Is this guy just super friendly or is he asking me out?
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Not sure if you have explained to him you are not comfortable with the big group thing, but you definitely need to do that, so he understands why you're declining his invites!! That being said, you do need to hang out with him more, I think that would be the only way to find out, without asking. Best of luck!!8
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i gotta veto the drunk idea.
he might be, yknow, like an actual nice guy who would "turn her down" after she'd had a drink or two, just because he felt like it'd be wrong you know-
*not* because he didn't like her.
if that happens she's gonna be in an even more confusing predicament
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Pour_Decisions wrote: »
OMG No!! Don't ask him to define anything. Just start flirting with him and make it obvious that you're interested.
ETA: That is definitely the kind of stuff that will scare a man off and send him running for the hills. No need to define anything at this point.
HAHAHA okay! Thank you for that distinction! I can totally flirt! I thought we were asking for me to DTR... and I just don't think we are there yet!1 -
breefoshee wrote: »
But... okay... real talk: Anytime I have ever asked for a "define the relationship" talk with a guy-- even when I was legit dating them, it seemed to just stifle the relationship. It's like guys suddenly just choke under the pressure of having to define it and having to live up to the definition. And I have NEVER in my life asked for anyone to make a greater commitment than where we were actually at... just to define what was going on.
Not speaking for allll guys here.. but seems like guys are just this way. Sorry guys. You get all excited about someone, shower them in attention then cave under the pressure that you yourselves set up.
I would be afraid that asking him to define something too soon would stifle what might be beginning. Maybe I just have to sit uncomfortably with the mystery for a while.
IMHO if this is what he does....BOY BYE. Ain't nobody got time for that.
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i gotta veto the drunk idea.
he might be, yknow, like an actual nice guy who would "turn her down" after she'd had a drink or two, just because he felt like it'd be wrong you know-
*not* because he didn't like her.
if that happens she's gonna be in an even more confusing predicament
Good point. Drunk works for me, but may not work for all
. I've mastered the art of damage control the next morning. 
But yeah....don't put yourself through that.
Disclaimer: I sure hope people can read my sarcasm.2 -
breefoshee wrote: »
But... okay... real talk: Anytime I have ever asked for a "define the relationship" talk with a guy-- even when I was legit dating them, it seemed to just stifle the relationship. It's like guys suddenly just choke under the pressure of having to define it and having to live up to the definition. And I have NEVER in my life asked for anyone to make a greater commitment than where we were actually at... just to define what was going on.
Not speaking for allll guys here.. but seems like guys are just this way. Sorry guys. You get all excited about someone, shower them in attention then cave under the pressure that you yourselves set up.
I would be afraid that asking him to define something too soon would stifle what might be beginning. Maybe I just have to sit uncomfortably with the mystery for a while.
yeah i think the general rule of thumb to follow is, don't ask for a definition unless you're prepared for the definition, whatever it may be (it may not be the one you like).
and if you're not yet sure which "definition" you'd like, then you shouldn't ask the question yet either.2 -
It's hard to tell with only this info. You could ask him directly? Having a good friend is never a bad thing, and that way you don't always have to question his motives.
This⬆. Surely you and Pete are friends to the point of honesty? Imo men tend to be forthright and straight shooters. If they want to change the course of your friendship, he will let you know.
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CookingWithCumin wrote: »Serious answer:
Ask him to come and make an account on MfP. If you guys both hit it off in fun and games and both tag each other in smash threads you know it’s true love.
But what if I say "DATE" and he says "PASS"?2 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
oooooookay if that happens she can also always text him something super flirty and if he turns her down be like “omg, wrong convo lol!!”
hit him with that ol' reliable "my friend took my phone from me i'm soooooooooo embarrassed sorry"2 -
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RomaineCalm wrote: »I don't like not knowing what someone else is expecting from/out of me. So if it's unclear I ask questions just so I'm not left wondering. I can tell that's probably not your personality. But if this were me I'd straight up ask what he wanted from the relationship, friends or something else.
Without knowing him or his personality, it's hard to really say what his actions mean.
Dis me.1 -
If a dude wants to hang out with a chick, he wants to bang her. End of story.
So this sounds like he wants to bang you and he likes you.
Just ask him.3 -
CookingWithCumin wrote: »
Batty is a funny word
So is nutty.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »
Mer.
Its only been 5 months... crossing the hurdle from "just friends" to more can be a bit more complicated than if we just met on a dating website and immediately knew why we were both there. I think it's too soon to tell if this would lead us to some deep communication issues. So far he's pretty easy to talk to.
Only 5 months?! Ugh0 -
hit him with that ol' reliable "my friend took my phone from me i'm soooooooooo embarrassed sorry"
Haha! I actually really did accidentally text him randomly--- and it was truly an accident. So I can't pull that again or it will be suspicious!1 -
competeagain4x wrote: »
Only 5 months?! Ugh
That's 5 months from the time we've met. I was seeing someone else for 3 of it... and then it took me a month to get over that... so like 2 months since he started reaching out more and maybe 5 weeks of him increasing communication... and 2 weeks of that, he was in China. So... basically its been like 3 weeks... lol.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »
That's 5 months from the time we've met. I was seeing someone else for 3 of it... and then it took me a month to get over that... so like 2 months since he started reaching out more and maybe 5 weeks of him increasing communication... and 2 weeks of that, he was in China. So... basically its been like 3 weeks... lol.
Advice: if you like him, don’t ever talk like you just did...to him 😜1 -
I didn’t read your post but If you met him on mfp he is asking you for all the things !
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competeagain4x wrote: »
Advice: if you like him, don’t ever talk like you just did...to him 😜
Oh I already do lol! He knows I'm crazy and overthink things.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »
Oh I already do lol! He knows I'm crazy and overthink things.
I thought I read where you weren’t sure if you liked him....? Hmmm1 -
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competeagain4x wrote: »
I thought I read where you weren’t sure if you liked him....? Hmmm
I already do talk to him like I just did.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »
I already do talk to him like I just did.
He must be very patient1 -
Actually a big crowd thing that puts you out of your comfort zone could work in your favor. Accept the date, be a little clingy, explain your discomfort with larger groups. Thus will give you insight to him as a human... If he immediately reacts and takes action to make you comfortable then he's a guy that shows he's sensitive to the needs of others. That's a good thing and hes worth seeing where it all goes. If he blows off your discomfort... torch him, hes not worth your time.10
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competeagain4x wrote: »If a dude wants to hang out with a chick, he wants to bang her. End of story.
Myth. I've had (and still have) lots of platonic friendships with men who had zero interest in anything more than hanging out. A couple of them came out as gay many years later so it's pretty obvious there was no intention of banging lol.
Bree, I'd let it play out for a while longer and see if things become any clearer. Not all guys will admit romantic interest unless they're pretty sure it's reciprocated, for fear of rejection or losing the friendship.
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Myth. I've had (and still have) lots of platonic friendships with men who had zero interest in anything more than hanging out. A couple of them came out as gay many years later so it's pretty obvious there was no intention of banging lol.
Bree, I'd let it play out for a while longer and see if things become any clearer. Not all guys will admit romantic interest unless they're pretty sure it's reciprocated, for fear of rejection or losing the friendship.
How many straight men have you had platonic friendships with?5 -
I blew a beautiful relationship by running ahead, over analyzing and trying to figure out where he was in the relationship. He felt pressured and took off. Lost my best friend. Quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
I’d take a breath, slow down. Try to enjoy the present. Be yourself, let him know you enjoy his company. He will tell you when he’s ready if it’s more than friends.
Easy to say, I know. Just my 2c3 -
wanderingarcher wrote: »I blew a beautiful relationship by running ahead, over analyzing and trying to figure out where he was in the relationship. He felt pressured and took off. Lost my best friend. Quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
I’d take a breath, slow down. Try to enjoy the present. Be yourself, let him know you enjoy his company. He will tell you when he’s ready if it’s more than friends.
Easy to say, I know. Just my 2c
Honestly this is what I’m most likely to do. Because in all reality, he has really good best friend possibilities. I loved hanging out with him before I was even interested. And really, that’s part of why I wish I knew what he was thinking, because even if it’s “I wanna make this chick my bestie”, I could roll with that. I could see us hanging out in face masks watching chick flicks... like for real lol.
But I’ll just roll with what’s happening now and see how things play out.
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I didn't read all the responses but you should text him before yall meet up and ask if he thinks you should shave your legs beforehand. His answer will tell you if you're in the friend zone or not.4
I COULD like him lol! But if he's just being friendly, then there's no reason to get excited about anything.
" Or something to that effect...and see what he says. OR the drunk idea is good too. 
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