Is this guy just super friendly or is he asking me out?
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breefoshee wrote: »competeagain4x wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »competeagain4x wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »tcunbeliever wrote: »I'm sure none of these communication problems will carry forward if a relationship actually develops.
Mer.
Its only been 5 months... crossing the hurdle from "just friends" to more can be a bit more complicated than if we just met on a dating website and immediately knew why we were both there. I think it's too soon to tell if this would lead us to some deep communication issues. So far he's pretty easy to talk to.
Only 5 months?! Ugh
That's 5 months from the time we've met. I was seeing someone else for 3 of it... and then it took me a month to get over that... so like 2 months since he started reaching out more and maybe 5 weeks of him increasing communication... and 2 weeks of that, he was in China. So... basically its been like 3 weeks... lol.
Advice: if you like him, don’t ever talk like you just did...to him 😜
[ He knows I'm crazy and overthink things.
by the looks of your photograph, you're female.
hence, your statement struck me just as a bit redundant.
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breefoshee wrote: »wanderingarcher wrote: »I blew a beautiful relationship by running ahead, over analyzing and trying to figure out where he was in the relationship. He felt pressured and took off. Lost my best friend. Quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
I’d take a breath, slow down. Try to enjoy the present. Be yourself, let him know you enjoy his company. He will tell you when he’s ready if it’s more than friends.
Easy to say, I know. Just my 2c
Honestly this is what I’m most likely to do. Because in all reality, he has really good best friend possibilities. I loved hanging out with him before I was even interested. And really, that’s part of why I wish I knew what he was thinking, because even if it’s “I wanna make this chick my bestie”, I could roll with that. I could see us hanging out in face masks watching chick flicks... like for real lol.
But I’ll just roll with what’s happening now and see how things play out.
chick flicks?
like "Predator" or "Pumping Iron" ??
Yeah, I could roll with that.1 -
competeagain4x wrote: »competeagain4x wrote: »If a dude wants to hang out with a chick, he wants to bang her. End of story.
Myth. I've had (and still have) lots of platonic friendships with men who had zero interest in anything more than hanging out. A couple of them came out as gay many years later so it's pretty obvious there was no intention of banging lol.
Bree, I'd let it play out for a while longer and see if things become any clearer. Not all guys will admit romantic interest unless they're pretty sure it's reciprocated, for fear of rejection or losing the friendship.
How many straight men have you had platonic friendships with?
Probably around 10 or 12. My best friend of over 30 years is male.0 -
That novel...women is funny.3
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Guys don't behave like this with women unless they're interested. He is definitely interested in you, but he's not confident you're interested in him. IF you are, accept his invitations. Or at least suggest something you're more comfortable doing on a date. Then when you're with him, give him signs to show your interest. Touch his arm. Do the giggle / hair flip move. Stand too close to him, etc... If you're NOT interested, and want to remain just friends, only accept the friendly invitations that you really want to do, and do NOT give those other non verbal signs.
Yep.... this is trooth.0 -
competeagain4x wrote: »competeagain4x wrote: »If a dude wants to hang out with a chick, he wants to bang her. End of story.
Myth. I've had (and still have) lots of platonic friendships with men who had zero interest in anything more than hanging out. A couple of them came out as gay many years later so it's pretty obvious there was no intention of banging lol.
Bree, I'd let it play out for a while longer and see if things become any clearer. Not all guys will admit romantic interest unless they're pretty sure it's reciprocated, for fear of rejection or losing the friendship.
How many straight men have you had platonic friendships with?
Probably around 10 or 12. My best friend of over 30 years is male.
Not 11? Hmmm
And I would put money on it if you asked him to sleep with you he would0 -
Guys don't behave like this with women unless they're interested. He is definitely interested in you, but he's not confident you're interested in him. IF you are, accept his invitations. Or at least suggest something you're more comfortable doing on a date. Then when you're with him, give him signs to show your interest. Touch his arm. Do the giggle / hair flip move. Stand too close to him, etc... If you're NOT interested, and want to remain just friends, only accept the friendly invitations that you really want to do, and do NOT give those other non verbal signs.
This.
Also reminds me, a guy I know came to see me at my job today. As we were talking he kept getting closer and I kept backing away to give some space. That probably wasn't a very good non verbal sign on my part. 😬2 -
competeagain4x wrote: »competeagain4x wrote: »competeagain4x wrote: »If a dude wants to hang out with a chick, he wants to bang her. End of story.
Myth. I've had (and still have) lots of platonic friendships with men who had zero interest in anything more than hanging out. A couple of them came out as gay many years later so it's pretty obvious there was no intention of banging lol.
Bree, I'd let it play out for a while longer and see if things become any clearer. Not all guys will admit romantic interest unless they're pretty sure it's reciprocated, for fear of rejection or losing the friendship.
How many straight men have you had platonic friendships with?
Probably around 10 or 12. My best friend of over 30 years is male.
Not 11? Hmmm
And I would put money on it if you asked him to sleep with you he would
Lol, I'm old, I can't remember all of them so I did a rough estimate. In truth I think it's slightly higher than that.
I don't think the guy has been secretly carrying a torch for 33 years. Maybe, when he's been single, partnered sex would start to look better than solo after a while but he hasn't been hanging out with me all this time just to keep me potentially on the backburner during occasional dry spells.
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Breath so funky you could see the words coming out of his mouth.Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Guys don't behave like this with women unless they're interested. He is definitely interested in you, but he's not confident you're interested in him. IF you are, accept his invitations. Or at least suggest something you're more comfortable doing on a date. Then when you're with him, give him signs to show your interest. Touch his arm. Do the giggle / hair flip move. Stand too close to him, etc... If you're NOT interested, and want to remain just friends, only accept the friendly invitations that you really want to do, and do NOT give those other non verbal signs.
This.
Also reminds me, a guy I know came to see me at my job today. As we were talking he kept getting closer and I kept backing away to give some space. That probably wasn't a very good non verbal sign on my part. 😬0 -
Okay so.. update. No call tonight.
I did talk to one of our mutual friends and got her opinion— she knows us both pretty well and really believes it’s just a “friend” thing. He’s a guy who has a lot of close girl friends and she thinks that he really just likes me as a friend.
So I’m running with that! And that frees me up to continue declining those events that I don’t want to go to.3 -
There's something odd and unnatural about all this. Just make him start picking up the tab for all your activities and if he dines at your house make sure he brings the groceries.0
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competeagain4x wrote: »If a dude wants to hang out with a chick, he wants to bang her. End of story.
So this sounds like he wants to bang you and he likes you.
Just ask him.
Not always true, but often true.0 -
He's a guy so....
He's just being nice, until he thinks you're down to 💥💥💥...
Then it's on lol
But if those feelings are unrequited, just give him a hint. If he's a good guy, he'll still be nice, but just being nice...0 -
That's just adorable.
But yeah, get a drink in him and go ahead and ask.
Otherwise this will become even more awkward and it will make you guys drive apart and just avoid each other until life sweeps over and then one of you gets married, then the other one too, and then you meet after 15 more years and 8 kids by accident and realize you blew the *CHANCE*
So my money is on the „DO YOU WANNA *kitten* GO OUT WITH ME OR NOT BECAUSE I'M DONE DANCING AROUND” drunk moment. Even if this won't work out at all, at least you'll have a fun little memory of it. Trust me.4 -
breefoshee wrote: »Okay so.. update. No call tonight.
I did talk to one of our mutual friends and got her opinion— she knows us both pretty well and really believes it’s just a “friend” thing. He’s a guy who has a lot of close girl friends and she thinks that he really just likes me as a friend.
So I’m running with that! And that frees me up to continue declining those events that I don’t want to go to.
Your friend is wrong, but the end result may be the same either way because I don't think you're THAT into him.
I see this as one of those long term friend zone situations where MAYBE one day in the future you both are single and hanging out, maybe having a couple of drinks, there's an awkward pause while you're sitting on the sofa together, your eyes meet...then you order pizza.
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He likes big parties and you don’t. Regardless which way this friendship leads I think you better explain to him why the big party thing is not your bag.2
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When i dated i dated like i was 100 years old- you had to make your intentions known AND CLEAR.
I have misread people too many times to not be direct. I have lost people that i thought were long time friends...which, sucks. Just ask "Hey, are you asking as a date or just to the function?" Also, tell him you don't like social gatherings of large groups so he can stop asking and being told "no".2 -
I think you need to decide if you are interested in him romantically. It seems like you are or you would not be thinking this much about it.
At some point one of you will nedd to take the risk and say you are interested in more than friendship. It may be early for that but you are talking hours and having deep coversations so maybe not too early.
You could let him know you are dumb about telling if someone is interested in you romantically and ask what he thinks is a good guide to gauge interest or when it is okay to ask directly. If he is interested it will probably let him know he needs to be more direct with you.
I would let him know when you turn down invitations that you do not enjoy those type of events but do like being with him in different settings.0 -
Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.4 -
breefoshee wrote: »Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.breefoshee wrote: »Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.
You're a girl... Can't you just use the take one step forward, so he takes one forward, then take two back and now he's chasing you method 🤷🏽♂️🤣...
Walk him into that jab hun, stick and move like a honey bee lol0 -
Flash a boob. See what he does.3
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Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.breefoshee wrote: »Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.
You're a girl... Can't you just use the take one step forward, so he takes one forward, then take two back and now he's chasing you method 🤷🏽♂️🤣...
Walk him into that jab hun, stick and move like a honey bee lol
Haha! I'm hoping that my awkward moments of rejecting his invitations are coming across this way... calm, cool, and intriguing and not weird like a deer caught in headlights-- which is actually how I am.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.breefoshee wrote: »Update #2: He messaged this morning and invited me to his place on Saturday night for a "small, casual dinner with friends."
I'm still going with the friend theory because:
a) he really does seem to be a guy who gets along with women... some of his interests are a litttttle bit more on the feminine side
b) It really could go either way for me. Maybe hanging out as a friend will help me to decide if I want more than friendship with him. Honestly, I do like him but I'm not mad crushing at this point... writing Pete with hearts around his name. Maybe I'll have a clearer idea as time goes on.
c) I'm most likely to be myself if I don't think anything is going to happen there. The moment I know someone that I'm interest in is interested in me, I normally end up being a little weird and reallly self-aware.
I am super thankful for this thread though... its helping me think all the things out. I realized that I'm sort of a hypocrite because I wanna know what he's thinking and want him to be clear, but I don't even know what I'm thinking. I need more time to let it unfold.
You're a girl... Can't you just use the take one step forward, so he takes one forward, then take two back and now he's chasing you method 🤷🏽♂️🤣...
Walk him into that jab hun, stick and move like a honey bee lol
Haha! I'm hoping that my awkward moments of rejecting his invitations are coming across this way... calm, cool, and intriguing and not weird like a deer caught in headlights-- which is actually how I am.
You're playing it right imo... Go but bring a friend
It says I'm interested in seeing what you have to say, but I don't really trust you yet so you've got some work to do lol0 -
this seems like a trap to me. like he has commitment problems..cant put himself out there and take the risk so he is putting it on you - if you move towards he may - take you further down the same dang road. I would cut and run.1
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If a man really likes a woman then he will tell her. If he is too scared, then he is not that interested imo.7
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This thread is so adorable! I think he’s shy. Sounds like something I would do.4
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breefoshee wrote: »tcunbeliever wrote: »I'm sure none of these communication problems will carry forward if a relationship actually develops.
Mer.
Its only been 5 months... crossing the hurdle from "just friends" to more can be a bit more complicated than if we just met on a dating website and immediately knew why we were both there. I think it's too soon to tell if this would lead us to some deep communication issues. So far he's pretty easy to talk to.
5 months of dancing back & forth and no one has brought up the topic of being together being together? I'm of the sort that believes a person should be able to tell within the first 4 months or so whether they want to marry the other person. I will never understand this game of dating for years before making up one's mind.
Read the follow-up comments. I was seeing someone else for 3 months of it. And to your previous comment... no I’m not wanting him to express a desire to be exclusive... I just wanted to know if he liked me.
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Update #3 for those still hanging on lol:
He invited my Chinese friend and her husband and me to dinner tomorrow night... and no one else. When he invited me, he made it sound like it was a group... then when I asked how many people would be there he just said it was a small group.
When I talked to my friend she said she asked him the same question and he said it would only be us. So.... this is a non-double date...
Just friends guys... just remember he is just a friend.1
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