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"Unrealistic" body goals
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siberiantarragon wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »If you haven’t ever needed to work to maintain your weight, then your opinion on why people get fat is pretty valueless unless you are willing to educate yourself by listening to actual fat people.
I've already said SEVERAL times that I do have to work to maintain my weight, and that I could easily end up obese if I didn't pay attention to my diet and exercise. But nobody is listening to what I'm actually saying, they're just projecting their own messages onto it.
I've noticed that everyone else who's posting here has thousands of posts on this forum. Is this what you guys do -- nitpick and haze and misinterpret and get offended by anyone new who comes on until they leave?
As someone observed in (IIRC) another thread: This is the Debate part of the forum. Chewing things over, citing exceptions, stating alternate views, trying to read what people mean when all we have is what they actually typed so we misinterpret each other and need to question and correct, arguing, etc. - that's what this part of the forum is intended for. It shouldn't be surprising that people nitpick. It's part of the process.
I disagree with your characterization that this is "hazing" (in context), and people in the thread don't sound particularly offended IMO. 🤷♀️12 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »If you haven’t ever needed to work to maintain your weight, then your opinion on why people get fat is pretty valueless unless you are willing to educate yourself by listening to actual fat people.
I've already said SEVERAL times that I do have to work to maintain my weight, and that I could easily end up obese if I didn't pay attention to my diet and exercise. But nobody is listening to what I'm actually saying, they're just projecting their own messages onto it.
I've noticed that everyone else who's posting here has thousands of posts on this forum. Is this what you guys do -- nitpick and haze and misinterpret and get offended by anyone new who comes on until they leave?
With all due respect, I don’t care enough about you to research your posting history, much less haze you. It is really not all about you.15 -
jesshillary wrote: »Your hypothetical obesity is not a substitute for the lived experiences of actual obese people. If we were to conduct a behavioral psych study of obese people you would not be included as a sample because you, as you have described yourself here, do not qualify.
People here who are obese or used to be obese are supplying ancedotal evidence that contradicts your ancedotal evidence and assumptions. Instead of acknowledging the validity of experiences and conditions that differ from your own and potentially reevaluating your generalized statements about the factors and experiences surrounding lived obesity, you are instead doubling down by saying "something doesn't add up"(Ie- "your experience is more valid than theirs" or "you know what they lived through better than they do").
Saying that "everyone else" here debating you "has thousands of posts" and is personally "hazing" you is another weak point that dissolves as soon as someone like myself weighs in. Suddenly it's not "everyone" and your whole statement falls apart.
So you made an account with 1 post JUST to respond to this thread? Sure.
But, if you are a real account, I'll just point out that the exact same few people with thousands of posts are following me around multiple threads on the forum, brigading and downvoting my posts and consistently misinterpreting what I say. So it's not out of line to question whether it's some form of hazing when it seems to be so sustained. This is the nastiest forum I've ever been on by far.
Alright then, since this is apparently what you guys want me to say: losing weight is an unrealistic goal. Don't even bother. If you're obese it's just impossible and you only have a 5% chance of keeping it off. Even if you do all the right things you will probably stay obese.
Are you guys happy now?
I mean, I thought the entire purpose of MFP is to make healthy weight management into a doable goal for anyone. This is the last place I ever expected people would mass disagree with me for saying weight loss is a doable goal! Let alone tell me I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm not obese?? There's nothing in the rules that says that non-obese people aren't allowed to have an opinion, and it just feels like a real "you can't sit with us" thing more than an actual attempt at debate. Literally every single thing I say gets mass-disagreed with and mass-argued with by the same group of people, no matter how innocuous it is, no matter how backed up with cited evidence it is, and at a certain point you have to wonder if it's not what you're saying but the fact that you're the one saying it.....5 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »jesshillary wrote: »Your hypothetical obesity is not a substitute for the lived experiences of actual obese people. If we were to conduct a behavioral psych study of obese people you would not be included as a sample because you, as you have described yourself here, do not qualify.
People here who are obese or used to be obese are supplying ancedotal evidence that contradicts your ancedotal evidence and assumptions. Instead of acknowledging the validity of experiences and conditions that differ from your own and potentially reevaluating your generalized statements about the factors and experiences surrounding lived obesity, you are instead doubling down by saying "something doesn't add up"(Ie- "your experience is more valid than theirs" or "you know what they lived through better than they do").
Saying that "everyone else" here debating you "has thousands of posts" and is personally "hazing" you is another weak point that dissolves as soon as someone like myself weighs in. Suddenly it's not "everyone" and your whole statement falls apart.
So you made an account with 1 post JUST to respond to this thread? Sure.
But, if you are a real account, I'll just point out that the exact same few people with thousands of posts are following me around multiple threads on the forum, brigading and downvoting my posts and consistently misinterpreting what I say. So it's not out of line to question whether it's some form of hazing when it seems to be so sustained. This is the nastiest forum I've ever been on by far.
What you are seeing is people who are routinely very active in the MFP forums because they enjoy it (that, and duration here, account for the high number of posts). They (we? dunno.) are disagreeing with your posts because they/we disagree with your posts, not because they/we are interested enough in you to follow you around the forums and haze you. (Occam's razor may apply: The simplest explanation is overwhelmingly likely to be the correct one.)
As far as misinterpreting what you say, none of us has anything to look at except words on a screen. You feel others have misinterpreted you, some of them believe you have misinterpreted them . . . that's kind of the nature of human interaction, especially in text-only media. Clear two way communications is freakin' hard to accomplish. IMO, it behooves all parties to a exchange of views to consider whether the problem in any given instance is reading comprehension (including memory across many posts), or unclear writing (including views that are slippery across many posts, such as goalpost movement).
To be clear: I'm not accusing you of anything here. I don't hate you. I have no idea who you are, or what you're like in real life. To the extent I'm participating in this or other threads where you're a participant, I'm just reading and responding to posts.
I'm not interested enough in you to follow you around, though you may be perfectly delightful and worth knowing in real life. The only people I've ever "followed around" here were either blatant commercial spammers (so I could spam-tag all their posts) or a very few people I found so very insightful/knowledgeable/informative that I wanted to read more things they'd written.Alright then, since this is apparently what you guys want me to say: losing weight is an unrealistic goal. Don't even bother. If you're obese it's just impossible and you only have a 5% chance of keeping it off. Even if you do all the right things you will probably stay obese.
Are you guys happy now?
I mean, I thought the entire purpose of MFP is to make healthy weight management into a doable goal for anyone. This is the last place I ever expected people would mass disagree with me for saying weight loss is a doable goal! Let alone tell me I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm not obese?? There's nothing in the rules that says that non-obese people aren't allowed to have an opinion, and it just feels like a real "you can't sit with us" thing more than an actual attempt at debate. Literally every single thing I say gets mass-disagreed with and mass-argued with by the same group of people, no matter how innocuous it is, no matter how backed up with cited evidence it is, and at a certain point you have to wonder if it's not what you're saying but the fact that you're the one saying it.....
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siberiantarragon wrote: »jesshillary wrote: »Your hypothetical obesity is not a substitute for the lived experiences of actual obese people. If we were to conduct a behavioral psych study of obese people you would not be included as a sample because you, as you have described yourself here, do not qualify.
People here who are obese or used to be obese are supplying ancedotal evidence that contradicts your ancedotal evidence and assumptions. Instead of acknowledging the validity of experiences and conditions that differ from your own and potentially reevaluating your generalized statements about the factors and experiences surrounding lived obesity, you are instead doubling down by saying "something doesn't add up"(Ie- "your experience is more valid than theirs" or "you know what they lived through better than they do").
Saying that "everyone else" here debating you "has thousands of posts" and is personally "hazing" you is another weak point that dissolves as soon as someone like myself weighs in. Suddenly it's not "everyone" and your whole statement falls apart.
So you made an account with 1 post JUST to respond to this thread? Sure.
But, if you are a real account, I'll just point out that the exact same few people with thousands of posts are following me around multiple threads on the forum, brigading and downvoting my posts and consistently misinterpreting what I say. So it's not out of line to question whether it's some form of hazing when it seems to be so sustained. This is the nastiest forum I've ever been on by far.
Alright then, since this is apparently what you guys want me to say: losing weight is an unrealistic goal. Don't even bother. If you're obese it's just impossible and you only have a 5% chance of keeping it off. Even if you do all the right things you will probably stay obese.
Are you guys happy now?
I mean, I thought the entire purpose of MFP is to make healthy weight management into a doable goal for anyone. This is the last place I ever expected people would mass disagree with me for saying weight loss is a doable goal! Let alone tell me I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm not obese?? There's nothing in the rules that says that non-obese people aren't allowed to have an opinion, and it just feels like a real "you can't sit with us" thing more than an actual attempt at debate. Literally every single thing I say gets mass-disagreed with and mass-argued with by the same group of people, no matter how innocuous it is, no matter how backed up with cited evidence it is, and at a certain point you have to wonder if it's not what you're saying but the fact that you're the one saying it.....
This is the only post you've made that has pushed me to "disagree". Let's try out your theory. Come back under a different name and start posting.11 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »jesshillary wrote: »Your hypothetical obesity is not a substitute for the lived experiences of actual obese people. If we were to conduct a behavioral psych study of obese people you would not be included as a sample because you, as you have described yourself here, do not qualify.
People here who are obese or used to be obese are supplying ancedotal evidence that contradicts your ancedotal evidence and assumptions. Instead of acknowledging the validity of experiences and conditions that differ from your own and potentially reevaluating your generalized statements about the factors and experiences surrounding lived obesity, you are instead doubling down by saying "something doesn't add up"(Ie- "your experience is more valid than theirs" or "you know what they lived through better than they do").
Saying that "everyone else" here debating you "has thousands of posts" and is personally "hazing" you is another weak point that dissolves as soon as someone like myself weighs in. Suddenly it's not "everyone" and your whole statement falls apart.
So you made an account with 1 post JUST to respond to this thread? Sure.
But, if you are a real account, I'll just point out that the exact same few people with thousands of posts are following me around multiple threads on the forum, brigading and downvoting my posts and consistently misinterpreting what I say. So it's not out of line to question whether it's some form of hazing when it seems to be so sustained. This is the nastiest forum I've ever been on by far.
Alright then, since this is apparently what you guys want me to say: losing weight is an unrealistic goal. Don't even bother. If you're obese it's just impossible and you only have a 5% chance of keeping it off. Even if you do all the right things you will probably stay obese.
Are you guys happy now?
I mean, I thought the entire purpose of MFP is to make healthy weight management into a doable goal for anyone. This is the last place I ever expected people would mass disagree with me for saying weight loss is a doable goal! Let alone tell me I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm not obese?? There's nothing in the rules that says that non-obese people aren't allowed to have an opinion, and it just feels like a real "you can't sit with us" thing more than an actual attempt at debate. Literally every single thing I say gets mass-disagreed with and mass-argued with by the same group of people, no matter how innocuous it is, no matter how backed up with cited evidence it is, and at a certain point you have to wonder if it's not what you're saying but the fact that you're the one saying it.....
You’re certainly allowed to have opinions, but that doesn’t make them valid. Specifically, your opinion on what obese people feel and think is worth less than that of any obese person, because they know what they feel and think and you don’t.12 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »I tell you my reasons, not related to food addiction, and you still see food addiction in there because it seems 'unlikely' otherwise. Hence my idea that more detailed explanations will not prove productive in convincing you 😉
I didn't say that. I said "psychological attachment," and you did agree there were psychological reasons behind your overeating as well. Your explanation just didn't add up for me, and I told you why and asked for further clarification. Maybe food is too sensitive a topic for people to have debates on.
After a good night's rest, one last answer.
You said 'psychological "attachment" ' which to me sounded like a euphemism for addiction.
Psychological reasons... To lose weight you generally need to try to lose weight. Aside from a few failed attempts, I didn't. That's also psychological. Contributing factors:
- (already mentioned) overweight mother that non stop complained during my childhood that it was impossible to lose weight, combined with the belief that weight was 'hereditary' so also applicable to me
- (already mentioned) work leaving me no energy
- I gained 30kg over a period of 15 years. Gradual gains like that are easier to ignore.
- I stopped weighing myself entirely. Tighter clothes instead of a number on the scale, combined with the slowness of the gain, yet again easier to ignore.
- obese parents with zero health issues
- no health issues myself, only very gradually becoming less fit
Denial of the problem, believing it can't be done and no sense of urgency, all of which aren't food addiction or 'attachment'.
Why I gave it a try 18 months ago, despite those factors? I'm not sure I even know myself. I do know I had zero belief MFP would work, but tried anyway.
As I said, my weight loss was easy, once I started counting calories. Hardly sounds like food addiction or 'attachment' to have no problems reducing portion sizes and snacks.
All of this has nothing to do with the original topic, so that's enough explanations from me.11 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »So you made an account with 1 post JUST to respond to this thread? Sure.
But, if you are a real account, I'll just point out that the exact same few people with thousands of posts are following me around multiple threads on the forum, brigading and downvoting my posts and consistently misinterpreting what I say. So it's not out of line to question whether it's some form of hazing when it seems to be so sustained. This is either the nastiest forum I've ever been on by far, or it has some really poor debaters (or both).
Alright then, since this is apparently what you guys want me to say: losing weight is an unrealistic goal. Don't even bother. If you're obese it's just impossible and you only have a 5% chance of keeping it off. Even if you do all the right things you will probably stay obese.
Are you guys happy now?
I mean, I thought the entire purpose of MFP is to make healthy weight management into a doable goal for anyone. This is the last place I ever expected people would mass disagree with me for saying weight loss is a doable goal! Let alone tell me I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm not obese?? There's nothing in the rules that says that non-obese people aren't allowed to have an opinion, and it just feels like a real "you can't sit with us" thing more than an actual attempt at debate. Literally every single thing I say gets mass-disagreed with and mass-argued with by the same group of people, no matter how innocuous it is, no matter how backed up with cited evidence it is, and at a certain point you have to wonder if it's not what you're saying but the fact that you're the one saying it.....
Again, you're leading on a false premise. No one here that I can recall said that weight can't be lost- only that there are challenges and unforseen variables involved with such goals, especially if you're obese, and that the experiences of others have resulted in them believing that it's helpful to highlight those challenges and variables to newbies.
Other users have provided sources and examples of more contentious fitness and physique goals, which you yourself seem to have ignored. Ex- Did you directly aknowledge the example of women and flat stomachs? Do you understand why it's problematic to propagate the myth that women can and should strive to have permanently flat Instagram ready tummies? You can be low BMI with a size zero pant size and still have an inconsistent tummy bulge; I had a friend who had just that! I don't recall you picking up on that but could be mistaken.
My account here is 3yo, and I've lurked for quite some time -- there will always be lurkers, checking out and anonomously weighing in on the forums, within any online community; not everyone who is downvoting or upvoting you is necessarily a prolific poster or puppet account, or even remembering your username from post to post. Disagreement or agreement is not usually personal on this medium. Disagreement isn't even a negative in of itself on a debate platform. If you can avoid making it personal you will continue to stimulate the discussions you're partaking in and push others to reassess and restructure their own arguments. However, If the disagreement reactions are causing you emotional distress that's worth reflecting on; while not intended, it's definitely the dark side of react buttons on social media. It's not easy to be the "minority opposition" in a debate discussion either.
Anyways, I like reading the debate section here. I used to only check out the general fitness/nutrition discussion threads for positive motivation, but some unchecked posts from waaay back resulted in me believing in bogus things, like starvation mode, that set me back for quite a while. It was here that challenged the misinformation I'd unwittingly accumulated and help me realize more realistic and healthy goals for myself. The debate style dialogue gave me the tools to look at the advice, "facts", and "consensus" on the other forums and blogs, with a critical eye. A challenge of your views may not be what you need right now, but it can do a world of good for others like myself!
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jesshillary wrote: »siberiantarragon wrote: »So you made an account with 1 post JUST to respond to this thread? Sure.
But, if you are a real account, I'll just point out that the exact same few people with thousands of posts are following me around multiple threads on the forum, brigading and downvoting my posts and consistently misinterpreting what I say. So it's not out of line to question whether it's some form of hazing when it seems to be so sustained. This is either the nastiest forum I've ever been on by far, or it has some really poor debaters (or both).
Alright then, since this is apparently what you guys want me to say: losing weight is an unrealistic goal. Don't even bother. If you're obese it's just impossible and you only have a 5% chance of keeping it off. Even if you do all the right things you will probably stay obese.
Are you guys happy now?
I mean, I thought the entire purpose of MFP is to make healthy weight management into a doable goal for anyone. This is the last place I ever expected people would mass disagree with me for saying weight loss is a doable goal! Let alone tell me I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm not obese?? There's nothing in the rules that says that non-obese people aren't allowed to have an opinion, and it just feels like a real "you can't sit with us" thing more than an actual attempt at debate. Literally every single thing I say gets mass-disagreed with and mass-argued with by the same group of people, no matter how innocuous it is, no matter how backed up with cited evidence it is, and at a certain point you have to wonder if it's not what you're saying but the fact that you're the one saying it.....
Again, you're leading on a false premise. No one here that I can recall said that weight can't be lost- only that there are challenges and unforseen variables involved with such goals, especially if you're obese, and that the experiences of others have resulted in them believing that it's helpful to highlight those challenges and variables to newbies.
Other users have provided sources and examples of more contentious fitness and physique goals, which you yourself seem to have ignored. Ex- Did you directly aknowledge the example of women and flat stomachs? Do you understand why it's problematic to propagate the myth that women can and should strive to have permanently flat Instagram ready tummies? You can be low BMI with a size zero pant size and still have an inconsistent tummy bulge; I had a friend who had just that! I don't recall you picking up on that but could be mistaken.
My account here is 3yo, and I've lurked for quite some time -- there will always be lurkers, checking out and anonomously weighing in on the forums, within any online community; not everyone who is downvoting or upvoting you is necessarily a prolific poster or puppet account, or even remembering your username from post to post. Disagreement or agreement is not usually personal on this medium. Disagreement isn't even a negative in of itself on a debate platform. If you can avoid making it personal you will continue to stimulate the discussions you're partaking in and push others to reassess and restructure their own arguments. However, If the disagreement reactions are causing you emotional distress that's worth reflecting on; while not intended, it's definitely the dark side of react buttons on social media. It's not easy to be the "minority opposition" in a debate discussion either.
Anyways, I like reading the debate section here. I used to only check out the general fitness/nutrition discussion threads for positive motivation, but some unchecked posts from waaay back resulted in me believing in bogus things, like starvation mode, that set me back for quite a while. It was here that challenged the misinformation I'd unwittingly accumulated and help me realize more realistic and healthy goals for myself. The debate style dialogue gave me the tools to look at the advice, "facts", and "consensus" on the other forums and blogs, with a critical eye. A challenge of your views may not be what you need right now, but it can do a world of good for others like myself!
Very good post! let's always try to remember the "lurkers", because there are many that don't post. I did that in the beginning to learn how the forums worked. I recommend it.8 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »It depends on what it is. Getting into the healthy weight range is a realistic goal for almost everyone, and can be done with relatively few disruptions to one's life (you don't have to spend hours in the gym, cut out entire food groups, or even exercise at all).
A lot of people think they can't do it, or it's not a priority for them, or they really deep down have no desire to do it, so they turn that into "it's an unrealistic goal for me." And as for other people telling you that being a certain weight is an unrealistic goal -- well, that's probably just their own projection, or even a subtle form of sabotage.
I even wonder a lot of times if these unrealistically restrictive lose-weight-fast diets people go on are a subtle form of self-sabotage, as in "See? I told you I can't lose weight, it's impossible!"
Getting a certain physique, like really large muscles or something, is a less realistic goal, both because of the time commitment and because of health issues that may preclude strenuous exercise. But it's still doable for many people if it's your priority. However, you may also find that it's not a priority after all. I used to wish I looked more muscular until I went to a Brazilian jiu jitsu class and realized that, even though many of the women there were strong, most of them really weren't visibly muscular. So there's kind of a difference between "vanity muscles" and having enough strength to do what you want to do.
(Also, sometimes working out can actually be counterproductive. My husband works out too much and oftentimes he is tired and sore for the rest of the day and can barely do anything. Whereas I do pretty light exercise but if I need to do something, I have the energy for it. When we were moving a few weeks ago, I had more energy to carry everything up and down the stairs than he did, even though he works out a lot more!)
Love everything about this post! Spot on...3 -
rheddmobile wrote: »You’re certainly allowed to have opinions, but that doesn’t make them valid. Specifically, your opinion on what obese people feel and think is worth less than that of any obese person, because they know what they feel and think and you don’t.
Message received. I will never post on the debate forum again. And I will never say or believe that losing weight is a doable goal again. Obese people only should post here and it was disrespectful to obese people to think that my opinion had any value.
(I'm not sure why a bunch of people who don't believe weight loss is a doable goal are on a weight management forum, though....)7 -
I'm not sure why you think everyone here is obese.11
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siberiantarragon wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »You’re certainly allowed to have opinions, but that doesn’t make them valid. Specifically, your opinion on what obese people feel and think is worth less than that of any obese person, because they know what they feel and think and you don’t.
Message received. I will never post on the debate forum again. And I will never say or believe that losing weight is a doable goal again. Obese people only should post here and it was disrespectful to obese people to think that my opinion had any value.
(I'm not sure why a bunch of people who don't believe weight loss is a doable goal are on a weight management forum, though....)
Where on earth did any person say either of the two things you are claiming to receive?
Since I have lost and maintained a 125 lb loss, I certainly don’t think that, nor did I or anyone else here ever say it. You are being told ONE, completely unrelated thing, to stop telling others what they think and feel. Melodrama much?10 -
When a poster wants to look like a famous person or IG model who has clearly had surgery and has unnatural proportions, yes I will tell them that their goals are unrealistic without surgery.6
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siberiantarragon wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »You’re certainly allowed to have opinions, but that doesn’t make them valid. Specifically, your opinion on what obese people feel and think is worth less than that of any obese person, because they know what they feel and think and you don’t.
Message received. I will never post on the debate forum again. And I will never say or believe that losing weight is a doable goal again. Obese people only should post here and it was disrespectful to obese people to think that my opinion had any value.
(I'm not sure why a bunch of people who don't believe weight loss is a doable goal are on a weight management forum, though....)
Not sure where you're getting that people here don't believe weight loss is doable. I lost 40+ Lbs and until 2020 had maintained that loss since the spring of 2013. I've put on about 20 Lbs this past year due in large part to an injury that kept me from even being able to walk for 5 months...I'm currently in the process of losing it without a problem...so pretty sure I don't think weight loss is unachievable. I haven't actually seen anyone on here saying that. To recognize that the experience that someone who is obese or morbidly obese in losing weight is likely to be far different than someone losing 20 or 30 or 40 Lbs isn't saying it's unachievable...it's simply acknowledging that it will be different, and likely harder. Dieting for 4 or 5 months compared to years for example...13 -
siberiantarragon wrote: »My weight issues have/had nothing to do with food addiction, that's why. And I'm sure that's the case for many obese people.
Well, if it wasn't caused by food addiction, then what was it caused by?
I'd also like to point out that a hallmark of addiction is denial. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case for you, I'm just saying it's a fact in general.
A number of posters on this site have said their obesity crept up slowly, over the years, often as a result of not adjusting calories downward after having an active job when young and a desk job when older.8 -
Yeah, that's really common.
I initially got fat (180 at 5'3, so obese) after having been normal weight without thinking about it during my youth and into my late 20s, but having (mid 20s to early 30s) a stressful job where I worked late and could get dinner there (and lots of business travel with restaurant perks), and not figuring out how to continue the walking/running I'd done before. I didn't think I was eating more than I had, but I was. Having basically been normal weight without thinking about what I ate, I saw gaining weight more as something outside my control and not a result of my eating and exercise behavior, stupidly. My sister, who was much less disciplined than me re education or career, was more educated re exercise and nutrition, and when I talked to her she gave me some advice and I decided to try losing weight without thinking it would actually work (I determined I'd at least be a super fit and healthy fat person) and of course it worked.
For whatever reason, my sister has always noticed if she's gaining and immediately done something to stop it, and has never been outside a normal weight (usually on the lower end). She doesn't not exercise discipline about it, although different things work for us -- she basically grazes and I hate even snacking -- but as noted it's not actually true that the fundamental difference between us is willpower, as I have more willpower in other contexts. She probably cares more about not being fat than me, but not because I am less aware of health issues (she smokes). So dunno.4 -
Yeah, me too, pretty much, with a few twists. I gained via slow creep after college, less activity, bigger portions, and pretty much stabilized (probably in my 30s) just over the line into the obese BMI zone. Other than a few desultory attempts, I didn't really make a serious effort to change that.
My fundamental challenge is more an inclination to self-indulgent hedonism. That IMO can be an unhelpful trait, perhaps even a character fault or psychological flaw, but I think it's laughable (in my case) to consider it anything even remotely close to an addiction. Throughout, I was reasonably aware that I probably could lose weight if I really wanted to, it just wasn't a priority (vs. at various times things like graduate education, career advancement, etc.).
Later in life, in my 40s, I became quite athletically active, training regularly and even competing (on-water and machine rowing), not always unsuccessfully. For a while, I deluded myself that (1) it was good enough to be fit even though fat, and (2) I must have a "slow metabolism" because I was so active but still staying at the same weight.
While it's better (per research) health-wise to be fit and fat than unfit and fat, I finally reached the end of my denialism rope on point #1 (persistent high blood pressure and high cholesterol despite regular intense exercise and mostly healthy whole-foods eating, doctor threatening statins). That got me calorie counting.
Calorie counting revealed that #2 was also bunkum: I burn *more* calories by quite a bit than MFP and my fitness tracker believe I should, probably partly because of higher than average muscle mass and mobility compared to the average in my demographic, from that athletic stuff. 🤷♀️
I'm still just as hedonistic as ever, I just express and manage it in different ways. Still not addiction, nor utter absence of discipline/willpower (as expressed in other realms over the whole of life, and now in managing to stay at a healthy weight for 5+ years now, after the 30 years previously of obesity).4 -
The real problem I see is trying to look like someone else. You have all these "fitness influences", who post a selfie and an inspirational quote. Then you see all the "I want to look like him/her".
While I haven't seen any fitness influencers (I barely use social media), I know what you mean about trying to look like someone you simply can't. The guys I think look good/would want to look like are like 5'9"-6' and slender. I'm 6'3" and broad shouldered. It's hard (but I suppose necessary) to revise your goals to look like the best version of yourself. It's very tough and disappointing to realize that hard work and determination can only get you so far, and in my case, I can't lose 6 inches of height and alter my bone structure. In the past, that realization has derailed any efforts to improve what I have, figuring "What's the point?" One of my challenges is to accept what I can't fix (forget "learning to love it," give me a break).
4 -
This right here shows to me that the grass isn’t greener in someone else’s yard. I’m 5’9” and 157lbs. Since I have lost the weight, you would probably call me slender. 👈🏻Weird word right there. My point is that I have always wanted to be 6’3”-6’4” my whole life. Short guys like me asking how’s the weather up there. I guess we all just have to change what we can and deal with the rest
¯\_(ツ)_/¯7
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