What's on your mind?

SnackherBarrell wrote: »

CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »

Vikka_V wrote: »

EsteeVibes wrote: »

First day on community and feeling confused 🙃😩😊

Welcome!



Forewarned...take most stuff here lightheartedly...lots of fun 'play'

Serious questions/posts are also usually respected

...jump in and be you!

This was the proper response and I’m sorry I didn’t welcome you properly

Shame.

EsteeVibes wrote: »

Vikka_V wrote: »

EsteeVibes wrote: »

First day on community and feeling confused 🙃😩😊

Welcome!



Forewarned...take most stuff here lightheartedly...lots of fun 'play'

Serious questions/posts are also usually respected

...jump in and be you!

Thank you 😊

777Gemma888 wrote: »

Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »

This reminds of when I was in the 7th grade...

Some kid in the class use to always give me a hard time. Once he said something about my mom and you just don't do that to the son of a single mother...

I grab him by his shirt and told him it was going to go down if he ever did that again...

So he got his little gang together and plotted to jump me in between periods. I walk passed them all and at the end of the day, none of them wanted to help him because they really didn't like this kid anymore than I did..

I heard the ring leader say to him, that they wouldn't help him if he was too scared to fight me on his own.

Before that kid turned 20 he was shot in the head outside of a grocery store near where I lived by a rival gang... Crazy story

This resonates with me. My Dad was in and out, so the lion's share of being the primary parent was on my mum & her earnings whilst we were all in Elementary level. To this day, I could still hurt anyone who crosses her, even with loosely veiled insults or threats. I will not and have never permitted those to slide.

SnackherBarrell wrote: »

R3d_butt3rfly wrote: »

Why do I keep waking up at 3 am most days??? Its killing me!!! By 8 pm I'm just ready to crash with exhaustion.

And now you are stuck in that cycle?

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

I miss Fraggle Rock.

777Gemma888 wrote: »

mbaker566 wrote: »

777Gemma888 wrote: »

mbaker566 wrote: »

what's on my mind:
a best friend of a good friend needs a place to stay for a few weeks. i've room. but part of me is nervous. what if the timeline is over and they don't leave-though i'll make them sign something say they will. they have a place to live but is waiting for the current tenant to leave.
what if they are dirty? or loud? or a turd
i've been on my own for 2 years but i know my friend will do anything for me and has. so now i feel selfish
i know he wouldn't put me in a bad situation as he has had to white knight for me in the past.
i've never lived with anyone other than in the dorms and even then my roomies weren't often their room and neither was i.

Think of the worst possible scenario, you cannot pre-determine happening to you, and when and if it does happen with your temporary guest ... Can you handle it? Exit strategies?

i can handle most things. i've lived in some tough situations. that's why i'm hestitant

exit strategy: call good friend-come get the turd. if that doesn't work. call good friend's wife-come get your husband's turd

:laugh: The tentative guest has it coming, if turdishness is a handicap. Your turd reference was completely unexpected.

bojack5 wrote: »

777Gemma888 wrote: »

bojack5 wrote: »

777Gemma888 wrote: »

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

777Gemma888 wrote: »

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

777Gemma888 wrote: »

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

777Gemma888 wrote: »

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

laprimaJenny wrote: »

My son is being bullied at school and is receiving death threats each and everyday. I tried so hard to give him strategies to help it stop, but it only seems to make things worse. I have gone to the principle on several occasions, but it hasn’t helped. It’s devestating to watch him suffer and have no control over the situation except assure him that it all truly doesn’t matter.

Go straight past the school and right to the board. The schools “zero tolerance” policy is merely an attempt to save face. The louder the case you make the more they will listen to you. And I know you’re not going to like this Jenny but most of the time all the bully needs is a jab right in the nose, to shut them right up. All these strategies we teach children about ignoring them and walking away typically don’t work. The school has to care enough to take it seriously. But I assure you when they don’t the board doesn’t like it!

No. Violence is NOT a solution.

I’ve seen this again and again and again. Solutions that the schools offer very rarely work. Except one common denominator seems to solve the solution. And that’s the child defending himself. So I’m going to disagree with you. Because teenage suicide is on the rise, and not enough kids are defending themselves. Instead they are turning their back and having their heads kicked in. I’d rather my kid not be a statistic. Violence is unfortunately a solution. A sad one. One I wish wasn’t but still a solution.

Violence is NOT an option in my part of California. The innocent child will be sent to juvenile detention. Oftentimes, bullies are more popular. Witnesses will side with the bully. Video evidence as suggested by @SnackherBarrell is more plausible here. I just wouldn't want someone's child who could be physically incapable of handling the likely ramifications of an altercation, to be severely injured from us advocating child on child violence.

Don't misread me. I grew up in a time where you hit people to shut them down.

It’s a lot different in Canada. No child is going to juvenile detention for protecting them selves here. Please understand I’m not telling her to send her kid to school and start smashing him in the face. I’m saying protect yourself. Video evidence for sure is a great idea, and I don’t know how old Jenny’s son is. But mine was nine when he was having his head smashed into the ground repeatedly and most nine year olds don’t have cell phones. After telling him to deal with it civically, after talking to the principal, after talking to the parents, after taking it to the school board, after putting a audio recording device on him, after hearing my kid tell me he doesn’t want to live anymore, I told him to defend himself. And that very same day he was never bullied again. He was never scared to go to school again. And finally he was happy again. And that’s my job, to make sure my kid is safe and happy. What the schools are offering as a solution simply isn’t a solution otherwise we wouldn’t be needing to have this conversation right now.

Children in Canada receiving "jab to the nose" advice are fortunate to have the freedom to mete out their own brands of vigilantism. I just wished such was the case for the 2 blonde children in a sea of wealthy casino natives. They have been slammed against the bus too, actually hitting the girls back. However, 2 small white blonde children are no match for pubescent 5th grade girls, who are close to me in height - I am 6ft. It's an uneven matchup.

How horrific for you and your son. I cannot even fathom how you must have felt hearing your baby say his defeated line, which only compounds the preemptive bullying deterrents you'd attempted. Wow! I would not handle that in a sane way ... I would lose it. It's going to turn ugly.

I can agree. We are fortunate enough. Still it makes my heart sad that I have to tell my child to hurt anyone. That is the life we live in however. So I couldn’t imagine being in your shoes and my child not even having the right to defend himself. I don’t agree that the laws change state to state. I feel sorry for your little girls because I know what it feels like to be bullied but I also know what it feels like as a parent and not know what to do next. I pray your little ones will be okay, and that a resolution will come to fruition. We may not agree on how to deal with it but our goal is the same. Safe, happy kids. And all kids deserve that. Even the bullies because as we all know bullying usually starts at home. Children are not naturally cruel they are generally taught it, which is even sadder.

The onus has been placed on all the adults in our community to be proactive, whether they're your children or not. Children oftentimes may keep bullying from their parents, which is sad. It's a horrible time to be a parent and worse still, being a child victim.

First off, very few kids will ever see a juvenile detention center for standing up to a bully. That is just alarmist and extreme thinking. Unfortunately bullying happens every single day, and on many of those days a fight may occur. I work with kids that are not only bullied, but some that are actually bullies. If the school doesnt handle it, which they rarely do, the course of action that has given me the most results is going straight to the parents of the bully and informing them of the situation. A lot of times they dont realize and they can squash it. Sometimes they are complicit. That makes it tougher. There are going to be times in everybodys life where you are going to have to make a stand for yourself. As an adult people lose sight that sometimes that may mean physically making a stand. For the most part adults no matter how angry they get do not resort to violence because they have have matured past that stage. In fact, most adult bullies arent physically strong, the try to exercise mental superiority. But as a kid, they arent developed enough to understand that the strongest arent always the top of the food chain. Fighting for me as a kid was a way of life. As is it for the kids i work with. As adults we try to make that non existent, but to say a kid isnt going to get or give a jab to the nose as they find their way through life is naive. A bullied kid needs to make a stand. Its a life lesson. They neednt stand alone. Finding similarly bullied kids to stand with can make a difference. Once school staff and parents are made aware there is a problem, there will be no ridiculous notion of juvenile detention over a schoolyard altercation involving self defense ...as long as it doesnt involve weapons and is something more gang related.

Not everyone can beat up their bully. But that doesnt mean a stand cant be made. Walking in fear through life because people may be more powerful than you in anyway is a horrible way to live. It takes a strong support system and the willingness to just say no, not today, and be willing to fight for your rights if need be, to change it. Its something we all will deal with on one level or another. Learning to stand up is very important and is imbedded in you as a kid on how you will operate as an adult.

@bojack5

You cannot equate the children you work with in the inner city, as the primary model for how cities across America are dealing with bullies, delinquents and young trouble makers. Children here, have a three strikes policy. It's just understood. A bullied child with the wrong advice, and ability, could very easily become the bully.

I too have worked with troubled teens, only in Los Angeles. It was a Quaker's Anti-Gang Violence Program. I am certain other members have dealt with their shares of addressing troubled children too, within their own communities.

Dumbing down the wrong advice, which is to encourage child on child violence, without adult supervision, something I might add, you advocate, sparring supervision, is reckless adult behaviour.

Ok....you obviously didnt not comprehend my post.

I do not condone child on child violence, i dont condone violence period.

My advice is, first talk to an authority...talk to the parents. Obviously in your "dumbed down version" its easy to cherry pick the best alternatives to violence out. Then my basic premise is, just say no.....stand up for yourself and say no. That may be enough, not being an easy victim makes being one less likely. Maybe standing up for yourself means talking, reasoning.....and maybe it means saying no and walking away. Those are all the best and first options. But if someone ever lays a hand on you, its time to defend your body. Period. It has nothing to do with inner city kids vs. Other kids. My USA youth coach credentials exceed far beyond the borders of NYC.

Reckess adult behavior is standing by and watching a kid become a statistic to bullying without exhausting every option necessary to save them.