Fit For Future Families - September 2011

Where you live: South Dakota

i'm originally a south dakota girl too. lived in the black hills area; went to college in brookings. are you east river or west river? (haha, my husband would say 'are you vikings or broncos?')

:-) I'm East River... but when my husband and I were first married we lived closer to the hills. His family is from that area so I think I still get the best of both worlds. As far as Vikings or Broncos...yuck! haha. I'm a football fan but I cheer for the Colts. :-)

Cupcake- as far as HPTs (I'm not too sure about OPKs) I've always been told that they're mostly the same (some one correct me if i'm wrong). The ones that say they get results sooner are usually less accurate. I got a pack of 40 OPKs and 10 HPTs from Amazon for $10. They're generic but had good review. Other ladies here use early-pregnancy-tests.com like Emily said.

Melissa-Welcome!

Emily- Have you just recently started working out more? At the beginning of the year when I jumped on the exercise and diet bandwagon my cycles were all crazy. But after about 4 weird ones they seem to be back to normal, for me at least!

Runner- I totally feel ya on the being without kids and working with mostly moms. Before I had my LO I worked in a pharmacy in a town 30 miles away and even with that much of a drive I was always the first one called when someone didn't show up "its not like you have to find a babysitter or anything" so annoying!!! I don't miss those days.

Jalara- Thinking of you! Hope school is treating you well

Mel- Welcome! Your strange fact is awesome!

mrsmccullen- Welcome to you as well! I love that you did cloth diapers! I might have considered it more if I didn't have such horrible morning sickness when I was pregnant. I didn't want to be nauseated if I could prevent it lol

I've spent the last two nights reading about different charting methods. Because I have PCOS and want to be sure on my results, I am leaning towards the temperature method AND the CM method. I feel confident that I can handle the temperature method but I am a little nervous about observing my CM. Does anyone have experience? Advice? Tips?

Emily-I had something similar happen...except I never went to a doctor about it because my husband and I weren't married at the time and I was afraid my parents would find out (even though I wasn't a minor anymore). I told my husband (then fiance) about it and he talked to a friend at work about what had happened. His friend said it wasn't a miscarriage...it was something else...so my husband has never believed that I was pregnant. Not that he called me a liar and such, but I think the idea was too hard for him, so I let him believe what his friend told him. I never took a test to confirm pregnancy, but it was this gut feeling that I was pregnant that I couldn't deny. I told a few friends, but they believed the same as my husband, which is totally fine. I don't blame any of them. I didn't have solid proof that I was pregnant, I wasn't ready for a child (in college and not married yet), and I was actually trying to convince myself that my husband's friend was right...but it sucked. In my heart, I still count it as a pregnancy, but for all other purposes (doctors, family, friends, ect), it was just a freak period...because I didn't have the proof of a positive preg test. It's been about 6 years now and I'm ok. God didn't want that pregnancy to happen. And as long as it's God's terms, I am willing to let it be.

If it happened now, I would probably be an inconsolable mess. Even before we talked about having a baby, if I thought I was pregnant and got a BFN, I would mope. But now, I'm pretty sure I would be devastated. Talk to your husband and get his support. You need it. And remember we are all here for you. *hugs*

Howdy Everyone,

First off welcome to all the newbies. I hope your stay here is short!

Emily- *hugs* I can't imagine how it would feel to have that occur a potential of 3 times I often deal with people suffering miscarriages at work, and even if they have multiple healthy children at home, they seem totally devistated. They are way more common then people think but they aren't talked about opening due to the emotional ties it seems. Any anti-inflammatories increase the potential for pregnancy problems. Does Tylenol work for you? Many doctors say those are safe during pregnancy if a pain reliever is needed. I had to cut out all antiinflamatories when I was dx with Ulcerative Collitis and trust me I wish for nothing else when my back hurts. nIt sucks when you dont have a lot of RLF's there that support you in your decisions. I'm glad you had an ice cream party and that made you feel a little better. Just remember if it was ment to be it would have happened. Try and keep your chin up!

Runner-I'm with you in working with mostly males. I am a paramedic and have very few female co-workers. I totally agree with it's always God's terms. This job has proved that to me time and time again.

Melissa- Sorry no help with the CM. I just starting paying a little attention to mine myself. Very difficult to find out which is which still.

Alisa- That's soooo awesome. I am the exact same way about surprises and always find a way to ruin them all even if I try really hard not to, I just must be aware and in control of as much as possible That's so awesome he's home with you now though and the BD was done all the potentially fertile days! I will keep my fingers crossed for you! I hope your hubbs surgery for his gallbladder goes smoothly and quickly. BTW I love your new profile picture!!

AFM- I had a total melt down yesterday. My mind keeps dwelling on silly things and blowing them way out of proportion. I can't seem to brush things off these days. I'm not sure if my body is still trying to regulate itself off meds or if this TTC is starting to driving me coo coo. My husband did eventually make me giggle saying, "You aren't really going crazy...Crazy people don't think they are going crazy so your still sane. And don't worry if you do go crazy I'll still love you I just might laugh at you a little more" I'm glad he was able to pull me out of my moping mess. This has proven to be the 2nd month with no positive OPK's and I've yet to have a temperature shift at all. I am beginning to believe that I'm not ovulating at all. How long did the ladies out there with ovulation issues wait to go see a DR. about it? I'm just feeling quite bummed about it all but trying to keep my chin up.
Babydust to all that want it and fat burning genies to those that want those first!

Stupid question.... What does AFM mean when you guys are updating?

Just started reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I already knew a bit about temping, observing CM, etc... but now I know how much I DIDN'T know. Wow, if you haven't read this yet, go out and get it.

So since I'm taking this WTT (Waiting To Try) thing pretty seriously I've started some supplements, DHA, prenatals, C and calcium so that's kinda fun, I'm sorta prepping my body at this point. But I have quite a few goals to achieve before I can try to get knocked up:

#1 Remove wisdom teeth. This has to be done this year or I forfeit my FSA. I'm sooooooooo freaked out about this but I'm tired of the problems they give me and I can't have any serious issues while pregnant, I will be so pissed if they start hurting and I can't take anything for the pain.

#2 Lose at least 15 lbs. I want to be able to enjoy pregnancy as much as possible and be healthy as possible. I really don't want to not know if I have a baby bump or if it's just my fat belly and I want to prevent as many possible complications as I can.

#3 Get my first tattoo for my 30th birthday (next month). I want to do this because obviously I don't want to do this while pregnant or BFing. Problem is I have an idea of what I want but it's vague. I have no idea how to figure this out.

#4 Save money. Starting a family is totally expensive! I will need a new car at some point (this 2 door thing is NOT going to work) and of course my insurance doesn't cover much of the birth, not sure what good it is.

So those are the big ones... in the mean time my weekly goals are getting freakin' flexy.... need to really get into more yoga, I am having trouble getting myself to go to the classes, same with my dance classes I want to start. I'm SUCH a wuss. Total ball of social anxiety so I make an excuse not to go. It's getting old.

My diet has been good, finally got back down to where I was a couple weeks ago after falling off the wagon. I've cut out almost all sugars that aren't fruit except for my nightly dark chocolate fix. No more processed foods, need to work on getting more protein in, not a big meat eater, I'd rather just eat a bowl or rice. Mmm... carbs. Also, need to drink more water. Why is this so hard???

Keep up 30 Day Shred. Just started it again after a failed attempt a couple months ago that got interrupted by vacations and too much fun. I'm not going to try to do it everyday, my goal is just to get some sort of exercise everyday and days I don't get something else I'll do 30DS. Baby steps.

Need to start my acupuncture treatments for general health, fertility health and all that good stuff. This I can probably do on days I go into the office.

And just general education. Reading TCOYF right now and I have a list of other books I want to read to learn as much as possible before attempting and hopefully reduce the time it takes TTC assuming we don't run into major obstacles.

So ya, Operation: Flawless Fertility is underway!!!!

Stupid question.... What does AFM mean when you guys are updating?

AFM- As for me. Also your goals sound great!

Edit--this turned into a doozy long one, but I"m posting it anyways:

Hi all--sheesh--I go on vacation and when I come back, I need another vacation just to catch up with you all!! Missed you all, but obviously not enough to log on during my vacation. Heehee...

Just got back from a week in the OBX (beach)--it was great. Hubby bought me an early birthday present--a Kindle. I read like 8 novels at the beach. It was great. I read on the beach, in bed, on the sofa....I really like the Kindle. I never would have bought one for myself, but he wanted me to have it, and have it on vacation. (My birthday is still a few weeks away.)And I loved it, except for one part, but I'll get to that later. We thought is was going to rain most of the week, but we ended up not getting any rain, and missing all the flooding we had back home from the excessive rain. Couldn't have planned it better if we tried. Now, as far as eating goes, I definitely could have planned that better--oh, ladies, the food porn I could share with you from the last week. I ate a piece of peanut butter pie that was almost the size of my head. I kid you not. SO, weigh in this week is going to be a total bummer. Total total bummer.

Congratulations Kim!! Another graduate...keep em coming. (Pam--I'm counting the days for ya!) Jalara--missed you too--just so you know-I've had breakdowns very similar to the one you had concerning the hubby-worthiness. The crap we tell ourselves. Sheesh. Just remember, you are not alone.

Just reading real quick through some of the postings, I want to share something. Several people have talked about feeling a certain way and then feeling like they "shouldn't" feel that way. We all do it from time to time, but I've been thinking a lot about this--mostly for myself, but I thought I'd share something from my counseling days with you that have been helpful to me recently.

I want to encourage those of us who find ourselves feeling an emotion (sadness, anger, whatever) and then feeling like we "shouldn't" feel that way, to be a bit gentler with ourselves. ( Well, actually, what I want us to do is when we find ourselves thinking that, turn around to ourselves, and say "That's a load of crap--stop it."--but I digress from the larger point.) It's hard, I know, but here's the deal: emotions are emotions. They are what they are, and they are there for a reason, whether due to nature or nurture or a combo. You can't control what you feel--it just is. We are all programmed differently, so we all don't react the same, but our emotional reaction is what it is--ours. And when we discount our emotional reaction, we discount ourselves.

The word "should" is a projection. It's something that someone else is projecting onto you as something they think should be yours to carry--or in the case of self-talk, it's a voice in your head--the voice of society, a family member, or someone else that you carry with you--and when it conflicts with what you are naturally feeling, it just kicks you when you are down. So, for me, I've realized that especially when dealing with fertility issues, the word "should" just adds additional shame for me on top of the heap I already feel with this whole secondary infertility crud. "Should" does not help. (Maybe it's just me....if so, carry on everyone else--pay no attention to my pscho-emotional ramblings.)

The only part you can control is what you choose to do with the emotion you are feeling--your thoughts and your actions. And, the opposite is true as well--your thoughts and actions impact your emotions--which is the good part. So, what I try to do is to say to myself "I'm feeling _____ right now. What am I going to do with it?" The result may be go for a run, talk to a friend, keep it bottled up until a more appropriate time to deal with it, or eat a gallon of haagen daas and cry my eyes out, but at least I'm honoring the real emotion that I'm feeling, which needs to be validated, not shunned, judged or used as ammunition against myself. And I've learned to tell that to other people too-- "Please don't tell me what I should or shouldn't feel. You are not me. Why don't you do something useful like try to help me figure out how to deal with it, instead of making me feel crappier?" ( I think I was on clomid that day--clean it up or fowl it up in whatever manor works best for your situation. I tend to use a more diplomatic approach usually. The message is the same though. (I'm happy to say I have not ever had to say that to my husband. Although many could use the lesson, me thinks.)

Okay--I kinda got up on a soapbox there. Sorry. Most of the time when I do that, it's me working through my own stuff, triggered by something you all have said. So, anyways, thanks for helping me do that. This whole infertility thing is just a huge crappile, isn't it? I think it's all been spurned on by a meltdown I had on vacation. I had been reading a novel where one of the minor characters had an only son, 8 years old, and in the book he was hit by a car and died. I almost couldn't keep reading the book...my chest just tightened up and I almost went into a panic about not being able to have another child. (the jury is still out on that, but I'm feeling a big pessimistic.) As if having another child would lessen the loss of another...but that's where my brain went. It totally triggered me, and I'll spare you all the details, but it more than caught me by surprise, had a lot of "should/should not" thinking that I had to work through, and involved a husband's shoulder to cry on, some oatmeal cookies and a dip in a pool to work through that one. Whew. I'm just glad it happened at the house (with a pool) and not on the beach!

Okay--well, time for bed. I didn't post at all in the last week, I guess this one makes up for it. Night-night ladies--hope I didn't lay too heavy stuff on ya. I just tend to share a lot when I get going....just cyber--slap me if I you want me to lay off the psychostuff...it just kinda leaks out.

But! We were able to BD on EVERY potential fertile day and the only real side effect I had from the clomid was for 2 days I felt like my ovaries were the size of grapefruits. I go in for CD21 bloodwork on Monday and can start peeing on sticks on the 20th....fingers crossed!!

fingers crossed alisa.

So ya, Operation: Flawless Fertility is underway!!!!

fingers crossed for you. it sounds like you have a good plan. by the way, have i mentioned how much i love lists?