Goal weight criticized
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OP, I tend not to discuss details with anyone, but I'm aiming for the middle of 'normal' on the BMI scale for my height. That gives me a bit of flexibility if I become a little less active as I get older but still find myself eating the same stuff. It should also stop my GP nagging me. As you're part of a support group, if the subject comes up again in the short term, just say that that's currently your goal but you'll assess things as you get down in to the mid 140s to see how you feel. Then, try to avoid the subject or be vague as possible.1
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Maybe they are just trying to be kind in a really weird way, because they want you to feel good about where you are now. Most people have no idea what you should weigh, because there is such a variation in bone structure, and the way you carry your weight. But only you know where you feel good and where you will be comfortable. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt - when they ask, just say "a healthy weight for me".3
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You have 2 middle fingers for a reason.
Use them.13 -
Your ideal weight is where you feel happy and healthy. Anything anyone else says is irrelevant.7
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Wow! Loving all the replies! Thanks everyone for your advice, I’ll have to go through these again so I can soak it all in. I’ll definitely shut them down if they pester me again about it. I do value those relationships, but need to set a boundary. It’s always surprises me when others feel so strongly about my stuff ( and say so) when I never would think of doing that to them.5
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SummerSkier wrote: »It's all personal preference. I actually have a gang of woo'ers who think I am too thin (been at maintenance a year and very healthy thank you very much!) and apparently follow me around and woo my posts. Seriously I think the american EYEBALL has lost track of what in shape looks like. The scale is so tipped to accept heavy as normal. You do you and when you feel good you will know it.
I’ve seen you on here before, in my legs post. I think you look beautiful! Always inspiring.4 -
People have all kinds of opinions about all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons. You are not obligated to accept them.3
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I tend not to discuss my weight with anyone at all. This way I don't get to hear all their opinions.
I'm 5'7 and my goal is to get back to 125 which I've been my whole adult life. I don't care who thinks what about it. So I don't talk about it.
I tried to avoid it but we’re all close and try to support each other and it came up when I said I would def not be happy in the 150’s, as I’ve been there before and wasn’t feeling as healthy as I’d like.
Not to be a "Health At Every Size" nut, but you can feel healthy and still not be slim.
No need to defend your decisions, you know what's best. Just a loose end I noticed. Best wishes.6 -
Definitely stop sharing information with those people. I’m 116 at5’4” and still plan to lose a few more pounds. It’s really just preference.
I do wonder if because bigger has become more normal people are just more wary of lower weights, even if they’re within a healthy BMI6 -
I never tell anyone how much more I need to lose. I get sick of hearing “there’ll be nothing left of you” “you’ll look sick”. Blah. I’ll do what I need to for me thanks1
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I have a question: when you're avoiding answering this question about how much more you have left to lose, what exactly do you say? Because I'm starting to get this question now, and I'm not keen to share that info.2
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I'm 5' 7" and my goal weight is 126. It's about me, no-one else!6
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Id either lie and tell them something like I’m not really trying to lose, just focusing on eating healthy now, or tell them you don’t have a set weight and are just going with the flow. It’s suitably vague but doesn’t warrant too many questions imo.I have a question: when you're avoiding answering this question about how much more you have left to lose, what exactly do you say? Because I'm starting to get this question now, and I'm not keen to share that info.
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Definitely stop sharing information with those people. I’m 116 at5’4” and still plan to lose a few more pounds. It’s really just preference.
I do wonder if because bigger has become more normal people are just more wary of lower weights, even if they’re within a healthy BMI
This is true as sad as it is. Being at a healthy weight IS abnormal since the majority are overweight/obese.2 -
I have a question: when you're avoiding answering this question about how much more you have left to lose, what exactly do you say? Because I'm starting to get this question now, and I'm not keen to share that info.
"Not sure, getting close; watching it as it goes along."
If people pressed it further, I also liked "My doctor is happy with my weight goals." (For me, this was literally true - we'd discussed it.)5 -
I typed this out once and it disappeared, sorry if it’s repost. My goal weight has been criticized three times this week. I want to weigh in the 130’s. I am 5’4”. One person goal weight is much higher than mine at same height, one said I should be satisfied at 150 even though they are 135 at 5’7’. Another said because I have children and am older I should be satisfied w a higher weight. I feel like that is selling myself short. Do they want me to stay fat ? And for what reason? They said not when I asked, just said 130s is too low and skinny. Grrr!
I'm exactly 5'4 and my goal weight was 120! 130 is definetly not too skinny! I'm actually 117 right now, after maintaince I kept losing and I do feel under 120 is a bit too thin for me. The people critizing you may just not be used to seeing you changed, they'll get used to it over time. Most importantly focus on yourself, if you feel good that's all that matters !4 -
Slap - forehand or backhand and apply adequate force responsive to the offense. Use liberally.
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I’m 5”4’ and my goal weight is 120. It’s not skinny. If you keep lifting it makes you strong! For me it’s more about losing the fat so I don’t feel softer . Same height and weight looks different on different ppl depending upon eating habits and workouts3
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The only person that knows I am trying to lose weight is my husband. Most of the people I know are heavier than I am and have always said things like "you are so skinny" 'eat a donut" . Perhaps compared to them, I am skinny. I don't care, I am not under weight and I eat very well. I also workout. So, just continue your wonderful journey and be your best, healthiest you.4
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getfitwith_aish wrote: »I’m 5”4’ and my goal weight is 120. It’s not skinny. If you keep lifting it makes you strong! For me it’s more about losing the fat so I don’t feel softer . Same height and weight looks different on different ppl depending upon eating habits and workouts
120 at 5'4'' is very skinny. I have a sister who is around that weight and I think she looks better at 140 but I have a preference a little toward the higher end of normal bmi. I would be skinnier than high normal bmi if it meant I'd have more energy and get around better. That is my real goal, not appearance.19 -
OP has me on her side until she said she felt "fat"...Are the people you are saying fat at 150 weighing or more than that? Is this on here or to your friends? I don't think I am fat, but that is my opinion. Weigh whatever you want, but don't put down a number.10
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I’m 116 at 5’4” and don’t consider myself skinny. It’s relative, I suppose I look skinny next to someone who is over weight, but I still have a high amount of fat in relation to my overall weight, I’m still pretty squishy.. whereas my friend is the same height and weight and very lean/firm, cause she’s much less lazy about lifting than me.WillingtoLose1001984 wrote: »getfitwith_aish wrote: »I’m 5”4’ and my goal weight is 120. It’s not skinny. If you keep lifting it makes you strong! For me it’s more about losing the fat so I don’t feel softer . Same height and weight looks different on different ppl depending upon eating habits and workouts
120 at 5'4'' is very skinny. I have a sister who is around that weight and I think she looks better at 140 but I have a preference a little toward the higher end of normal bmi. I would be skinnier than high normal bmi if it meant I'd have more energy and get around better. That is my real goal, not appearance.
anyway, my point is 120 doesn’t always equal “very skinny”.
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Whether or not a particular weight works for you depends a great deal on your body composition and your frame. I'm somewhere between 5'3" and 5'4" and at 149 pounds I was quite visibly overweight (full disclosure: that was also before I started lifting). At 120 pounds I still have plenty of squish. It's a healthy weight, but I am young enough to be vain and want that six pack.6
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I typed this out once and it disappeared, sorry if it’s repost. My goal weight has been criticized three times this week. I want to weigh in the 130’s. I am 5’4”. One person goal weight is much higher than mine at same height, one said I should be satisfied at 150 even though they are 135 at 5’7’. Another said because I have children and am older I should be satisfied w a higher weight. I feel like that is selling myself short. Do they want me to stay fat ? And for what reason? They said not when I asked, just said 130s is too low and skinny. Grrr!
Well hon, 140 isn't fat, depending on your bone structure. HAVING SAID THAT you seem to have a realistic goal at 130. If people have issues with that, then its on them, not you. Unless your doctor tells you that's too light, then you don't need to worry. Five-four is average height and women in that group generally weigh between 115-135 (according to one report I read). So no worries! You focus on your goal and good luck to you!
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ACanadian22 wrote: »OP has me on her side until she said she felt "fat"...Are the people you are saying fat at 150 weighing or more than that? Is this on here or to your friends? I don't think I am fat, but that is my opinion. Weigh whatever you want, but don't put down a number.
I am 210, not 150. The others are saying my goal should be 150, where in a later post I said I did not feel my healthiest at that weight when I was there before . Sorry if that wasn’t clear.4 -
ACanadian22 wrote: »OP has me on her side until she said she felt "fat"...Are the people you are saying fat at 150 weighing or more than that? Is this on here or to your friends? I don't think I am fat, but that is my opinion. Weigh whatever you want, but don't put down a number.
Why are you making this about you? I started at 135 because I was too fat at that weight. That says nothing about anyone else, just me.16 -
VioletRojo wrote: »ACanadian22 wrote: »OP has me on her side until she said she felt "fat"...Are the people you are saying fat at 150 weighing or more than that? Is this on here or to your friends? I don't think I am fat, but that is my opinion. Weigh whatever you want, but don't put down a number.
Why are you making this about you? I started at 135 because I was too fat at that weight. That says nothing about anyone else, just me.
Agreed - and in fact, body fat percentage matters just as much, aesthetics wise. I'm also 5ft 4, and I look much better around 108 lbs...IF I'm doing mostly cardio. With lifting + a deficit, my body fat percentage has gone down and I look lean-ish at 130 lbs. These people bothering you are busybodies, OP, but it's also important to consider that the scale weight might not even be a totally accurate metric, aesthetics wise.8 -
There are a lot of great posts here already, but I’d just like to add that losing weight successfully is HARD. Keeping it off is even harder, of course, but for most people just pushing through and getting to a healthy weight, much less their goal weight, has proven to be out of their reach.
When it works for someone, when they stick with it and the weight comes off and nothing goes horribly wrong it looks easy from the outside, and that’s suspicious and concerning. People worry about obsessions and eating disorders when that happens. They feel like the odds of you successfully losing as much weight as you want to in a healthy way are so low that there has to be something unhealthy going on.
So it could just be real worry, that you’re not in control and won’t be able to stop. I’ve been getting that from my family, too—all the “You look great”s have been followed immediately by “but you’re stopping now, right?” I could lose almost 20 more pounds before I count as underweight. I prefer to have more muscle on me, so I’m only looking to lose about 8. If I say I want to lose 8 more pounds they’ll start pestering my husband to have me committed, so I just smile and say “The dramatic part is over; I’m just working out a comfortable resting point now.” Vagueness is your friend, and it’s really none of their business.8
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