Has Anyone Else Experienced “Eye Contact Haters”?



  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,048 Member
    The only reason I have ever glared at someone at the gym is someone (usually a dude) camped out in a machine I want to use. If you're resting between sets, great. I only do one set at this point, let me work in. I'll be done before you need it again.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 5,541 Member
    There are beautiful leggings waiting for you at the end of the rainweightbow!
  • kyndread71
    kyndread71 Posts: 41 Member
    BLUF (Bottom-Line, Up Front) --

    When you made the decision to lose weight, or eat better, or get in shape -- You are doing this FOR YOU. You're not doing it "for them."

    If they wanna hate, let 'em hate. Misery loves company, so don't entertain it.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 960 Member
    I haven't really ever noticed overweight or obese people glaring at me in any way, and being a self-conscious person in general I feel like I would notice it. I will say, though, that in certain settings I feel self-conscious about being the "fit" person in a group. For example, in my dance classes I think most people can tell by now (if I wear a tank top, at least) that I work out. Some have actually commented on it before. These are actual dance classes, not dance fitness classes, so not everybody (if not most people) don't. I don't want people to think I'm showing off by wearing tank tops or certain more "revealing" clothes (like a crop top, for example) that I"d feel comfortable in wearing to the gym. I'm weird like that.

    And even though this wasn't the original point of the post, I'm not going lie and say I'm not a bit judgmental when it comes to some of the outfits girls (and they are usually like teenage/college-age) wear to the gym. It's kinda obvious they do it for attention..,there was actually a girl/woman there posing in the mirror. Maybe she was practicing for a show, I don't know? I don't glare at them, and I know it's no business of mine and as long and what they're doing is not affecting me in any way. I also I wouldn't look bad in some of the things they wear either, except my skin is a lot older than theirs.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 7,853 Member
    I’ve been afraid to return to my thread, for fear I’d be flamed by people over vanity.

    The replies are absolutely as fascinating, and diverse as each poster.

    Small town with large central park and walking trails. You can’t help but walk through crowds at the fountain area, picnickers and frisbee throwers on the lawn, and sidewalk diners to get home.

    I like Beverly’s (sorry for some reason can’t use the @ sign in the app lately to reference other members) description. I’m a jaunty walker, too. I’m so damn happy to be light on my feet, and moving at will it feels like I’m on a perpetual cloud of joy. I have to greet everyone on the trail, smile at as many people in the park as possible, and pet as many dogs as I’m able.

    Life sometimes feels like the set of Pushing Daisies.

    Maybe it’s body language. In the future I’ll consider maybe some people can’t handle happy and jaunty, and just feel sorry for them.

    I guess the odds are someone, somewhere is going to frown at you whether you’re fat, thin, happy, sad, beautiful, homely, walking, biking, skating or wheelchairing. Maybe this lady’s husband had just ordered one too many beers at the pub and she was glaring at the sidewalk in general and I got in her line of fire.

    I don't think it is vanity - but I do think there is some projection happening - meaning people are not staring at you as much as you think they are nor thinking what you think they are thinking if they are.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 26,267 Member
    FWIW: I was back with my regular rowing double partner today, and after rowing we went for a walk. I tried out this "people staring daggers at thin people" idea on her, because she's way (way) more sensitive to other humans than I am, and is a one of those "always been slim" people. She's 6' tall, elegant proportions, fine delicate bones, and she does wear workout gear (leggings, close-fit tops) out in public. While she's always been slim, she's found athleticism in the past decade or so, so is now quite fit-looking as well as slim, and dresses very elegantly (even in casual styles, she chooses special looks).

    I had to explain the whole concept to her, because it was interesting and kind of an alien concept, big surprise to her as an idea. Take that however you may. She was very clear that although she'd been raised in an "aspire to be ultra-thin and fashionable/beautiful" social context (her dad was a major ad man in the "Mad Men" era), she now doesn't much care what others think, which is a psychological counter-force to noticing "look daggers at thin/fit people" idea.

    I thought it was interesting to interrogate someone who'd never been fat/obese, in this particular context. Make of the report what you will - I'm trying to report the conversation as objectively and even-handedly as I can.
    tuckerrj wrote: »
    I’ve been afraid to return to my thread, for fear I’d be flamed by people over vanity.

    The replies are absolutely as fascinating, and diverse as each poster.

    I think it may be shock or awe... I've seen pictures of your leggings and they're AMAZING. Haven't seen patterns like that since watching "Laugh-In" back in the early 70's. Psychodelic swirls and shocking rainbow splashes everywhere. s You're most likely the envy of every one wearing their grey drab wardrobes!

    May be something in this. I'm "Team Drab Gray", as previously noted. I admit I was a little tempted when I saw I could buy leggings with Beaker muppet (still considering that - I mean, Beaker!).

    I'm pretty sure there are people who'll stare (in whatever way, some maybe resentful) at celebratory color/enthusiasm/body joy. I'm also pretty sure there are people who are judge-y about what *they* perceive as revealing dress (note my PP about leggings-hate regardless of wearer size), or as dressing more colorfully or form-conformingly to what they perceive - fossils that they are - as age-appropriate. If it's that . . . frankly, *baby feline* them.

    Super trivial side note: I go around all flat up top, maybe a little concave, post-bilateral-mastectomy, which is kinda statistically weird. I made it a point, today, wandering the world in tight grey leggings/close-fit teal spaghetti-strap tank, to watch for reactions at farmers market, craft-supplies store, take-out restaurant. Noticed nothing.

    Not doubting that others' mileage varies, because context, location, etc., vary. Just reporting.
  • RunsWithBees
    RunsWithBees Posts: 1,508 Member
    edited June 2021

    Who knows? Maybe she was just not satisfied with her dining experience and wished she had ordered something else. There’s no way to know for sure unless you ask her. I stopped caring what others think (or don’t think!) a long time ago and have been much happier for it.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 26,267 Member

    Well, yeah, 100%. Still an interesting speculative question, y'know? 🙂 Do other people notice/react? If so, why/how? Or is it all about our perceptions? Do perceptions differ, between always-thin and former-fat, or other subgroups?

    I think it's an interesting question. YMMV.