I feel vulnerable & have so many questions

It can be really daunting to get started! You're making a huge step just by admitting how daunting it is.

One thing that helped me was realizing that it was okay to be learning. For example, I learned after a few months that I had been mismeasuring a food that I was eating regularly and underestimating my calories. I adjusted but the important thing is that I had still be losing weight because I was doing a good enough job with estimating everything else and even underestimating those specific calories wasn't enough to cancel all that out. You're going to learn stuff as you go along because calorie counting isn't something we're born knowing how to do.

When I'm shooting for a deficit (I'm maintaining now) I weigh just about everything, but especially calorie-dense foods. I weigh things raw for the most part -- that's generally the most accurate way to measure them. But if you forget to weigh something before cooking it, you haven't ruined anything. Just make sure you choose the database entry for "cooked" as opposed to "raw."

I'll just tell you something I read today by one of my favorite female personal trainers: It's okay to be sucky while you're learning!

You are headed in the right direction, knowing you want to make a change and admitting you need some help. You will make mistakes or have setbacks as you go, and that's ok. I would just take one thing at a time if you're feeling overwhelmed. It may sound like a lot, but you don't have to do everything all at once. Also, keep in my mind that these changes are meant to last a lifetime, so taking it step by step will make it more manageable.

I think a simple rule of thumb is to include more of the stuff that's "good" for you (e.g., vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, healthy fats, whole grains, etc.) and less of the not as good-for-you stuff. That's not to say you can't eat treats, although some people find they can't keep certain things in the house. It does all come down to calories in calories out, but most people find eating more nutritious foods (protein, fiber, healthy fats) keeps them full longer, and may even keep cravings down in the long run.

Tracking all of your food, even when you've had a "bad eating day" is a really good habit to get into. That's something you can start without even having a calorie deficit yet. I personally don't weigh my foods (or if so, very rarely), but I had dieted on and off throughout my life so have a pretty good idea of amounts of food. I also have a history of disordered eating/obsessive thoughts, so didn't want to go down that route. I successfully lost and am maintaining by doing this. However, for someone who really doesn't know a lot about nutrition and what appropriate serving sizes are, I think weighing and measuring your food is a good idea. It can make a difference for some in rate of weight loss and is helpful for a lot of people.

I think the biggest piece of advice is to change your mindset about weight loss, yourself, and your relationship with food. Yes, it is going to take work to change habits and lose weight, and sometimes it'll feel too hard. You may feel like giving up, but don't. However, if you view yourself as a person who can make sustainable changes to lose weight and overcome hurdles and setbacks, you'll be much more likely to be able to actually do so.

My two cents:
Track everything that you put in your mouth for 2 weeks. Then take a look at it. Small changes to a few things can save many calories. Sometimes there are things that you might consume every day, and you realize that you could have those things once per week instead. Other times it will be trading calories around - finding things that are delicious, filling, and sustainable over the long haul.
It really is about the lifestyle change once you have decided that you want to lose weight. Slowly change your eating habits once you have a firm grasp on exactly what those are and where you might shave a few calories without feeling deprived or anything.
I like rich food, I swapped out whipping cream (35%) for sour cream, save a gazillion calories and it is still a delicious "cream sauce" that I flavour in a myriad of ways.

Best of luck on your new journey, you will find lots of support here on MFP : - )

There’s so much good advice here... I can try to summarise:

Show up. Log. Learn. Repeat as necessary.

Because:
I log in daily, updating my weight. This shows me my progress.
I log my food intake and exercise as accurately as possible. This keeps me honest (even on the hungry days).
I truly believe that I learn something new every day, just browsing the forum. This keeps me motivated.
I will keep doing this, not just to ‘goal’ but into maintenance and beyond (not making the mistake I made at ‘goal’ last time, thinking I could return to my lazy/greedy ways).

Welcome to MPF, we’re glad to have you here!

The basics---get your daily calorie goal, get a digital food scale, weigh and measure everything before cooking, and try to stay within your daily goal everyday. If you mess up, just keep going. Take photos and or measurements. When you've lost a lot, you'll be glad you did. Read the success threads when you feel down, they will lift you up. Good luck.

wunderkindking wrote: »

Definitely start with just logging for a couple of weeks.

+1 for this. Just learning how to use the app and making tracking into a consistent habit is a big accomplishment that will set you up for long-term success. Don't worry about making any changes yet - collecting accurate data on what you're doing now will help your dietician make better recommendations.

One of the most pervasive myths in the diet industry is that we have absolutely no idea how to feed ourselves. If you are still alive, reasonably healthy (outside of excess weight), you need to start by thinking in terms of adjustment. It may eventually turn into more of an overhaul but there is no reason to start there.

With that said you absolutely do need to practice awareness of how your food is managing your hunger and energy. The biggest adjustments to make when you start a calorie deficit is making sure that your calories are providing decent hunger control and preventing fatigue. This is often done by increasing protein and fiber but it can be different for you. Some people respond to higher fat. If you need it, you can be given several strategies here to try experimentally until you dial in on one that works best for you most of the time. 'Most of the time' because even a normally great strategy may not work on highly unusual days. My strategies work great until I am in a situation where I am recovering from a surgery or fighting an infection. During those times even as I allow more food my hunger is hard to control.

goal06082021 wrote: »

NovusDies wrote: »

One of the most pervasive myths in the diet industry is that we have absolutely no idea how to feed ourselves. If you are still alive, reasonably healthy (outside of excess weight), you need to start by thinking in terms of adjustment. It may eventually turn into more of an overhaul but there is no reason to start there.

With that said you absolutely do need to practice awareness of how your food is managing your hunger and energy. The biggest adjustments to make when you start a calorie deficit is making sure that your calories are providing decent hunger control and preventing fatigue. This is often done by increasing protein and fiber but it can be different for you. Some people respond to higher fat. If you need it, you can be given several strategies here to try experimentally until you dial in on one that works best for you most of the time. 'Most of the time' because even a normally great strategy may not work on highly unusual days. My strategies work great until I am in a situation where I am recovering from a surgery or fighting an infection. During those times even as I allow more food my hunger is hard to control.

You do need more calories to heal from surgery or fight an infection, so it is OK to eat a bit more or even switch to maintenance until you're better - your body needs energy to do things! That said, I certainly hope you aren't finding yourself in that situation regularly.

OP, I believe in you. I'm going to second (third? tenth?) all the suggestions to start by just logging honestly for a week or two, then figure out one small change you could make and do that until it's easy, then figure out another small change, etc. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, you don't have to throw away your entire daily routine and replace it wholesale. You can examine your life bit by bit and make small incremental changes and you will still see improvements over time, it will still work.

The problem is my hunger signals are extremish. They can be too silent or screaming too loudly. From what I remember 20 percent over maintenance should be enough for most healing and if my hunger stopped there it would be no problem. I can eat 100 percent over maintenance and still be looking for more because the secondary problem is that when I am not feeling my best I am doing less cooking which present less opportunities to do low calorie bulking of my meals. It also means I am moving less and even adjusting up to maintenance + 20 percent I get less food than normal.

Overall I expect the scale to go up slightly when I am healing and/or fighting an infection. I would expect a few pounds though not 15. My system is only a little over 3 years old though so it is not a huge surprise there are a few holes in it when unusual things happen. I just need to review all that has happened and try to decide on a better sick/recovery plan to try in the future.

TheWaistBasket wrote: »

I got my food scale and will weigh and log my food faithfully.

Good luck. That has always worked for me.

Here is a starting suggestion on logging. I found it interesting. Think of something you want to make, or eat, anything. A PB&J, a bowl of fruit loops with milk, some Mac N' Cheese, even a green salad. Anything.

Then go to the kitchen and make it, using the scale, and what the back of the label calls "1 serving". So the bread will probably say 1 or maybe 2 slices is a serving, then the jam will say x grams is one serving, and the Peanut Butter will say X grams is one serving. Make your sandwich carefully to be one serving.

For me starting that way did two things, it makes it easy to log and kind of figure out how that all works, and second it kind of got me more familiar with "serving sizes" of things I usually eat. It was educational.

Eventually if you are 'weighing and logging faithfully' you'll have to be really familiar with the process and have it become kind of easy. At first it seems real fussy, but you'll get the hang of it.

I'm glad you posted. Your introduction is so raw and heartfelt. People on here can be harsh, so this is nice that you are so open.

The food scale will help immensely. Especially since you were never "trained" in how to eat in a healthy manner. I was raised by a super aware and healthy mother, but a food scale surprised me in how off I was (usually overestimating calories).

My biggest trick comes because I cook for my family and for a husband who works out so much his calorie intake is 3 times mine. I like to add lots of veggies to whatever "normal" food I'm eating. For example:

-You can break up one hard shell beef taco (or two) over a big fat bed of lettuce and it's still really delicious and still tastes like a taco.
-I add a huge pile of sliced tomatoes to my breakfast of one egg and whole grain toast.
-A big pile of broccoli (I know it's not your favorite) or zucchini/squash next to your spaghetti or lasagna will help spread out the flavor.
-I made a really yummy tuna sandwich for lunch today and had a huge amount of carrots/celery as a side. I ended up not finishing them for lunch but ate them for a snack later in the afternoon.
-Lean meats are also great for balancing things out. The other day my husband wanted fried fish, so I baked/broiled a portion of it in the oven with lemon juice, salt/pepper, and a few other fresh herbs. (Mine was so much tastier than his.)
-Tonight I'm making homemade fried buffalo wings with a huge side salad and more sliced tomatoes.

Something about this journey made me appreciate veggies so much more (I used to NEVER eat vegetables). Now I order the side of veggies at restaurants, look forward to grilled/baked Brussel sprouts with a slice of bacon and salt/pepper, Pico de gayo/salsa by the scoopful. Avocado on everything. Even onions, sweet potatoes, green peppers, tomatoes... things I used to hide from, I LOVE.

Working out will also help. I ran/walked 4.5 miles today with the dog and managed to get in more steps at work. I have burned enough calories to basically cover my breakfast, lunch, and snack calories so for dinner I can add a couple glasses of wine and probably some tortilla chips or pasta.

Just know that some days you will eat too much, and start over the next day. Some days will you eat everything right, but the scale won't move for days...weeks. Be patient, be forgiving. If one bad day is like your many old bad days then you can fix it tomorrow. But believe me when I say: the more you stick to it, be truthful with it, and don't push yourself beyond what you can handle... the more success you will have.

You don't have to eat broccoli if you don't want to.

I just want to tell you that I have lost 50 pounds eating chips and candy and cookies most every day, and not exercising. I don't like broccoli either (and it doesn't like me back) so I don't eat it.

But 50 pounds down... 1/3 of the way to my goal... I feel SO much better. Better enough to start moving more. I don't suppose I'll ever be a runner, but I discovered I like the feeling of pushing weights around on the machines at the gym. And I am okay with putting on a podcast and getting on an exercise bike for a few minutes.

You are going to do this your own way, and you're going to be okay.