We broke up because...
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He wouldn’t dress up as a ninja turtle for me0
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She liked clawing my back too much.0
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He liked the gym more than me0
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She only wanted me so she looked awesome in snapchat filters!0
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All he was into was snapchat pics of himself with ears.0
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He took pictures holding people's ear - no idea who he got them from?0
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had Van Gogh issues, like Daddy issues, but darker...0
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She didn’t like when I called her daddy.1
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She would only take photos sideways0
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Never got off your *kitten*0
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she didn't like my lack of cooking0
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Was always serving me Spaghetti-o’s. Would it kill you to open a can of ravioli once in awhile!?0
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She eats all the brownies and never share.0
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He remembers everything1
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She stole all my hats1
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She hated all my stoles0
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She kept finishing off all the coffee leaving me none.0
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Apparently what is hers is hers and what is mine is hers as well0
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Too cute0
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Didn't like blueberry muffins0
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We did? First I knew
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She kept licking me in public! I’m not a piece of meat Jo!!2
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She ironically treated me like a piece of meat.0
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He found a black fly in my Chardonnay, isn't it ironic2
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Because she said my feet smelled of saurkraut1
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I'm Mr. Play it safe, afraid of a fly...1
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I dunno he packed a suitcase and kisses the kids goodbye2
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She waited her WHOLE damn life to take that flight2
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I came home and the furniture and her were missing
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There was a traffic jam and I was already late...0
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