The Healthier Me: My Journey from 600lbs

My Journey continued: Day 32

I laid awake on the night of day 30. My doctor's appointment was in the morning. I am naturally a night owl so it was already hard enough to sleep. I kept running through the past week in my head. I still couldn't believe how fun and easy this has been. Not "easy" as in I'm not putting in the work, but how just changing the type of food I was eating so not to have that "need more" feeling.

I am an emotional eater, always have been. I enjoy food! I enjoy how it feels in my mouth, how it tastes to my tongue and the feeling of it going down. I love the mental... for lack of a better word "Orgasm", that food gives me. Food was always there for me when I felt nothing else was. It gave me that comfort. That feeling of wholeness... even after binging on several double cheeseburgers and semi regretting the stomachache. Food made everything better.

Now somehow its still doing all that, but in a different way. My relationship with food has changed. I'm having fun coming up with new recipes that are low calories and high protein. It's like a challenge. This has allowed me to eat bigger portions and not get extra calories. It is also helping to fill me up.

When I woke up that morning of Day 1 and knew I was ready! Everything had clicked, every day after was like waking up on some kind of happy drug. I was full of energy, my stomach didn't feel like crap. My head was clear and my energy increased more and more each day.

I was nervous about the appointment. I knew I had been telling myself its not about the number this time around, which I fully believe, because how happy I feel. I was just worried about seeing the number and it changing everything, like it use too. I actually logged on to my health to cancel my appointed because that's how scared I was to see the number. I didn't cancel...

After tossing and turning for a few hours I woke up on Day 31. Got ready and walked out of my house for the first time in over a month. It was easier then it had been a month and a half ago. First good sign! I have been trapped in my house for the past ten months, except for going to the hospital or clinic. This time I didn't have a panic attack from being outside. I got in the car and my daughter shut the door. I fit better in the car than before, second good sign. "Are you ready?" she asked. "here we go!," I said. Off to the clinic, we went.

"Justin?" My doctor's nurse asked as she came to get me out in the waiting area. Her and my Daughter walked and I still waddled to the first room where all my nightmares started, The Weight Room! "Please step on the scale", she nicely asked. "No, you step on the scale!" I thought to myself as I step onto the "Livestock" scale I like to call it. I looked down to read the number.

Let's take a second to reflect... I weighed 613lbs. The Fitness Pal app said that if I kept eating like this, I would weigh 582lbs. So I was planning on losing at least 20lbs, no more than 30lbs. I kept telling myself that It's not about the number, it's about how I feel, and I feel amazing! So no matter what, it's just a number!!!!!

The scale read 527! I was in shock so was my daughter. Of course, the nurse didn't know what was going on and why I looked like I saw a ghost and was speechless. We walked/waddled to the appointment room. She took my vitals and said my doctor will be right with me. She left and I turned to my daughter... "Um, how much did it say?" I was in disbelief. I mean in 2007 when I was younger and had lost 100lbs in a month and a week, I had been working out every day and basically starving. So believing that I lost 86lbs was unbelievable with just eating food.

My doctor walked in not really looking at me and started talking about she had found something that might help me since it was getting harder for me to get into the clinic because of my size. She turned and looked at me and I had the biggest smile on my face. "You didn't see the cart yet did you?" I said. She looked down at the chart, then at me, then did a double take! That moment alone was worth counting calories for the month.

It was hard not making Day 31 about the numbers. It was worth it for the day tho. I am motivated more than ever. I am excited to see where my journey takes me this month. This month I plan on adding walking to my daily goals and coming up with more low-calorie meals! My next appointment is October 29th. I will not be weighing myself until then.

Thank you to everyone that has been following me. It has given me motivation and an overwhelming feeling of belonging. Remember we all can do this and to keep it about the way you feel. Its ok to slip and fall, just get right back up and keep walking.

More to come throughout the month! I'm not sure how the best way to update. hope this is it. you can follow my personal blog as well. I will be updating more there. https://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/justintorres2012

Hope that was the right way to update you all! I could not find an edit button or add button! lol