The Healthier Me: My Journey from 600lbs

justintorres2012 wrote: »

My Journey continued: Day 32

I laid awake on the night of day 30. My doctor's appointment was in the morning. I am naturally a night owl so it was already hard enough to sleep. I kept running through the past week in my head. I still couldn't believe how fun and easy this has been. Not "easy" as in I'm not putting in the work, but how just changing the type of food I was eating so not to have that "need more" feeling.

I am an emotional eater, always have been. I enjoy food! I enjoy how it feels in my mouth, how it tastes to my tongue and the feeling of it going down. I love the mental... for lack of a better word "Orgasm", that food gives me. Food was always there for me when I felt nothing else was. It gave me that comfort. That feeling of wholeness... even after binging on several double cheeseburgers and semi regretting the stomachache. Food made everything better.

Now somehow its still doing all that, but in a different way. My relationship with food has changed. I'm having fun coming up with new recipes that are low calories and high protein. It's like a challenge. This has allowed me to eat bigger portions and not get extra calories. It is also helping to fill me up.

When I woke up that morning of Day 1 and knew I was ready! Everything had clicked, every day after was like waking up on some kind of happy drug. I was full of energy, my stomach didn't feel like crap. My head was clear and my energy increased more and more each day.

I was nervous about the appointment. I knew I had been telling myself its not about the number this time around, which I fully believe, because how happy I feel. I was just worried about seeing the number and it changing everything, like it use too. I actually logged on to my health to cancel my appointed because that's how scared I was to see the number. I didn't cancel...

After tossing and turning for a few hours I woke up on Day 31. Got ready and walked out of my house for the first time in over a month. It was easier then it had been a month and a half ago. First good sign! I have been trapped in my house for the past ten months, except for going to the hospital or clinic. This time I didn't have a panic attack from being outside. I got in the car and my daughter shut the door. I fit better in the car than before, second good sign. "Are you ready?" she asked. "here we go!," I said. Off to the clinic, we went.

"Justin?" My doctor's nurse asked as she came to get me out in the waiting area. Her and my Daughter walked and I still waddled to the first room where all my nightmares started, The Weight Room! "Please step on the scale", she nicely asked. "No, you step on the scale!" I thought to myself as I step onto the "Livestock" scale I like to call it. I looked down to read the number.

Let's take a second to reflect... I weighed 613lbs. The Fitness Pal app said that if I kept eating like this, I would weigh 582lbs. So I was planning on losing at least 20lbs, no more than 30lbs. I kept telling myself that It's not about the number, it's about how I feel, and I feel amazing! So no matter what, it's just a number!!!!!

The scale read 527! I was in shock so was my daughter. Of course, the nurse didn't know what was going on and why I looked like I saw a ghost and was speechless. We walked/waddled to the appointment room. She took my vitals and said my doctor will be right with me. She left and I turned to my daughter... "Um, how much did it say?" I was in disbelief. I mean in 2007 when I was younger and had lost 100lbs in a month and a week, I had been working out every day and basically starving. So believing that I lost 86lbs was unbelievable with just eating food.

My doctor walked in not really looking at me and started talking about she had found something that might help me since it was getting harder for me to get into the clinic because of my size. She turned and looked at me and I had the biggest smile on my face. "You didn't see the cart yet did you?" I said. She looked down at the chart, then at me, then did a double take! That moment alone was worth counting calories for the month.

It was hard not making Day 31 about the numbers. It was worth it for the day tho. I am motivated more than ever. I am excited to see where my journey takes me this month. This month I plan on adding walking to my daily goals and coming up with more low-calorie meals! My next appointment is October 29th. I will not be weighing myself until then.

Thank you to everyone that has been following me. It has given me motivation and an overwhelming feeling of belonging. Remember we all can do this and to keep it about the way you feel. Its ok to slip and fall, just get right back up and keep walking.

More to come throughout the month! I'm not sure how the best way to update. hope this is it. you can follow my personal blog as well. I will be updating more there. https://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/justintorres2012

countcurt wrote: »

So, I’m a bit conflicted here. Certainly, congratulations are in order. You’ve obviously committed yourself to losing weight and have begun to examine (in a very positive way) the factors that contributed to your situation. That is all great.

Am I the only one, though, who is worried by the rate of your loss and by your description of ‘basically starving’ yourself to achieve your loss? There are some specific health concerns with losing weight so quickly and you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re ‘starving yourself’ to get where you need to be. That feeling wears thin at some point and also prevents you from starting to learn what it feels like to be a little hungry versus very hungry versus not really hungry versus not hungry at all. You also can’t learn what if feels like to determine when you’ve eaten the amount of food you need to satisfy hunger as opposed to obliterate it.

I know I sound like a Donnie Downer here. I’d simply point out that you’ll need tools and tactics for the long game. And for health.

justintorres2012 wrote: »

22 Days ago, in the middle of the night, I waddled to the bathroom. I did my business and looked into the mirror as I washed my hands. Out of breath and miserable, I yelled, "Stop!". I looked deep into my eyes and yelled it again. I got closer to the mirror, "What are you doing?", I said with tear-filled eyes. I stood there, just mean mugging myself. Upset and just done, I pulled myself together and waddled back to my bed.
I struggled to get in the right position, so as not to die from being suffocated by my own fat. I closed my eyes and could feel the four double cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, taco sub and what every else I ate that day just sitting there in my stomach, pushing on all my organs. It was a reminder that bingeing is so not worth it in the end. I laid there depressed, alone, morbidly obese, and ready for the day to be over. I remember drifting off to sleep with the image of my eyes in the mirror looking back at me. They had been filled with so much pain, anger, sadness, and tears.
Morning came quickly. Something was different, but could not pinpoint it. I was content, somewhat happy, and determined. Something clicked in my mind that made starting a new lifestyle easy and necessary. I knew deep in my soul and in the furthest part of my mind that it was now or never. Never being the alternative, death.
I reached for my phone and called the mother of my child, who also happens to be my ex, my friend, and my current caregiver. I told her I was ready and needed to start today. I asked her to go shopping at this place in town called Power Plate Meals (PPM). They prepare healthy meals that are ready to go or frozen. They just so happened to be having a $5 per frozen meal special that week. I had her get me twenty some to get started.
The for two and a half weeks I eat 2 PPM, 1 cooked meal, and dried fruit for snacks a day. The PPM' averaged anywhere from 350 - 450 in calories. They were also high in protein. They were amazing! I was not sure if it was them or the connection in my head that was making me not hungry. The meal I cooked was normally two Egg and Ham English Muffins. My total calories for the day were 1600 - 2200. I was getting through the days without hunger.
Now being 613 pounds, I can eat like 3,400ish calories in a day to lose the 2 pounds a week. But with the type of food, I had been eating that was not going to happen. I was too full! So I just keep doing what was feeling right. I was drinking tons of water as well. Each day I felt lighter and healthier. It was getting easier to waddle around and stand up. I also have lymphedema of the legs. My right leg has a very large edema mass. My left leg is not as big. Both Legs are at the stage that is not reversible, but parts of the legs of started shrinking.
Due to the cost of the PPM (Not on sale $8-$10 each), I have since had to come up with my own meals. With the help of my caregiver, I create the low calorie, high protein, and of course low-cost recipes. She prepares and portions them, so all I have to do is heat them up. I do help where I can when making meals, any movement is exercise.
So now I'm eating three of my Home Made Power Plate Meals (HMPPM) a day. The best part of starting with PPM is that the containers they come in are reusable. So it feels like I'm still doing them and it's very convenient. The HMPPM calorie range is 300 - 500. They are also high in protein. I am working at getting the sodium down in each meal as well, but one thing at a time. My Crust-less Pot Pie is huge and filling and comes in at a whopping 300 calories!
Ok, well that is my story up to now. It's Day 22 and I'm feeling amazing. I don't know how much I have lost but it feels and looks like 30-40 pounds. I have an appointment on the 27th of September, 2018. I am so excited to go. Not sure if I'm more excited that I will be getting out of my house that I have been a prisoner in for the past nine months or seeing how much I have lost. I have come to learn that it can't be about the number. We put so much stress on ourselves because of that number. It needs to be about the way you feel.
I know I'm only 22 days in, but something is different this time around. I have woke up every day feeling better. Feeling like my life is worth living. I wake up every morning excited to be alive. Being able to move around without almost passing out from not being able to breathe. I know I'm still 500 some pounds, but every pound I drop gives my body a break from caring around over half a ton of fat.
I plan to update my story as my Journey to The Healthier Me continues...