We broke up because...
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He didn’t dress at all
So inappropriate for our McDonald’s date0 -
she was the only one at the nudest colony with clothes on.0
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He claims he thought it was a nudist colony0
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He wanted to hand feed me brussel sprouts at the bar.0
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he mocked my love of Brussel sprouts. no one mocks Brussel sprouts on my watch0
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She would always put the toilet paper roll on backwards1
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I caught her stealing all my toilet paper and when I asked her why she said "It's none of your business, when I do my business."0
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he had closets full of toilet paper0
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Didn’t like my new deodorant.0
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She was a cheating kaniving *kitten* or a *kitten*0
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He was obsessed with kittens....0
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We both don't like cats0
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The only kiss he would give me was Hershey’s1
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She always had the Hershey squirts...0
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Has a strange obsession with melted chocolate0
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He tried to serve me questionable fondue0
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The melted cheese brought a tear to my eye
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He thought it was weird I kept a jar of his tears on my night stand0
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I drank the tears0
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She kept trying to make me cry0
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she was a sore loser0
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She always wanted to wrestle.... And she never let me win. AND she always stole my bacon!0
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She liked to burn me with the bacon grease0
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He always wanted to play with food0
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She kept repeating, "asparagus is not a toy!"1
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He hid all my toys0
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She preferred her toys0
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He'd lost his sense of wonder.0
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His eyes would always wander0
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he always closed his eyes
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