WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2018

Mocha Latte
My sister had an interesting take on my mother’s attitude toward my disabilities (to me it seemed like denial and shame) - her thought was there was such great stigma attached at the time to a diagnosis of ‘learning disability” that mom may have just been trying to protect me. That perspective is probably closer to the truth than mine was.

But we both agreed it was one of those things to be kept ‘secret or private and never admitted’ and it was jaw-dropping that she (sister) had no idea there was a reason I didn’t drive or compete in swimming (like she and my brother did) etc. (until we talked about it a few years ago) Because Mom made it clear that my disabilities were not things I was supposed to admit or talk about.

I’m so glad that has changed in society for youngsters now. My nieces are well aware of their personal traits that make some things harder or easier for them, some of which require medical attention or disability status, yet each is a self confident, open and positive young person I admire.

Just some thoughts before work.

Rye

Michele - Congratulations on the grandbaby that is exciting news!

In-laws are such a tricky situation to navigate. My in-laws are the best people in the world, I absolutely love spending time with them. My Dad was always extremely jealous of them and ruined most of my trips home. His behaviour just made it so I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to put up with the jealousy, passive aggressive comments, and guilt trips he put on me. I was always very careful to go home for an odd number of days. I would go for 9 days, 4 at my parents, 4 at my in-laws, and 1 at my best friends. This was not good enough for my Dad. Even the days that were marked for others he would be upset if I went before supper that day. His jealousy ruined our last trip I was home while I was still able to visit with him before he passed, it has been almost 6 years now and I still remember the harsh words that were said before I remember the pleasant parts of the trip. It hurts my heart even now.

Before we moved away many Christmases and holidays were ruined because of my Dad's possessiveness. My MIL in an attempt to accommodate and appease my Dad and to help me started having candlelight Christmas dinners. This was not the best solution as she had the most grandchildren that should have been being put to bed at about the time we were eating, but God bless her for doing it. My Dad would show up at our place very early sometimes as early as 6am, before the girls were even awake, to watch my girls open their presents. We would then pack them all up immediately after and we would go to their place to open presents there and have a Christmas dinner. We would leave there around 3 - 4 in the afternoon, go to our place to drop off gifts, pick up gifts and then go to my in-laws. I hated Christmas, it was like moving day. The girls were fussy and miserable because they wanted to just play with their toys.

I swore to myself I would never be "that" in-law that allowed my jealousy or possessiveness ruin holidays and special occasions for my girls. This has meant that we celebrate holidays sometimes early, sometimes late but I always accommodate. Last Christmas was the first Christmas Day in 7 years we actually had Christmas Dinner and gifts on December 25th!

I am so very blessed to have my daughters very near to me right now. At one time my youngest lived with her other half and his mother two provinces away. At times, especially holidays, I was jealous that she had my daughter and I didn't. I was also jealous when I was told about shopping trips, etc that I wasn't able to do and I wouldn't have had the money to spend on my daughter even if she were closer. I had to remind myself that my daughter was blessed to have a "MIL" in her life that treated her well, accepted her for who she was and was there for her. My daughter had to have major surgery while she was living there and I couldn't be there, the MIL took time off work to care for her, she took her to appointments, she did everything I would have done. I was so very grateful for this. Now I have them living near me and I feel bad she isn't here to share things. I personally think, like others have said you should accept this invitation for Thanksgiving and try to get to know Maria better and maybe reach an understanding that they are only trying to help the "kids" out not trying to outdo you and Vince. My need to not make my daughter ever feel torn like my Dad made me feel all the time really helped me to keep all feelings to myself and to do whatever I needed to make all of the relationships work.

I won't even go into the issues with my eldest daughter's MIL, I am very sad for her that she doesn't have a loving in-law experience it affects her, her husband and the grandchildren terribly.

Sorry if I rambled and went on too long, apparently I still have a lot of resentment about this subject. I hope you are able to navigate your way through this without too much suffering for you or Denise.

Ah, Heather, I'm sorry, and very hopeful for tomorrow. So frustrating!

I packed and moved everything in my office that I could load alone, went up and my son helped unload, then we went back to the rental house, loaded up the truck with the things I needed his help with (bookcase, laser printer, filing cabinets...) as well as a lot of other loose things that could be taken, coats, boots, bathroom storage stuff, and drove it back up. Plus a stop on the way down at Wally-World, picked up rugs and a few things I needed. Unloaded the truck once more, got it all in my new office (the old dining room, which we don't need and would never use)... And I ran out of gas. Not in the truck. In me. I hit that seven-hour mark, and said, I'm done, I'm through, and am now back at the rental house with my feet up, playing gin rummy on my laptop, and about to take a nap.

God, I feel old... but realistic, at least. I will be more likely to be able to move more stuff tomorrow by stopping today. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

Tomorrow is the kitchen. Friday morning is the bedroom and bathrooms, other than necessities for Saturday morning. Saturday, the menfolk move the big stuff while I flutter around and dither and micromanage.

Naptime!

Lisa in AR

There are so many wise women on this thread. I love reading the insightful thoughts that pass among this group.
Yes, Janet I do have grandkids but only 9. Two have graduated college but have no interest in dating or marriage. One is going to apply to medical school next year and says she doesn’t have time for that. My blessing is they are all healthy and happy and doing their thing.
Heather - somebody needs to redo the English system of buying and selling houses. They could learn something from the “colonies”. That is a nightmare. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. You may just have to buy another bottle of champagne when it happens.
Lisa- you are wise to pace yourself. Moving is like skiing, the third day is the hardest. You don’t want to be too tired to enjoy your mountain home.
Glad Lenora didn’t have too much trouble. Our river is still high but so far hasn’t breached the top bank. We thought it would yesterday but we were lucky. There are many places in TX much worse off than we are. Still raining......
Getting ready to get out of the house for the first time since Sunday. I am feeling better so we are going to the church to help feed the youth group.
Stay safe my Pals
SueBDew in TX