How do you get over people not liking you?

The thing is, you can't really control who likes and who doesn't like you. I had counselling and my counsellor said she actually got disliked by a colleague for being too sunny and positive! It wasn't great to hear but once she knew she just accepted it and moved on. Like they say, you can't please everyone. I have been the world's worst when it comes to wanting to be liked, but as I get older I try to be more stoic about it. I can't make people like me, and I can't control what they think about me. Don't know if this helps but it's just the way I try to deal with it.

Never really cared what others thought about me.

Who cares, don't worry about them loser. Hell I like you and don't even know you....

Experience solves this. Try a debate class. Do you overthink things much?

Shrug and walk away.

"...middle finger in the air...."

Every workplace has a culture. A really good boss appreciates unique qualities because it adds to the office dynamics. We are not bots or clones. Don't let anyone ever characterize you and don't characterize yourself. Be who you are.

Personality clashes happen no matter where you are but let them work for you and not against you. Some of our greatest teachers are those who can't stand us for whatever reasons. Like sandpaper, we begin to rub the rough edges off of one another until one day we become friends. Not phony friends but true grit friends with mutual respect in the workplace and long, long after you've parted ways.

Motorsheen wrote: »

I'm quite surprised if somebody does (pretend to) like me.


In fact..... those people can't be trusted.


Always remember, 'Don't Trust a Friend, Report Them to the Authorities!"

Ok Grandpa. I’ll help you with your VCR.

FeelinFooFoo wrote: »

...I will usually win people over in the end cos I have a decent personality and if they don't like me still, then it's their loss, or it just wasn't meant to be.

Sometimes someone doesnt like you just cos you trigger something in them, maybe insecurity or something. Knowing that, means I don't take the dislike personal. I know I'm likeable. 🤷🏼‍♀️

True to both. Up through my 20s, I used to try to win everyone over & although it worked 75-25, it was too exhausting a process & then I resented both of us for my having to work so hard, so my wasted efforts didn't foster a friendship in the end, anyway.

No one should have to work hard to gain approval from another. If caught in that loop, it's probably a case of placing too much emphasis in other's opinions more than our own. That never benefits us & is often detrimental to self esteem... that's the issue to deal with, not the other person's feelings toward us.

As others said, age has something to do with it, too... I wouldn't put that much energy into any relationship today, but if it were a work related person I saw daily, I'd be professionally cordial, nothing more. I've had a handful of those situations over my lifetime & it worked out well by just remaining pleasant.

And, someone upstream also said something about never knowing what another thinks. So true. I once had a teacher who was so unpleasant to me, that everyone in the class mentioned it. One day a classmate said, "You must look like his ex-wife & every time he sees you, he thinks of alimony checks." Lol... maybe, but there was nothing I could do except try harder than everyone else (unfair, but life isn't always fair) & graduate.

Also, a long time ago, a girl once told me she thought I didn't like her, cuz every time she began talking I'd pick up & leave the lunch table at work. I told her that every time she joined the table & began talking, often directly across from me, she also lit up a cigarette, which is why I left & therefore, I didn't know her well enough to like or dislike her. I never got to know her cuz she never stopped smoking, but she also never sat at my table again.

We can waste a lot of years trying to figure out everyone else. If I had my own wasted years back, I'd spend them trying to figure out myself & leave everyone else alone to do as they like.

Motorsheen wrote: »

TwitchyMacGee wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

I'm quite surprised if somebody does (pretend to) like me.


In fact..... those people can't be trusted.


Always remember, 'Don't Trust a Friend, Report Them to the Authorities!"

Ok Grandpa. I’ll help you with your VCR.

Just be sure to keep that polo shirt of yours tucked-in.

I run a tight ship.

Hey friend! You seem a man of taste and innovation. I too love the VCR, but have you heard of LaserDisc, my esteemed colleague?

LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »

We can't expect to be liked by everyone, just like we don't like everyone automatically we come across.
As I get older I care less about being liked, just wish I'd felt this way years ago!

I agree with this.

Also, do things that make you like yourself more and you may care less what others think of you.

FinelyFermented wrote: »

Master the art of liking yourself and really not giving a *kitten* about what others think.

This! ⬆️

jm_1234 wrote: »

People can externalize or internalize things - externalizing would say if someone doesn't like me then it's just them, internalizers would say if someone doesn't like me then there's something wrong with me. For internalizers, the negative self talk just needs to be corrected with the proper thoughts.

This is a great point. I'd be curious to learn if the majority who suffer with this kind of worry & perhaps anxiety/depression around relationships are mostly introverts. I'm introverted & had these issues when younger. As introverts, there are probably fewer relationships in the pool, so losing one or having problems with one is more impactful. Extroverts are always increasing their in-life friend's lists & are often far more active & social, so there's always someone else around... they're so busy, there's less time to focus on just one.

Also, I don't believe the OP has yet given an indication on who the person is... s/she may live with the person or it could be a boss situation. In that case, it's a lot harder to say don't let it bother you or just get over it & move on. Even if taking steps to do so, it can take time to find another home or job, if that's the solution. For any who've lived through these situations with a family member or boss who didn't care for us, we know how challenging that can be.

And, treating others well is a lovely sentiment in a world where everything is perfect, but not everyone returns the favor, so we do need to learn skills to protect ourselves if we're the sensitive type... probably again, mostly introverts.

But, one thing I have noticed is those who are more physically active seem to know how to release that stress. Those with sleeping issues seem to be less extroverted, therefore those thoughts & worries remain interior. I'm reminded of the time that I met friends at a local pub after work & as I approached the table, both said, "You didn't swim today, did you?" I was stunned they knew that & when asked, the said, "When you swim, you look relaxed & float into the room. When you don't, you walk stiffer & btw, you still have your subway face on." Lol.

I don't have answers & am learning, too. I appreciate the posts. But, I do know that if I want to change something, I need to find different avenues, if the chosen way isn't working. And, I like what billionaire, Dan Pena says... today is the best day to do it... there'll never be a better time.

Two things to keep in mind:
(1) The reasons people dislike us frequently have more to do with them than with us. There are a lot of examples of this, but here are just a few. A person might not like you because you're friends with someone they dislike. A person might not like you because of something you have that they don't. A person might not like you because they don't know you and the unknown makes them feel uncomfortable. A person might not like you for irrational reasons that they probably couldn't even explain, like you remind them of their second grade teacher who yelled at them, or a person who cut them off in traffic.
(2) What people think of us is none of our business. I don't mean that to sound harsh, just that we don't always know what people are thinking and if we assume we do we might feel badly unnecessarily. For example, right now I could be thinking, (a) "Cyaneverfat is a great, great person. I really like him/her! I wish him/her happiness, prosperity, love and health!" or I could be thinking, (b) "Cyaneverfat is the worst life form on any planet ever in the history of the universe!" and you wouldn't know which one was true because you can't get inside my head and see. I could easily be thinking (a), but because I just stubbed my toe and acting a little grumpy, you might think I'm thinking (b). You see what I mean?