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MyFitnessPal Community

This isn't a dating app...

JustMomming

Please stop. Most of us here are interested in motivation and support for our health/wellness/fitness goals. Tinder is one download away -->

Replies

BendableButMendable

Sorry, I couldn't resist. You could always block the people sending you those messages. I know it doesn't solve the problem but it's probably your best option.

MargaretYakoda

BendableButMendable wrote: »

Sorry, I couldn't resist. You could always block the people sending you those messages. I know it doesn't solve the problem but it's probably your best option.

Reporting inappropriate comments and messages is a good tactic too.

goal06082021

Sigh. Why do men?

losing200lbs

I've seen a few ladies on here post similar. Sorry you have to deal with it. I'm not sure what people are thinking or how in their head that is going to end for them. Maybe they think women like creepy guys who troll weight loss forums. The dating scene sure has changed since I was part of it.

KickassAmazon76

JustMomming wrote: »

Please stop. Most of us here are interested in motivation and support for our health/wellness/fitness goals. Tinder is one download away -->

honestly, I think you are making an assumption that may be incorrect when you say that "most of us".

There are some people here who are indeed looking for motivation and support for their goals, but there are also some who are here for relationships with like minded individuals. That's why there are different areas in the forums - some for motivation and support, advice, debate and success posts, and others for chitchat, fun and games.

When it comes to forums, if you look at recent posts, you'll see a LOT of chitchat... which seems to point to me that many people are here for connection, and lots of it is flirty. For some people, they have worked hard to get to where they are and they want to flaunt it, and many are looking for a connection with someone who is like minded. Lots of relationships have been formed in this site. (Some have remained. lol)

If you are solely looking for support / motivation, then I'd suggest friend requesting people on those types of boards and stating what type of interactions you're looking for. Make your boundaries clearly known on your wall and delete anyone who takes it somewhere you don't want to go.

Otherwise, just ignore the feeds you don't like. Lots of people enjoy them.

TayaCurragh

I think it depends whether OP means the forums or personal messages.

I no longer accept friend requests from men, because of the amount of creepy and inappropriate messages I got in the past. Some of the messages gave me the distinct feeling they are looking to take advantage of the potential emotional vulnerability that wanting to lose weight could bring. It's a shame but I don't really interact with friends privately anyway, that's what I use the forums for.

lorib642

TayaCurragh wrote: »

I think it depends whether OP means the forums or personal messages.

I no longer accept friend requests from men, because of the amount of creepy and inappropriate messages I got in the past. Some of the messages gave me the distinct feeling they are looking to take advantage of the potential emotional vulnerability that wanting to lose weight could bring. It's a shame but I don't really interact with friends privately anyway, that's what I use the forums for.

I am stopping accepting unsolicited friend requests for the same reason.

goal06082021

KickassAmazon76 wrote: »

JustMomming wrote: »

Please stop. Most of us here are interested in motivation and support for our health/wellness/fitness goals. Tinder is one download away -->

honestly, I think you are making an assumption that may be incorrect when you say that "most of us".

There are some people here who are indeed looking for motivation and support for their goals, but there are also some who are here for relationships with like minded individuals. That's why there are different areas in the forums - some for motivation and support, advice, debate and success posts, and others for chitchat, fun and games.

When it comes to forums, if you look at recent posts, you'll see a LOT of chitchat... which seems to point to me that many people are here for connection, and lots of it is flirty. For some people, they have worked hard to get to where they are and they want to flaunt it, and many are looking for a connection with someone who is like minded. Lots of relationships have been formed in this site. (Some have remained. lol)

If you are solely looking for support / motivation, then I'd suggest friend requesting people on those types of boards and stating what type of interactions you're looking for. Make your boundaries clearly known on your wall and delete anyone who takes it somewhere you don't want to go.

Otherwise, just ignore the feeds you don't like. Lots of people enjoy them.

OK, but MFP is still categorically not a dating site. OP isn't wrong.

AnnPT77

Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

springlering62

I’ve gotten several canned private messages lately that sound very similar, and with -can’t quite put my finger on why- potentially English not their first language.

I figure they’re catfishing for money or a visa.

And as @TayaCurragh so intuitively puts it, they think women with weight issues (or user names that proclaim their age) are easy targets.

One of these days I’m going to reply with “oh hey there! I’m sitting here naked eating cookies and chocolates and checking my investments. Want some nude pics of my 59 year old *kitten*?”

AnnPT77

springlering62 wrote: »

I’ve gotten several canned private messages lately that sound very similar, and with -can’t quite put my finger on why- potentially English not their first language.

I figure they’re catfishing for money or a visa.

And as @TayaCurragh so intuitively puts it, they think women with weight issues (or user names that proclaim their age) are easy targets.

One of these days I’m going to reply with “oh hey there! I’m sitting here naked eating cookies and chocolates and checking my investments. Want some nude pics of my 59 year old *kitten*?”

Even some native English speakers are troglodytes, IME. They may even be over-represented among those randomly seeking thrills from women who've given no hint of interest in that sort of thing.

Or . . . it's a well known thing in the world of computer security (social engineering branch) that scammers fishing for marks sometimes dumb down their appeals, as a way to screen out analytical people, zero in on some who may be more vulnerable.

It's tempting to create an MFP good-gal-type phishing profile, with a cute profile photo, try to flush out those idiots . . . but that would be against the rules.

Amusingly, the technical term for a tempting scam, mounted by good folks to catch bad folks, is a "honeypot". 🤣

MargaretYakoda

Even I have had a private message from an apparently male bodied person asking where I live and what I like to do for fun. And I’ve only been here just over two months. My profile pic and name are not personally identifying for good reason

I am here to work on my weight and fitness, and a little socialization with like minded folks. PG rated socializing. I am definitely not here for dating. I have enough men in my life with my husband and my boyfriend. I definitely don’t need some random internet romance scam.

panda4153

Agree! I don’t mind the mild flirting on the appropriate forums, and I don’t even mind if people are connecting to form relationships if both parties are agreeable, but I get way too many creepy pms from people who I thought were friend requesting for the purpose of supporting Fitness goals. I wouldn’t even mind if the messages were more respectful, I could see people wanting to connect over a shared interest, but they are are downright creepy in most instances. Don’t do it!!!

YellowD0gs

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

And yet, there's a whole thread devoted to women doing this very same thing. Over 250 pages of complaints and commentary, and still going! Yes, they're hookers and hackers, but yeah, it's only the men's fault.

Right...

wunderkindking

YellowD0gs wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

And yet, there's a whole thread devoted to women doing this very same thing. Over 250 pages of complaints and commentary, and still going! Yes, they're hookers and hackers, but yeah, it's only the men's fault.

Right...

Why is there always that one jerk who shows up to NOT ALL MEN!!!! in these discussions. No, it's not all men. Yes women can be creepy too. Come back to me when you're not talking to a woman about her actual personal experiences with actual men being creeps - and trying to invalidate it.

wunderkindking

I have accepted some friends requests from guys but I've also had to ditch some of them very quickly for absolutely horrifying behavior.

either in PMs directly or watching them show up, post lots of body shots, and then have 'their wife cheat' and immediately seek comfort from women they have friended and request 'pms'. Then the fall out of THAT.

Dude, no. That's not transparent at ALL.

Flirting is fine, connecting is fine, heck I don't care what any consenting adults do. Follow your bliss. Unsolicited PMs with graphic messages and lying both are not 'consenting adults', it's creepy, it's upsetting, STOP IT.

ninerbuff

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

wunderkindking

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I mean yeah.

But I participate in a lot of public forums, with a lot of people participating.

The concentration of creeps being overtly sexual in unsolicited ways here is higher than *almost* anywhere else. It is very, very weird and obnoxious and generally unpleasant.

ninerbuff

wunderkindking wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I mean yeah.

But I participate in a lot of public forums, with a lot of people participating.

The concentration of creeps being overtly sexual in unsolicited ways here is higher than *almost* anywhere else. It is very, very weird and obnoxious and generally unpleasant.

Maybe because they're on keto?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

NVintage

I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...

instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
About Me:
I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
(Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
*******************************
Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
Hot sauce, to taste
turkey (3 ounces)
shredded cheese
pico de gallo
shredded lettuce
All over wild rice
with olive oil and thyme

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

AnnPT77

YellowD0gs wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

And yet, there's a whole thread devoted to women doing this very same thing. Over 250 pages of complaints and commentary, and still going! Yes, they're hookers and hackers, but yeah, it's only the men's fault.

Right...

I have no doubt that some women here behave inappropriately, and you have every right to complain when that happens to you.

Even in what you bolded, I was carefully and explicitly saying it was a few men, not "men". If you aren't among those men, I don't see why you'd feel offended.

My experience here doesn't include inappropriate messages from women, which seems like an adequate reason for me not to have mentioned that side of things. I'm willing to support you, as an ally in handling your challenges, but it's not my job to be your standard bearer.

For the record, even though it seems like it should go without saying: If men are getting cat-phished and otherwise getting unwelcome come-ons here, they should also block and *report* the userid causing problems, because those women are also behaving badly.

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Sure, absolutely. And it's reasonable for us to talk about what the problems are, and about *how* to filter out the problems, which is (I think) one focus of discussion in this thread.

goal06082021

YellowD0gs wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

And yet, there's a whole thread devoted to women doing this very same thing. Over 250 pages of complaints and commentary, and still going! Yes, they're hookers and hackers, but yeah, it's only the men's fault.

Right...

Bold of you to assume that the human beings running the pornbot accounts are (1) women, (2) women who look anything like those porny avatars, or (3) the actual women depicted in said avatars themselves.

MargaretYakoda

NVintage wrote: »

I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...

instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
About Me:
I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
(Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
*******************************
Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
Hot sauce, to taste
turkey (3 ounces)
shredded cheese
pico de gallo
shredded lettuce
All over wild rice
with olive oil and thyme

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

The behavior has nothing to do with what profile picture we choose.

This is all on the people who decide to message people inappropriately.

And the message in the OP is “don’t do that”
Which is valid.

AnnPT77

YellowD0gs wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Agree that it's common for people to flirt in Chit-Chat or Fun & Games, people who don't want that interaction probably ought to just stay out of there, because this is a site for adults, and those are the areas for lighter interactions.

I rarely see out-of-the-blue inappropriate comments on serious threads in other parts of the Community, and if really inappropriate, flag/report-ing them (with a note to the mods) usually makes them go away. Hijacking a thread in a off-topic way is against the documented rules, technically (even if not flirtatious).

I absolutely agree that it's ridiculous and inappropriate that a few men send FRs, then follow up with inappropriate PMs, when the woman who's a target has done absolutely zero to invite flirtation. They should be reported, period. There have even been some serial phishers here. (Example: Guy who's shown up multiple times with different accounts, pretends to be widower with a couple of kids, tries to lure women into . . . well, it isn't good.)

Those few guys ruin the friend side of MFP for some women, *and* for decent men, IMO.

I still accept FRs from men, but not from men with completely private profiles, no Community history; or a profile that shows *only* female friends with pretty or fit-looking profile photos. Probably some of those are decent guys, but it's just not worth the risk of inappropriate, unwelcome, unsolicited flirtatious . . . even harassing or worse . . . PMs. There's no excuse. None.

Fellow females: Always, always report bad behavior to the moderators or the Community team staffers at MFP. I'm convinced they do want to weed out unsolicited flirtatious (or worse) nonsense, keep this a safe-feeling and welcoming place for all. By reporting the baddies (not just blocking/ignoring), we can each help insulate other women from bad experiences. You can find IDs for the Community team and mods at the link below, and - even though PMs are generally blocked for people who aren't MFP friends - you can PM the MFP staffers on the Community team without being official friends with them.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest

If some women want to flirt (or more), that's fine. But the rest of us are not obligated to play that game, shouldn't be exposed to it without having given any kind of hint that it's welcome. A cute/pretty/flattering/fit profile photo alone is *not* such a hint.

And yet, there's a whole thread devoted to women doing this very same thing. Over 250 pages of complaints and commentary, and still going! Yes, they're hookers and hackers, but yeah, it's only the men's fault.

Right...

That thread is not about "the very same thing".

I'm talking - and I believe some other here are talking - about getting individual friend requests from what appear to be male profiles on MFP, and those users then send personal messages on a one-on-one basis. For me, those messages have included suggestions that I change my workout approach in ways that would make me more attractive/appealing to the sender, requests to give them my cell phone number or other personal contact ID, suggestions (usually somewhat veiled at first) about . . . activities . . . that we should do together, and that sort of thing.

The literally *one guy* I warned about was cat-phishing multiple women, telling a sob story. Usually it was nipped (as far as I know) before he got money out of anyone based on sob stories, or the like, but that was the nature of the situation. He claimed to be male, but I'm sure he (she) was lying about a lot of things, that being the nature of cat-phishing.

The thread you linked is about profiles believed by most to be faked or compromised, with either porn-like inappropriate profile photos, or that were posting links to porn/"dating" (looked more like escort) sites on their profile feeds. Most appeared to be old accounts that had been compromised, and even some with the porn-y female pics had "male" in the profile settings, and/or a male-sounding account name.

Those are all inappropriate things, things that sensible people would not want happening to folks who don't solicit that kind of thing, but they're not "the very same".

Indee19

I get solicited by the aforementioned widowed father with a very basic grasp of the English language as well. In my Scrabble app of all places! Is nothing sacred anymore? Sheesh. They suck at Scrabble, too.

NVintage

Yes, I understand that in an ideal world "the message in the OP “don’t do that”
Which is valid" would work...However, realistically you will get a lot less attention with a less sexy profile picture. Try it yourself! Common sense.. So if it truly bothers you and you'd rather not get all the attention, then put less sexiness out there. If you like your sexy selfie, nothing wrong with that, be yourself and embrace your sexiness online. Just accept that this is a public website and all kinds of people are going to see it and respond to what you display.

“People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.”
― Michel Foucault, Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason

MargaretYakoda wrote: »

NVintage wrote: »

I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...

instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
About Me:
I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
(Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
*******************************
Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
Hot sauce, to taste
turkey (3 ounces)
shredded cheese
pico de gallo
shredded lettuce
All over wild rice
with olive oil and thyme

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

The behavior has nothing to do with what profile picture we choose.

This is all on the people who decide to message people inappropriately.

And the message in the OP is “don’t do that”
Which is valid.

AnnPT77

NVintage wrote: »

Yes, I understand that in an ideal world "the message in the OP “don’t do that”
Which is valid" would work...However, realistically you will get a lot less attention with a less sexy profile picture. Try it yourself! Common sense.. So if it truly bothers you and you'd rather not get all the attention, then put less sexiness out there. If you like your sexy selfie, nothing wrong with that, be yourself and embrace your sexiness online. Just accept that this is a public website and all kinds of people are going to see it and respond to what you display.

“People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.”
― Michel Foucault, Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason

MargaretYakoda wrote: »

NVintage wrote: »

I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...

instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
About Me:
I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
(Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
*******************************
Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
Hot sauce, to taste
turkey (3 ounces)
shredded cheese
pico de gallo
shredded lettuce
All over wild rice
with olive oil and thyme

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

The behavior has nothing to do with what profile picture we choose.

This is all on the people who decide to message people inappropriately.

And the message in the OP is “don’t do that”
Which is valid.

Scroll through again, look at the profile photos of most of those who've mentioned getting inappropriate messages: I'm not seeing a lot of lascivious or even what I'd call "sexy selfie" profile photos.

If you're talking about mine, here's a thing I find amusing: Seems like I've gotten *fewer* inappropriate FRs/PMs after changing my profile photo to the current one, with my shoulder/arm in it. I got more of them with a profile photo that had my face showing, clearly a senior-citizen type woman, not cute or sexy or anything by most standards, just an average li'l ol' lady smiling, in street clothes, no bikini, no low-cut clothing, no makeup. I suspect - based in part on some replies to posts in the forums or on my profile feed - that some people who aren't paying close attention (I guess?) take that arm as male, despite my female-sounding userID. 😆

I understand why you're saying what you're saying, but IMO, that advice is perilously close to "what were you wearing?" It should not be necessary to change one's profile photo from a normal photo of a normal woman wearing things that it's legal and decent to wear in public, in order to avoid rude, unwelcome come-ons. Looking nice in one's profile photo is not a solicitation of inappropriate messages. The focus needs to be on the people who are behaving badly.

MargaretYakoda

NVintage wrote: »

Yes, I understand that in an ideal world "the message in the OP “don’t do that”
Which is valid" would work...However, realistically you will get a lot less attention with a less sexy profile picture. Try it yourself! Common sense.. So if it truly bothers you and you'd rather not get all the attention, then put less sexiness out there. If you like your sexy selfie, nothing wrong with that, be yourself and embrace your sexiness online. Just accept that this is a public website and all kinds of people are going to see it and respond to what you display.

“People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.”
― Michel Foucault, Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason

MargaretYakoda wrote: »

NVintage wrote: »

I agree! I have had a really good experience with MFP with most guys being very respectful and nice. I know you shouldn't have to, but might I suggest a picture like this...

instead of a sexy selfie. I put a not so sexy selfie showing half my body one time and got 3 times as many odd friend requests. Also this is my About me on my profile, haha
About Me:
I've lost most of the weight that I wanted to lose in July! Now I'm using the food diary mostly as a meal planner and to store recipes. I try to plan all my dinners for the week on Sundays.
(Nothing personal, but the private messaging is a bit weird on here, and so I usually don't respond to the private messages on this site. However, I do appreciate any friend requests.)

Turkey Salsa Thyme Bowl
*******************************
Reduced fat ranch dressing (1 tbsp)
Hot sauce, to taste
turkey (3 ounces)
shredded cheese
pico de gallo
shredded lettuce
All over wild rice
with olive oil and thyme

ninerbuff wrote: »

Welcome to the public forum. Where you'l get a mixture of creeps and good people. You just have to filter out the bad ones.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

The behavior has nothing to do with what profile picture we choose.

This is all on the people who decide to message people inappropriately.

And the message in the OP is “don’t do that”
Which is valid.

Uhhhh…. My current profile pic is a cartoon cat.
My previous profile pic was the Autigender Pride flag.

And even if my profile pic was naked boobies, the onus is on the creeper not to act like a creeper.

(Pic of naked boobies included for emphasis)

goal06082021

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Looking nice in one's profile photo is not a solicitation of inappropriate messages. The focus needs to be on the people who are behaving badly.

Louder for the people in the back.

No, actually, I don't have to just put up with gross people being gross at me because I exist in a space marked Female. It's not okay, it never has been, and the men who go out of their way to be gross at women need to stop.

NVintage

that advice is perilously close to "what were you wearing?" It should not be necessary to change one's profile photo from a normal photo of a normal woman wearing things that it's legal and decent to wear in public, in order to avoid rude, unwelcome come-ons. Looking nice in one's profile photo is not a solicitation of inappropriate messages. The focus needs to be on the people who are behaving badly."

I thought about that when I said it, which is why I said* I know you shouldn't have to* I'm all for truth, though...it's good to be honest with yourself and think about why you do what you do.