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"Unrealistic" body goals

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  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    The key here is: What is "realistic"? The truth is, asking advice from random people on the Internet is going to yield a whole spectrum of answers, from excellent to "oh dear Lord no".
  • J72FIT
    J72FIT Posts: 6,068 Member
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
  • Whatsthemotive
    Whatsthemotive Posts: 145 Member
    Would I like to have the body of a 20 year old who hasn’t had two children and a caesarean? You bet. But I’m 62. I can exercise up to an hour on many but not all days. I have a physical disability due to a car accident in my 20s. I have had two children and a caesarean. I have a full time job. I am responsible for doing the housework in my home. I have interests other than achieving the perfect body. I think it is healthy for me to have these other interests. I think it would be unhealthy mentally for me to make achieving the perfect body the focus of my life. (Not my place to judge what is healthy for other people). So I will work to lose weight and improve my fitness without setting “unrealistic” goals that will lead to disappointment and failure. I’ve lost 19.4 pounds since the start of the year. I’m working out 6 days a week. I’m increasing weight used as I am able and adding on time to the work out. I could barely do 15 minutes with soup cans when I started. Now I’m doing 40 minutes with 5 pound weights.

    There’s a lot more to think about than whether I COULD reach some ideal body goal. There’s the issue of whether it would be good for to devote so much of my time and energy toward reaching that goal and what it would do for me even if I did reach that goal.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Yep, I unfortunately know this very well. Perfectionism can even be a reason why people don't start things--if they feel they're not going to be "perfect" at it right away, why bother?

  • Whatsthemotive
    Whatsthemotive Posts: 145 Member
    Also women have organs.
  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    edited March 2021
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.
  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.

    I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 37,233 Community Helper
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.

    There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.

    Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
  • J72FIT
    J72FIT Posts: 6,068 Member
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.

    ^^^All... Of... This...^^^
  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    edited March 2021
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.

    There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.

    Talking in abstractions is easy, though.

    I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.

    Maybe it was this...

    "That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre..."

    ... “ To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol”

    And... “ I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.”

    I just outlined what it means -to me-. I also agree with Speakeasy, because that’s what works for them. I am equally allowed to do and feel certain ways about myself as you do, right? And I don’t feel that others are wrong for their approach.
  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,615 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.

    There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.

    Talking in abstractions is easy, though.

    Yep, this.

    I am not giving 100% of myself to everything in my life. Some things, sure, but there is only so much 'try' and 'drive' in ANY person. We all make decisions about what is worth our time and energy - and everything we give to, is taking time and effort and energy away from something else. This is just simple reality. Time and energy are finite.

    Where you put them are personal decisions.

    For me? Relationships. Family. Mental and physical health. Making memories and having experiences. And even there the math shifts around sometimes.

    My physical appearance/a perfect body?

    No.

    Other people want to go ahead but for me that would be a... pitiable and sad life, and not one worth living. I'd pretty strongly dislike myself for that.

    (For me. Since we're all just talking about ourselves and judgement proof)
  • fitnessguy266
    fitnessguy266 Posts: 150 Member
    I think sometimes people need the caveat of "unrealistic" attached to their idealized body type, b/c if they keep fantasizing about this body type and don't achieve it (often ppl want to achieve it quickly), they will give up completely or have adverse psychological effects.

    So prefacing some statements with "Yes this body type is achievable, BUT isn't realistic for most people" is just honest. Are most people going to achieve the level of "professional" instagrammer bodies? No, it isn't a realistic goal for most people.

    I agree. The statements that bugged me were both to younger people, both already in decent shape regarding a flat stomach and sub 10% bf. It felt like they were imposing that caveat on other people, almost like "since I don't have the dedication, you won't either."

    My thoughts as well...now regarding the sub 10% bf, and the popular consensus that it's not sustainable or healthy long term as a "blanket statement" for all humans, is misinformation.

  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    edited March 2021
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Ddsb11 wrote: »
    J72FIT wrote: »
    Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.

    Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...

    I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.

    That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.

    Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.

    There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.

    Talking in abstractions is easy, though.

    I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.

    Maybe it was this...

    "That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre..."

    ... “ To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol”

    And... “ I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.”

    I just outlined what it means -to me-. I also agree with Speakeasy, because that’s what works for them. I am equally allowed to do and feel certain ways about myself as you do, right? And I don’t feel that others are wrong for their approach.

    I don't think you meant it to sound this way, but when you say it's fine for others to stop at good enough but "fine is not remotely okay for me," it sounds a bit patronizing.

    I think where we differ is in our personal description of perfectionism. To me, perfectionism is not the pursuit of actual perfection, despite the name. I think perfectionism is never being satisfied with someone (including one's self) or something, never being able to accept anything as "good enough." When I think this way, it's a relentless pursuit and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and discontent--at least to me. I either become obsessed and hyper-focused on my goals, or don't try at all--since I'll never live up to my own expectations.

    As I said, I do set goals for myself and have general areas on which I'd like to improve. I have to really ask myself why I want to improve in certain areas, though. I used to have this idea that I wanted to better than most people (if not all), and still struggle with this. If I'm wanting to improve upon something or have specific goals I want to achieve--what is the purpose of those goals? Is it to improve my overall quality of life in some way, or is to please others or feel like I'm "the best" at something?

    You’re right I didn’t mean it that way, I could have worded it better/differently and probably should have.

    I’ve always been very ambitious, my sister has always been lackadaisical, we learn something from each other all the time. She’s my best friend and probably my favorite person, and we couldn’t be more opposite. She would wear slippers and pajama pants in a grocery store. I’d be walking next to her in Bottega Veneta, and neither one of us could be bothered with what other people think of us. We do what we do because it makes us happy. There’s no right way to be, just the way that brings you satisfaction and peace.

    I’m sorry you struggle with being hypercritical of yourself. It doesn’t help that the media is making it even more difficult to love ourselves the way we are. I read here from someone a few times and really liked it, Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s so true.
  • lemurcat2
    lemurcat2 Posts: 7,887 Member
    noel2fit wrote: »
    I've seen a lot of threads refer to a healthy BMI range as unrealistic.

    I've seen posters with weight to lose saying it would be in their case (and in some cases guys in really good shape saying that, likely correctly).

    What I've never seen is what OP seemed to be suggesting -- a bunch of posters jumping in and telling someone who said she was 5'3 and had a goal weight of 115 (within the healthy range) that such a goal would be unrealistic. Not only haven't I seen that, but I honestly would be shocked to see it on MFP, as it is not at all how the conversations I've seen go (and none of the regular posters are likely to think a weight in the healthy range is unrealistic when the poster herself or himself does not).
    I've also see a ton of people put quotes around the words overweight and obese as though they were part of the marginal body builder exception, when in reality they're overweight or obese.

    Same comments as above, except it seems even more clear that you aren't really talking about community reaction, as I think OP was, but an individual who doesn't think he or she (it's usually a he) is overweight at a particular weight. If someone has a lot to lose, I think they are likely to change their mind as they lose, and there are a number of in shape men on this site who are technically overweight but have other evidence (BF% measurement or waste measurement) that makes me think they are right. It's not all that uncommon for men to be at a decent BF% despite having an overweight (rarely obese) BMI -- I recently listened to an interesting Sigma Nutrition that discussed the issue.

    Bigger point is that if some guy says I'm 15% BF and happy with that and don't care about my overweight BMI, it's not an issue -- as OP claimed -- of the community being discouraging.
    As a woman who is 5'6" the ideal range is 115lbs-154lbs. So at 120lbs and 5'6" a person would be a healthy weight and I bet they'd have a flat stomach- nothing unrealistic about it.

    Whether it is unrealistic depends on the person and what they mean by flat stomach, but just being a healthy weight hardly means you will have a flat stomach. Often it is going to depend on when the fat comes off your middle vs other areas, loose skin (from weight loss or pregnancy), age, and may require strength training. And for some it may not be realistic given their other goals (i.e., if it leaves them too thin for their taste in other areas) or stuff that really can't be fixed without surgery (loose skin).

    Typically, though, I don't see people being discouraging (again) if someone says she wants to work on her stomach. There's even a great thread called "So You Want a Great Stomach" or something similar that gets recommended (and is inspiring).
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