We broke up because...
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She never cooked BBQ for me but was always talking about it.0
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He tried to make me eat BBQ 😖0
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BBQ was the name of her cat..
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She wouldn’t let me eat her cat 😬🤐2
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they both scissored me out of the picture 2
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He just didn’t fit in0
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She was already in love to a minion and a pole dancer 😝1
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She had this unhealthy obsession with Cyclops and chicks on poles 👁️🎣0
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We did? *Drops milk and starts crying.*0
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Her heart belonged to her ex ..0
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She thought blondes were more fun0
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We didn't.. she plies me with biscuits and pie daily 🤤0
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Oh yeah 0 -
she insisted that we become nudies, and i'm shy....0
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Total prude 0
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What? 😢1
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she kept calling me a prude and wanted to examine my daddy parts0
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He had daddy parts 1
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wanted me to eat sushi off her belly like Samantha in Sex and the City0
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He didn't like sushi0
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She rolled me in rice and tried to have me for a snack while I was sleeping0
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He was always sleeping...0
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She kept me up all night with those snores 🥴😴🙉0
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She tried to smother me with her pillow.0
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Had an annoying tiny dog0
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She was not a dog person0
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He once said that he'd never love me like he loves his dog. 😧0
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I bought green contacts and red lipstick. I cut my hair and dyed it like hers. I was trying to show my love and appreciation, but she said it was creepy. 😒0
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She only had eyes for one special man1
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