The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
Replies
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I have a quick story. I went to a concert this weekend with my sister. I knew I was approaching 3 months AF but as I've said all along, I don't know how committed to it I am, and I'm much more comfortable with the term AF or "not drinking right now" as opposed to sobriety. My sister is about 95% AF and we've had similar events and challenges related to alcohol, plus we're kinda besties (lucky us!), so we're a good match.
Anyhow, she'd just returned from Scotland and had some super awesome scotch. She cautiously offered... do you want some? You know, I do. I did. We talked about it, we made a plan as to how much, how much with dinner, any more at the concert, etc. It was a good plan. She's a super responsible person (a firefighter and paramedic), so... okay, cool. Let's have a little drink while getting ready to go out. Let's see how this goes. This will be an experiment.
Well darn it if one little delicious scotch on the rocks wasn't enough. I drank mine as slowly as possible and she drank hers even slower. She said she didn't like the taste. I was just .... I need more. One drink wasn't putting me in that sweet place and I was genuinely uncomfortable. I started negotiating to finish hers for her, openly admitting that I was aware that I sounded like a junkie. She obliged, but also was keeping me in check.
Moving on to dinner (traditionally one of my least favorite things to do while catching a buzz is eating!), I had one cocktail as we had previously agreed. It was YUMMY.... but I was still uncomfortable. I wasn't relaxing, I wasn't hitting that buzzy sweet spot. Dammit! I was drinking in moderation like a healthy adult and it was uncomfortable. I was almost miserable! ... Even though we were laughing our butts off and having a great time, my inner dialogue was angling for more booze. The people next to us left and left some alcohol and admittedly I was contemplating gulping it down while my sister was in the bathroom. Shameful.
Moving on the concert, I had the one beer as previously agreed upon. Thankfully it was a short show (Willie Nelson's getting old and played for exactly one hour - LOL). My sister gave me the sweetest hug mid-set, made me have a few happy tears, and we went home and were in bed by 10:30...
HEY 3 AM.... HEY RACING HEART... holy shoo, what a miserable night's rest, if one could call it that. My stomach was a mess, and I had a few gaggy retches, pulse racing, anxiety... and the next day we both felt terrible (my sister had ONE drink). I looked like I'd aged 10 years and I canceled the rest of my plans for the visit. I drove home a day earlier than planned, stopped at 2 different Taco Bells (crunchy taco supreme, no meat), took an hour nap on the side of the road mid-drive, and was just grateful to finally hit the sheets, exhausted.
I knew that by laying off the booze for a bit I was hitting the reset button. I also knew I would eventually drink again, if nothing else than to see how the reset button might've changed things. Now I know. To be honest, I'm stoked that I was able to do it in that manner, with my sister, and her knowing my situation, at a concert, etc.
So... the results of my experiment? I'm pretty sure I cannot drink like the way it appears other people do. Dang it.
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@joha5603 You had two drinks of scotch, a cocktail, and a beer.
I could tell it wasn't going to end well when you had a scotch before you went out. Drinking before the actual event began rings alarm bells for me. Scotch doubly so.
Mixing drinks - no wonder 3 am was awful! Beer after spirits makes my stomach curdle just thinking about it.
Still, no damage done.
On the good side, you learned a lot, and failed much better than you used to, I expect! Don't punish yourself over this. x
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I was in that same situation. Lots of wine bottles in recycling and a few other liquor bottles. I would go through my liquor cabinet sometimes and finish up the bottles that were less filled. And then say to myself I am NOT buying any more liquor. Lately, I quietly monitor what my husband recycles. One huge bottle of Johnny Walker every other week. I don’t always see it in recycling which leads me to think, he’s hiding it in the garbage sometimes.
@RubyRed427 Does your husband drink anything else? One bottle every two weeks isn't terrible.
You're a good friend, so I hope you don't mind me saying that sounds a bit paranoid/controlling.
Have you been arguing with each other about alcohol again? x
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I have been following this thread with interest for about 6 weeks now. For years, I have been a daily drinker, generally to excess. My inner dialog on a daily basis has not been pretty and I've been telling myself for a very long time to either rein it in or stop altogether. For the past 2 weeks, I have been on prescribed medications for GI issues, one of which specifically says not to drink alcohol when taking (not a great idea with most meds anyway!), as the effect will cause rather violent vomiting. So I haven't had a drop in almost 2 weeks. Here are my observations about me: it (my vodka tonics) is not a craving so much as time of day behavior, as in, oh it's (fill in time) time for a drink. Which still makes alcohol a problem. Next, I thought I would notice greater physical changes. Yes, definitely clearer-headed as opposed to some days. Also, tomorrow is my last day of meds. I thought that my GI signs were attributed to drinking, but that doesn't appear to be the case. I'll find out after finishing the medications (the potential puking drug can occasionally CAUSE GI signs!) So I'm dismayed that there hasn't been a more dramatic overall change but just in typing this out and rereading it, it sounds unrealistic.
Dumb as it sounds, I was really hoping to see enough significant change to convince myself that alcohol is the problem. And, no doubt, it IS a problem. Once the meds are finished (tomorrow), there will be a 2-day washout period, after which I "can" drink again. I'm already a little nervous about that. Reading about other people's experiences is really helpful and I'm really happy to have found this thread. Thanks for reading.6 -
@ravenribbs we are happy to have you and glad you find our thread useful. Give it some time. I am sure you will start to see more significant changes after about a month sober. The Alcohol Experiment is an excellent source to help you try a month of sobriety if you are interested. Either way, you gave your organs a nice 2 week break from alcohol!5
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Drank wine last night. Bad idea. One glass opened the door to five more. I cannot drink. I have serious problems and feel quite badly about myself today. When will I learn? Day 1 and mad at myself for this horrible hangover I caused. 😕15
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@Orphia we don't argue about alcohol. I just seethe quietly that he drinks in front of me. It's not a good way for me to cope. I have to get over the fact that other people can drink , but I cannot.5
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Hi all. Are there any plans for a formal "Dry January"? tia.0
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@joha5603 You had two drinks of scotch, a cocktail, and a beer.
I could tell it wasn't going to end well when you had a scotch before you went out. Drinking before the actual event began rings alarm bells for me. Scotch doubly so.
Mixing drinks - no wonder 3 am was awful! Beer after spirits makes my stomach curdle just thinking about it.
Still, no damage done.
On the good side, you learned a lot, and failed much better than you used to, I expect! Don't punish yourself over this. x
The amount of alcohol, plus the mixing, was truly so much less than what used to be my standard. I used to love a good stiff drink, and followed by a lone beer? All before 10 PM and over a span of 5 hours and a healthy meal? Pffffttt.... back in my old drinking days, this would have been considered "just getting started." Lol.
And I'm not punishing myself, nor would I call it a failure! (...and that's a mighty strong word to use for someone else's event.) If anything, I'm quite proud that I was able to conduct this experiment in a safe manner, and with my lovely sister with me, watching kindly and with all the knowledge of what I've gone through (good and bad). No, it was an absolute success because I walked out of it with more information with which to make future decisions.8 -
Ok,we're all learning something new about ourselves and the way drinking can effect us,there is no failure! This is a opportunity to improve ourselves by not drinking alcohol,sometimes we slip up,sometimes we just have the heck with it attitude and give in to drinking,the important thing is that we learn something each time I think,new coping skills,new attitudes and determination,etc,@RubyRed427 I'm with you,,alcohol just makes me sick and like @joha5603 said it ages me overnight,my stomach gets wrecked and I get that that 3 am wake up anxiety/sweats no matter what if I've drank,bloody awful feeling,Yuck! Hope we all have a super,sober Sunday
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RubyRed427 wrote: »@Orphia we don't argue about alcohol. I just seethe quietly that he drinks in front of me. It's not a good way for me to cope. I have to get over the fact that other people can drink , but I cannot.
I find it to be a lot like grieving. Every now and then something pulls me back a little from acceptance. I am closing on 18 months which is longer than I made it in previous attempts and I think a big part of it was letting go of the idea that someday I will get it under control and be able to drink responsibly. On every failed attempt, in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't permanent. This time it is. A big part of it is that I am about to enter my 60s. Older problem drinkers who still drink are at a higher risk of poor health in retirement that leads to a lower average life expectancy. It's not unusual for it to get a lot worse also.6 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Drank wine last night. Bad idea. One glass opened the door to five more. I cannot drink. I have serious problems and feel quite badly about myself today. When will I learn? Day 1 and mad at myself for this horrible hangover I caused. 😕
Oh, RubyRed427 ...! I wish I could hug you in real life! It's just a hangover, and you know it'll pass, and tomorrow you'll feel better and you will be better informed for the next time. Isn't the idea of a glass of wine lovely? Sounds so classy, so reasonable! ...but apparently it's not us. It's not for us, and it's a tough one to handle. I get it. I see you! I see me in you, too. You made a bad choice, but that's all -- it doesn't make you a bad person. Please don't feel bad about yourself. You're good people, I can tell from what you write here. Hang in there, Ruby.
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I have to get over the fact that other people can drink , but I cannot.
And you WILL. You are one of my biggest inspirations and I truly believe that you will pull yourself out of this struggle...Struggling is a good thing because it means you're still fighting. You have not given up!! It means that you are human like the rest of us weak humans & this is part of your learning and you will learn from this & come out stronger than before. I'm sending you a huge HUG!!!!
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Ok,we're all learning something new about ourselves and the way drinking can effect us,there is no failure! This is a opportunity to improve ourselves by not drinking alcohol,sometimes we slip up,sometimes we just have the heck with it attitude and give in to drinking,the important thing is that we learn something each time I think,new coping skills,new attitudes and determination,etc,@RubyRed427 I'm with you,,alcohol just makes me sick and like @joha5603 said it ages me overnight,my stomach gets wrecked and I get that that 3 am wake up anxiety/sweats no matter what if I've drank,bloody awful feeling,Yuck! Hope we all have a super,sober Sunday
GREAT summary...BTW you are a very sweet & kind person!! Just sayin' 2 -
CarvedTones wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »@Orphia we don't argue about alcohol. I just seethe quietly that he drinks in front of me. It's not a good way for me to cope. I have to get over the fact that other people can drink , but I cannot.
I find it to be a lot like grieving. Every now and then something pulls me back a little from acceptance. I am closing on 18 months which is longer than I made it in previous attempts and I think a big part of it was letting go of the idea that someday I will get it under control and be able to drink responsibly. On every failed attempt, in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't permanent. This time it is. A big part of it is that I am about to enter my 60s. Older problem drinkers who still drink are at a higher risk of poor health in retirement that leads to a lower average life expectancy. It's not unusual for it to get a lot worse also.
It is totally like grieving. Letting go of something we've depended on to cope is difficult...it is a process that is individual, but what's often been said on this thread is that we need each other to help us go through this process...we can learn from & support each other regardless of where we are individually in the process of gaining a healthier, happier life free from our dependency on alcohol.
YES, the aging thing is a big consideration. Like you said the health consequences escalate the older we get. AND loneliness/depression in older years can lead to a drinking issue or exacerbate an existing one. So if we learn to cope in healthier ways now, it will help us in the years to come.3 -
@joha5603 You had two drinks of scotch, a cocktail, and a beer.
I could tell it wasn't going to end well when you had a scotch before you went out. Drinking before the actual event began rings alarm bells for me. Scotch doubly so.
Mixing drinks - no wonder 3 am was awful! Beer after spirits makes my stomach curdle just thinking about it.
Still, no damage done.
On the good side, you learned a lot, and failed much better than you used to, I expect! Don't punish yourself over this. x
The amount of alcohol, plus the mixing, was truly so much less than what used to be my standard. I used to love a good stiff drink, and followed by a lone beer? All before 10 PM and over a span of 5 hours and a healthy meal? Pffffttt.... back in my old drinking days, this would have been considered "just getting started." Lol.
And I'm not punishing myself, nor would I call it a failure! (...and that's a mighty strong word to use for someone else's event.) If anything, I'm quite proud that I was able to conduct this experiment in a safe manner, and with my lovely sister with me, watching kindly and with all the knowledge of what I've gone through (good and bad). No, it was an absolute success because I walked out of it with more information with which to make future decisions.
Eek, you misunderstood! I was agreeing with you! Your 3am experience description sounded awful and that you regretted drinking, plus your dilemma over wanting more.
I agree it was a success. I love your posts and your progress.5 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Drank wine last night. Bad idea. One glass opened the door to five more. I cannot drink. I have serious problems and feel quite badly about myself today. When will I learn? Day 1 and mad at myself for this horrible hangover I caused. 😕
In the same boat....I cant drink....therefore the only choice is abstinence
Day 16 done and dusted9 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Drank wine last night. Bad idea. One glass opened the door to five more. I cannot drink. I have serious problems and feel quite badly about myself today. When will I learn? Day 1 and mad at myself for this horrible hangover I caused. 😕
In the same boat....I cant drink....therefore the only choice is abstinence
Day 16 done and dusted
Realizing this was a huge step forward for me, or at lest I hope so. I really think I can make it stick this time. Congrats on your progress.7 -
This afternoon, one of my sisters had an impromptu late lunch gathering of immediate family. In addition to sandwich fixings, there were 4 magnums of wine, a bottle of vodka, and various sodas/sparkling waters. One person had one very light wine spritzer, the rest of us drank no alcohol at all. Very unusual for this group. The only reason I even posted this is that nobody asked, "What's wrong with you?" for not drinking. Win! BUT....I'm still on the meds so will see what happens when I'm finished with them this week.6
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Six years sober today.
I found this thread a few days ago trying to find any information about mfp ever fixing the news feed.
I've read a number of posts and can relate to so many. It's not hard to remember waking up hungover with guilt, shame and remorse pouring off me every morning for so many years.
I hope everyone is able to find serenity in their battles. 🙏13
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