Live with someone first or just take the dive?

We've all heard the statistics before but what if by living together you saved those break ups from becoming divorces?

I say live together. Yea you will spend alot of time with each other anyway but sometimes things come up that would not have if you weren't living in the same house. Example: my last ex was a drinker I am not, that already didn't make me want to date him but he was a nice guy and and it was the usual drinking on weekends claim. I discovered drinking began on Thurs. night (his job was only M-TH) so weekends began Thurs and he carried this til Sun and if there was leftovers in the house he continued on into the week. Mind you he had 3 young children as well. So the straw bent harshly when on Christmas he whined about getting out of bed to see Santa gifts due to his late night drinking and finally broke on Easter when he REFUSED to get up and celebrate the morning with the "family". I didn't agree to that kind of arrangement and glad I don't have a divorce under my belt already

Living with a boy is not for me. I did this when I was 18/19 and I got burned, big time.

I firmly believe that if you pay attention during your relationship, you can see into their "living together personality". Now I'm geared more towards being independent and enjoying my time. My man friend likes that I don't want to live with him until we're ready to make that commitment to each other:)

I'll go against the grain on this one. I say date extensively... until you KNOW you're ready to take "the dive". If one of you cannot commit long term, what's the point of dating?? (Just my opinion - don't clobber me!)

Because I'm a Christian I would not live with someone before marriage.

I'm really not picking a fight, I am a Christian (conservative parents, father is a pastor, and mom taught at Christian schools) and I absolutely would live with someone before marriage. "Christian" has nothing to do with it.

I don't to start a fight either (although tempered discussion sure), but if this is the improper place for this discussion, feel free to send me a personal message in reply.

I don't mean to judge your personal decisions at all, and I suppose it would depend upon the particular Christian denomination you partake in and their teachings, but I do think that it should be a part of the answer to this question. I think living together implies more than just cohabitation (depending upon the arrangements you could justify that alone). I think it would be hard to use a Christian arguement to justify sex before marriage. But I am open to the discussion so let it fly haha. And again, send me a message...or ignore me lol

Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

This statistic, while true, is flawed proof that living together before marriage leads to a higher rate of divorce. The couples who don't choose to live together before marriage are typically devoutly religious. Most of the religions which condemn living together also condemn divorce. Therefore, the same group of people who chooses not to live together first, will also stay in a bad / unhappy marriage.

I am def in the live together first camp

I pretty much lived with my husband after I met him. [almost..] I was at his house nearly every night. Couldn't get enough of each other!!! I definitely recommend it. Maybe not as soon as you meet.. that's only for special cases like mine. haha. ;]

I don't think you need to if you have a long enough relationship to learn all about the person (which IMHO you should be doing before you decide to get married to begin with). I just don't think that there should be any surprises whether you live together or not.

That being said, I lived with my husband for a few months before we got married. But, this was after we were engaged. We wanted to buy a house when we were married, but when we started looking, we found this awesome one that we are in now for a low price and couldn't pass it up.

My mom and dad didn't live together, and they have been happily married since 1972.

I just think that you should find out issues before you get married whether you live together or not.

Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

This statistic, while true ,is flawed proof that living together before marriage leads to a higher rate of divorce. The couples who don't choose to live together before marriage are typically devoutly religious. Most of the religions which condemn living together also condemn divorce. Therefore, the same group of people who chooses not to live together first, will also stay in a bad / unhappy marriage.

I am def in the live together first camp

Well, to be more correct from a Catholic POV, there is no divorce. Divorce is a civil happening, you can get an annulment but that's not always the case. To get an annulment you have to prove that the marriage was defective in form or contract.

I think there is a lesser rate of divorce among active Catholics because they go through the premarital counciling and because Marriage is a sacrament (one of 7 sacred rites for a Catholic) and considered an event for the whole church. That's just my opinion. There is this thing among non-Catholics that make them think that the divorce rate is lower because marriage is condemned but my experience with other Catholics I know is that it has more to due with people being on the same spiritual plane and their faith in God to be able workout the tough times.

Okeyyyy..... question: If divorce is a civil happening, isn't marriage too? I mean, just because you stand in a church and say some words doesn't mean it's any more legally binding than a divorce.

FWIW I don't understand Cahtolocism and I'm agnostic. I was raised by weirdo hippies that believe in reincarnation, too. But seriously, for the record, I don't understand how a marriage is any less of a civil matter than divorce.

Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

This statistic, while true ,is flawed proof that living together before marriage leads to a higher rate of divorce. The couples who don't choose to live together before marriage are typically devoutly religious. Most of the religions which condemn living together also condemn divorce. Therefore, the same group of people who chooses not to live together first, will also stay in a bad / unhappy marriage.

I am def in the live together first camp

Well, to be more correct from a Catholic POV, there is no divorce. Divorce is a civil happening, you can get an annulment but that's not always the case. To get an annulment you have to prove that the marriage was defective in form or contract.

I think there is a lesser rate of divorce among active Catholics because they go through the premarital counciling and because Marriage is a sacrament (one of 7 sacred rites for a Catholic) and considered an event for the whole church. That's just my opinion. There is this thing among non-Catholics that make them think that the divorce rate is lower because marriage is condemned but my experience with other Catholics I know is that it has more to due with people being on the same spiritual plane and their faith in God to be able workout the tough times.

I am not a Catholic, I am a non-denominational Christian. And I totally agree with you, not just among Catholics, but among Christians who are strong in their faith in the Bible (I guess the term "fundies" comes to mind, but that sounds like such a put down that I hate it!)

Justin and I went through marriage counseling with my Pastor back in April and May this year where we went over differences and identified issues that possibly wouldn't have been uncovered until we "took the dive" other wise had we never lived together. But it just goes back to me saying that you should deal with issues and differences before hand, and it really doesn't have to mean living with each other to do it.

As far as my personal convictions on the issue from my faith standpoint, I believe that living together can bring about unnecessary temptations for other things that the Bible says are wrong, but I don't see that simply living in the same house before being married is wrong. That's just my opinion, and I agree to disagree with people of other opinions.

Thats more complicated to answer now that I have kids. Before kids.... heck yes!! Now though... I dunno. I think it would be good for them to know what our daily lives would be like because sometimes it gets craaaazy.

Okeyyyy..... question: If divorce is a civil happening, isn't marriage too?

No, marriage is one of the seven sacraments, a majo rite to Catholics. It's union where two become one in spirit and to an extent in body.

I mean, just because you stand in a church and say some words doesn't mean it's any more legally binding than a divorce.

I'm not talking about legal or not. I'm simply saying that in the Catholic faith divorces do not exist (not a part of the religion) and marriage most definitely is a part of the religion. Sure, there are many things outside of religion people have to abide by like laws. If you get an annulement you may as well get a divorce to get rid of all legal conections that a marriage have. Same for marriage, you have to have a marriage license to get married in a Catholic church. I'm simply saying from a purely religion POV, divorce does not exist.

I'm doing all of those things with a guy named Sean right now.

haha me too

Thanks, religious people!


FWIW a marriage certificate is just a legal transaction to me. I'll love and live with and make sex to whomever I think is right at the time. I'm engaged, so I'm doing all of those things with a guy named Sean right now.

Well, I appreciate your tone and respectful questions and responses. Typcially people who are GLBT tend to want to get all up in my Catholic grill without any reason. I don't judge people but I'm glad to answer questions if someone asks. Either way, I just wanted to say thanks for the refreshing dialog.

Thanks, religious people!


FWIW a marriage certificate is just a legal transaction to me. I'll love and live with and make sex to whomever I think is right at the time. I'm engaged, so I'm doing all of those things with a guy named Sean right now.

Well, I appreciate your tone and respectful questions and responses. Typcially people who are GLBT tend to want to get all up in my Catholic grill without any reason. I don't judge people but I'm glad to answer questions if someone asks. Either way, I just wanted to say thanks for the refreshing dialog.

You're welcome! I also appreciate you answering me in a very conscise way without judgement for my lack of religion. YAY for rational discussion on an internet forum!

I was going to also say P.S. I'm not GLTB but actually, I am "B" ... sometimes I forget now that I'm all engaged. LOL.

Actually, yes, it does have something to do with it if you are Christian, particularly if you are Catholic. It's against church teachings to live with someone of the opposite sex if you are not related. I can't talk for other Churches but I know that most protestant churches have the same line of thought.

Being a former catholic (am now non religious), the church teachings also disallow birth control, and abortion, yet as a religion they have some of the highest rates of both. So because the church says it, does that mean the out come will end up better?

Ooooo, I hope you have a spoon big enough for the pot you're stirring. Or all the biblethumpers are offline.