Have you ever cheated on your spouse?
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Hmmm, there's not a cut and dried answer to this one...Have I cheated since he's been my spouse? Absolutely not... have I cheated physically? No, but emotionally and logistically, that's murky...We dated for about 6 months, w/ him drinking and cheating, and standing me up, so I split. I started dating Mike, and we dated for about 3 months, and broke up because he refused to believe I wasn't cheating on him (I hadn't)... then he comes to me and says that he needs the "Illusion of something to come home too" when he deployed... this was about three days before his deployment, I still don't know what the "illusion" of a relationship entails... BUT, I deployed a day before Mike, and while I was gone, I met J. Anyways, while I'm sitting in the desert, DH starts emailing me, he's quit drinking, we're talking as friends, he had gotten married in a rush before he went on cruise and found out his wife was supporting her boyfriend w/ his paycheck... I neglected to mention J, but did tell him about Mike...I told Mike I was talking to DH as a friend, cuz that's all we were.... I pretty much stopped emailing Mike, unless he emailed me first...As far as I was concerned, he ended things officially before we left, all he wanted was an illusion, he knew we weren't for real and I was free. And J knew about everyone.
Fast forward to me coming home. DH's ship pulled in the day after I landed, of course I had to see him... We ended up hooking up after we were home a few days, (he had already filed for divorce) but I didn't know WHAT we were, and J and I had an agreement to an open relationship, until we figured out how and if we were going to be together stateside. As things went on, I was keeping him I guess as a back up plan, because I didn't know what I was to DH still, and I had been fed lines before, so I was kinda one foot out the door w/ caution... But when he proposed (we had only been home about 3 months at that point), I knew I had to cut things off w/ J, and so I did, and it was hard, and I felt horrible for leading him on and then hurting him the way I did, I should have done it sooner. AFTER I broke up w/ J, somehow that's when DH found out about him and there was a big ordeal, but I think he eventually understood why I was proceeding w/ caution... And I never cheated on him again... and I didn't really cheat, I just neglected to break up w/ my boyfriend....but tomato/tomAto, ya know?0 -
Frankly I am appauled that someone would ask this in an online forum. . that is discusting. . First of all marriage is a sacred union. and if this has been violated it is certainly not up for public opinion. . .
In the future please refrain from such topics as it offends those of us that believe in the sanctity of marriage. . .
I don't think it was the original poster's intent to condone infidelity. I believe that marriage is sacred, but I also believe that things happen and life doesn't always work out the way we wish it would. Just like in real life, there are a wide variety of people on MFP. You're bound to find one that's done something you don't agree with.
Didn't say they were condoning it in any sense of the word. . but this is not the place to talk about such things. . . this is not a subject for public discussion. . .
Says who?
You?
Get over yourself, cupcake.
Seriously. . I am CHRISTIAN lady and you just don't do this.. . People make mistakes. . we don't need to air them publicly and humiliate people. . these are things that need to be worked through behind closed doors. .
Well, I'm not a Christian lady, and I don't have any hang ups about being frank and honest about my mistakes.
Plus, it's not like I'm going to go "work on" my relationship with my EX husband after being separated for years.
While I do honestly respect your world view, it would be nice if you could do the same for me and others like me who do not share the same beliefs.
ETA: Back on topic:
I'm actually very grateful for my experience. I have changed and grown in so many ways. I'm no longer a woman who simply shuts her mouth and does what her man wants. I voice my opinions, my needs, my desires. I have taken responsibility and control of my life and my body. Don't get me wrong, I still compromise and concede at times, but that's part of being in a relationship - the give and the take. Before I left my ex, I simply gave and gave, convincing myself that I was happy to do everything for someone else. If anything, I feel empowered post-affair, post-rape, post-divorce. I made it through that, and I'm a much better person for it!
If this question had been asked of me 4-5 years ago, I would have responded like everyone else - "No way, cheating is the worst thing in the world, no excuse. Just leave if you're not happy." To a degree, I still feel that way. But from my experience, I'm much more understanding of the intricacies involved in infidelity. It's not so cut and dry, and cheating doesn't automatically make you a terrible horrible no good person. It just means you've made a mistake, whether it was the affair or the original marriage. I feel a lot more compassionate toward adulterers.
Good people make mistakes too. Making mistakes is human. It's how you fix and recover from those mistakes that matters.0 -
We get it Jade, you are a really good Christian and are REALLY going to heaven. Like extra heaven.
If you are worried about "Things that don't coincide with my beliefs as a christian", I don't think the internet is a safe place for you.
It's funny how some of the peace and love good times people cause the biggest issues. We're just talking here.
*LIKE!!*0 -
Ive never cheated not on a bf or husband......i know how it feels to be cheated on sucks...0
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Was cheated on by my fiance, while pregnant. Once I had my child, I realised I didn't need scum around us, so got rid of that.
Kept up serious barriers for a long time. Anyone got too close, I walked away. Tried to get rid of some of the barriers. Last boyfriend - he knew my issues about cheating, lying etc. If you want to cheat - just text me that its over.. Thats all.. Just don't lie..
What he do?? Lied, cheated..
Made me feel like I was just a stupid *kitten* that only deserved to be lied to. So many times I said I felt that M was a bit friendly - should I be worried.. And all I got was - I'm only trying to be friendly. She's living 1000's of miles from her home and family.. I always trust you - don't presume because others cheated on you that I will...
Eventually I figured it out. It wasn't even that I was sad to get rid of the boyfriend. It was that I believed the lies. I fell for the lies again..
So made a vow that no-one would ever hurt me again. I've been single for 10 yrs now and I'm totally happy with it. Do sometimes wonder where I'll be when my son has his own family and life.. I'll have no-one.. But I'm not sure I'll ever trust anyone enough to let them close - so why hurt someone else with all my barriers and issues..
For me, its not the act of cheating that hurt, it was the lies... Thats what really hurt..0 -
Hmmm, there's not a cut and dried answer to this one...Have I cheated since he's been my spouse? Absolutely not... have I cheated physically? No, but emotionally and logistically, that's murky...We dated for about 6 months, w/ him drinking and cheating, and standing me up, so I split. I started dating Mike, and we dated for about 3 months, and broke up because he refused to believe I wasn't cheating on him (I hadn't)... then he comes to me and says that he needs the "Illusion of something to come home too" when he deployed... this was about three days before his deployment, I still don't know what the "illusion" of a relationship entails... BUT, I deployed a day before Mike, and while I was gone, I met J. Anyways, while I'm sitting in the desert, DH starts emailing me, he's quit drinking, we're talking as friends, he had gotten married in a rush before he went on cruise and found out his wife was supporting her boyfriend w/ his paycheck... I neglected to mention J, but did tell him about Mike...I told Mike I was talking to DH as a friend, cuz that's all we were.... I pretty much stopped emailing Mike, unless he emailed me first...As far as I was concerned, he ended things officially before we left, all he wanted was an illusion, he knew we weren't for real and I was free. And J knew about everyone.
Fast forward to me coming home. DH's ship pulled in the day after I landed, of course I had to see him... We ended up hooking up after we were home a few days, (he had already filed for divorce) but I didn't know WHAT we were, and J and I had an agreement to an open relationship, until we figured out how and if we were going to be together stateside. As things went on, I was keeping him I guess as a back up plan, because I didn't know what I was to DH still, and I had been fed lines before, so I was kinda one foot out the door w/ caution... But when he proposed (we had only been home about 3 months at that point), I knew I had to cut things off w/ J, and so I did, and it was hard, and I felt horrible for leading him on and then hurting him the way I did, I should have done it sooner. AFTER I broke up w/ J, somehow that's when DH found out about him and there was a big ordeal, but I think he eventually understood why I was proceeding w/ caution... And I never cheated on him again... and I didn't really cheat, I just neglected to break up w/ my boyfriend....but tomato/tomAto, ya know?
UMMMM???? What? Did anyone understand this? There were like 6 different guys and everybody has a different boyfriend or something. Way to confusing.0 -
Hmmm, there's not a cut and dried answer to this one...Have I cheated since he's been my spouse? Absolutely not... have I cheated physically? No, but emotionally and logistically, that's murky...We dated for about 6 months, w/ him drinking and cheating, and standing me up, so I split. I started dating Mike, and we dated for about 3 months, and broke up because he refused to believe I wasn't cheating on him (I hadn't)... then he comes to me and says that he needs the "Illusion of something to come home too" when he deployed... this was about three days before his deployment, I still don't know what the "illusion" of a relationship entails... BUT, I deployed a day before Mike, and while I was gone, I met J. Anyways, while I'm sitting in the desert, DH starts emailing me, he's quit drinking, we're talking as friends, he had gotten married in a rush before he went on cruise and found out his wife was supporting her boyfriend w/ his paycheck... I neglected to mention J, but did tell him about Mike...I told Mike I was talking to DH as a friend, cuz that's all we were.... I pretty much stopped emailing Mike, unless he emailed me first...As far as I was concerned, he ended things officially before we left, all he wanted was an illusion, he knew we weren't for real and I was free. And J knew about everyone.
Fast forward to me coming home. DH's ship pulled in the day after I landed, of course I had to see him... We ended up hooking up after we were home a few days, (he had already filed for divorce) but I didn't know WHAT we were, and J and I had an agreement to an open relationship, until we figured out how and if we were going to be together stateside. As things went on, I was keeping him I guess as a back up plan, because I didn't know what I was to DH still, and I had been fed lines before, so I was kinda one foot out the door w/ caution... But when he proposed (we had only been home about 3 months at that point), I knew I had to cut things off w/ J, and so I did, and it was hard, and I felt horrible for leading him on and then hurting him the way I did, I should have done it sooner. AFTER I broke up w/ J, somehow that's when DH found out about him and there was a big ordeal, but I think he eventually understood why I was proceeding w/ caution... And I never cheated on him again... and I didn't really cheat, I just neglected to break up w/ my boyfriend....but tomato/tomAto, ya know?
UMMMM???? What? Did anyone understand this? There were like 6 different guys and everybody has a different boyfriend or something. Way to confusing.
This made me laugh. I was a bit confused too. :ohwell:0 -
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If someone cheats on you, they do NOT love you. That is NOT love. Loving someone means you go to the ends of the earth to NOT hurt them, even at your own expense sometimes.
[/quote]
"Like" They really gotta install a like button on here...0 -
*crickets*
For the record I've never been married. And I'm leaving it at that.0 -
hm, somehow this doesn't surprise me... plus only takes one time and then it'll be #5.:smokin:I have been married 4 times. My wife, Jan, and I have been together now for 23 years. I flirt, joke and kid with others, but I have never cheated on her.
However, until I met Jan, I had NEVER been faithful in any relationship. I cheated on every woman I had ever gone out with.
Not proud of it, but you asked.0 -
Frankly I am appauled that someone would ask this in an online forum. . that is discusting. . First of all marriage is a sacred union. and if this has been violated it is certainly not up for public opinion. . .
In the future please refrain from such topics as it offends those of us that believe in the sanctity of marriage. . .
Frankly, I am appauled that you spelled disgusting with a c, and no one mentioned it....come on trolls what the heck? Laggers!
And as for being christian I just have to do a huge LOLOLOLOL if you really think christians don't cheat.....
Yes innocent pastors NEVER cheat on their wives and christians NEVER cheat....let me tell you hun, i grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, one of the strictest christian religions there are, and i seen even elders who were faithful christians for years,fall into the traps of lust and adultery. Maybe you should be a good christian and read your bible and you will notice there are a LOT of christian men in the bible that have cheated or caught in "lewd conduct"....that is why there is counsel in the bible as to disciplinary action of a cheater. Also there is a scripture talking about pointing out the sticks in other peoples eyes when you have a rafter in your own. Perhaps you should take scripture and meditate on it.
I had people that think they are holier than though....sins happen and people make mistakes, whehter you believe in god, three gods, or no god at all. People are imperfect.0 -
Stop private messaging me Jade. No, I will not make out with you.0
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Oh and btw I have never cheated nor ever been cheated on. I'm a Leo, which is the most loyal of signs (i know i know lame astrology stuff) but i'm one of those people that if i get bored in the relationship i just break it off, i don't keep em and go out and get someone else. Sure its hard to do, but I dont' want to look like the "bad guy" who cheated on her poor innocent bf0
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Stop private messaging me Jade. No, I will not make out with you.
JohnGalt, you can also stop private messaging everyone. No one wants to make out with your sorry *kitten*.0 -
Stop private messaging me Jade. No, I will not make out with you.
JohnGalt, you can also stop private messaging everyone. No one wants to make out with your sorry *kitten*.
You too? Here I thought I was special
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Stop private messaging me Jade. No, I will not make out with you.
JohnGalt, you can also stop private messaging everyone. No one wants to make out with your sorry *kitten*.
You too? Here I thought I was special
oooh... I'm sorry. But why don't you let me PM you instead:flowerforyou: I'm way more fun and actually a real person! :drinker:0 -
I'm a Leo, which is the most loyal of signs (i know i know lame astrology stuff)
my ex girlfriend is a leo and that heifer cheated on me the entire relationship LMAO .
anyways, no i've never cheated on anyone. not worth the drama, plus being on the receiving end of that SUCKS.0 -
well thats becaues shes not a cool leo like me! lol.....nah there are exceptions to every sign... not every scorpio is a freaking horndog,but the ones i have across are.....my dad is a leo and he is hardly anything like a "typical" leo (dramatic, self centered, in need of attention)0
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Never Cheated. i believe in doing the right thing, even when no one is looking. my observations about it are, i find that the thing that is most tempting to people about cheating, is that they believe that no one will ever know. but thing is, someone WILL know: you.... YOU will know that the next morning, when your wife/husband looks across the table from you and smiles, or kisses you, or says i love you, they way they always have before, this time it will be different. this time it wont be the same, and it will never be like it was before you decided to go outside the relationship. i dont think i ever want to know what that feels like.
the first boyfriend i was ever intimate with, ended up being the biggest cheating lying *kitten* i could have ever gotten involved with. i was embarrassed i ever let such a slime ball touch me. i was a sucker for his mindgames. i tried to be perfect, i paid for everything, gave him rides, bought him things, starved myself to 115 pounds and promised i'd lose more weight since he would still comment on my "doughboy stomach". when i found out he was cheating on me the entire time, i got so physically ill, i threw up. i fantasized about killing him, setting his house on fire, cutting his break lines. i was in such a furious rage, i wanted his whole world to come to a screeching tortured NEUTERED halt! it took every fiber of my being to "keep calm and carry on". even when he spread rumours that i was a stalker, and a *kitten*, and a liar. it was one of the worst experiences of my life. BUT! i kept my head high, i was a lady about the whole situation and didnt stoop to his immature level. i threatened his life so passionatly, even now when we see each other at trade shows, he will literally turn around and walk the other way. feels good to have that kind of power of HIM for once.
after a year, a good friend of mine, whom i had never thought of romantically, asked me on a date. i put that poor guy through so many hoops and tests, im amazed he had the patience and confidence of a man to keep up with me. but he did, and we are getting married.
i will never cheat on anyone, no matter what. if the marriage falls apart to the point of needing a way out, or wanting to cheat, i feel like the least i can do is let the poor *kitten* know it's getting to that point. he's a genuinely good man, and a good man deserves loyalty, and at the very least, honesty. 0 -
OP you are one of the above:
You're looking for someone to have an affair with and seeing who is game on here;
You are having an affair and worried about getting caught
or you're being cheated on.
Either way this is a personal question that you shouldn't be asking. Anyone silly enough to be discussing personal details like this online are well.....I will let you fill in the blanks!0 -
Last year, I left my wife of 11 years to be with another woman. It was simultaneously the best thing and the worst thing I have ever done in my life...
I want to say that THIS is about the most honest answer you can give.
Thanks for being open.0 -
Anyone silly enough to be discussing personal details like this online are well.....I will let you fill in the blanks!
... are not hung up on our past and don't see any threats coming from being honest in a forum full of people that we'll never meet in real life.
And "personal details"? This whole forum (not just this thread) is full of personal details.0 -
Good thing we don't give a crap about what you think.:drinker:Either way this is a personal question that you shouldn't be asking. Anyone silly enough to be discussing personal details like this online are well.....I will let you fill in the blanks!0 -
Good thing we don't give a crap about what you think.:drinker:Either way this is a personal question that you shouldn't be asking. Anyone silly enough to be discussing personal details like this online are well.....I will let you fill in the blanks!
Hahaha....
I believe that we are all adults here and have the ability to decide for ourselves what we will and will not discuss on the internet.0 -
i find it funny that the people passing out judgement on this thread are the people that refuse to answer the question. 0
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i find it funny that the people passing out judgement on this thread are the people that refuse to answer the question.
exactly. CLEARLY the name of the thread is what attracted them to open it in the first place. just to read everyone's answer so they can judge but NEVER provide any input.0 -
The "holier than thou" crowd has to put in their 2 cents. Makes them feel better that their lives are "better" than ours. Some people NEED that.............i find it funny that the people passing out judgement on this thread are the people that refuse to answer the question.
exactly. CLEARLY the name of the thread is what attracted them to open it in the first place. just to read everyone's answer so they can judge but NEVER provide any input.0 -
I'm married for 11 years, together for 14 and yes I've flirted.. a lot but never cheated.
I wouldn't cheat either. I have done it once in a BF/GF relationship and felt awful for doing it, I dumped my BF rather than be a cheater.. and had no intention of dating the other party either. At least I was alone with my self respect back in place.
by the way I don't mean that as a judgement, we're human.. animalistic it happens.0
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