Is this guy just super friendly or is he asking me out?
breefoshee
Posts: 398 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay so... humor me for a little while...This is "reading into things" and "overthinking at it's finest and ultimately, only time will tell what this guy is thinking. But what else do you have to do today?
About 5 Months ago I meet... let's call him Pete. At the time, I had just moved home and was seeing someone... so Pete and I were really just instant friends. We like all the same shows, my really good friend is married to his really good friend, and he was just an easy conversation. If there was a get together at our friend's house, we would both go and end up being the last ones to leave.
I had zero romantic interest on my end and really just thought he was a cool guy. He liked another girl and so we all would just talk about our prospective relationships, what we should do, and give each other advice. So... no real reason to think that he was interested.... and I wasn't either.
So couple months after we met, I stopped seeing the other guy and Pete started messaging me. No big deal at first.... just a few messages a week about a show I had recommended or something random. He started inviting me to different social events he was attending-- but it was vague. It wasn't like "I want you as my date to such and such place"... more like "I'm going to this super fun event and you, also, should attend!"
We continued seeing each other weekly at our mutual friends house. I told him that I had a friend from China and he happened to be going there... so he asked if we could all meet up for coffee so he could ask her some questions.
He started calling me to arrange this meeting. So we went and it was great... just him and I with her and her husband. Then after meeting for coffee he called to discuss how it went... but each time our conversation lasted a little longer.. 1-2 hours. Late at night. So.. fine... I mean... I talk to my girl friends for hours all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything. AND-- he sometimes calls me "dude" which to me says "friendzone!"
Still, he invites me to thing after thing-- I've only gone to 2 because BIG groups of people I don't know are overwhelming to me and I don't want to smoother him the whole time because he would be the only person I know.
But I can't tell if this is all just him being super friendly or if he is hitting on me or hoping for this to go somewhere!
So the last thing: about 2 weeks ago he left for China. The day before he left, he asked if I would watch his plants for him. So... of course, I did... I went over to his house to get the plants and he ends up asking me to look at all these paintings he painted. We end up hanging out for a good 2 hours, chatting about pretty deep things. I take the plants and he goes to China.
He came back on Sunday and I still have his plants. So we texted a little when he first got back then he calls last night to ask if I wanted to go to a social event with him. Again, I say "no" because I can't tell if it's supposed to be a date or if it's a "come and meet the whole world" type of thing... which just isn't my picnic.
Then he says "Oh um... okay." and sounds kind of dissappointed... then he says "Well, let's hang out this weekend." But because I'm the most awkward person alive... I.... pause... because I don't want to say "yes" and it just be another big social event. And in the middle of my pause, he says " I mean.. you don't have to.. it's okay. " Then I just ramble on about my weekend plans and the fact that I have nothing going on... and sure I'd like to hang out. So he says "Okay cool! I'll ask around and see what everyone is doing."
So. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and I haven't been very successful at the whole "guys as best friends" thing. But would you be reading into this? What do you think? Just a friend or wanting more? I actually can't say whether or not I even like him as more than a friend... I'm just trying to gauge the situation so that I know what my actions should be. UGH helpppp, myfitnesspall!
About 5 Months ago I meet... let's call him Pete. At the time, I had just moved home and was seeing someone... so Pete and I were really just instant friends. We like all the same shows, my really good friend is married to his really good friend, and he was just an easy conversation. If there was a get together at our friend's house, we would both go and end up being the last ones to leave.
I had zero romantic interest on my end and really just thought he was a cool guy. He liked another girl and so we all would just talk about our prospective relationships, what we should do, and give each other advice. So... no real reason to think that he was interested.... and I wasn't either.
So couple months after we met, I stopped seeing the other guy and Pete started messaging me. No big deal at first.... just a few messages a week about a show I had recommended or something random. He started inviting me to different social events he was attending-- but it was vague. It wasn't like "I want you as my date to such and such place"... more like "I'm going to this super fun event and you, also, should attend!"
We continued seeing each other weekly at our mutual friends house. I told him that I had a friend from China and he happened to be going there... so he asked if we could all meet up for coffee so he could ask her some questions.
He started calling me to arrange this meeting. So we went and it was great... just him and I with her and her husband. Then after meeting for coffee he called to discuss how it went... but each time our conversation lasted a little longer.. 1-2 hours. Late at night. So.. fine... I mean... I talk to my girl friends for hours all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything. AND-- he sometimes calls me "dude" which to me says "friendzone!"
Still, he invites me to thing after thing-- I've only gone to 2 because BIG groups of people I don't know are overwhelming to me and I don't want to smoother him the whole time because he would be the only person I know.
But I can't tell if this is all just him being super friendly or if he is hitting on me or hoping for this to go somewhere!
So the last thing: about 2 weeks ago he left for China. The day before he left, he asked if I would watch his plants for him. So... of course, I did... I went over to his house to get the plants and he ends up asking me to look at all these paintings he painted. We end up hanging out for a good 2 hours, chatting about pretty deep things. I take the plants and he goes to China.
He came back on Sunday and I still have his plants. So we texted a little when he first got back then he calls last night to ask if I wanted to go to a social event with him. Again, I say "no" because I can't tell if it's supposed to be a date or if it's a "come and meet the whole world" type of thing... which just isn't my picnic.
Then he says "Oh um... okay." and sounds kind of dissappointed... then he says "Well, let's hang out this weekend." But because I'm the most awkward person alive... I.... pause... because I don't want to say "yes" and it just be another big social event. And in the middle of my pause, he says " I mean.. you don't have to.. it's okay. " Then I just ramble on about my weekend plans and the fact that I have nothing going on... and sure I'd like to hang out. So he says "Okay cool! I'll ask around and see what everyone is doing."
So. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and I haven't been very successful at the whole "guys as best friends" thing. But would you be reading into this? What do you think? Just a friend or wanting more? I actually can't say whether or not I even like him as more than a friend... I'm just trying to gauge the situation so that I know what my actions should be. UGH helpppp, myfitnesspall!
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breefoshee wrote: »Okay so... humor me for a little while...This is "reading into things" and "overthinking at it's finest and ultimately, only time will tell what this guy is thinking. But what else do you have to do today?
About 5 Months ago I meet... let's call him Pete. At the time, I had just moved home and was seeing someone... so Pete and I were really just instant friends. We like all the same shows, my really good friend is married to his really good friend, and he was just an easy conversation. If there was a get together at our friend's house, we would both go and end up being the last ones to leave.
I had zero romantic interest on my end and really just thought he was a cool guy. He liked another girl and so we all would just talk about our prospective relationships, what we should do, and give each other advice. So... no real reason to think that he was interested.... and I wasn't either.
So couple months after we met, I stopped seeing the other guy and Pete started messaging me. No big deal at first.... just a few messages a week about a show I had recommended or something random. He started inviting me to different social events he was attending-- but it was vague. It wasn't like "I want you as my date to such and such place"... more like "I'm going to this super fun event and you, also, should attend!"
We continued seeing each other weekly at our mutual friends house. I told him that I had a friend from China and he happened to be going there... so he asked if we could all meet up for coffee so he could ask her some questions.
He started calling me to arrange this meeting. So we went and it was great... just him and I with her and her husband. Then after meeting for coffee he called to discuss how it went... but each time our conversation lasted a little longer.. 1-2 hours. Late at night. So.. fine... I mean... I talk to my girl friends for hours all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything. AND-- he sometimes calls me "dude" which to me says "friendzone!"
Still, he invites me to thing after thing-- I've only gone to 2 because BIG groups of people I don't know are overwhelming to me and I don't want to smoother him the whole time because he would be the only person I know.
But I can't tell if this is all just him being super friendly or if he is hitting on me or hoping for this to go somewhere!
So the last thing: about 2 weeks ago he left for China. The day before he left, he asked if I would watch his plants for him. So... of course, I did... I went over to his house to get the plants and he ends up asking me to look at all these paintings he painted. We end up hanging out for a good 2 hours, chatting about pretty deep things. I take the plants and he goes to China.
He came back on Sunday and I still have his plants. So we texted a little when he first got back then he calls last night to ask if I wanted to go to a social event with him. Again, I say "no" because I can't tell if it's supposed to be a date or if it's a "come and meet the whole world" type of thing... which just isn't my picnic.
Then he says "Oh um... okay." and sounds kind of dissappointed... then he says "Well, let's hang out this weekend." But because I'm the most awkward person alive... I.... pause... because I don't want to say "yes" and it just be another big social event. And in the middle of my pause, he says " I mean.. you don't have to.. it's okay. " Then I just ramble on about my weekend plans and the fact that I have nothing going on... and sure I'd like to hang out. So he says "Okay cool! I'll ask around and see what everyone is doing."
So. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and I haven't been very successful at the whole "guys as best friends" thing. But would you be reading into this? What do you think? Just a friend or wanting more? I actually can't say whether or not I even like him as more than a friend... I'm just trying to gauge the situation so that I know what my actions should be. UGH helpppp, myfitnesspall!
It's hard to tell with only this info. You could ask him directly? Having a good friend is never a bad thing, and that way you don't always have to question his motives.0 -
IMO he is interested, just afraid if he makes it official you will shoot him down and he doesn't want to lose what he already has with you.4
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I don't like not knowing what someone else is expecting from/out of me. So if it's unclear I ask questions just so I'm not left wondering. I can tell that's probably not your personality. But if this were me I'd straight up ask what he wanted from the relationship, friends or something else.
Without knowing him or his personality, it's hard to really say what his actions mean.1 -
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him?
I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything. 1 -
So, he's not dating anyone and is investing a lot of time and energy in spending time and energy with you. He hasn't made official overtures and there may be reasons. It may be he enjoys your company more than going alone or he's interested.
I'd lean more towards the latter in my unprofessional opinion but in the end all you can do is ask. He may just want to be good friends but he could be out seeing someone else with the time he spends with you if that makes sense.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
Sometimes people use social gatherings as a way to get to know the other person. It's called group dating.
Group dating is a modern pattern for dating where a group of single men and a group of single women organize a night out, with the hope of forming romantic partnerships. It is most popular in Japan, where it is known as gōkon.6 -
RomaineCalm wrote: »I don't like not knowing what someone else is expecting from/out of me. So if it's unclear I ask questions just so I'm not left wondering. I can tell that's probably not your personality. But if this were me I'd straight up ask what he wanted from the relationship, friends or something else.
Without knowing him or his personality, it's hard to really say what his actions mean.
Same. I like knowing what people expect. I'm definitely not the type to ask directly though. I'll probably just watch things play out and assume that he's just being friendly until he makes something else clear.1 -
Dude sounds like a free spirit. Takes life as it comes. What's his diet like?5
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he's into you. just scared to come out with it is all.7
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breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.5 -
Gurl....breefoshee wrote: »5 -
Club him over the head with a heavy stick, drag him back to your cave, sort things out there. I think it will be way easier in the long run. It's like...paleo dating6
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breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
Also, in my experience guys don't just "be friendly" just to be friendly...at least not initially. Not to say you can't stay platonic, but the majority of the time when a guy is super friendly and showing "friendly" interest....he wants to bang...I mean he's interested.
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »you could get drunk and come on to him and if he turns you down blame the liquor
Or this!1 -
Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing.... 1 -
These responses are cracking me up! He said he'd call tonight to make plans for the weekend... sooooo we shall see...1
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I'm sure none of these communication problems will carry forward if a relationship actually develops.6
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tcunbeliever wrote: »I'm sure none of these communication problems will carry forward if a relationship actually develops.
Mer.
Its only been 5 months... crossing the hurdle from "just friends" to more can be a bit more complicated than if we just met on a dating website and immediately knew why we were both there. I think it's too soon to tell if this would lead us to some deep communication issues. So far he's pretty easy to talk to.0 -
Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing....
I feel like u both are doing the same thing to each other: testing waters to see if one is interested in the other in that way, or can be fine being friendzoned.
Ur attitude of “ i can like like him “ shows u would b ok with starting up something. Maybe its worth it. Take that step forward to find out, or u may possibly miss an opportunity u may regret
If u didnt like him honestly u wouldnt have bothered making this thread.
That's fair... I do feel like I'm testing the waters... and I would be interested if I knew he was interested.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing....
I feel like u both are doing the same thing to each other: testing waters to see if one is interested in the other in that way, or can be fine being friendzoned.
Ur attitude of “ i can like like him “ shows u would b ok with starting up something. Maybe its worth it. Take that step forward to find out, or u may possibly miss an opportunity u may regret
If u didnt like him honestly u wouldnt have bothered making this thread.
That's fair... I do feel like I'm testing the waters... and I would be interested if I knew he was interested.
Well one of you has to say something. If you're both waiting for the other to show more interest you're just gonna wind up not finding out anything. That would drive me batty.6 -
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Seems to me he is acting like just a friend.1
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RomaineCalm wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing....
I feel like u both are doing the same thing to each other: testing waters to see if one is interested in the other in that way, or can be fine being friendzoned.
Ur attitude of “ i can like like him “ shows u would b ok with starting up something. Maybe its worth it. Take that step forward to find out, or u may possibly miss an opportunity u may regret
If u didnt like him honestly u wouldnt have bothered making this thread.
That's fair... I do feel like I'm testing the waters... and I would be interested if I knew he was interested.
Well one of you has to say something. If you're both waiting for the other to show more interest you're just gonna wind up not finding out anything. That would drive me batty.
I agree with this. I would just do it nonchalantly. So the next time he asks you out say "Okay I'll go out this time but don't try hitting on me, because I might like that
" Or something to that effect...and see what he says. OR the drunk idea is good too. 
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RomaineCalm wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing....
I feel like u both are doing the same thing to each other: testing waters to see if one is interested in the other in that way, or can be fine being friendzoned.
Ur attitude of “ i can like like him “ shows u would b ok with starting up something. Maybe its worth it. Take that step forward to find out, or u may possibly miss an opportunity u may regret
If u didnt like him honestly u wouldnt have bothered making this thread.
That's fair... I do feel like I'm testing the waters... and I would be interested if I knew he was interested.
Well one of you has to say something. If you're both waiting for the other to show more interest you're just gonna wind up not finding out anything. That would drive me batty.
But... okay... real talk: Anytime I have ever asked for a "define the relationship" talk with a guy-- even when I was legit dating them, it seemed to just stifle the relationship. It's like guys suddenly just choke under the pressure of having to define it and having to live up to the definition. And I have NEVER in my life asked for anyone to make a greater commitment than where we were actually at... just to define what was going on.
Not speaking for allll guys here.. but seems like guys are just this way. Sorry guys. You get all excited about someone, shower them in attention then cave under the pressure that you yourselves set up.
I would be afraid that asking him to define something too soon would stifle what might be beginning. Maybe I just have to sit uncomfortably with the mystery for a while.2 -
breefoshee wrote: »RomaineCalm wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing....
I feel like u both are doing the same thing to each other: testing waters to see if one is interested in the other in that way, or can be fine being friendzoned.
Ur attitude of “ i can like like him “ shows u would b ok with starting up something. Maybe its worth it. Take that step forward to find out, or u may possibly miss an opportunity u may regret
If u didnt like him honestly u wouldnt have bothered making this thread.
That's fair... I do feel like I'm testing the waters... and I would be interested if I knew he was interested.
Well one of you has to say something. If you're both waiting for the other to show more interest you're just gonna wind up not finding out anything. That would drive me batty.
But... okay... real talk: Anytime I have ever asked for a "define the relationship" talk with a guy-- even when I was legit dating them, it seemed to just stifle the relationship. It's like guys suddenly just choke under the pressure of having to define it and having to live up to the definition. And I have NEVER in my life asked for anyone to make a greater commitment than where we were actually at... just to define what was going on.
Not speaking for allll guys here.. but seems like guys are just this way. Sorry guys. You get all excited about someone, shower them in attention then cave under the pressure that you yourselves set up.
I would be afraid that asking him to define something too soon would stifle what might be beginning. Maybe I just have to sit uncomfortably with the mystery for a while.
OMG No!! Don't ask him to define anything. Just start flirting with him and make it obvious that you're interested.
ETA: That is definitely the kind of stuff that will scare a man off and send him running for the hills. No need to define anything at this point.4 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »you could get drunk and come on to him and if he turns you down blame the liquorPour_Decisions wrote: »RomaineCalm wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »so do you like him like him or just like him? I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
If you "COULD like him" then make your move girl. Don't wait for him. It's almost 2019 for crying out loud. Get excited...so what. Obviously he enjoys your company if he keeps asking you out. I would just go out to whatever event interests you and don't hold back just because of the unknown. If you're interested in him, then let him know. It's up to him what he does with that information. That's just me, but I'm old and I don't waste time playing games.
I'm not about that first move life! At best, I can flip my hair, compliment his muscles and laugh at his jokes. But.. hey.. then again maybe that's what he is doing....
I feel like u both are doing the same thing to each other: testing waters to see if one is interested in the other in that way, or can be fine being friendzoned.
Ur attitude of “ i can like like him “ shows u would b ok with starting up something. Maybe its worth it. Take that step forward to find out, or u may possibly miss an opportunity u may regret
If u didnt like him honestly u wouldnt have bothered making this thread.
That's fair... I do feel like I'm testing the waters... and I would be interested if I knew he was interested.
Well one of you has to say something. If you're both waiting for the other to show more interest you're just gonna wind up not finding out anything. That would drive me batty.
I agree with this. I would just do it nonchalantly. So the next time he asks you out say "Okay I'll go out this time but don't try hitting on me, because I might like that " Or something to that effect...and see what he says. OR the drunk idea is good too.
i gotta veto the drunk idea.
he might be, yknow, like an actual nice guy who would "turn her down" after she'd had a drink or two, just because he felt like it'd be wrong you know-
*not* because he didn't like her.
if that happens she's gonna be in an even more confusing predicament8
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