Mention it or don’t? How should I phrase it?

I guess it doesn't even matter if it's the opposite sex, if you don't know someone really well it's a bad idea to mention weight.


IMO it's always a bad idea, no matter what.

penguinmama87 wrote: »

If you haven't said hi to her yet, I'd start there and ask her how she's been.

Agreed. Acknowledge him/her in some way and play it from there. If a conversation ensues, then it can be mentioned more naturally/casually. If not, just let it go.

If you don't know the person well enough to know how they will take it, it's always safer to not say anything.

Agreeing with gym setting making a difference. I don't really want, or make, comments on physical looks in most of life. Clothes, hair, sure, but not THEM/things they can't really change easily.

I think "Hey, it's been a while. It's good to see you again," is probably where to start with a non-specific ' you look great' as follow up. The thing to really avoid, IMO, is commenting on some specific aspect of her body.

SuzySunshine99 wrote: »

I think that the gym setting actually makes a difference.

Usually, I would tell you to say nothing, but in that environment, I think it would be appropriate to say, “You look great, what has been your fitness routine?”

Then it’s more standard gym talk, asking about strategies and techniques rather than a random comment with no context.

Or replace the value judgement ("look great") with effort acknowledgement, e.g. something like, "I know how much hard work it takes for me to get visible results. It looks like you have been working hard." And gauge her enthusiasm for gym talk.

Totally agree that any value judgement on someone's appearance, no matter how well meaning, is fraught in a professional work context. In a sports/fitness context, though, it's usually ok to talk sports/fitness. But saying nothing is almost always safer than saying something if you're unsure.

I would not like a man to comment on my body, my weight, or my workout routine unless he was my husband regardless of where it was or how I was dressed, etc.


It's always intrusive to me if a man comments on my body in any way. Hair, clothes, eyes, shape, none of that would be okay to me.


~Signed, maybe I'm a bit tetchy.

Would it make sense to say, judge your own motivation for comment?

Most people who say something to me, I sincerely appreciate the (I’ll be honest) ego boost.

There’s been a few, however, who came off as very creepy. But the same people made my skin crawl even before I was slim.

If you’re doing it with sincerity it’s one thing. If you’re doing it with a “hey, baby, I’m available even though you’re clearly not but I’m just hoping you’re easy” attitude, it comes through as such.

Sadly, they don’t know who they are. So maybe discretion is the better part of valour.

🤷🏻‍♀️

You could maybe say something like “Wow! You’ve had phenomenal results!” And then whatever else you’d say to an acquaintance. I hadn’t seen my UPS driver for quite some time and he said, “I’ve just got to say this, but you’ve done an amazing job losing weight!” And then the plumber said something too… like “You’ve lost a ton of weight! I know from experience that it is a LOT of work!” (I’d lost 190 lbs between both of them seeing me.)

heathermarie911 wrote: »

I think it's safe if you say "you're looking healthy" or something along those lines. Personally, I wouldn't find that creepy and it's always nice to get a compliment and recognition for your hard work.

Difference of opinion here: for me, ”you’re looking healthy” would probably be the creepiest and most offensive option I can think of.

By commenting on my perceived health, they’d be implying that I looked unhealthy previously, that my health is somehow visible on the outside, and that my health is somehow their business and not my private matter. At the same time, some ridiculous ”hey sexy” type of creep would be focused on what actually is visible to the eye and not making assumptions about a deeply personal matter, since sexiness is in the eye of the beholder (or creepy commenter) and not a private medical matter.

Like others, I’d focus on performance, results in terms of improving their lifting, or even just the fact that she’s clearly formed a gym-going habit. Genuine interest in her lifting program (if you are interested, that is) could also be nice. Something like ”really nice to see you, I’ve been on a different schedule so haven’t seen you in a while, it seems like your program is giving some great results, do you mind sharing what you do?”

I (female) would definitely want to hear a compliment. Maybe I have an "older" mindset, but I like the positive recognition.

As you indicated, we work hard to get where we are. For me, personally, it's nice to be acknowledged.

Here's the flip side of the coin...

All you can control is what you say and how you say it. If your intention is kind/sincere, and you make a reasonable effort to not be creepy or inappropriate, then that's all you can do. You can't control how they will take it... and if someone chooses to take it a certain way or read something offensive into it, then that's on them and likely tied to their own emotional baggage.

Assuming you've spoken with this person in the past... something like, "Hey, haven't seen you in a while... you look great!" is general/casual but still on point. If they take offence to that, then future conversations are likely doomed.