Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
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Kickass, imo you’re doing your absolute best. I don’t have any advice or cool things to say but I think you’re doing a good job. Good luck ☘️2
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Hi ButterIsGood,ButterIsGood wrote: »I'm afraid of failure. I don't think I have what it takes to be good at anything. As soon as something becomes challenging, I abandon it. I'm 25 and I feel stuck in my life and its been like this for 4 years now. Feels like my life is a complete waste. Nothing ever changes. I'm terrified of making any moves forward because I don't want to fail or be rejected. But being stuck is also causing me anxiety and depression. Just stuck.
Take a small step out of your comfort zone and learn to love yourself, laugh a lot and live your life! Just one small step at a time and pretty soon the successes will multiple and your confidence levels will allow you to try new things more often. YOU can do this. We all fail sometimes. We all learn from our mistakes. AND we all feel stuck at times. Just keep moving forward, whether it's by inches or a mile, each day.
I tend to stay in the house, in my comfortable little cocoon, where I feel safe and cannot make mistakes or be a failure at anything. Then I look out at the world passing me by and realize all that I'm missing.
So please, take 1 step out of your comfort zone and soon you'll feel as if you can do it more freely. I have a 29 yo dd who always holds her head high and appears to be the epitome of confidence. I asked her once how she got all the confidence in our family( no one else seems to have it 
). She told me she acts the part. Maybe pretending will get you to the feeling real part.
Don't let anyone else define who you want to be; that is for you to find for yourself. And enjoy life along the way.
Many years ago, I got to a point in my life where I really didn't care what happened to me. My dear friend talked me into flying to Florida for a week. Everything in me said no. But they bought me a ticket anyways and I went(my dd age 13 at the time had been invited so it made it a bit easier). I had never flown due to being afraid. Then my dear friend insisted we go parasailing; okay being terribly afraid of heights and water, I again said no. But she got me up there somehow. It was amazing and I'll always remember the experience. Just last summer of 2019, my dd and her bf convinced me to fly to Iceland with them. Again, my brain was screaming nononono, but I went and am glad I did. Lots of mistakes along the way and feeling like a buffoon but it was so worth it.
So take that step outside of your comfort zone.
Just one more thing.....Nature helps. Honestly. Who can climb to the top of a mountain, or sit on the edge of an ocean and not be in awe of our world? It is truly be
The advice above spot on. I've seen the results of taking the easy way out. Recently I had lunch with an individual that had a profile similar to your's, we had been seriously involved 40 years ago. They were always somewhat risk adverse, often not trying something because they may fail. We eventually broke up because they absolutely refused to discuss having a family because of the risks of failure. We met for lunch recently for lunch after 40 years. They hadn't had a relationship in 30 years, didn't leave the house except for work. They had become suspicious, and cynical of everyone's motive. We met for Lunch because we had been close in the past, when I suggested we have lunch every couple of months, they refused siting it would be 'for the best'. I couldn't see any sign that there'd been any joy or love in they're life, and to the best of my ability I can't see that she'll never have any. What a waste, so much potential lost.
Please keep pushing at your comfort zone, the results are awesome! It's a night & day transformation.3 -
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I was not comfortable with the tenor of the chit-chat board, humor has it's place, but, sometimes you're looking a real reply, not a flip response.2
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snip
Just one more thing.....Nature helps. Honestly. Who can climb to the top of a mountain, or sit on the edge of an ocean and not be in awe of our world? It is truly be
This is a bit of a tangent, but I just want to reinforce this last bit.
There is actual research that shows being outdoors in nature, and in particular the color green, has a positive impact on our mental and physical health!
Source: https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr01/greengood
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OnceAndFutureAthlete wrote: »snip
Just one more thing.....Nature helps. Honestly. Who can climb to the top of a mountain, or sit on the edge of an ocean and not be in awe of our world? It is truly be
This is a bit of a tangent, but I just want to reinforce this last bit.
There is actual research that shows being outdoors in nature, and in particular the color green, has a positive impact on our mental and physical health!
Source: https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr01/greengood
I agree entirely.
When my mind is churning and I feel like I am going crazy... Running water heals my soul. It's the only thing that soothes me and quiets the noise in my head.7 -
I miss my friend soooo much how could he do this and leave me like this =(12
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KickassAmazon76 wrote: »OnceAndFutureAthlete wrote: »snip
Just one more thing.....Nature helps. Honestly. Who can climb to the top of a mountain, or sit on the edge of an ocean and not be in awe of our world? It is truly be
This is a bit of a tangent, but I just want to reinforce this last bit.
There is actual research that shows being outdoors in nature, and in particular the color green, has a positive impact on our mental and physical health!
Source: https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr01/greengood
I agree entirely.
When my mind is churning and I feel like I am going crazy... Running water heals my soul. It's the only thing that soothes me and quiets the noise in my head.
Same. I've lived most of my life walking distance from one ocean or another, which is why all previous landlords are walkin' around with all my money.
But, I need healing... which is an anathema to financial security.5 -
Today is a day where my mind and my heart seem to be pitted against me. I'm tired of having struggles to talk about. I'm tired of talking about them. I'm just so freaking tired.
What I would give for a day when everything just felt like it was all going to be ok.16 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Today is a day where my mind and my heart seem to be pitted against me. I'm tired of having struggles to talk about. I'm tired of talking about them. I'm just so freaking tired.
What I would give for a day when everything just felt like it was all going to be ok.
Senidng all of my good thoughts and feelz your way. Hope it gets better soon hun.2 -
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A letter I recently wrote to a friend who just moved to Costa Rica:
I enjoy reading your long messages, your mind is like a deep crystal clear lagoon and I find it fascinating to probe its depths. The way you write seizes my mind as its canvas, laying the imagery thick as an impasto landscape. You transport me until I’m swinging in a hammock, kissed by the salty breeze rolling off the tide. It seems as though I can hear the near whisper quiet laughter of your boys playing in the surf, their joy being carried to my ear on the breath of the ocean. True silence has no more welcome saboteur than the glee of children with their hearts and souls brimming with delight. A scene so rare and treasured that it prompts one to chase after it, bottle in one hand, stopper in the other. To capture the moment in time immemorial and be able to carry it with you, always at the ready to crack the seal and thieve a glint of pure, uncorrupted bliss. We must take every pursuit in the preservation of such places, for their existence is both critical and fleeting, and yet the lack of attention of the masses that would preserve it is the same ineffable quality in which we place so much value. I wish for you to maintain your joviality and mirth your current perspective provides you, and I hope you can maintain your focus on the beauty of simplicity rather than permitting the frivolity of a consumptive life to creep back into your life like the tide creeps to your doorstep. As much as I thirst to be locked in your eloquent gaze again, my own sensibilities are improved hearing your stories of both discovery and tribulation. I would be remiss to covet such a rare bird, and hide her away from the balance of the world to bask in the depth of her soul. I’m ecstatic you are pursuing what it is to be your true and honest self, forsaking what is necessary to realize such an evolution. Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.
A woman can always rely on a gentleman when it’s a question of not understanding a woman, and a man who make claims to the contrary likely has something to sell. However neither a true gentleman nor a good salesman would venture so far as to decide a woman is lazy. I cannot fathom the depths of burden women endure simply by belonging to a society where your expectations and standards have been set and a repeatedly delivered with subconscious psychological engineering. Having the presence of mind to refuse to participate in the established system of unrealistic aesthetic qualities and unattainable modes of behavior is a hard fought and well deserved frame of mind, one which I hope to instill unto my three daughters by the time society makes its first attempt to sink its claws into their psyche. I relish at the thought of your visage coated in melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow, licked by the flames of a beach bonfire while your face frames the beauty of truly joyous laughter. One has occasion to believe there can be no better times had than those spent with good friends and good food, holding lively discourse on no actual topic at all. Wandering banter that is allowed to follow whatever path it decides on a chosen evening has provided for some of the more memorable conversations in which I’ve had the pleasure to be involved. For there is no muscle to be toned nor shade of rouge on a cheek to create a physical attraction that can hold a candle to the allure of a joyous soul overflowing with love and camaraderie of friendship.
The notion of finding comfort in the uncomfortable is something with which I’ve long been obsessed. To discover, truly, the hardness of a human being; what can be tolerated, and more so what has been engrained that has fostered weakness and fragility. To continue to push past limits even while those limits are being argued by our own internal monologue. Hardships bring life into focus, to provide a frame of reference for how bad things can become, and by doing so, supply a baseline from which to measure how good things can be. For there is no light without the darkness, no joy without suffering. To witness a community band together in true selflessness and compassion is a miracle in this modern world. It is beautiful to read that you’ve found that sort of fellowship in such a short time.
I find it nearly impossible to avoid some measure of narcissism and conceitedness in a society that constantly inflates the value of personal appearance. While I don’t assign blame to those who become consumed in the shallow workings of the more superficial industries, I can’t help but comment on the stark absence of amour de soi that has seemingly led these poor souls to seek amour-propre and validation from strangers who have no bearing on the quality and depth of their lives. On occasion I find myself fallen prey to validation in the eyes of others, casting aside health and longevity as intrinsic motivation to improve my fitness and instead craving the affirmation that is so rarely afforded of others, hoping wildly that my own efforts translate into stirring some envy or lust in others. This delusion extends even beyond the physical, placing false value in relative status in arenas of intelligence or finances. A society where one’s gaze lands upon your soul rather than your physique is a true gift. Enjoy the relief of living without the expectation to present anyone other than your true self to others.
I’m, like, super-duper jealous.
-R
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Not super deep or depressing, but I was told this morning that my uncle (who cannot be vaccinated and who has COPD which makes wearing a mask difficult) ended up with Covid-19. He was hospitalized last night while my dad was visiting, which means my father is also in quarantine (he's vaccinated and wears a mask when in public).
The doctors at the hospital seem to think they caught my uncle's progression quite early, so at least he's in the best place while it gets worse (because it will before it gets better). The fact that he only has maybe 40% or less lung capacity due to COPD, another ailment he has (that I have forgotten the name of) and Type II diabetes is very concerning.
My dad really can't deal with more heartbreak this year.. especially not after my stepmom (his wife) passed away. So we're all really hopeful that they caught it early enough and can intervene and get him oxygen while he recovers (because he needs it). My dad is not only bummed out about that, but bummed out that he has to be housebound for two weeks to self-quarantine. He was apparently looking forward to some events and now can't attend them.
Good news is that his paints came in today.. so he can start oil painting again. I hope it brings him some solace.12 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Today is a day where my mind and my heart seem to be pitted against me. I'm tired of having struggles to talk about. I'm tired of talking about them. I'm just so freaking tired.
What I would give for a day when everything just felt like it was all going to be ok.
Im sorry for your struggles S 😔 I do believe there will be a day come where you'll see it is all going to be ok but until then Im wishing you all the strength in the world to cope with what you're enduring.. and a big warm virtual hug 🤗
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Not super deep or depressing, but I was told this morning that my uncle (who cannot be vaccinated and who has COPD which makes wearing a mask difficult) ended up with Covid-19. He was hospitalized last night while my dad was visiting, which means my father is also in quarantine (he's vaccinated and wears a mask when in public).
The doctors at the hospital seem to think they caught my uncle's progression quite early, so at least he's in the best place while it gets worse (because it will before it gets better). The fact that he only has maybe 40% or less lung capacity due to COPD, another ailment he has (that I have forgotten the name of) and Type II diabetes is very concerning.
My dad really can't deal with more heartbreak this year.. especially not after my stepmom (his wife) passed away. So we're all really hopeful that they caught it early enough and can intervene and get him oxygen while he recovers (because he needs it). My dad is not only bummed out about that, but bummed out that he has to be housebound for two weeks to self-quarantine. He was apparently looking forward to some events and now can't attend them.
Good news is that his paints came in today.. so he can start oil painting again. I hope it brings him some solace.
I know this pandemic seems unrelenting. It washes over us in waves, barely giving us a chance to breathe before taking us under again. Just know that there are others out there to help you stay afloat. We need to rely on eachother during times as trying as these, and with loss and tribulation comes appreciation and thanksigiving for that which remains when the storm subsides. I don't know your trials personally, but I'm here along with many others who can lend an ear to listen, and provide both compassion and perspective to your experience. I hope your uncle and your father find all the resilience and strength they need to weather the tempest.7 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Not super deep or depressing, but I was told this morning that my uncle (who cannot be vaccinated and who has COPD which makes wearing a mask difficult) ended up with Covid-19. He was hospitalized last night while my dad was visiting, which means my father is also in quarantine (he's vaccinated and wears a mask when in public).
The doctors at the hospital seem to think they caught my uncle's progression quite early, so at least he's in the best place while it gets worse (because it will before it gets better). The fact that he only has maybe 40% or less lung capacity due to COPD, another ailment he has (that I have forgotten the name of) and Type II diabetes is very concerning.
My dad really can't deal with more heartbreak this year.. especially not after my stepmom (his wife) passed away. So we're all really hopeful that they caught it early enough and can intervene and get him oxygen while he recovers (because he needs it). My dad is not only bummed out about that, but bummed out that he has to be housebound for two weeks to self-quarantine. He was apparently looking forward to some events and now can't attend them.
Good news is that his paints came in today.. so he can start oil painting again. I hope it brings him some solace.
Im hoping your uncle has a swift and full recovery 🤗3 -
So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
Now I’m really worried.
Rest in peace Zora6 -
OpheliaCooter wrote: »So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
Now I’m really worried.
Rest in peace Zora
Im so sorry.. 😔
That does seem awfully suspicious , I don't think coincidence either, I hope you find out what happened.2 -
My heart is aching for the women and little kids in Afghanistan...13
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I'm severely mentally ill and that has obviously affected my education, employment opportunities, social life, love life, physical health. I can live with that. No problem. I'm ok with being called a jobless ugly buffalo. But the constant painful flashbacks from the past every minute of the day? That's making everything unbearable. I mean my suicidal tendencies have subsided over the years but sometimes it becomes difficult to carry on....18
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OpheliaCooter wrote: »So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
Now I’m really worried.
Rest in peace Zora
Oh no I'm sorry to hear that; your mom must be angry and terribly sad! 1 -
Frompumpkin2cinderella wrote: »I'm severely mentally ill and that has obviously affected my education, employment opportunities, social life, love life, physical health. I can live with that. No problem. I'm ok with being called a jobless ugly buffalo. But the constant painful flashbacks from the past every minute of the day? That's making everything unbearable. I mean my suicidal tendencies have subsided over the years but sometimes it becomes difficult to carry on....
Please tell me you have a therapist or counselor who can help?? Or taking medication to help?
It's sounds terrible and you don't need to go through it alone. I hope you can rise above anyone as hateful as calling you a 'jobless ugly buffalo'. People can be nasty, hateful, bitter for their own reasons. But there are many more nice people, people you can lean on and will offer you support and friendship!! Seek out the positive people and never give anyone that much power in your life!!
I'm so sorry you're going through this.8 -
OpheliaCooter wrote: »So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
Now I’m really worried.
Rest in peace Zora
Oh your poor mom! She must be so devastated! 💔😣1 -
OpheliaCooter wrote: »So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
Now I’m really worried.
Rest in peace Zora
I want your mother's address and the names of everyone around her. I will make this right. This is infuriating! Pets are off limits.2 -
Frompumpkin2cinderella wrote: »I'm severely mentally ill and that has obviously affected my education, employment opportunities, social life, love life, physical health. I can live with that. No problem. I'm ok with being called a jobless ugly buffalo. But the constant painful flashbacks from the past every minute of the day? That's making everything unbearable. I mean my suicidal tendencies have subsided over the years but sometimes it becomes difficult to carry on....
Whomever is calling you "a jobless ugly buffalo" needs to be cut out of your life yesterday. Our inner voices are tough enough. You are worth way more than your looks.11 -
I find it difficult to talk about serious issues IE: Mental health, Emotions... I grew up being told "you are being over dramatic" and "why do you make things so difficult" and "Just go to your room, I can't deal with you right now". As an adult I internalize. And when I feel my mood shifting, I tend to shy away and isolate, as to not be a burden or bring others down. I have Mommy issues 🤷♀️ I'm a work in progress.
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SunflowerQueen36 wrote: »I find it difficult to talk about serious issues IE: Mental health, Emotions... I grew up being told "you are being over dramatic" and "why do you make things so difficult" and "Just go to your room, I can't deal with you right now". As an adult I internalize. And when I feel my mood shifting, I tend to shy away and isolate, as to not be a burden or bring others down. I have Mommy issues 🤷♀️ I'm a work in progress.
I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.8 -
SunflowerQueen36 wrote: »I find it difficult to talk about serious issues IE: Mental health, Emotions... I grew up being told "you are being over dramatic" and "why do you make things so difficult" and "Just go to your room, I can't deal with you right now". As an adult I internalize. And when I feel my mood shifting, I tend to shy away and isolate, as to not be a burden or bring others down. I have Mommy issues 🤷♀️ I'm a work in progress.
Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years?
I relate... strongly.4 -
I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.
I'm sorry to hear you are familiar, It's super frustrating and it sucks. Learning how to change these behaviors is rough.. but it can be done.KosmosKitten wrote: »
Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years?
I relate... strongly.
Anything is possible! Always wanted a sister.
It's horrible. Sorry you experienced those things.0 -
SunflowerQueen36 wrote: »
I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.
I'm sorry to hear you are familiar, It's super frustrating and it sucks. Learning how to change these behaviors is rough.. but it can be done.KosmosKitten wrote: »
Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years?
I relate... strongly.
Anything is possible! Always wanted a sister.
It's horrible. Sorry you experienced those things.
Seems like we have enough people for a support group.3 -
SunflowerQueen36 wrote: »
I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.
I'm sorry to hear you are familiar, It's super frustrating and it sucks. Learning how to change these behaviors is rough.. but it can be done.KosmosKitten wrote: »
Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years?
I relate... strongly.
Anything is possible! Always wanted a sister.
It's horrible. Sorry you experienced those things.
Seems like we have enough people for a support group.
I'm only interested in this support group if there's kitten/puppy cuddling and booze.6
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