You're not good enough..
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Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »I can honestly say, I don’t think I’ve ever felt good enough for anything or anyone.
@Deadman_Diggingup I don't know you, but I know you have value and worth and that means something. I hope you know others know it too.
Thanks dude.1 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »I never finished college so I am not good enough for meaningful work
ETA: or even work that pays a living wage apparently
I have no doubt you can and probably already do meaningful work, even if it's not at work. I know lots of folks who have degrees and couldn't be doing more meaningless work.
If you ever decide to pursue more education, please do yourself a favor and DON'T let you get in the way of that progress. I did for a long time.
You're never too old. You're smart enough. You CAN do it. I didn't finish up my bachelor's until I was 37.
I'm becoming more and more convinced the older I get that meaning in our "work" is finding that thing we're passionate about and doing it.
I'm rooting for you!
Thank you. I’m about 30 credits shy of a BS but it’s not likely to get finished any time soon. I’m nearly 50 and have debt and children. Blah.
Don't give up.
I mean, think about what you said - 30 credits - that's basically 2 FT semesters or maybe what....4-5 PT semesters.
May seem like it's far away, but it's not unreachable.
You can do it. I know you can.
Yes, i hear you. My priorities are elsewhere atm. I cannot be with my children, work full time, and go to school while paying off debt. I have to choose. And I have. Besides, I’m more lamenting the system that values a degree over ability.
You know imo most jobs these days I don’t believe really require degrees .. most I work work all went To college - but I didn’t - not one credit to my name - however none of them are any better at their job then I.. college is overrated- unless your going to be a dr or lawyer - vet - teacher - idk something of that nature - anyone can be trained policies and procedures of any other job no?? Maybe I’m just an uneducated schmuck -3 -
I think we’re all in the same boat here.. personal experiences - different failures and short comings have made us all feel inadequate at times - hell I struggle with parenting as others do - most days I think I’m a decent dad - but have times that I feel completely inept to be responsible for 3 other lives - and dating from a dudes perspective isn’t any better - that could be because I don’t really have my chit together- just yet and I’ve been single for a little over a year now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - but chit will eventually fall into place or I’ll die trying to get it to .. threads like this is why I still hang around this place - it’s just a reminder I’m not alone in this rat race - we all going thru the same chit and for me at least there is comfort in that .. tomorrow is a new day my friends - onward and upward as they say - you cats aight in my book6
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »I never finished college so I am not good enough for meaningful work
ETA: or even work that pays a living wage apparently
I have no doubt you can and probably already do meaningful work, even if it's not at work. I know lots of folks who have degrees and couldn't be doing more meaningless work.
If you ever decide to pursue more education, please do yourself a favor and DON'T let you get in the way of that progress. I did for a long time.
You're never too old. You're smart enough. You CAN do it. I didn't finish up my bachelor's until I was 37.
I'm becoming more and more convinced the older I get that meaning in our "work" is finding that thing we're passionate about and doing it.
I'm rooting for you!
Thank you. I’m about 30 credits shy of a BS but it’s not likely to get finished any time soon. I’m nearly 50 and have debt and children. Blah.
Don't give up.
I mean, think about what you said - 30 credits - that's basically 2 FT semesters or maybe what....4-5 PT semesters.
May seem like it's far away, but it's not unreachable.
You can do it. I know you can.
Yes, i hear you. My priorities are elsewhere atm. I cannot be with my children, work full time, and go to school while paying off debt. I have to choose. And I have. Besides, I’m more lamenting the system that values a degree over ability.
You know imo most jobs these days I don’t believe really require degrees .. most I work work all went To college - but I didn’t - not one credit to my name - however none of them are any better at their job then I.. college is overrated- unless your going to be a dr or lawyer - vet - teacher - idk something of that nature - anyone can be trained policies and procedures of any other job no?? Maybe I’m just an uneducated schmuck -
In my opinion college doesn’t give anything to most professions except as a tool to narrow the search. It doesn’t indicate intelligence, ability, creativity, or work ethic. But it is a signal that you finished a Western rite of passage and that you conform to certain societal expectations. You are part of the “club.”
I am finding it difficult in my rural area to find a job that will pay the bills without a degree.
I personally value education for reasons other than employment and I’d gladly study under a knowledgeable professor for my own edification but that’s a separate issue.6 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »I never finished college so I am not good enough for meaningful work
ETA: or even work that pays a living wage apparently
I have no doubt you can and probably already do meaningful work, even if it's not at work. I know lots of folks who have degrees and couldn't be doing more meaningless work.
If you ever decide to pursue more education, please do yourself a favor and DON'T let you get in the way of that progress. I did for a long time.
You're never too old. You're smart enough. You CAN do it. I didn't finish up my bachelor's until I was 37.
I'm becoming more and more convinced the older I get that meaning in our "work" is finding that thing we're passionate about and doing it.
I'm rooting for you!
Thank you. I’m about 30 credits shy of a BS but it’s not likely to get finished any time soon. I’m nearly 50 and have debt and children. Blah.
Don't give up.
I mean, think about what you said - 30 credits - that's basically 2 FT semesters or maybe what....4-5 PT semesters.
May seem like it's far away, but it's not unreachable.
You can do it. I know you can.
Yes, i hear you. My priorities are elsewhere atm. I cannot be with my children, work full time, and go to school while paying off debt. I have to choose. And I have. Besides, I’m more lamenting the system that values a degree over ability.
You know imo most jobs these days I don’t believe really require degrees .. most I work work all went To college - but I didn’t - not one credit to my name - however none of them are any better at their job then I.. college is overrated- unless your going to be a dr or lawyer - vet - teacher - idk something of that nature - anyone can be trained policies and procedures of any other job no?? Maybe I’m just an uneducated schmuck -
A couple of years ago I was in severe depression and stopped working, when I started feeling better I decided to put my career aside and just try something new, I went from nursing to just going to work at a car dealership for a little while because I couldnt deal with the stress of my career anymore (or thought so) I didn't really like it but it was what I needed at the time, I needed to try something new, a change and I don't regret that I did. Although money is important and it's nice to have a degree. In my opinion it doesn't really make someone more happy or better than anyone else. You have to like what you do, whatever it is.Don't really know where I'm going with this 😂 but i agree with your statement... anyone can be trained at a job.7 -
My parents always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and they still do so I actually don’t talk to them much. Even if I had all As and one B, they would criticize me.
Same. My mum is gone now but I can still hear her criticisms in my head. So for many years I picked partners who repeated the pattern, because that was what "fit" my self schema, and of course that just reinforced the negative feelings.3 -
I feel like I am not a good enough parent. I know its dealing with teenagers, but it feels like I am handling everything wrong. Why the hell can't they come with instruction manuals? Am I making them worse by the way I am handling things? ugg.4
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pizzamyheart wrote: »I feel like I am not a good enough parent. I know its dealing with teenagers, but it feels like I am handling everything wrong. Why the hell can't they come with instruction manuals? Am I making them worse by the way I am handling things? ugg.
For you and all the other folks in here that doubt their parenting abilities... mine were alcoholics and did pretty much everything wrong, all the time, yet I turned out decently enough. Your kids will be just fine.3 -
DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
@DonutEatThat - this is so difficult to read. i'll let you in on a secret. nobody knows what they're doing into the great unknown of being a parent. we don't get a guide book . my mother wasn't the most supportive mother either, and she verbalized (quite negatively i might add)to me that she couldn't believe i was pregnant when i told her. she also told me that if i thought she would be a built in baby sitter , that i had another thing coming (!)
*not like i'd have asked her*
just because there's a familial issue going on with parenting, don't feel that it's going to automatically be default for you. i went out of my way to be a better parent to my kids than what my parents were to me *i grew up with a lot of physical, emotional and verbal abuse in my household*. you can do this too. sometimes fear and history are the best motivators for change. my heart is with you Lady.... good luck to you and your baby!
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mi_nina_lola wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
@DonutEatThat - this is so difficult to read. i'll let you in on a secret. nobody knows what they're doing into the great unknown of being a parent. we don't get a guide book . my mother wasn't the most supportive mother either, and she verbalized (quite negatively i might add)to me that she couldn't believe i was pregnant when i told her. she also told me that if i thought she would be a built in baby sitter , that i had another thing coming (!)
*not like i'd have asked her*
just because there's a familial issue going on with parenting, don't feel that it's going to automatically be default for you. i went out of my way to be a better parent to my kids than what my parents were to me *i grew up with a lot of physical, emotional and verbal abuse in my household*. you can do this too. sometimes fear and history are the best motivators for change. my heart is with you Lady.... good luck to you and your baby!pizzamyheart wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
I had never even babysat when my had my first. I was terrified. It works out.DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
I think you make your own goals for the type of parent you want to be based on what you liked about your parents and didn't. You are always able to ask for help along the way, but I think you'll surprise yourself.DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
That's what I lived with for a long time. Have 5 kids and worried "what if I screw these kids up?" all the time. Still do from time to time. I realized I knew I was going to make mistakes. There's not a parent on the planet that doesn't. The key for me was what I did with it. It will be nerve wracking.....being a parent can be. But you can do it. Love them with your whole heart. Have the best of intentions. Teach them well. Admit your mistakes. Know you are enough.
You are.
Rooting for you!your_future_ex_wife wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
I couldn’t believe they let me leave the hospital with my baby.
Even good parents feel the way you describe fairly often. And even good parents *kitten* up. And your kids will definitely blame you for something no matter what you do.
If I could do the baby time over again, I’d get/accept help so I could sleep more, I’d cuddle and look my babies in the eyes and smile a lot more, and I’d communicate my needs more clearly and forcefully to my partner.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. I deal with anxiety and am not able to use my previous coping mechanisms now, so my fears have increased. I will try to keep all this in mind the next time I'm freaking out. 💙💙5 -
@_Miss_chievous_
so nice to see you back ,Lovely!
every nurse that i know, *especially my oncologist's!* is so overwrought by the canadian health care system's MO.
the fact that you took a job different from your initial career is really telling. i'm sure it wasn't an easy choice but necessary at the time. we all at times, have to take a take a work *breather*.
i have a degree and didn't get the dream job i wanted to that went with it. but i found another field and became certified in that and enjoyed it while i WAS able to work. in the end - it's all just something to make money *sigh*
(ps - i hope you're doing well)
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DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
@DonutEatThat
okay.... go outside today and take a walk or go for a drive.... look around.
Turn on your television and look at all of those people in college football stadiums or major league baseball parks.
All of those people.... all of them were once infants, toddlers, children & teenagers.
They all had parents & all of those parents had doubts at one time or another (it's what you signed up for.)
Genetics aside, if you care (and you obviously do) you will do just fine.4 -
I don't feel I am doing anything worthwhile with my life. I don't socialize, most of my friends have abandoned me (despite saying they would never do so) or they live very, very far away. I'm active with my son's activities and Cub Scouts, but I can't consider any of those people friends.. not to mention some of them constantly want to bring drama in where it's not needed, which I really, REALLY try to avoid.
I just feel like an absolute failure. This is not what I wanted to do with my life, but I am forever stuck.8 -
I feel sorry for the people who know me and have to look at me.3
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Motorsheen wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
@DonutEatThat
okay.... go outside today and take a walk or go for a drive.... look around.
Turn on your television and look at all of those people in college football stadiums or major league baseball parks.
All of those people.... all of them were once infants, toddlers, children & teenagers.
They all had parents & all of those parents had doubts at one time or another (it's what you signed up for.)
Genetics aside, if you care (and you obviously do) you will do just fine.
Thanks, my friend 🤗 it's good to hear others voice they had the same worries2 -
DonutEatThat wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?
@DonutEatThat
okay.... go outside today and take a walk or go for a drive.... look around.
Turn on your television and look at all of those people in college football stadiums or major league baseball parks.
All of those people.... all of them were once infants, toddlers, children & teenagers.
They all had parents & all of those parents had doubts at one time or another (it's what you signed up for.)
Genetics aside, if you care (and you obviously do) you will do just fine.
Thanks, my friend 🤗 it's good to hear others voice they had the same worries
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CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't feel I am doing anything worthwhile with my life. I don't socialize, most of my friends have abandoned me (despite saying they would never do so) or they live very, very far away. I'm active with my son's activities and Cub Scouts, but I can't consider any of those people friends.. not to mention some of them constantly want to bring drama in where it's not needed, which I really, REALLY try to avoid.
I just feel like an absolute failure. This is not what I wanted to do with my life, but I am forever stuck.
I think this is part of having children and being a mom. It feels to me that the dad doesn’t give stuff up and get lost as much as Mother’s do. Maybe they do, I’m not trying to say one is harder than the other. I’m just saying that as a mom I am stuck because I do kid stuff, don’t have my ole friends anymore, don’t have the energy to make new friends, don’t necessarily like the other parents in cub scouts or soccer, so it’s like I’m stuck for now, living my life for everyone else. With people I don’t even necessarily like. Because I have to.3 -
pizzamyheart wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't feel I am doing anything worthwhile with my life. I don't socialize, most of my friends have abandoned me (despite saying they would never do so) or they live very, very far away. I'm active with my son's activities and Cub Scouts, but I can't consider any of those people friends.. not to mention some of them constantly want to bring drama in where it's not needed, which I really, REALLY try to avoid.
I just feel like an absolute failure. This is not what I wanted to do with my life, but I am forever stuck.
I think this is part of having children and being a mom. It feels to me that the dad doesn’t give stuff up and get lost as much as Mother’s do. Maybe they do, I’m not trying to say one is harder than the other. I’m just saying that as a mom I am stuck because I do kid stuff, don’t have my ole friends anymore, don’t have the energy to make new friends, don’t necessarily like the other parents in cub scouts or soccer, so it’s like I’m stuck for now, living my life for everyone else. With people I don’t even necessarily like. Because I have to.
100%. I gave up pretty much everything. Add on top of that that I moved away from everything familiar for my husband's job and still do, I never really wanted children and I am stuck being a solo parent quite a lot of the time and I never have any worthwhile prospects any place we move because jobs that are flexible are not forthcoming anywhere I live.
Making friends is next to impossible because I move every three years and honestly? I've been burned too many times for putting myself out there. Also, LOL. I am a committee chair and den leader for our local pack and I agree with you. I don't necessarily agree with or get cozy with most of the parents. Some of the other leaders and parents are alright, but a lot of them expect way too much for a group of volunteers who all have their own lives.2 -
This is one thread I've been circling and avoiding because Tinydancer doesn't want to open up her pot of Cray Cray ...since she will most likely never get the damn lid back on the way she likes it!🙄
The common message we can take from this thread is....we're not the only ones....and sometimes that's enough....it's not a solution and much of a consolation ..but we're not alone in our self doubt....self loathing....insecurities....and just plain *kitten* uppedness....its our quirk, our uniqueness that important to respect and nurture so that we can live to fight another day.👊
At least that's what I am taking away from it....it's comforting knowing you belong to a tribe of sorts...and even though I'll most likely never meet you ....I feel a sense of connection and understanding.....be it delusional or even wishful...and that helps me.💗
It's ok to vent and lament or if you're like me, smile, wave and fake it til you make it....just keep moving and not giving up....settle... don't settle ....just don't give up...because look around... we're all struggling and our struggles are very real.
Theres no contest to see who's baggage is bigger or badder... it all sucks if it makes us feel less....it's equal sucky baggage (ESB)
I love this thread because it's good to purge and better to be heard and comforted than remaining quiet and quitting.....amiright?!🤘🙋🏻♀️
Personally I feel for each and everyone of your stories and I honestly think I dig you more now....imagine that😉🤷🏻♀️💗
Free therapy rocks!!!🤘😎😘6
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