The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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islandbeez wrote: »Hi @NormInv ! Always nice to see you
always love to see you2 -
@kcn2bluesky Congratulations on your 10 months sober and running the marathon! Both of these are huge! As far as strategies for holiday sobriety, just offer to bring non alcoholic treats to a party. A side dish, cookies or dessert, a couple bottles of Pellegrino, sparkling cider etc. I am sure any contribution will be appreciated! I am not apologizing to anyone for not bringing addictive poison to their party.7
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I've not had a drink in over 5 years.
We all have different circumstances and life experiences but for me it has been true that: those who matter, don't care (that I no longer partake in the drinking habit/festivity).
Perhaps there is a tendency to contemplate our drinking/not drinking more than necessary. I just no longer drink adult libations. My long time circle of friends seems to be a BYOB group. We've always brought "our own" because everyone drinks something different.
I show up with a bottle of diet tonic water and some lime slices in a baggie on some occasions. Other times it's a couple bottles of a caffeine free diet beverage. On New Years Day, I raise my glass of tonic or Mio or cola or coffee or tea. Others raise their glass of champagne, wine, beer, scotch or whatever.
The people who matter to me and to whom, I matter, care only that I'm there and content toasting with my beverage of choice.
Don't take the 1st one. 1 may be too many and a thousand never enough.7 -
Two observations from the weekend:
1) Was invited by friends to see a band; these are my party drinking hard girlfriends, but I declined. I saw all their fun facebook photos from the evening, and although a tiny bit nostalgic, I was mostly thankful that this morning, I woke up happy and hangover free.
2) Went to a Halloween party, and for the first time, I didn’t feel that I was missing the cocktails. There was a strong punch made by the hostess. People were comment how strong and good it was. I had no desire to have any. The hostess had LaCroix and I was really content NOT to be drinking.
I think that I had a breakthrough; gone were the feelings that I was missing out on the fun because I wasnt drinking. In fact, I felt more social and had more fun, I think, because I was completely sober.
@kpk54 I think you’re right. Initially, I and many others may feel overly obsessed about staying sober, and then , we will find that it just becomes natural.
@kcn2bluesky That is such a wonderful picture! You look happy and healthy!
@NormInv Hope your weekend was fun!
@jhilkene You stated after the drinks, the problems were still there. Amen to that! You’re so right.4 -
Happy Friday all,hit 30 days (again) yesterday and for some reason niggling thoughts have been creeping in,irritates me but they're just thoughts,,as long as I stick to my goal and not get too uneasy I'll be fine,its that uneasiness that is hard to get through,I hate it! Hope everyone has a great day
Hope you had a good weekend. Yes, the uneasiness is real.
Recently I heard a good statement in a meditation. : “WE are not our thoughts.” Our soul is an observer of our thoughts. *Interesting concept.
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mainelylisa wrote: »Hi I'm on day 5 of being AF. I have been heavily drinking for 10 to 15 years but I have been a secret drinker so I don't have anyone to share my AF journey with. I'm incredibly tired has anyone else experienced this.
I'm on Day 5 and also a secret drinker when I'm not being a social drinker. I'm a bit tired--but not bloated and not feeling poisoned-tired. This is a great community and non-judgmental. And to Ruby's point, check out TedTalks--there are a lot of inspiring stories. And here's a story of a journalist who kept a secret for a long time, until it came out. https://abcnews.go.com/Health/abc-news-anchor-elizabeth-vargas-long-battle-alcoholism/story?id=41980399
Hugs...
I watched the Elizabeth Vargas video. I always liked her. And I know she was married to Marc Cohn (great singer). I wonder if her book is good. I’ll check it out.
https://people.com/tv/elizabeth-vargas-on-divorce-from-her-husband-marc-cohn-days-after-leaving-rehab/1 -
Perhaps there is a tendency to contemplate our drinking/not drinking more than necessary.
@kpk54 What an awesomely accurate statement this is! I think, for me personally, I do analyze and contemplate the alcohol situation at various events and activities...probably because I'm still encountering new situations and possibly because I like to analyze & contemplate things (data, situations, sewing/knitting/beading, life, vacation & retirement plans) lol
This will be my first holiday season without alcohol, so I want to be prepared for the situations at the parties, events, and gatherings during the season.4 -
@RubyRed427 Great post about being able to have an enjoyable time while staying sober! I attended a team building event at work, but it was held off-site at a local restaurant. I wasn't sure what to expect, as it is a new team I'm part of. I arrived right on time, but many others were already there drinking. A few of us weren't drinking alcohol, but most were. I stayed for an hour or so, socialized with everyone, and then left while they were starting on their 2nd & 3rd rounds. I enjoyed my time interacting with the group, but I was really glad to go home sober to my family.
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@kcn2bluesky congrats on your AF status and that marathon! I was finally able to do a 5k this summer and felt amazing! I am not a runner...at all...I HATED when we had to do it for sports in HS! But I had the energy and clear mind so I just went for it
Today I am sitting here marveling at how absolutely quiet my mind is. There is such an absence of "chatter" that comes with avoiding alcohol, for me personally. I was always able to not have a drink, I've just never been able to have 1, it was more like 10. Now with that removed there is no internal dialogue centered around whether I should grab a bottle of wine today, and the "oh, wait, it's Sunday, not til noon" or "where did I buy it from last so I can avoid that place" dilemma. It just feels great. Last night the husband and I went out to dinner, wine and mixed drinks were at every table but I just ordered an iced tea without any FOMO. It's just a really good place to be and it all started here
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islandbeez wrote: »@kcn2bluesky congrats on your AF status and that marathon! I was finally able to do a 5k this summer and felt amazing! I am not a runner...at all...I HATED when we had to do it for sports in HS! But I had the energy and clear mind so I just went for it
Today I am sitting here marveling at how absolutely quiet my mind is. There is such an absence of "chatter" that comes with avoiding alcohol, for me personally. I was always able to not have a drink, I've just never been able to have 1, it was more like 10. Now with that removed there is no internal dialogue centered around whether I should grab a bottle of wine today, and the "oh, wait, it's Sunday, not til noon" or "where did I buy it from last so I can avoid that place" dilemma. It just feels great. Last night the husband and I went out to dinner, wine and mixed drinks were at every table but I just ordered an iced tea without any FOMO. It's just a really good place to be and it all started here
Love this post @islandbeez ! You've articulated something I've experienced as well. The internal noise!
Congrats on your 5k! I love racing, and how accomplished & energized it makes me feel!
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kcn2bluesky wrote: »This will be my first holiday season without alcohol, so I want to be prepared for the situations at the parties, events, and gatherings during the season.
Yes. It never hurts to be prepared. It may be that you'll get some questions regarding your not drinking alcohol. Contemplate your answer. Perhaps it doesn't fit into your training goals? Perhaps you're into sparkling water these days?
Then....redirect the conversation. "Do you have your Christmas shopping done"? "What are your plans for Christmas Day"? "Have you seen any great movies lately"? Do you think Le'Veon Bell will get traded to the Packers"? I found that very few people really wanted to know the real reason I quit drinking...especially at a party and/or if they were drinking. 
I eventually shared some of the real reasons to those who mattered and there is not a single one who questioned me further or said much other than a loving, "Good for you!".
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islandbeez wrote: »@kcn2bluesky congrats on your AF status and that marathon! I was finally able to do a 5k this summer and felt amazing! I am not a runner...at all...I HATED when we had to do it for sports in HS! But I had the energy and clear mind so I just went for it
Today I am sitting here marveling at how absolutely quiet my mind is. There is such an absence of "chatter" that comes with avoiding alcohol, for me personally. I was always able to not have a drink, I've just never been able to have 1, it was more like 10. Now with that removed there is no internal dialogue centered around whether I should grab a bottle of wine today, and the "oh, wait, it's Sunday, not til noon" or "where did I buy it from last so I can avoid that place" dilemma. It just feels great. Last night the husband and I went out to dinner, wine and mixed drinks were at every table but I just ordered an iced tea without any FOMO. It's just a really good place to be and it all started here
Love this update 2 -
Ugh. I am so disappointed in myself. I am back at day one...again. I seem to do fine for the first few days and then around day 4 or 5 I feel like I can moderate. I cannot. Last night is proof of that. I am writing this so I will hopefully remember that I cannot drink in moderation and will choose to not drink. Not even one because apparently it never is just one. I want to be a better person. Hopefully I am on that road now and will not take anymore detours. Thank you all for your posts that I find so inspiring. I hope I can be as strong as you all are.11
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@Kiki9871 We are here for you. Try watching some Craig Beck videos on youtube for encouragement. Also check out thesoberschool.com. She usually has good blogs and videos. Stay strong. Baby steps still move you forward.2
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I would like to join ... day 1 today .. how often do we update?2
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Ugh. I am so disappointed in myself. I am back at day one...again. I seem to do fine for the first few days and then around day 4 or 5 I feel like I can moderate. I cannot. Last night is proof of that. I am writing this so I will hopefully remember that I cannot drink in moderation and will choose to not drink. Not even one because apparently it never is just one. I want to be a better person. Hopefully I am on that road now and will not take anymore detours. Thank you all for your posts that I find so inspiring. I hope I can be as strong as you all are.
You could even write down how you are feeling in a journal/on an app, so you remember just how it is. Memories fade. But don’t lose hope. You are a wonderful person. Your brain enjoys the dopamine you get from drinking. I think I read you get dopamine from alcohol ten times faster than other things you do. So, it’s not always a matter of willpower. It will take time to retrain your brain. So, don’t lose heart. Start at day 1 again. We have all had many “Day 1”. Just keep trying. Xo5 -
bubblemum2 wrote: »I would like to join ... day 1 today .. how often do we update?
Update as often as you like or feel you need to. I enjoy looking at this thread each day. It motivates me. Also, start at the first day on the thread to get some good advice; read through it. It’s hard work being sober or keeping your goal in check. But after you pass about 10 days , I think you’ll feel so much better.2 -
So I've been doing the South Beach diet for 7 days now and had a net loss of 3 lbs. Yesterday I completely blew it.....football food is NOT on the SBD and I went off the rails.....but 3 lbs is better than none. And not having wine or beer as was once usual, helps immensely as well. Now I just need to be committed to sending the leftover Halloween candy to the office with my husband on Thursday morning.5
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I just saw this Sober School video which was posted in September but I must have missed it. Well worth watching.
https://thesoberschool.com/do-i-need-to-quit-drinking/2 -
islandbeez wrote: »Today I am sitting here marveling at how absolutely quiet my mind is. There is such an absence of "chatter" that comes with avoiding alcohol, for me personally. I was always able to not have a drink, I've just never been able to have 1, it was more like 10. Now with that removed there is no internal dialogue centered around whether I should grab a bottle of wine today, and the "oh, wait, it's Sunday, not til noon" or "where did I buy it from last so I can avoid that place" dilemma. It just feels great.
This was me!!
Moderation for me would be trying to only buy alcohol on my night off. The amount was irrelevant, since I consumed for the buzz. Otherwise, why bother having any?
I'd like to get into running again, but I always hated it as well!
@RubyRed427 So glad you had a great weekend! I've been trying to get into meditation as well. Do you know any good reads or videos to start with?
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Ugh. I am so disappointed in myself. I am back at day one...again. I seem to do fine for the first few days and then around day 4 or 5 I feel like I can moderate. I cannot. Last night is proof of that. I am writing this so I will hopefully remember that I cannot drink in moderation and will choose to not drink. Not even one because apparently it never is just one. I want to be a better person. Hopefully I am on that road now and will not take anymore detours. Thank you all for your posts that I find so inspiring. I hope I can be as strong as you all are.
Self realization is key. It seems you have that, so you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for.
I've had many of those days thinking I could just drink one night and be fine the rest of the week, but then it makes every other day harder to abstain. (At least for me)
I was rewatching the Hunger Games movies last night (I'm a big kid, lol!), and one of the charachters said, it's easy to fall back down, but it's ten times harder to pull yourself out again.2 -
So I've been doing the South Beach diet for 7 days now and had a net loss of 3 lbs. Yesterday I completely blew it.....football food is NOT on the SBD and I went off the rails.....but 3 lbs is better than none. And not having wine or beer as was once usual, helps immensely as well. Now I just need to be committed to sending the leftover Halloween candy to the office with my husband on Thursday morning.
Having those off days makes us human!
There are days when I go waaay over my calorie consumption. I try to focus on the fact that I feel better when I eat or drink better, or I'll do an extra workout to compensate for the snacks I had.
If I ate it, I have to negate it.
Having that Halloween candy in the house doesn't help! I've been snacking on it for days. Glad it's only a couple days away.. it's too tempting!
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Ugh. I am so disappointed in myself. I am back at day one...again. I seem to do fine for the first few days and then around day 4 or 5 I feel like I can moderate. I cannot. Last night is proof of that. I am writing this so I will hopefully remember that I cannot drink in moderation and will choose to not drink. Not even one because apparently it never is just one. I want to be a better person. Hopefully I am on that road now and will not take anymore detours. Thank you all for your posts that I find so inspiring. I hope I can be as strong as you all are.
Big hugs to you! That first week is a tough one when you are changing ingrained habits.
Early on in January, I wrote entries daily, and sometimes several times a day, in my MFP blog that I keep private. It has been tremendously helpful! I still write entries there, although nowadays I have just one entry per month that I add to here & there. The blog quickly became a place to put down thoughts, goals, challenges, and a place to work things out. Writing in my private blog has been truly helpful both as I was writing and when looking back on the entries.
One question I ask myself when I ever think of having a drink is "what is it that I need or want that I think the glass of wine will do for me?" To relax? To de-stress? Because it's a habit or routine? Because I'm sad? Once I know the problem I'm trying to solve, I find other ways to resolve it. I've not had one single instance in the past 10 months where having that glass of wine (or 3) would solve a problem or feeling that I can't resolve in some other healthier way.
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@Kiki9871 Hang in there!
I'm reading A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller for inspiration. And also, let's face it, it really does bring comfort to know we're not alone in this "Why can't I drink like a "normal" person?" She has a LOT of repeated moderation attempts (and I'm still in the beginning of the book! So do I, and so many other people. I think the tricky part is that actually some of us CAN moderate. For a while. Which leads to a false sense of security. And then day/night (day and night, lol?) of Moderation Undone. For those that do learn to moderate, I think it requires tremendous work, such as writing and truly understanding the motivation to drink, as @kcn2bluesky talks about, and even then, there are very few who can truly master the occasional drink--partaking not to escape anything, but just truly to enjoy a drink. Like a chocolate.
Many here would agree abstaining is far less exhausting and dangerous than trying to moderate--whether for a period of time, or for a lifetime.
It's a brand new week! Hugs...5 -
I’m 19 days AF. I made a choice to change when....well, let me be honest, when I noticed alcohol was making me puffy and pudgy. So, it was my vanity that prompted me to cut alcohol out of my daily diet and rejoin MFP. Nineteen days in, I feel lighter, lucid, clean.
I have been reading this thread and finding motivation here. I thought I would add my voice and hopefully, in the future, I will return for encouragement -which I may need.
Surprisingly, I don’t feel I will be tempted at holiday parties, as Le Croix seems to make a good alternative. I’m most concerned about a couple of upcoming trips. I travel with another friend for, what I consider, a work trip. Our sons compete in sport and we try to share accommodations and rental cars to cut down expenses. Unfortunately, she drinks...she drinks from morning until evening. I don’t want to qualify her drinking as to not shame her or anyone here, I only mention because that will be my challenge.
We travel together, so we drink together ...mostly wine....expensive wine (she has a discerning palette). Of course, I wouldn’t start drinking as early in the morning, so I would pat myself on the back for the power of my will as I waited until a respectable hour in the day (3pm) to have my first glass. Of course, the first is never the last, so i would easily drink almost a bottle each day on these trips (there went my trip savings). I didn’t like the way I felt though. And, reminiscing, I find no enjoyable memory of those times spent day drinking on a beach or by the pool. I just remember feeling a little ashamed and poisoned.
Thank you for reading. I’ll check in while on my next trip too.6 -
islandbeez wrote: »Today I am sitting here marveling at how absolutely quiet my mind is. There is such an absence of "chatter" that comes with avoiding alcohol, for me personally. I was always able to not have a drink, I've just never been able to have 1, it was more like 10. Now with that removed there is no internal dialogue centered around whether I should grab a bottle of wine today, and the "oh, wait, it's Sunday, not til noon" or "where did I buy it from last so I can avoid that place" dilemma. It just feels great.
This was me!!
Moderation for me would be trying to only buy alcohol on my night off. The amount was irrelevant, since I consumed for the buzz. Otherwise, why bother having any?
I'd like to get into running again, but I always hated it as well!
@RubyRed427 So glad you had a great weekend! I've been trying to get into meditation as well. Do you know any good reads or videos to start with?
@JenT304 Thank you for the Sober School reference again. I checked it out last eve & found lots of good articles/videos. In reference to @jhikene and the 'rules around our drinking, I found an article on that site that made the point that making 'rules' re: drinking is an indicator that we have a problem with alcohol which makes perfect sense because people who are truly able to moderate do NOT think about their drinking, they do NOT google 'alcohol' or go on quit drinking sites OR take participate in quizzes to test whether they are drinking too much OR make rules so that they can control their drinking!! I think the article also made the point that once alcohol hits our brain, the addictive nature of it easily sabotages any rule making & then one leads to more etc...it's only a game WE play to keep drinking!
For meditation, try Jon Cabat Zin (sp?) for guided meditation online. If he isn't your fit, just google guided meditation...lots to select from.
@islandbeez I too could NOT have a drink with some mental work, but once I started, rarely did I have just one. IF I did manage to have just one, it was accompanied by a lot of chit-chit taking up most of my headspace fighting with myself to stop at just one...WAY to much energy!! Sobriety equals freedom. Of course, it isn't a quick or easy fix, but it IS doable if we put in the work & like others have said it becomes easier over time.
I truly believe what Craig Beck says, that in order to quit successfully we have to be absolutely convinced that alcohol is of NO benefit! If we are struggling, then that is the place to start; questioning what our beliefs are about alcohol. I am also convinced as are some others on this thread that alcohol IS poison and we are brainwashed by the propaganda that marketing agencies promote to take our hard earned dollars, profiting by others addictions and actually contributing to keeping people hooked.
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kcn2bluesky wrote: »Hi, Everyone!
Just posting a quick update at almost 10 months AF. I've finally run a marathon, something that I've wanted to do for years!
Karen
Hi Karen! You ran the Humboldt Redwoods marathon??!! That's awesome! When I was born we lived in Humboldt Redwoods, in Bull Creek, where my dad was a ranger. I live in Redding now. I'm so jealous! I've always wanted to run a marathon but fear has held me back... 3 miles is my go-to length and even that is a butt-kicker.0 -
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Well I don't know why those are so tiny. I did something wrong. Anyway one says "Girls Just want to have Wine." and the other says, "whats a nice girl like me doing without a drink in her hand?" I am just disgusted. This stuff is everywhere.4
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