Has Anyone Else Experienced “Eye Contact Haters”?
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Overweight people get glared at a lot because people, idk, don't understand that they're human beings and they enjoy being mean. But as for a plethora of overweight people glaring at joggers . . . that sounds like anxiety. When you have anxiety, it can seem like all eye are on you, all the time. But most people don't go around obsessing about strangers they happened to glance.
If people are seriously glaring at you once per week while you jog, then there's some other factor at play. Like an offensive tattoo or something. Or you're wearing a Team Jacob shirt and are in a hardcore Team Edward neighborhood.14 -
As another random observation - and just a personal experience, not claiming it's universal - from someone who is a newish runner:
PEOPLE ARE ALMOST ANNOYINGLY FRIENDLY TO ME NOW. But only when I'm running. I don't know what the deal is, but I go out to jog people smile, they wave, they want to stop and chat and I'm just flummoxed. Same route, same time, same people and I walk? They ignore me. Something about me jogging I guess just looks more approchable or, more likely, weird luck and confirmation bias.7 -
In the little town I live in, there's a central park, that is surrounded by a pretty nice sidewalk. Many people walk that for exercise. A couple of years back, while I was driving past (where I, myself, should have been walking), I saw a woman, about my same size, walking on the walkway, alone. She wasn't gracefully gliding, but nearly flat-footed, struggling along, obviously winded and tired.
I beeped my horn, as I stopped at the corner stop sign. I'm sure she was expecting rude comments or worse, as she turned her head and glared at me. I threw a "thumbs up" to her. Her face, beamed with a huge, lovely smile and she seemed to gain renewed stamina, when encouraged!
I've just now lost 37#. My goal, now that I'm recovering from some health issues, which prevented me, is to start walking, for exercise. I will work my way up, to making it around the little park. And, I will remember that woman, as I do! To this day, I regret not parking my car and walking with her...I may have missed making a Friend & walking buddy. I hope we, too, look for the opportunity to uplift others ~kath10 -
What people may perceive ISN'T what the looker may be thinking. About a year and a half ago, I had a juiced up male about my age come up to me and asked why I kept staring at him in the gym. Now I survey the gym on a daily basis checking to see of members are putting weights away and/or are doing exercises correctly. I don't "stare" at people intently. Any he got in my face and started to get aggressive. I told him he needed to step back and re explain why he thinks I was staring at him. Long story short, he basically threatened me and my general manager and regional manager at the time saw it happening. They intervened and he had his membership revoked from our location (he was from another location using his pass). Haven't seen the guy since.
On a personal note, IDGAF about what people think about me, how I look, what I wear etc. If it bothers them, it's their problem not mine. Probably why I'm oblivious about whether people look at me or not.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Back when I went to the gym (I now workout in a home gym), I hated this type of brief interaction. I always went at the same time which meant half the time I saw those same people. I just made it a point to smile when making eye contact and eventually waving hello if I saw them repeatedly. I'm SUPER not like this, but I always wanted people to know I was supportive of their efforts without us ever having to say a word to each other. I swear it made a world of difference!7
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The only reason I have ever glared at someone at the gym is someone (usually a dude) camped out in a machine I want to use. If you're resting between sets, great. I only do one set at this point, let me work in. I'll be done before you need it again.4
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I’ve been afraid to return to my thread, for fear I’d be flamed by people over vanity.
The replies are absolutely as fascinating, and diverse as each poster.
Small town with large central park and walking trails. You can’t help but walk through crowds at the fountain area, picnickers and frisbee throwers on the lawn, and sidewalk diners to get home.
I like Beverly’s (sorry for some reason can’t use the @ sign in the app lately to reference other members) description. I’m a jaunty walker, too. I’m so damn happy to be light on my feet, and moving at will it feels like I’m on a perpetual cloud of joy. I have to greet everyone on the trail, smile at as many people in the park as possible, and pet as many dogs as I’m able.
Life sometimes feels like the set of Pushing Daisies.
Maybe it’s body language. In the future I’ll consider maybe some people can’t handle happy and jaunty, and just feel sorry for them.
I guess the odds are someone, somewhere is going to frown at you whether you’re fat, thin, happy, sad, beautiful, homely, walking, biking, skating or wheelchairing. Maybe this lady’s husband had just ordered one too many beers at the pub and she was glaring at the sidewalk in general and I got in her line of fire.7 -
springlering62 wrote: »I’ve been afraid to return to my thread, for fear I’d be flamed by people over vanity.
The replies are absolutely as fascinating, and diverse as each poster.
I think it may be shock or awe... I've seen pictures of your leggings and they're AMAZING. Haven't seen patterns like that since watching "Laugh-In" back in the early 70's. Psychodelic swirls and shocking rainbow splashes everywhere. You're most likely the envy of every one wearing their grey drab wardrobes!5 -
There are beautiful leggings waiting for you at the end of the rainweightbow!2
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I will say I have resting B face. People could possibly think I am sitting in judgement of them and really I'm thinking about all the work I have to do later, or how my toast looked this morning. On the other end, I rarely notice anyone else while out and about and think they are looking at me or judging me (unless of course I hear a comment which I have). I am kind of oblivious in that way, people will drive by me and wave and I'm paying attention to the road and never hear. I've never thought, wow that person is staring at me, but I have heard a man comment to his friend that I was fat looking at my arms, this was after I had lost 90 lbs, more than half way to my goal and I although it stung to hear that I was thinking, boy if you only knew buddy.6
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BLUF (Bottom-Line, Up Front) --
When you made the decision to lose weight, or eat better, or get in shape -- You are doing this FOR YOU. You're not doing it "for them."
If they wanna hate, let 'em hate. Misery loves company, so don't entertain it.2 -
I haven't really ever noticed overweight or obese people glaring at me in any way, and being a self-conscious person in general I feel like I would notice it. I will say, though, that in certain settings I feel self-conscious about being the "fit" person in a group. For example, in my dance classes I think most people can tell by now (if I wear a tank top, at least) that I work out. Some have actually commented on it before. These are actual dance classes, not dance fitness classes, so not everybody (if not most people) don't. I don't want people to think I'm showing off by wearing tank tops or certain more "revealing" clothes (like a crop top, for example) that I"d feel comfortable in wearing to the gym. I'm weird like that.
And even though this wasn't the original point of the post, I'm not going lie and say I'm not a bit judgmental when it comes to some of the outfits girls (and they are usually like teenage/college-age) wear to the gym. It's kinda obvious they do it for attention..,there was actually a girl/woman there posing in the mirror. Maybe she was practicing for a show, I don't know? I don't glare at them, and I know it's no business of mine and as long and what they're doing is not affecting me in any way. I also I wouldn't look bad in some of the things they wear either, except my skin is a lot older than theirs.2 -
I am a person who stares. I have been doing this since I was a child when I didn't have the skills to process my experiences.
Flash forward to me as an adult: yes, I still stare when confronted with a comprehension challenge. Most recently, this happened in the city when I saw a beautiful young woman walking around a dirty city street with no shoes.
"How can that be? How did she get here? Should I offer assistance? Would it matter? What was her life like? Was she escaping something?" My brain flooded and I stood there, frozen. Finally, my 19 yo daughter hissed, "Mom, don't stare!"
Boom, spell broken. The truth is that this young girl caused me to go back in time to my own youth. She stirred something deep in me.
When I see women being pretty and thin, I normally don't care. But what if I was having unsatisfying meal conversation with my girlfriends. What if one of them was being acting judgmental? What if it made me uncomfortable? What if it make me not want to be sitting at the table with those women? What if I suddenly hated myself and wanted to change and didn't know how? Or, what if I was getting news that a woman friend was sick or left an abusive relationship and then I looked up and saw this thin, toned, able woman?
How would I feel?
Would I stare. Most probably, I would.
Many people experience challenging mental complexities. When this happens even slightly, staring is a way to split away and process. Our brains are complex.
At any moment, being kind is always the right thing to do. What would a smile truly cost?
To anyone who needs to hear this: The judgy harsh looks are 100% ALWAYS about the person giving the bad vibes. Unless someone really makes an effort to see and hear me, I remind myself, not to take their rude critical attitude personally. It's probably a reflection of their personal challenge. They possibly aren't even aware of their own struggle/rudeness.
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springlering62 wrote: »I’ve been afraid to return to my thread, for fear I’d be flamed by people over vanity.
The replies are absolutely as fascinating, and diverse as each poster.
Small town with large central park and walking trails. You can’t help but walk through crowds at the fountain area, picnickers and frisbee throwers on the lawn, and sidewalk diners to get home.
I like Beverly’s (sorry for some reason can’t use the @ sign in the app lately to reference other members) description. I’m a jaunty walker, too. I’m so damn happy to be light on my feet, and moving at will it feels like I’m on a perpetual cloud of joy. I have to greet everyone on the trail, smile at as many people in the park as possible, and pet as many dogs as I’m able.
Life sometimes feels like the set of Pushing Daisies.
Maybe it’s body language. In the future I’ll consider maybe some people can’t handle happy and jaunty, and just feel sorry for them.
I guess the odds are someone, somewhere is going to frown at you whether you’re fat, thin, happy, sad, beautiful, homely, walking, biking, skating or wheelchairing. Maybe this lady’s husband had just ordered one too many beers at the pub and she was glaring at the sidewalk in general and I got in her line of fire.
I don't think it is vanity - but I do think there is some projection happening - meaning people are not staring at you as much as you think they are nor thinking what you think they are thinking if they are.4 -
FWIW: I was back with my regular rowing double partner today, and after rowing we went for a walk. I tried out this "people staring daggers at thin people" idea on her, because she's way (way) more sensitive to other humans than I am, and is a one of those "always been slim" people. She's 6' tall, elegant proportions, fine delicate bones, and she does wear workout gear (leggings, close-fit tops) out in public. While she's always been slim, she's found athleticism in the past decade or so, so is now quite fit-looking as well as slim, and dresses very elegantly (even in casual styles, she chooses special looks).
I had to explain the whole concept to her, because it was interesting and kind of an alien concept, big surprise to her as an idea. Take that however you may. She was very clear that although she'd been raised in an "aspire to be ultra-thin and fashionable/beautiful" social context (her dad was a major ad man in the "Mad Men" era), she now doesn't much care what others think, which is a psychological counter-force to noticing "look daggers at thin/fit people" idea.
I thought it was interesting to interrogate someone who'd never been fat/obese, in this particular context. Make of the report what you will - I'm trying to report the conversation as objectively and even-handedly as I can.springlering62 wrote: »I’ve been afraid to return to my thread, for fear I’d be flamed by people over vanity.
The replies are absolutely as fascinating, and diverse as each poster.
I think it may be shock or awe... I've seen pictures of your leggings and they're AMAZING. Haven't seen patterns like that since watching "Laugh-In" back in the early 70's. Psychodelic swirls and shocking rainbow splashes everywhere. s You're most likely the envy of every one wearing their grey drab wardrobes!
May be something in this. I'm "Team Drab Gray", as previously noted. I admit I was a little tempted when I saw I could buy leggings with Beaker muppet (still considering that - I mean, Beaker!).
I'm pretty sure there are people who'll stare (in whatever way, some maybe resentful) at celebratory color/enthusiasm/body joy. I'm also pretty sure there are people who are judge-y about what *they* perceive as revealing dress (note my PP about leggings-hate regardless of wearer size), or as dressing more colorfully or form-conformingly to what they perceive - fossils that they are - as age-appropriate. If it's that . . . frankly, *baby feline* them.
Super trivial side note: I go around all flat up top, maybe a little concave, post-bilateral-mastectomy, which is kinda statistically weird. I made it a point, today, wandering the world in tight grey leggings/close-fit teal spaghetti-strap tank, to watch for reactions at farmers market, craft-supplies store, take-out restaurant. Noticed nothing.
Not doubting that others' mileage varies, because context, location, etc., vary. Just reporting.4 -
Yeah I am not even sure what is happening in this thread. My first thought would be that walking through a restaurant eating area in sweaty gym clothes might get some dirty looks.
Are you saying that women often give you dirty looks - and you think it is because you are thin?6 -
Who knows? Maybe she was just not satisfied with her dining experience and wished she had ordered something else. There’s no way to know for sure unless you ask her. I stopped caring what others think (or don’t think!) a long time ago and have been much happier for it.1 -
RunsWithBees wrote: »
Well, yeah, 100%. Still an interesting speculative question, y'know? 🙂 Do other people notice/react? If so, why/how? Or is it all about our perceptions? Do perceptions differ, between always-thin and former-fat, or other subgroups?
I think it's an interesting question. YMMV.3 -
fitstrongfitlove wrote: »I am a person who stares. I have been doing this since I was a child when I didn't have the skills to process my experiences.
Flash forward to me as an adult: yes, I still stare when confronted with a comprehension challenge. Most recently, this happened in the city when I saw a beautiful young woman walking around a dirty city street with no shoes.
"How can that be? How did she get here? Should I offer assistance? Would it matter? What was her life like? Was she escaping something?" My brain flooded and I stood there, frozen. Finally, my 19 yo daughter hissed, "Mom, don't stare!"
Boom, spell broken. The truth is that this young girl caused me to go back in time to my own youth. She stirred something deep in me.
When I see women being pretty and thin, I normally don't care. But what if I was having unsatisfying meal conversation with my girlfriends. What if one of them was being acting judgmental? What if it made me uncomfortable? What if it make me not want to be sitting at the table with those women? What if I suddenly hated myself and wanted to change and didn't know how? Or, what if I was getting news that a woman friend was sick or left an abusive relationship and then I looked up and saw this thin, toned, able woman?
How would I feel?
Would I stare. Most probably, I would.
Many people experience challenging mental complexities. When this happens even slightly, staring is a way to split away and process. Our brains are complex.
At any moment, being kind is always the right thing to do. What would a smile truly cost?
To anyone who needs to hear this: The judgy harsh looks are 100% ALWAYS about the person giving the bad vibes. Unless someone really makes an effort to see and hear me, I remind myself, not to take their rude critical attitude personally. It's probably a reflection of their personal challenge. They possibly aren't even aware of their own struggle/rudeness.
Your story was interesting to me as someone who walks, hikes and runs trails and pavement barefoot, I’ve gotten all kinds of strange looks and comments thrown my way I also have severe social anxiety and don’t like to “stand out” in public/don’t like engaging verbally so it’s taken me awhile to reconcile that with being barefoot which inevitably draws attention. I decided many years ago that the way I exercise feels right to me so that is what I focus on and give the most importance to. Staying focused helps ease my anxiety to manageable levels most of the time. Now I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it, I know what my goals are. I was even stopped by the police once and asked if I was ok/needed assistance, I’m like “nope, I’m just a barefooter!”7 -
Yeah I am not even sure what is happening in this thread. My first thought would be that walking through a restaurant eating area in sweaty gym clothes might get some dirty looks.
Are you saying that women often give you dirty looks - and you think it is because you are thin?
Outdoor restaurant seating lines both narrow sidewalks on both the routes home. 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t think I’m that foul I’d offend diners, lol.
I’m going to out on a limb here. Yes. I do get looks. I get comments, too, super nice ones. So it’s not my imagination.
I have worked harder than you can ever imagine to reshape myself. Maybe it’s the colorful gear, maybe it’s the shock of seeing a greying grandma with guns. Maybe it’s my jaunty step.
I spent years attempting to “hide” gigantic boobs behind hunching and crossed arms. Same with obesity, hiding under loose tunics. I found myself trying to do the same with my new shape until I finally concluded “ I am doing this….why?”
So I’m working on my fledgling, seedling confidence, and it very much feels like I’m relearning society at the same time.
It’s a different set of experiences slim versus fat and that’s not all in my head.5
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