This isn't a dating app...

Please stop. Most of us here are interested in motivation and support for our health/wellness/fitness goals. Tinder is one download away -->
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Replies

  • goal06082021
    goal06082021 Posts: 2,130 Member
    Sigh. Why do men?
  • lorib642
    lorib642 Posts: 1,942 Member
    I think it depends whether OP means the forums or personal messages.

    I no longer accept friend requests from men, because of the amount of creepy and inappropriate messages I got in the past. Some of the messages gave me the distinct feeling they are looking to take advantage of the potential emotional vulnerability that wanting to lose weight could bring. It's a shame but I don't really interact with friends privately anyway, that's what I use the forums for.

    I am stopping accepting unsolicited friend requests for the same reason.
  • YellowD0gs
    YellowD0gs Posts: 693 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

    I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

    I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

    Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

    I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

    Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

    If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

    And yet, there's a whole thread devoted to women doing this very same thing. Over 250 pages of complaints and commentary, and still going! Yes, they're hookers and hackers, but yeah, it's only the men's fault.

    Right...

  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,615 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

    I mean yeah.

    But I participate in a lot of public forums, with a lot of people participating.

    The concentration of creeps being overtly sexual in unsolicited ways here is higher than *almost* anywhere else. It is very, very weird and obnoxious and generally unpleasant.
  • NVintage
    NVintage Posts: 1,463 Member
    I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...
    wd94fiorntku.png
    instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
    About Me:
    I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
    (Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

    Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
    *******************************
    Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
    Hot sauce, to taste
    turkey (3 ounces)
    shredded cheese
    pico de gallo
    shredded lettuce
    All over wild rice
    with olive oil and thyme





    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 2,985 Member
    NVintage wrote: »
    I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...
    wd94fiorntku.png
    instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
    About Me:
    I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
    (Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

    Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
    *******************************
    Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
    Hot sauce, to taste
    turkey (3 ounces)
    shredded cheese
    pico de gallo
    shredded lettuce
    All over wild rice
    with olive oil and thyme





    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

    The behavior has nothing to do with what profile picture we choose.

    This is all on the people who decide to message people inappropriately.

    And the message in the OP is “don’t do that”
    Which is valid.
  • NVintage
    NVintage Posts: 1,463 Member
    Yes, I understand that in an ideal world "the message in the OP “don’t do that”
    Which is valid" would work...However, realistically you will get a lot less attention with a less sexy profile picture. Try it yourself! Common sense.. So if it truly bothers you and you'd rather not get all the attention, then put less sexiness out there. If you like your sexy selfie, nothing wrong with that, be yourself and embrace your sexiness online. Just accept that this is a public website and all kinds of people are going to see it and respond to what you display.

    “People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.”
    ― Michel Foucault, Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason

    NVintage wrote: »
    I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...
    wd94fiorntku.png
    instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
    About Me:
    I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
    (Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

    Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
    *******************************
    Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
    Hot sauce, to taste
    turkey (3 ounces)
    shredded cheese
    pico de gallo
    shredded lettuce
    All over wild rice
    with olive oil and thyme





    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

    The behavior has nothing to do with what profile picture we choose.

    This is all on the people who decide to message people inappropriately.

    And the message in the OP is “don’t do that”
    Which is valid.

  • NVintage
    NVintage Posts: 1,463 Member
    that advice is perilously close to "what were you wearing?" It should not be necessary to change one's profile photo from a normal photo of a normal woman wearing things that it's legal and decent to wear in public, in order to avoid rude, unwelcome come-ons. Looking nice in one's profile photo is not a solicitation of inappropriate messages. The focus needs to be on the people who are behaving badly."

    I thought about that when I said it, which is why I said* I know you shouldn't have to* I'm all for truth, though...it's good to be honest with yourself and think about why you do what you do.