The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Thanks, @lorrainequiche59 ... I don't know if I'm seeking feedback or just venting either! And yes, I'm confused, but I feel even that state is a good and healthy one. At the moment all I can commit to is "I'm kinda off the sauce these days" -- and luckily, my friends find humor with and understand that! (Many of them admit to problems themselves and I agree and can see them clearly.) I will definitely check out CB and others. Also, off-topic but related, it is so weird how alcohol is steeped so deeply in our lives. It seems like now that I've decided to have a break with it (however long-term or temporary), IT IS EVERYWHERE. In the meantime, in a sober state, I'm psyched to be prepping for a long hike on Sunday! 10 miles in the Trinity Alps.
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A little food for thought I happened to come across today:
"If someone was hitting you with a baseball bat would you ask them to slow down or stop?"7 -
Hi friends, today I’m having a pity party- not sure why but I feel like I’m not able to have as much fun at social events without drinking. A work happy hour is tomorrow and last time I went, I drank a bunch and I continued drinking at home afterwards. I, of course, do not wish for that life anymore. But sometimes a glass of wine would hit the spot. Anyway, I just dont feel like going tomorrow, so I won’t.
On Friday, friends are having a beer/wine and chili night. Once again, I just dont feel like going. It’s completely in my head that I wont have fun or will be jealous of the others toasting their Friday night after a hard week. I dont really need feed back or a pep talk, just saying that my mind is feeling depressed today. Most days that is not the case- I am so happy I dont drink anymore. Day 87 AF today- I know that I will feel better and better as time passes; I wonder how long it takes for the brain to adjust to being AF and not feeling that you’re missing out on fun things.
For you successful sober folks, how long did it take after you quit until you were finally accepting of your decisions and not feeling like you are missing out? A few months, a year? Never?
@kpk54 Great quote!
@joha5603 I understand how you’re feeling totally. You’re not quite ready to quit and don’t feel you need to at this time. I think just listen to your gut; if you abstain MOST of the time and indulge once in awhile, I dont see that harm. It all depends on your goals - no judgment here. I still wish I could moderate, but now that ship has long passed for me.
@lorrainequiche59 I love your reflections on Oct. 15th. You are sensible and wise. Xo4 -
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@RubyRed427 I am AF now over 10 years and I really don’t even remember what it was like to be a drinker being sober is my way of life. I was between my third and fourth month when I started to transition from a drinker who was stopped and struggling a bit to maintain sobriety to a non drinker. I was undergoing a weight loss change of life and as I lost more weight and increased my exercise not drinking became easier7
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@RubyRed427 ...I think you need to schedule something lovely and indulgent for yourself or with a friend for Friday night. A movie, maybe? Ohh.... a massage! Oh a pedicure -- if that's your thing. (I don't know if I'm in any position to give advice, though.)6
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^^ I love this!
A night at the bar would cost the same as a massage.3 -
It is almost 9 months AF and I am sorry here and there that I can't stop myself once I would have a drink, if I did. I would like a glass of wine, but my heart knows it would never be just one. I have had to fight to get to this point at times and don't know when it became easier anymore overall anymore. One drink for me may lead to daily drinking and then round the clock drinking and we know the negatives that go with it.....like for me,the promises that I would stop to my kids and yet failing at it some more, I remember the disappointment/anger in my son's voice when he asked how I was doing after I had said I would stop and I told him I was trying, but struggling at that point. That is something I will never forget. Anyways. I am just trying to share partly how I have reigned this in so far. I was used to finding new activities and buddies before if I needed to as I changed, so I had to do this, once I quit drinking, again and it has been hard and I am not totally there, but it is worth it. When I stopped smoking, I hung out less and less with those who smoked (if you smoke, please I don't mean to offend--there are serious health issues in my family with smoking), when I got divorced I hung out less with couples, when I lost my son, something most anyone who hasn't gone through and find it hard to relate to me.... I have had to move on, the lady I love, but wants to eat all the junk she can get her hands on and feels uncomfortable if I order a healthy lunch for breakfast, for instance, we have had to limit getting together or do something we both enjoy doing more together. I have to meet up with those with like minded goals the most. I haven't ditched most people unless they have been abusive and I just overlooked it before, but now I won't etc., just changed my priorities and what I want to do. I want to work out, eat right most of the time, enjoy my family and whatever I am supposed to do here with the time I have left. I had to stop celebrating birthdays with a friend and our birthdays are in the same month together. She wants cake and the like and eating cake on my birthday makes me depressed. She is not happy about it, but she won't change and then it is not that enjoyable anymore. I offered for us to do another non-food activity instead.....So far no progress... One day and change at a time. I would like to keep the progress I have made so far and hope that I do. One thing I want to do is plan social activities more myself. I am planning a backyard fire for real soon. I need to burn up some wood and I won't plan drinking into it. Hope the weather will be nice enough for a bit longer.... I need more memories that I am totally proud of. I hope the best for all of us.4
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I'm the only one who reads "as f**k" every time I see AF? He he he! Good morning, all. 4
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I'm the only one who reads "as f**k" every time I see AF? He he he! Good morning, all.
Sometimes haha
@salleewins ,that's a great post and I understand getting rid of the old friends,surroundings,etc from the drink days,I get it and do it but sometimes it feels like I've eliminated almost everything! Like I'm scared to go anywhere cuz I might be tempted,also I can't be so strict on myself with smoking and the eating cuz I'm just not "there" yet with those things I guess,have a great day all! 
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I'm the only one who reads "as f**k" every time I see AF? He he he! Good morning, all.
Sometimes haha@salleewins ,that's a great post and I understand getting rid of the old friends,surroundings,etc from the drink days,I get it and do it but sometimes it feels like I've eliminated almost everything! Like I'm scared to go anywhere cuz I might be tempted,also I can't be so strict on myself with smoking and the eating cuz I'm just not "there" yet with those things I guess,have a great day all!
It gets easier overall. I was scared in the beginning like that, too. Now I can drive past the liquor stores and mostly feel annoyed that they are there trying to "ruin" ha ha my day and I can go into places 2 doors down from those stores as well. Sometimes I forget they are around. Other times like this holiday season fast approaching it is on my mind where I am in relation to these stores. I went into a gas station the other day and I would not go near the beer aisle. Depends how vulnerable I feel. I used to stay home as well in the beginning just until I got it together. I have had to eliminate a client from work, just to not be asked what kind of drink do I like and what I want for a drink from her teenage kids, when she started hosting teenage drinking parties. Bye bye. I need a good life. I have already been through a lot in life and some of it my doing with this drinking response to the stress.
Have a good day all!!3 -
Also I have picked up new hobbies and began old hobbies again in a fresh way to help with the replacement of space alcohol took. I have the energy to do these things most of the time. I am making new friends and trying new things as well. Many things I do on my own, if I invite people and they can't go. Before I would not go as I was scared and self conscious. Lately I am doing library events and hitting knitting stores to learn how to knit a dress to wear when I reach my goal. Some cool fashion out there now to knit. I haven't knitted a lot, so this is a new adventure. It has been scary, but I am usually proud of myself somehow for moving ahead. One of my goals is to try parasailing once I have reached my weight goal. My esteem of myself is increasing and I am gaining confidence. Beats drinking to forget and lying blacked out finally every day. Now I cry if I need to, talk it out and for me, pray in order to figure out all my life one day at a time. Creating good fun!!4
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@RubyRed427 my husband took a few months but even with 5 years of sobriety, he had days where he wished he could be "normal"
i told him it's normal to have an allergy. some people have to avoid shellfish or peanuts. he just had to avoid alcohol. yes, they can't have somethings, but better to not have them than risk their life. imho
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Doing some self-reflection. My tiptoe towards sobriety came after this sequence:
- learning my dad was ill and rearranging my life so I could be with him for treatments for a week at a time, every third week, for 6 months
- helping my dad in the final stages of his life, until the end, with as much grace and joy as I could muster (which was not difficult because he was a downright lovely human: respectful and kind and funny)
- telling my husband I want a divorce
- buying a house
- telling my children that I wouldn't live at the old house anymore (one of the saddest events of my life)
- moving into said house (after a few months) and slowly transitioning self and kids to our 2-house life (which is going surprisingly well! Everyone is happier and we spend tons of quality time together as a family and I no longer have to endure the emotional pain on the daily.)
For about a year after that sequence, while I said I was "fine!", and I even ramped up my physical activity, I got to work 99% of the time, I met a couple nice guys, I went to see some fun shows, and I was drinking excessively and couldn't really see it. It took a double-whammy week (2 bad hangovers in 1 week that required some ativan - good lord! What a mess!), plus a few months of "I've got to stop doing this" before I said... "Whoa. I think I have a drinking problem."
Now, I go hiking every other weekend with a hiking meet-up group to fill my child-free time. I work on my house. I'm super happy to be single and not really actively seeking a partner. I still see some friends but in a different context now (we go to dinner or go on walks instead of potluck/party/drink). Some friends I don't see as often because they are spiraling towards a place that's not good, and I'm not the savior type, and it's hard to watch. I work with some pretty great people so that's fabulous. All in all, life is so much better without the fog/illnesses/excuses I was experiencing before. Now... if I could just up my running time to faster than an 11-minute mile!6 -
^^ thank you for sharing this. I really needed to read some inspiration.1
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My test of sobriety will come this Saturday.. Going out with a few couple's.. I'm sure I will want a glass of wine..2
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Bellavita32 wrote: »My test of sobriety will come this Saturday.. Going out with a few couple's.. I'm sure I will want a glass of wine..
Try to hold off! Maybe cheesecake instead? Lol... maybe the same caloric content (but IDK, I'm not a fan of calorie counting). Maybe a brisk walk to a local boutique? Maybe a brisk walk to the ladies room where you can spend a few minutes centering yourself and gathering your strength.2 -
Hi all, I’ve been AF for almost 5 years, feel so much better for it, was overweight, unhappy and short tempered, in the last 2 years I’ve started exercise which i love, which most certainly makes me feel good and a positive outlook , I take care of myself and am able to be there for my wife and daughter , took me a huge mindset shift to change my ways and to be happy living AF6
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Hardest day yet today.
Had a big problem at work and I just wanted so bad to come home and drink and sleep.
9 p.m. extremely difficult even now. Feeling very low.
Thanks for letting me vent4 -
Your passage was very inspiring and insightful! Thanks so much for taking the time to write your thoughts ; it really gives me such hope. Xo
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Day four today. I have been reading all your posts since Monday morning when I woke up once again after an evening of drinking, alone, in front of my family, a whole bottle of wine and then turning to Baileys for dessert. Ugh...I have got to stop this cycle of drinking most nights. I just have no power for moderation. I haven’t even really wanted a drink until tonight. I really enjoy lemonade with a splash (well, maybe a bit more than a splash😜) of sorbet vodka and thought about having one tonight...but just stuck with plain old lemonade- yeah me. I’m quite proud...I don’t remember the last time I wanted a drink and didn’t cave in. My plan right now, is to be AF until Halloween as hubby and I have a three day get away planned. I will re-evaluate when the time gets closer as to whether or not I will drink while away. I think it’s mostly a mindset for me as I don’t have trouble abstaining at work functions or at school functions- I just never drink at either even though almost everyone else is. Anyhow, hello to you all. I find each of you and your courage inspiring, your advice valuable- I’m learning so much.4
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@Kiki9871 Welcome and thanks for joining us! I can certainly relate to most of what you said. It's frustrating for some of us to try to moderate, I always seemed to wake up so disappointed in myself for not having that ability. Just not drinking takes up much less head space for me, so that is my aim. Congrats on your Day 4!2
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@Kiki9871 ... day 4 is a great start. I'm on day 18 !! Let's stick it out as best we can at least through sober october.
I cant sleep. Stressed... sad ... but determined. My life will be better than this one day. I just have to stay committed to the positive changes I am making.10 -
SO inspiring to hear everyone struggles & successes...even IF at this point it is only a struggle that is a very good thing because struggling means we are still putting up a fight to stay sober & healthier for sure. It is totally worth the fight!!!
My niece has been sober 10 days today & is quite pumped about being able to go this long without a drink. Her goal is toward the end of the month when she hosts her daughter's engagement party. ANY amount of sobriety contributes to health & proves that we DO have control.
Success is also sharing our raw, difficult feelings and I am so grateful that everyone here has the courage to do that. Thank you for helping me to stay sober 3 -
@Kiki9871 ... day 4 is a great start. I'm on day 18 !! Let's stick it out as best we can at least through sober october.
I cant sleep. Stressed... sad ... but determined. My life will be better than this one day. I just have to stay committed to the positive changes I am making.
Oh, man. I'm so sorry. I PM'ed you. But hey, today is a new day. It is a chance for most things to go well, and likely some things not as planned. Let's think of it as a challenge and can we rise to it? I bet you can.
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@Kiki9871 ... day 4 is a great start. I'm on day 18 !! Let's stick it out as best we can at least through sober october.
I cant sleep. Stressed... sad ... but determined. My life will be better than this one day. I just have to stay committed to the positive changes I am making.
How's the baby doing? Better I hope,everyone sounds good,I feel ok but a bit restless at times,seems thinking about not drinking keeps it on my mind ALL the time! I'm over it,don't want to count days,don't want to acknowledge triggers,just want to be done for good...hope everyone enjoys their day 1 -
@joha5603 ... I never got a msg : /
@whitpauly ...the last few days he seems 100%. Thanks for asking. Still red skinned, but no more blisters and his is mood is back to normal.
And I am on day 19 which means i made it through the night.
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