Ways We Sabotage Our Success
Replies
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Not starting.
Excuses.
Lack of self control.
Easy availability of easy calories.
“I’ll start as soon as all the goodies in the house are gone”. They were never gone.
“It’s new! I have to try it!” (That one is still a problem.)
“I’m going to force feed myself chocolate until I’m so sick of it I’ll never touch it again.” Never reached that limit.
“I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow was never the perfect day.
Even now, there are certain foods I can’t have in the house because I will eat every last crumb. Witness a trip to IKEA last week. I ate almost a whole “flat” of those crispy chocolate oatmeal cookies in an afternoon. At a 100 calories a pop. And why? They aren’t even that good.
I often let my husband do the grocery shopping now. He comes home with what’s on the list and his own snacks, which I won’t bother.8 -
CameronWhittaker wrote: »I have done 5 months of really clean eating and regular exercise and my results have been amazing (50kg loss), but since hitting the 5-month park I have been struggling.
Not fully blowing up calorie-wise and I have been logging fairly accurately. But just giving into temptation, I set myself hard rules like No chocolate, No lollies, No chippies, and No takeaways. I have been bending these rules a lot, little bits of lollies, chocolate, and chippies. and I have had takeaways a few times.
It's stupid because the small amount of chocolate I have eaten isn't even an issue calorie-wise.. but breaking my rules feels like a huge defeat after going 5 months with none.
Even today I kept under my calories, and most of my food was fine. But I had a bacon & egg McMuffin, I shouldn't have had that and it feels like a defeat even though iv kept it under my goal.
I haven't fully broken and bought a block of chocolate or a bag of chips but I feel like that slide is coming.
Having lost so much weight in such a short time, many dietitians and lipidologists/physiologists have recommended a "MAINTENANCE" phase in your weight lost efforts. Anywhere from 2/3 as long to the whole length of your diet so far (5 months) you would eat at maintenance, trying not to gain or lose any significant amount of weight. The increase in calories, which may only be 300 - 500 per day in some cases, will help reduce "diet fatigue" and prepare you for your next push into further weight loss. Dr. Mike Isratel, Dr. James Hoffman & Dr. Spencer Nadolsky have done extensive research into this phenomenon.6 -
For me it's 6- fear of success that leads me to question myself, say I'm not good enough or deserve to be fit how I want to be, or people will just make fun of me anyways so why bother. Then that leads to the eating of junk and snacking when I don't need to be. Did it this weekend, I try to end the cycle but it sure is difficult. I am doing better than I use to be since I don't have 1 specific person taring me down all the time is helpful, but the struggle remains.5
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Oh - I almost forgot this one - I've done it a lot, too!
A person can do a lot of prep work, like research, notes, analysis, meal planning etc, and it can give a person the false sense that they did something significant to achieve their goal. It gives that satisfied feeling while being just prep work and no actual progress toward the goal. Then that can make a person slack off and not do the actual work needed because they already feel like they did something about it.
Two quick examples I've done:
In the past I've blogged and written a lot about a weight loss plan and it has given me such a sense of satisfaction that I've not done as much with my actual plan.
In the past I've started out on a book idea and spent so long talking about it to people that I never wrote more than the third chapter.
This is able to be overcome, obviously, but it's definitely a way it's possible to self sabotage. The key is to make sure plans are carried out!
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Here's 10 that I know have sabotaged me since adolescence:
1. Evening grazing
2. Not taking time to prepare a daytime meal and "grabbing" something unhealthy
3. Excusing the fact that it's "easy" to lose that 15lbs anytime (it isn't)
4. Oh, today was rough- I'll start tomorrow
5. Food as comfort when stressed or sad
6. Food as filler when bored or tired
7. Seeing myself as "too"- too fat, too thin, too old... I need to just "see myself" as I am.
8. My great, self-disciplined partner, who's always been in shape, can eat what he likes-and likes food a lot!
9. Loving to bake and to cook as relaxation
10. A false idea of what "healthy eating" is. Remembering to make wise choices, even when rushed.
This is a great way to remember what "counts"- I'm writing these on a piece of paper by my refrig!9 -
I figured out that all of my success sabotaging issues is related to my mindset.
All or Nothing when cheating -losing weight - Muscles..etc,
I want it fast, and right now,
Emotional eating, specially when in H.A.L.T state,
Want it to be an easy ride,
Not comfortable of being Hungry,
Lake of Patient, Persistence, Consistency,
yeah, almost forget, and not having a strong WHY for losing weight...
these kind of staff...
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Great thread! My thoughts...
1. Seeing a goal weight as THE all-encompassing goal. When I was focused on that, I was eating too little (impatient) and feeling like a failure when it didn't all happen at once, or if my weight didn't fall in a week.
2. Not listening to my body re food. Eating should feel good, not bad! When I eat right then it tastes lovely, my body feels better and I look forwards to my meals. If at any point that stops, I'm not eating right and need to sort it out.
3. Not listening to my body re exercise. Exercise should also feel good! If I'm suffering days of crippling DOMS, making excuses to avoid exercising, or finding it painful, maybe it's not as beneficial as it should be and I need to find an alternative.
4. Forgetting to appreciate how much better life is now. Since I dropped the idea of a goal weight, it's all been about my body becoming a nicer place to live in. There are always going to be things I'm working for - maybe a new yoga pose, running faster or even hitting the next kg down on the scale. However I don't think I'm ever going to arrive at the point where I say "I'm done". So I need to enjoy NOW and keep living the life that makes tomorrow even better.4 -
gionrogado wrote: »stopped counting calories and weighing the week i reached my goal weight. did not stop lifting, but ate anything and everything like before. started to notice my pants tightening again. i weighed myself after a month, was already 5kg heavier, and looked a little softer. went back to calorie counting, now back at my goal weight
I just got to goal and that's why I started blogging because I have failed so many times and came close and did just like you stopped and started over. This time I am facing all these behaviors head on. Thanks for sharing we are all in it together. Have a great week. congrats on getting back to goal.4 -
Awesome thread, thanks for sharing...great insights and I just needed to be reminded. We all know our "personal sabotage" tactics and we just need to remind ourselves about why we started the journey!
Thanks Tendaima I think we all need to be reminded and I need to keep it in front of myself constantly to stay focused and on track. Have a great week.2 -
CameronWhittaker wrote: »I have done 5 months of really clean eating and regular exercise and my results have been amazing (50kg loss), but since hitting the 5-month park I have been struggling.
Not fully blowing up calorie-wise and I have been logging fairly accurately. But just giving into temptation, I set myself hard rules like No chocolate, No lollies, No chippies, and No takeaways. I have been bending these rules a lot, little bits of lollies, chocolate, and chippies. and I have had takeaways a few times.
It's stupid because the small amount of chocolate I have eaten isn't even an issue calorie-wise.. but breaking my rules feels like a huge defeat after going 5 months with none.
Even today I kept under my calories, and most of my food was fine. But I had a bacon & egg McMuffin, I shouldn't have had that and it feels like a defeat even though iv kept it under my goal.
I haven't fully broken and bought a block of chocolate or a bag of chips but I feel like that slide is coming.
Cameron, your post, and some of the others, are so familiar. I just finished 5 months, and did well. But I'm still at war with myself. 92% of my being wants to stuff my face with fats, sugars and carbs. Its an addiction at least as hard to break as drugs and alcohol. One difference, however, is you can't go cold turkey with food. We have to keep eating. We just have to learn to do it intelligently. Try telling a drug addict or alcoholic to do that. "You can still have alcohol or drugs, just do it in moderation". That never works. But here we are having to try to do it with our addiction.
I don't have any particular wisdom to share. I just want to encourage you to resist and stay as disciplined as you can. That's what I'm trying to do. I have a long way to go, and if I get there, I know it will be one of the greatest challenges of my life not to eat my way back to a horribly unhealthy weight. But I really don't have much choice now. I'm not young anymore, and I simply cannot afford another yo-yo or two. Good luck. Stay strong. And remember, while its extraordinarily difficult, its still a choice you make.
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CameronWhittaker wrote: »I have done 5 months of really clean eating and regular exercise and my results have been amazing (50kg loss), but since hitting the 5-month park I have been struggling.
Not fully blowing up calorie-wise and I have been logging fairly accurately. But just giving into temptation, I set myself hard rules like No chocolate, No lollies, No chippies, and No takeaways. I have been bending these rules a lot, little bits of lollies, chocolate, and chippies. and I have had takeaways a few times.
It's stupid because the small amount of chocolate I have eaten isn't even an issue calorie-wise.. but breaking my rules feels like a huge defeat after going 5 months with none.
Even today I kept under my calories, and most of my food was fine. But I had a bacon & egg McMuffin, I shouldn't have had that and it feels like a defeat even though iv kept it under my goal.
I haven't fully broken and bought a block of chocolate or a bag of chips but I feel like that slide is coming.
Knowing what your weaknesses are is the first step, I have struggled for years. It's hard and I have yoyo'd but don't be so hard on yourself. take it one day at a time, and rejoice at each day you are successful and you will start to have more and more good days and get on track. Good luck.1 -
As a reward to myself for careful eating and exercise throughout the day, sometimes I'll have a glass of wine...then two...then three. Now my day is shot and I feel ashamed for screwing up.5
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The "all or none" thinking...if I'm not perfect or think I've messed up somehow, I would just throw in the towel and "start again on Monday." Then, during those days before Monday, I would pig out...because I was going to "diet" again so might us well do it now.
Also, if the scale wasn't moving in the right direction, I'd restrict myself further, which would then lead to bingeing later. I really didn't understand normal weight fluctuations when I was younger. Conversely, I may have just given up, thinking what I was doing wasn't working. I just wasn't patient with the process.2 -
Loosing track of the long term and putting to much importance on the short term.3
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Every single response above have been so insightful. I am five years into this journey. Set out with 125 pounds to lose. Lost 79 in the first 2 years and have stayed exactly the same since that time (yo-yo). My stagnation is directly related to my relationship with food as I come in and out of periods of binge eating. My exercise has remained the only constant and I LOVE how strong I am. However, in the last year though, I have new thoughts creeping in of..." you are 56 years old why keep trying to lose the rest of this weight " "who cares if you lose the rest of it"... These thoughts are painful to have because they remind me of my deep regret about waiting until I was 50 to live my life. The past 5 years have been the most joyful, the hardest, the loneliest, the fullest, just a really selfish five years of self discovery and love. So....all that to say that I have to cling to my goal and push through these newest damaging thoughts. And to all the young folks setting out on this journey of self care...I say: your future self will love you for it. Happy living all.9
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Emotional eating is the big one for me.
However I prefer to try not to see it as "sabotage" because that for me frames it in a very negative way and makes it feel like my behaviour is bad or lacking, which only increases my descent down the spiral to failure and depression. Sabotage also makes it sounds very deliberate, when in reality, it is anything but. Nobody means to destroy their efforts at becoming more healthy.
Emotional eating is a coping mechanism which isn't healthy, but it is a coping mechanism and, in the moment, it does make me feel better. That's why it's so powerful.
It will take a lifetime's work and persistence to keep on top of it and I think I will always struggle at least a little bit. But what is important to me is to simply say "whoops!" and then get straight back onto the wagon once it's happened. Being kind to myself.
And that is where the progress lies - not in beating myself up for doing it - but in immediately resuming my usual habits and not guilt-tripping myself about it, not even making a big deal out of it, but just accepting myself. It's hard work, but I hope I'll get closer to it eventually!
I wasn't trying to frame it negatively as I said in my blog many times we do these things on auto-pilot or unintentionally or thinking we are doing something good like drinking smoothies not realizing how many calories they contain and that can blow a whole day. And psychologist have said control of our craving hormone like ghurelin is virtually impossible. And your right about food being a coping mechanism too. So by no means did I mean to come off negative Just trying to raise awareness. Thanks for sharing.1 -
tindavione wrote: »Self sabotage...I am new on here but not new to this subject! How about adding "using food as a emotion regulator" ..anger , fear frustration, they all look better after a coke and chocolate bar "fix" ( that doesn't end up fixing anything in the long run I know !) ..or how about "too tired to cook " so eat out ( or the newest one was Hello Fresh..thought it would help..nope! Anyone got suggestions for simple meal planning strategies..?? I am soooo done with with roller coaster ride!
I made a binder with all the meals our family loves and print out a calendar for the month to put in the front. I pencil in meals throughout the month, knowing I can erase and rearrange as needed. But it helps take the guess work out of meal planning.
For breakfast, lunch, and snacks, I am trying something new and made a word document where I listed some of the snacks, breakfasts, and lunch that I like, with fat, calories,and protein listed for each. That way, I dont have to think about it, I just choose one of those.
Simplifying the decision process is important for me.
Obviously there will be days where I cant choose from my list, because I'm not eating at home, etc. But most days I think this will work.
Hope that helps!
Great suggestion thanks for sharing.0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Having been on here almost a decade at this point, I think the most common 'self-sabotage' I notice is the over-restriction of foods or food groups. This can be in the form of specific 'diets' - be it keto or low carb, or meal replacement shakes (or... whatever), or in the belief that (for example) all sweets are 'bad' and therefore off-limits. Or that carbs make you fat, or that 'whatever' is bad for you and will prevent you from losing weight.
We all have our demons and our battles, we all face different challenges, but if I had to narrow it down to a generic 'one item' that I see over and over again, that would be it. Oftentimes binging or even purposely 'cheating' (which is a term I hate) at night, on the weekends, whatever your vice is, is a product of over-restriction.
I know personally, that when I tried to eliminate foods that I perceived to be 'off limits' that I would inevitably binge on them and then feel guilt, and then give up, and then restart, and it can be a vicious cycle. One that far too many fall into. Once I gave up the idea of 'off limits' and instead focused on 'earning my food', my mindset changed. Yes, I can (and do) have cookies and sweets and eat out. Anyone can look at my diary and see that. I lost over 100 pounds eating them. I make room for them. If I am over a bit, its okay. not the end of the world. As long as I am under maintenance (for me, about 1800 before exercise), its all okay. And even when i have the random day or days where I am over a bit, its still okay. I dont have my deficit set so low that I can not fit in the foods I want, in an average day. I may lose at a lower rate at times, but life, and food, is so much more enjoyable, and I have developed good habits for life.
What I personally have to be careful about, is self-soothing with food (using food as a coping mechanism). For me, my 'bedtime cookies' can very quickly become a coping mechanism for my depression and anxiety. I will purposely go through periods where I do not buy (my favorites), to keep my mind in check, and prevent me from being ABLE to binge on 10 oreos instead of 3 (for example).
So true - and congrats on losing over 100 pounds and keeping it off. Good strategy. Thanks for sharing. Good insight. Have a great week.1 -
I seem to have no off-button when it comes to food. I rarely feel full, so I have to constantly say "don't start" or "stop." Then I get mad because I feel so caged in by rules--rules that I WANT to follow, but hate. I wish I could learn not to think about food constantly.5
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springlering62 wrote: »Not starting.
Excuses.
Lack of self control.
Easy availability of easy calories.
“I’ll start as soon as all the goodies in the house are gone”. They were never gone.
“It’s new! I have to try it!” (That one is still a problem.)
“I’m going to force feed myself chocolate until I’m so sick of it I’ll never touch it again.” Never reached that limit.
“I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow was never the perfect day.
Even now, there are certain foods I can’t have in the house because I will eat every last crumb. Witness a trip to IKEA last week. I ate almost a whole “flat” of those crispy chocolate oatmeal cookies in an afternoon. At a 100 calories a pop. And why? They aren’t even that good.
I often let my husband do the grocery shopping now. He comes home with what’s on the list and his own snacks, which I won’t bother.springlering62 wrote: »Not starting.
Excuses.
Lack of self control.
Easy availability of easy calories.
“I’ll start as soon as all the goodies in the house are gone”. They were never gone.
“It’s new! I have to try it!” (That one is still a problem.)
“I’m going to force feed myself chocolate until I’m so sick of it I’ll never touch it again.” Never reached that limit.
“I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow was never the perfect day.
Even now, there are certain foods I can’t have in the house because I will eat every last crumb. Witness a trip to IKEA last week. I ate almost a whole “flat” of those crispy chocolate oatmeal cookies in an afternoon. At a 100 calories a pop. And why? They aren’t even that good.
I often let my husband do the grocery shopping now. He comes home with what’s on the list and his own snacks, which I won’t bother.
They say knowing and acknowledging is half the battle and it sounds like you are putting some strategies in place like letting hubby do the shopping. Good luck on finding more, success is just around the next corner for you just keep looking. Thanks for sharing0
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