therapist said "it was the love of your life and best friend you turned to ". I'm so thankful this thread because I know some of you are in the same boat and must stop drinking, and can relate to my mood swings and depression. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with me; I know I'm
Not alone feeling angry or depressed at times. Love you all!

Happy 30 days Julie. In the beginning of my sobriety I mourned alcohol so much. Then one day the switch hit that really alcohol wasn't my friend... It was my master and I was it's slave. That's when the sadness and missing of my "friend" started to go away.

I hope you can get to more meetings and get to work in the steps. HUGS friend. Super proud of you for the last 30 days, that is no small task

xrsize4dad

@Kenni94 Ditto for me. I work out, watch what I eat during the week only to destroy any gains over the weekend. Then that piles up.. Similar challenge with friends all pretty much heavy drinkers (by my standards). I've tried, but really didn't have any support to really succeed. Hoping that this works for me, I am just over it.. No desire as NOTHING good comes of it. Only thing in my yetti is water & ice!

Kenni94

@xrsize4dad Yes! It’s so hard to stay focused when those around you don’t take your struggle seriously. And I agree, absolutely nothing good comes from alcohol. So why do we do it?! I hope you achieve your goal, I believe in you (:

donimfp

@tifano, that mindset is what is helping me so much. Allen Carr makes a distinction between the "little monster" and the "big monster." The "little monster," he says, is those brief cravings/temptations and fairly easy to tame. The "big monster" is the lie that alcohol provides pleasure and support. Defeating that monster and truly internalizing the truth that the so-called "pleasure and support" are lies, and that alcohol actually creates misery, is the most important goal. This idea has helped me realize that when the little monster rears its little head, it doesn't have much power if I remind myself that alcohol is such a negative thing and definitely not worth giving into the cravings for. It would be like returning to prison "just this once." Why would I want to do that?

lorrainequiche59

Congrats Julie on Day 30 AF!!! You Go Girl!

Hello & welcome to all the supportive newbies...this thread is AWESOME!!!

@donimfp describing alcohol as a monster & distinguishing between the little & big monster is an interesting depiction of the nature of the "beast" we are all trying to conquer. And giving into a craving once like returning to prison just once. EEEEK!! No thank you!

Also, ditto to the comments about alcohol sabotaging the efforts we make to shed weight. WE CAN DO THIS!! We ARE doing this!!!

gr8fulplanet

JenT304 wrote: »

@amymoreorless I have learned I absolutely cannot moderate. I've been trying for years. I cannot have that first one. Alcohol wants more alcohol. At least you know you can quit....you did so for 7 months last year! Best of luck and we are here for you.

I can identify. The story is the same for many of us. That’s what makes groups like this so wonderful. We are not alone.