The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@joha5603 I think like everything else time will heal all wounds and people will come to realize that you are AF and if they drink or not or if they ask or not it just doesn't matter to you. Since I am AF over 10 years and also over 70 my memory can be a little sketchy about the early days
We were out to dinner Saturday night and each couple brings a bottle and since I don't drink that's two bottles for the three of them. It was later in the meal and my friend spilled some of his wine on his shirt and the waitress grabbed a napkin and seltzer to help clean it up and said jokingly I hope you are not driving and almost in unison all three just pointed at me as the driver. Everyone just knows that I am AF and the driver all the time. No discussion or questions it just is.
Your friends will come to accept or understand you aren't drinking and they can do whatever they want without it affecting you. Mothers well that's a whole other story///3 -
I am on a TED talk binge. Gray area drinking is a good short video
https://youtu.be/wvCMZBA7RiA
About when you stop drinking for a few months and then go back to drinking....1 -
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@joha5603 My first thought was the same as @mbaker566 & then read @Ke22yB 's post & agree that over time most people will accept your new lifestyle & won't feel the need to comment, but us Mom's can do the most annoying things when we think we're being encouraging, and that sounds like that's what your Mom is doing, trying to support you in her own "annoying" way LOL. At the same time, I'm all about speaking my mind if I REALLY need to. Nothing wrong with that if it's done tactfully!! The tact for me is still a work in progress
Update on my DUI friend. She is in a treatment facility. YAY!! If this current DUI is what it takes for her to get help then that that's ok...as long as this becomes a hard lesson learned & not another excuse to keep drinking then she will be able to get her life back...a better life. It will also give her a much better shot at beating her cancer this round. Anyway, I was really happy to hear that she is getting some help.
Hoping everyone has a great day!!6 -
@lorrainequiche59, good news about your friend. I hope she benefits from the treatment and at the very least is convinced not to drive while drinking.
Tomorrow is Day 30! That is huge for me because over the last decade or so, I've done several "Thirties," as they are called in Moderation Management. So a few times I've purposely gone 30 days without alcohol. But I have always done so with the expectation that on Day 31, I would begin my new life as a Moderate Drinker. That usually happens for Day 31. On Day 32, I typically drink 3-4 drinks. By Day 33 you would never know I'd taken a break from my over-the-top drinking. And it's months if not years before I can muster up the will power to do another thirty-day break.
Guess what! This Day 30 will just be Day 30 on a new way of life. It's early days yet, not the end of the AF road. Day 31, 32, 33, . . . will also be joyously alcohol free. I'm so excited about that!8 -
@RubyRed427 Thank you for those videos especially the one by Jolene Park...I could SO relate to Gray Area drinking & I love her acronym NOURISH for things to do to rebuild your gaba, seratonin & dopamine...I need to watch it again, it is full of really helpful info.
@donimfp You're singing my tune by relating your various lapses in your drinking only to return full force after the initial brief moderation period. I'm really happy that you realize the joy that awaits you in your new AF lifestyle. You GO girl!!2 -
@donimfp Congrats on 30 days! I’m so proud of you and your commitment to your goals. Yes, it is exciting that we dont have to depend on alcohol for anything. I’m finally in a place where I dont mourn the loss, I celebrate the gains. Too many to list. It is joyous like you said.0
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@lorrainequiche59 I can relate to to the grey area drinking. I lived it over and over again but especially this past January... remember I was AF from Jan. 1-St. Pat’s Day. Then, the evil monster started to creep into my life. It took a few months for me to get back to where I was before Jan. 1st.0
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Today, i went to my therapist. I have armed myself with lots of tools to quit this addictive drug. I go to AA weekly; I go to a therapist monthly for a tune up (not necessarily always about alcohol). I write on this thread and see that I am not alone in this journey. I read lots of books and blogs, etc.
And lately, I have started journaling on my ipad. Every time I write an entry , I reflect on a time when I really blew it, because I was drinking. (Drinking on Easter Sunday til drunk, missing great music because I got intoxicated at concerts, etc.) You all know my story in a way.
Anyway one of my purposes for writing about the past is to remember it was not sunshine and roses - in fact most of my memories of my drinking days started of quite normal but quickly turned sour. Journaling is a great release.4 -
@RubyRed427, you have been an inspiration and fearless leader to many of us since Jan. 1. It’s nice to have companions on the journey. I did not intend to go AF long term when I did the dry January (which I didn’t achieve), but the realization that this is what I had to do has been so valuable. I don’t think I would have been so honest with myself without the folks on these threads.5
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@RubyRed427 I agree with doni. You have been an inspiration to many of us all year. I am so proud of you and your determination to live AF. Journaling is an excellent idea. I want to try that too. When I look back and feel wistful or miss the boozy days, I want to remember the reality ; That is was terrible for me and caused me so much anxiety and shame.1
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WOW! I just found this board and it's much more for me! Thanks, @JenT304 for starting this. It looks like I have 12 pages to read, but I noticed some familiar faces in the first few posts.
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@islandbeez Welcome!! I'm glad you are here. It seems us telling it like it is (i.e we consider alcohol to be poisonous) was not welcome at the other thread so we needed a new one. Happy that you found us!! 2
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Hi, @islandbeez. Great to see you!
OK. DAY 30. HOORAY! Boy, does the Universe have a sense of humor! Lest I feel proud or cocky, God forbid, about making it to this milestone, here's how my last 12 hours have gone:
I'm trying/needing to find a job. I'm at an age where it isn't easy. But luckily I'm at a stage where I don't have to settle for something I don't like. I can afford to take my time and wait to find something that brings in just a little extra income . . . no need to meet my previous professional salary. However, last night I got down and depressed about all this and finally just said to my husband, :"I wanna get drunk!!!" He said, "No you don't." I said, "I know, but that would have been my easy "solution" a month ago." So that passed, but my funk didn't.
At 3 a.m., I finally gave up trying to get to sleep, got up, took a Tylenol PM, and came and futzed around on the computer. Read HuffPost's "tweets from married people," which was hilarious and kept me entertained in my zombie state until 4:30, when I went to bed. Slept till 9:30 this morning. Just moved my 10:30 session with my trainer to 4 p.m. when hopefully I'll be human. Stepped on the scale and thought, "I probably gained 50 lbs." but had actually lost 1.6 lbs. Weight loss continues to be a happy motivator.
But what is UP with this sleep thing? I am really struggling. Yay for Day 30, but I am humbly realizing that this ain't just a happy breeze. Nevertheless, I am filled with gratitude and thankfulness for this sober life. Don't know what I'd do without the support here. And thankful that the "I want a drink" thing was really a joke and that I had no intention of drinking. Just a brief, nostalgic memory of having that stinking crutch to rely on, but knowing it is in no way, shape or form worth it.5 -
@donimfp just as on TV ages ago we had the wayback machine I am going to give you a glimpse in the wayforward machine. I have been AF for a longer period of time and within the first 6 months my body shed dozens of pounds of fluid my BP kept improving my levels of exercise increased and you guessed it my sleep patterns kept changing for the better. It used to take me a long time to fall asleep and then eventually within 15 minutes of hitting the bed I am asleep and I sleep completely thru the night now( not withstanding the fact that I am up by 5AM and I get an early morning swim) I find using exercise helps me control mood, appetite, and sleep. I am semi retired and only work a few months a year I do tax work. Please don't be discouraged by the early changes your body is going to go thru, it is all for the better in the long run.
I used to joke I sleep like a baby, with a bottle in hand. Its not so funny now looking back. I used to fall asleep in my chair in the evening having drank my way thru a pint or so of gin. Wake at 3 in the morning and then go up to bed. Now I manage to watch the news, get depressed at the goings on and then 11:30 hit the bed and am asleep in 10 or 15 minutes.
Consider the amount of time your body had to adjust to the alcohol and the 30 days AF you have achieved and be proud of yourself and a little more patient for the changes that will follow.
Good Health and good Losing4 -
@Ke22yB, thank you for the words of wisdom and encouragement. With age comes patience, and I am for the most part going through this with the patient knowledge that, as you say, things will even out and get better. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, wouldn't take nothing for [this] journey now.
One up-side to reading nonsense at 3:30 a.m. a couple of funny "married people texts":
1. My wife and I did some role-playing in our bedroom last night. She was Interior Designer and I was Furniture Mover.
2. Husband: I had salmon for lunch today.
Wife: The "L" is silent, idiot.
Husband: I knew that. I meant I had it for unch today.
Have a great, sober day everyone!!3 -
One up-side to reading nonsense at 3:30 a.m. a couple of funny "married people texts":
1. My wife and I did some role-playing in our bedroom last night. She was Interior Designer and I was Furniture Mover.
2. Husband: I had salmon for lunch today.
Wife: The "L" is silent, idiot.
Husband: I knew that. I meant I had it for unch today.
I love those silly posts! My sister married a man who was a straight up country boy and all of the people in their area pronounced the 'L' in salmon. It drove her crazy for the first few years but she got used to it because it would have just been disrespectful to correct your 90 yo grand-in-laws!0 -
islandbeez wrote: »WOW! I just found this board and it's much more for me! Thanks, @JenT304 for starting this. It looks like I have 12 pages to read, but I noticed some familiar faces in the first few posts.
Welcome! Happy to be on this journey with you and the others!1 -
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I think my sleep patterns are linked to hormones in general. I also find it helpful to make sure you have no caffeine after 2 p.m. and try a sleep meditation on insight timer app. I think the body, mind and soul are just getting reacquainted with each other after all the unpredictable times spent drinking off and on. @donimfp And taking a hot bubble bath with candles around also soothes you.3
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3 months AF today!!! WOO Hoo!9
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Hooray for you @lorrainequiche59! That’s huge! Congratulations!!!!!
Today I mapped out the dates on which I will reach days 50, 100, 150, 200, 250, 300, 350, and 365–with space beside each date for me to write in a small celebratory reward. As I was writing these down, I thought, “Holy crap! I’m really doing this, aren’t I?” It’s only day 30 but I have no crazy fantasy that I’ll wake up tomorrow able to drink moderately. A sober Day 31 hasn’t happened probably since my early 20s.6 -
Oh, and @RubyRed427, thanks for the suggestion. Until our triple-digit heat eases up (I think today was day 52 for the year) I can’t face a hot bath but I look forward to that as a strategy before too long.2
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Interesting comment I learned about through a reliable branch of the grapevine of my friends. My former drinking buddy who was recently charged with a DUI, is blaming me as a contributor to her problem. HUH??? Is that the alcoholic who isn't ready to take responsibility for her own drinking talking per chance?? My comment was, "Well, if inviting her to my parties & inviting her over for drinks was my contribution to her drinking problem, then I suppose I contributed!!" Way back WHEN? I didn't even know her when she got her 1st DUI. I met her after that. So I wonder who contributed to that one...
The interesting thing to me is that I have not associated with her from well before I stopped drinking. I am 3 months AF. so I'm not sure how good of a scapegoat I am!! Any opinions or insight.? I'm kinda Peed, BUT consider where it's coming from & I don't really give a flying fart to be honest. But on some level it ticks me off!! Rrrrrr!!9 -
@lorrainequiche59 You’ll just have to brush it aside and try not to think about it. I get how youre feeling though- you feel slighted and wronged because she’s maligning you, and you didnt have anything to do with her issues. Maybe you can protect yourself by not listening to the grapevine and tell your other friends, you don’t want to hear anymore about her. Just a suggestion.
No one poured alcohol in her mouth. She made the choice. We all make a choice every single day.
Hugs xoxo4 -
@lorrainequiche59, I gave you a "hug" earlier but didn't want to presume to have any wisdom to share, but I might have a little, and I see @RubyRed427 has now replied, too. Funny because I was going to cite the fact that I know she has referenced The Four Agreements before, and I, too really love that work. One of the main tenets is to not take anything personally. I can SO relate to feeling pissed off (may get a "kitten" for that one) at being unfairly accused of something. However, it might help to realize that it is not really "you" this person is attacking. In this case, she is just casting about for a scapegoat, and you happened to be in the line of fire. You are more a symbol than an individual--a symbol of her unwillingness to face reality.
Perhaps it would help to focus on pitying this poor soul. I think none of us on this "sober squad" forum would have made the gains we've made had we done what she is doing and blame our struggles on something outside of ourselves. Hopefully she will get some kind of therapy where she will learn how counterproductive blaming you or anyone/anything else is.
And I second the advice to cut off any further reports of what she has said. I'd deal with her directly or not at all.
Wishing you peace and a lovely evening. You have a lot of support here.6 -
One of those crazy revelations: My skin looks SO, SO, SO much better after 31 days not drinking. I mean it really does. I'm amazed. But what I realized this morning is that while some of that is probably a result of alcohol's effects being eliminated, most of it is probably because now instead of falling into bed with all my makeup on and then half-heartedly scrubbing it off the next morning, I wash my face, use my Clarisonic, and moisturize like a grown up lady before I go to bed.6
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@donimfp You’re so right. The four agreements is so powerful. They even say don’t take anything personally because the person is projecting what they see in themselves onto you. Well, you know what I mean.
I imagine your skin is much better. I totally can see that. Don’t you feel like you have much more time to do things like the Clarisonic or take your time when cleaning your face... sometimes it’s amazing at how long an evening can last being sober. Lots of time to do anything we wish.3 -
I can get onboard with this. I don't like the flavor of alcohol. I never have. I don't know if anyone else has this, but, when I did drink, I would get this stabbing, "pins and needles" sensation in my jaw near my ears. It was so painfully annoying that I just decided to never drink again. So, my official "last drink" was 1 year ago.4
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KristahMarie wrote: »I can get onboard with this. I don't like the flavor of alcohol. I never have. I don't know if anyone else has this, but, when I did drink, I would get this stabbing, "pins and needles" sensation in my jaw near my ears. It was so painfully annoying that I just decided to never drink again. So, my official "last drink" was 1 year ago.
Welcome ! I once heard that no one likes the taste of alcohol but we grow to accept it. But it really isn’t tasty - we just think it is. Congrats on one year!0
https://youtu.be/xiK7ONxHErY
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