Thank you for ignoring me! I lost 11 pounds.
Replies
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Definitely cool that you lost 11lbs!
I don't expect everyone to be exactly like me, but for what it is worth... I write posts and statuses for me to get my thoughts about weight loss out of my mind. I love having online friends because I actually don't care what they think lol so I can be 100% honest with my logging and foody feelings.
I'm also not the best online friend because admittedly I am a little selfish. I care about the things that relate to me and my journey and I do genuinely love to see people win at life-- but don't always notice because I'm just focused on what I'm trying to do. How interested I am in someone losing is relative to if I am losing/on track/ doing well. If everyone is losing and I'm not, it's hard to celebrate for them. Not cause I want people to do poorly, but because I just can't relate in the moment.
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Congrats on your loss!
- Some people like interacting with friends - some don't.
- Some don't have time - some do.
- Some don't keep the app on a mobile device to be 'current' to respond - some do.
- Some go dormant after a period due to life circumstances.. Some don't.
- Some people gather friends and then decide perhaps they'd rather spend time on the forums or just update their own diary...
I've been all of these at some point myself. I don't mean anything 'personal' by it, just happens. In reality, some of these will happen again.
When I know I am not going to be around for a while, I simply delete my account so it can't be hacked. It's a pain to set stuff back up again, but the issue of anyone hacking my account without me knowing goes away.8 -
I don't accept friend requests on here for this very reason. Not because they don't like or comment on my profile page feed but because I wouldn't be interacting with theirs.
This is what I have in my 'About Me' on my profile page:
"MFP Friend Requests - just so you know I am not good at all with being actively involved with friend lists so I find it best not to accept friend requests, it avoids the drama of 'friends' feeling like they are being ignored."19 -
I do know how you feel; I don't have many friends, but when I'm excited about something, I thought they'd respond, but not normally. So, I share my successes with in-person friends. I'm feeling lonely some days, but I use MFP to log my food and that's where it helps.4
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@TheHappyLoser
Then why be a friend or have friends if you don't participate or don't expect anybody to participate?
Doggone it. I can feel you coming right through this question. It touched me. We're here and we care. Some show it more than others. There are pros who do a really great job of responding back on the personal home page. They're very considerate, thoughtful and full of daily encouragement.
I've started a thread on chitchat where I can just mill around and shoot the breeze with the Universe. Understood and appreciated, you wanted some friends.
You don't have to play any games to find long term stability with weight. Don't let feelings drive your behaviors going forward, you want your new behaviors to stick. Feelings are fickle. We have to dig deep and discover why we really want a change and that will give you resolve to carry on come hail or high water - with or without any friends.
Pain is the precursor to change. When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than staying the same it stokes our passion to make lasting changes. Going forward you can resolve to be a better friend to those who are struggling because you've walked down this road. It is a lonesome road and we have to walk it mostly all by ourselves because there is no shortcut to lasting weight loss.
You've resolved to put in the work. When we turn the pain or the loneliness into ACTION we can use as fuel to keep us moving forward waaaaay into the future. Use it. Stay fierce and unstoppable and you'll be picking UP friends who are struggling alongside the road. You'll know how to be there for them.
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you can delete all of them (wish I could do this in real life, lol) and start adding new friends. Congrats on your weight loss.2
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Congratulations on the loss.
Keep it up. I wonder if others are affected by the new captchas, as I am? These days I only reply to other people when I'm on the computer that doesn't have high security settings, so that limites me to evenings and sometimes when I'm on lunch. I know for a fact it's making me miss commenting when I otherwise would have. So perhaps it's true for your friends too?
That said, I wish you much future success.6 -
Congratulations on your great loss, and yes, lose the unsupportive friends and keep looking until you find more like the 3 good ones you have! They are out there! Supportive friends are the main thing that motivates me--They are worth their weight in gold! If people aren't interacting with me, I delete them very quickly. For a lot of us, when it comes to friends, it quality over quantity so we can manage to be present for those on our friends list. Otherwise what is the point of having friends at all? You deserve better!2
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I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.12 -
I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.
I got two messages today, neither one was from you. Maybe it didn't go through?1 -
Maybe they didn't see your post. Congratulations. But man please grow a thicker skin.20
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I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.
Are you friends? If not, then messages won't go through. Just a thought.3 -
Congratulations, do they have loads of friends on their list? sometimes with all the status's going up people my not see everything (I do make a point of looking at people's profiles but I don't have many friends on MFP)4
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. I didn't chit-chat. Perhaps ignoring my small success is the punishment I deserve for not playing online games?
well that seems very unlikely - I highly doubt whether anyone else cares if you do chit chat or games or not - and hardly likely to be anyone's motivation for responding or not to a newsfeed.
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Honey, you don't need other people to validate you.
I have just 4 friends on here, all people I know, and at least one of them only logs in on odd occasions.
It's lovely to see someone making progress and if I see things like that I will like and comment - but I don't always see them (even with only 4 friends!).
Remember that you are doing this for YOU, not for everyone else. Your friends are also on their own journey. I'm sure nobody ignored you on purpose my lovely.
Well done on the weight loss, and take care. Here's to the next 11lb loss
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KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.
Are you friends? If not, then messages won't go through. Just a thought.
No, we are not friends.1 -
You could have just posted about your loss on this forum and how happy you are to have lost this much and you would have got a lot of the rah rah, awesome loss, comments that you seem to need.
There is a huge amount of support here if you care to seek it out. But just like losing weight it is all up to you to put the work in, friendships need understanding from both sides to survive not accusations.
Many of my friends have come and gone, some notice my posts, some don't. Some have been on my list from the beginning more than 10 years and some are quite new. You need to be flexible and not force these things let them grow naturally.16 -
I find with MFP you get out what you put in, so if you're not overly chatty on your newsfeed, comment on friends updates etc then they are inclined to reciprocate in the same way.
Congrats on that loss, its fantastic, but at the end of the day you are doing this for you, not for the cheer-leading - at least that's how I look at it.
Keep up the good work 6 -
Becoming healthy is something you do for yourself. It's a personal decision. The approval, applause, thumbs up, and cool comments are great. We all need encouragement at times. But you should want better health more than the adoration of others. Better health and losing weight is a mindset. Seems like you need to focus on what matters, which is not social media comments.7
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I agree with @Ddsb11 Please talk to a professional if you can, you will feel better. If you can't do that soon then perhaps contact a friend or relative in real life that you trust.8
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TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
This actually made me chuckle. IDK why.3 -
You are free to screen your friends as often as you wish to build a stable of people who are likeminded and as active as you want them to be. I think 'ignoring' may be a bit strong however. It is not like you said to them face to face 'I lost 11 lbs' and they just gave you a blank look and walked away.
I remember when I caught COVID, and posted about my recovery, I expected lots of people to react. I was underwhelmed when perhaps 1/10th of my friends reacted. Then I remembered that
1. this isn't facebook or instagram and most people do not use it in the same way. I do not have a friend on facebook that I do not know personally, and on MFP I do not actually 'know' any of my friends. I think it makes a difference about what you are going to react or comment on.
2. I rarely comment on peoples progress and unless something really catches my eye (like someone ran a marathon, or climbed a mountain), without building that relationship before-hand, my post most likely got lost in a long list of updates and ads.
I think for the most part, people here tend to have a few that they actually check-in with fairly regularly and are familiar with their progress, activities and hobbies. Then there are the other dozens that make up their friend list who they just never really connect with for a variety of reasons. Some people hang on to these types of people, even when they are inactive for months on end (not even logging on), others only keep people who use the site daily.
Congrats and continued success.
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So many of the comments were helpful. Thank you. Others were downright mean and meant to hurt. Thank you as well. It gave me a clear sense of what I am looking for here. I never did Facebook or Instagram, not sure what to expect at a social media place.
I am morbidly obese. I am a people person more than ever. Working at home during covid has been hard. I love working in a group. I need praise and recognition when I start something new. It gets me going. I am happy. I am not happy with the number on the scale. I wish for success (always.) The first big weightloss was important to me.
The answers have given me lots to think about. Thank you. Now I know what I want and why. I need active friends on MFP for various reasons.
I want to learn from them. Maybe snoop through their diaries to see what they eat. I want to read about their successes or failings to help as well. I want a group where I can ask questions, like the database here. It's confusing. I want active friends to help me through a slump (there will be many.) Most of all I think seeing others struggle the way I am could be helpful. I hope to get motivation and inspiration. Sometimes it takes a village...
I am doing this for me but I believe it will be easier with others.12 -
TheHappyLoser wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.
Are you friends? If not, then messages won't go through. Just a thought.
No, we are not friends.
There is a bug (or feature?) in mfp... You cannot send someone a message unless you're mfp friends... A hack is that if you each message each other, then after that, I think messages start flowing.
So it's not that people are ignoring messages, it's just that they don't get them. 😊2 -
Congratulations! Great job!1
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I lost 16 lbs in the last 2 months. But I am sure that there is nothing to be proud here, while I was so dumb to put over 50lbs in the last 2 yeas. And I am ashamed of this. Creating "challenges" is very human.
Here is a nice article about "Motivation". May be it will help
https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/motivation-youre-doing-it-wrong/
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The_Movie_Chair wrote: »First of all, congratulations on your weight loss. Well done! May it be only the start of many more to come.
I came here four years ago and three years later, the day when I finally hit my goal weight -meaning I had lost 156 pounds- I expected fireworks to shoot out of my computer. Surely MFP would acknowledge my success. Yet nothing happened. I was crushed, but not for long.
In the three years it took me to lose all the weight (I did it in snail speed) I wrote a blog. I was loud, I made noise, I logged and posted in my newsfeed. Tears and laughter, all my thoughts. I deleted inactive friends, cleaned up my friendslist regularly. I needed motivation and support. I was vulnerable -still am. I was the fat lady on a mission. I took a part of MFP and made changed it to my liking. I deleted friends I rudely and selfishly declared 'inactive' mainly because watching them not succeed would have given me an excuse to do the same.
I stayed with the active ones, the ones who pushed me and even dared to criticize me. I needed it and they did too.
Find out what you need. Be loud, make noise, be successful and enjoy the journey to a healthier and slimmer version of yourself.
You will get some heat and negative comments. Read it and let it go. Celebrate your successes. Reward yourself when you hit a milestone. I even wrote a contract with myself and listed the rewards I would give myself. It was fun -still is.
11 pounds is huge! Great work. It's just the beginning!
I loved your blog and really miss your updates
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TheHappyLoser wrote: »So many of the comments were helpful. Thank you. Others were downright mean and meant to hurt. Thank you as well. It gave me a clear sense of what I am looking for here. I never did Facebook or Instagram, not sure what to expect at a social media place.
I am morbidly obese. I am a people person more than ever. Working at home during covid has been hard. I love working in a group. I need praise and recognition when I start something new. It gets me going. I am happy. I am not happy with the number on the scale. I wish for success (always.) The first big weightloss was important to me.
The answers have given me lots to think about. Thank you. Now I know what I want and why. I need active friends on MFP for various reasons.
I want to learn from them. Maybe snoop through their diaries to see what they eat. I want to read about their successes or failings to help as well. I want a group where I can ask questions, like the database here. It's confusing. I want active friends to help me through a slump (there will be many.) Most of all I think seeing others struggle the way I am could be helpful. I hope to get motivation and inspiration. Sometimes it takes a village...
I am doing this for me but I believe it will be easier with others.
You can definitely find all those things on MFP, just don't expect to have people interact with you if you're not going to make the effort to interact with them.4 -
Dear posters,
Please keep guidelines 1-3 in mind. Attacking other users will not be tolerated.
https://www.myfitnesspal.com/community-guidelines
Since the OP has gotten some guidance this thread will remain closed.
Thanks for your cooperation,
4legs
MFP volunteer moderator6
This discussion has been closed.
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