Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Replies
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My son is 14. He is trans.
When he was little, I was transphobic. I thought it was a choice. I thought it was a sin. I was so judgemental. I was so wrong.
I look at my son and the anguish he is going as he travels each day feeling trapped in a body that he doesn't want. He weeps about how if God loved him, why would He make him this way. He just so happened to develop large breasts. Which he hates. He can't hide them. Binding does little help, so he slouches and hides in sweaters.
He used to love to bike ride, swim, play volleyball, be outside. But now.. He hides in his room because he can't bear the sight of his body in a tshirt or swimsuit. He wants his breasts gone. He wants his period gone. He wants to wake up and feel like he belongs in his body. He wants people to look at him and assume he is a boy. His peers are jerks. Some family members are jerks. Everyone has an opinion, but sometimes it feels like noone gives a crap about the person who is suffering.
But he's 14. He is too old for hormone blockers. He is too young (according to our provincial health authority) to start testosterone. He is on depo to stop his period and instead he has had one for almost two months. So not only does he have a large chest, he is forced to deal with bleeding Every. Single. Day. He is not allowed to get top surgery til he is over 16.
He looks at the hell he is in and thinks he cannot make it another two years. He said today he has half a mind to try and cut them off himself. Because if it works, great, and if it kills him... Well problem solved. I don't know if he will make it either.
I have reached out to doctors, therapists, specialist teams, forums, groups... And I have NOTHING. there is nothing I can do to help him. And not only that, the one specialist said that if he is depressed, anxious, or self harming /suicidal, they won't even START anything until he is mentally stable. How do I get him stable when the thing that is hurting him is what he needs fixed, and he can't get fixed until he's no longer hurting???
Plus, with covid, everything is backlogged anyways.
I look at my child and my heart breaks to see him in pain. It kills me to hear him talk about how he wishes he was unalive. And yet... If I were in his shoes, I honestly don't think I would feel any different.
I wish I knew how to help him.20 -
SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »My heart is aching for the women and little kids in Afghanistan...
We can only hope that many around the world feel the same way, and follow through to help try to change it as much as we can.Frompumpkin2cinderella wrote: »I'm severely mentally ill and that has obviously affected my education, employment opportunities, social life, love life, physical health. I can live with that. No problem. I'm ok with being called a jobless ugly buffalo. But the constant painful flashbacks from the past every minute of the day? That's making everything unbearable. I mean my suicidal tendencies have subsided over the years but sometimes it becomes difficult to carry on....
Don't allow people that judge to dictate any feelings, and never give up on moving towards a better place. Find your happy place in life, and always know that you are entitled to that place. People such as yourself that fight through it despite all the obstacles tossed in your path inspire others to do the same.
I hope you can find something to help with your flashbacks. Keep looking, as they advance and find new things all the time.KickassAmazon76 wrote: »My son is 14. He is trans.
When he was little, I was transphobic. I thought it was a choice. I thought it was a sin. I was so judgemental. I was so wrong.
I look at my son and the anguish he is going as he travels each day feeling trapped in a body that he doesn't want. He weeps about how if God loved him, why would He make him this way. He just so happened to develop large breasts. Which he hates. He can't hide them. Binding does little help, so he slouches and hides in sweaters.
He used to love to bike ride, swim, play volleyball, be outside. But now.. He hides in his room because he can't bear the sight of his body in a tshirt or swimsuit. He wants his breasts gone. He wants his period gone. He wants to wake up and feel like he belongs in his body. He wants people to look at him and assume he is a boy. His peers are jerks. Some family members are jerks. Everyone has an opinion, but sometimes it feels like noone gives a crap about the person who is suffering.
But he's 14. He is too old for hormone blockers. He is too young (according to our provincial health authority) to start testosterone. He is on depo to stop his period and instead he has had one for almost two months. So not only does he have a large chest, he is forced to deal with bleeding Every. Single. Day. He is not allowed to get top surgery til he is over 16.
He looks at the hell he is in and thinks he cannot make it another two years. He said today he has half a mind to try and cut them off himself. Because if it works, great, and if it kills him... Well problem solved. I don't know if he will make it either.
I have reached out to doctors, therapists, specialist teams, forums, groups... And I have NOTHING. there is nothing I can do to help him. And not only that, the one specialist said that if he is depressed, anxious, or self harming /suicidal, they won't even START anything until he is mentally stable. How do I get him stable when the thing that is hurting him is what he needs fixed, and he can't get fixed until he's no longer hurting???
Plus, with covid, everything is backlogged anyways.
I look at my child and my heart breaks to see him in pain. It kills me to hear him talk about how he wishes he was unalive. And yet... If I were in his shoes, I honestly don't think I would feel any different.
I wish I knew how to help him.
This is heartbreaking to read, for what both of you are going through. As parents, the thought of not being able to help our kids can be difficult all the time, but most times aren't nearly this challenging.
All you can do is love him unconditionally, and let him know how much you share his pain. And despite what he feels, others share his pain and want to help as well.
I logged on with the intention of venting some stuff heavy to me, but found it rather insignificant in comparison to what some others are dealing with. Sometimes a bit of perspective is good, as you realize that others deal with struggles as well.
I hope everyone that is struggling can overcome those struggles. See through the dark spots in life and find the positives where you can, then use them to help you as much as you can. And never lose sight of the fact that if we are waking up on the right side of the grass, able to vent on the internet, and have food to eat that we are still dealing with first world problems. There are many who long to find such security in life.
Wishing you all the best
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Thank you for your kindness and compassion.robertw486 wrote: »
I logged on with the intention of venting some stuff heavy to me, but found it rather insignificant in comparison to what some others are dealing with. Sometimes a bit of perspective is good, as you realize that others deal with struggles as well.
I hope everyone that is struggling can overcome those struggles. See through the dark spots in life and find the positives where you can, then use them to help you as much as you can. And never lose sight of the fact that if we are waking up on the right side of the grass, able to vent on the internet, and have food to eat that we are still dealing with first world problems. There are many who long to find such security in life.
Wishing you all the best
Something I tell my kids... When you go to the hospital, they ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10. It's YOUR scale. YOUR pain threshhold. 10/10 is the max of what YOU can handle. A ten is a ten. it's 100%. It doesn't matter if that 10 is someone elses 5, 2, 1, 9, 10, or 15. It is a 10 to you, and it's the most you can handle.
It deserves the same respect as someone else's 10/10.
That said... if you need to vent, then please do. If it's heavy to you, it matters to me.
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This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.
We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.
Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.32 -
This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.
We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.
Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.
My heart aches for you. I don't have words, but having two of my own, I can imagine how I would feel. 😔3 -
This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.
We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.
Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.
I have worked in family law for a long time and these kinds of moves are always so hard on the parent who stays. I'm sure you know all the ways you can keep in touch and still be part of your son's life even if you aren't physically present. There's just no good way to ease the heartbreak of not having the constant interactions.
You and your son will find a new normal. It takes time. In the meantime, I really feel for you-not a fun time at all.4 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
Thank you for your kindness and compassion.
Something I tell my kids... When you go to the hospital, they ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10. It's YOUR scale. YOUR pain threshhold. 10/10 is the max of what YOU can handle. A ten is a ten. it's 100%. It doesn't matter if that 10 is someone elses 5, 2, 1, 9, 10, or 15. It is a 10 to you, and it's the most you can handle.
It deserves the same respect as someone else's 10/10.
That said... if you need to vent, then please do. If it's heavy to you, it matters to me.
So true on pain levels.... it's an individual thing.
As for me, it's more a life direction thing. I left a job that I hated and should have left earlier, and now find myself wondering which direction to go. Our financial needs are easy to meet, and so really the money aspect is more or less to just build up for a better retirement.
But I just want to find something more fulfilling, and something where I come home and feel like I've accomplished something more important that just making someone else money.
I can't take forever to figure it out, but I don't want another job that leads to hating the job.... In theory so easy, but in reality not so easy sometimes.This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.
We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.
Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.
Hang in there. Hopefully the visits will make him realize the other side of the coin. And in a couple years, he can make his own decisions as to where he lives.
I do feel for you though. I can't imagine going through it myself. I can't even imagine my 22 year old leaving soon... it will always be too soon for me.
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Just need to vent. I have done some really stupid things in the past few years and they have now come to a head and exploded in my face in a very bad way. I have 1 adult child who is not talking to me and we used to be close and I am afraid I have done more damage than can be repaired. I have made life so miserable for my poor hubby that he is now on stress leave because he was taking his home stress to work and lashing out with inappropriate language to some of his co-workers. I am waiting on counselling to start again in hopes that I might be able to salvage things. Hubby is talking to someone through his EAP and maybe that will help as well. I just hope that I didn't burn any bridges and that maybe one day we will find our way back to a better relationship.6
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dawnfire72 wrote: »Just need to vent. I have done some really stupid things in the past few years and they have now come to a head and exploded in my face in a very bad way. I have 1 adult child who is not talking to me and we used to be close and I am afraid I have done more damage than can be repaired. I have made life so miserable for my poor hubby that he is now on stress leave because he was taking his home stress to work and lashing out with inappropriate language to some of his co-workers. I am waiting on counselling to start again in hopes that I might be able to salvage things. Hubby is talking to someone through his EAP and maybe that will help as well. I just hope that I didn't burn any bridges and that maybe one day we will find our way back to a better relationship.
*Big hugs* that you are aware that things need fixing is a start. 🙂1 -
This started off in the Random Thought thread but got kinda heavy in my mind as I was typing it...
There's this flatbed truck parked on my street which reminds me of the wooden trucks we
built in first(?) grade. Which reminds me of the toys I had and, God, did I have awesome outfits for my Barbie dolls. Which reminds me of all these things that suddenly disappeared because my mother gave them away without even asking me if I wanted to keep anything. Which reminds me why I really didn't like her (among other reasons).
I really wish I still had that truck. It was painted orange and probably badly nailed together but it looked right and I made it.5 -
Great idea for a thread I must say but personally I come here for light hearted banter to escape the reality and seriousness of my daily life.. plus you get weirdos that take pleasure in using stuff like this to manipulate or be malicious to people online so I’d rather not 😊-1
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dawnfire72 wrote: »Just need to vent. I have done some really stupid things in the past few years and they have now come to a head and exploded in my face in a very bad way. I have 1 adult child who is not talking to me and we used to be close and I am afraid I have done more damage than can be repaired. I have made life so miserable for my poor hubby that he is now on stress leave because he was taking his home stress to work and lashing out with inappropriate language to some of his co-workers. I am waiting on counselling to start again in hopes that I might be able to salvage things. Hubby is talking to someone through his EAP and maybe that will help as well. I just hope that I didn't burn any bridges and that maybe one day we will find our way back to a better relationship.
Don't give up. We all make mistakes, and once it's done it's done. All you can do it try to make things right and let them know you feel bad about it. Families can drive us crazy at times, and anyone should know that.
Relationships are hard, but the people that can work through those times are better for it.This started off in the Random Thought thread but got kinda heavy in my mind as I was typing it...
There's this flatbed truck parked on my street which reminds me of the wooden trucks we
built in first(?) grade. Which reminds me of the toys I had and, God, did I have awesome outfits for my Barbie dolls. Which reminds me of all these things that suddenly disappeared because my mother gave them away without even asking me if I wanted to keep anything. Which reminds me why I really didn't like her (among other reasons).
I really wish I still had that truck. It was painted orange and probably badly nailed together but it looked right and I made it.
Sometimes seemingly small things can weigh heavy on us. With or without intention, parents do some things that have lasting impacts.Ladyovthelakes wrote: »Great idea for a thread I must say but personally I come here for light hearted banter to escape the reality and seriousness of my daily life.. plus you get weirdos that take pleasure in using stuff like this to manipulate or be malicious to people online so I’d rather not 😊
But couldn't someone easily just read into that and think you have to make efforts to escape your reality and use it to manipulate you?3 -
Another vent... feel free to skip. I just need to put it somewhere.SpoilerI get up at 6 - 630 to feed my 2 kittens, then go downstairs to test my diabetic cat's sugar, give her insulin and feed her. If I don't sit with her, she often doesn't eat, so I sit on the floor to have a cup of coffee and make sure she eats. I then go and change all the cat litters.
I then go and make sure my kid(s) are up and getting ready for school, get lunches and them out the door.
Then I work. I try to work through my lunch because I have to leave at 240pm to drive to get my oldest. Her school is 35 minutes from here, but by the time I get home, I've lost an hour and 40 mins. So I end up working until 6pm or later.
I haven't planned ahead, so then I'm working on dinner. We often don't eat until 7pm. Which is when Betty needs her second dose of insulin. We finish dinner and I try to get the kitchen and dining areas cleaned up. By the time all that is said and done, it is 8 or 8:30pm. At that point, I *could* go and workout. But I'm already exhausted.
By 10pm, I'm harassing my kids to be sure they have bathed, snacked and are getting ready for bed. Which they never are. We all have ADHD and if one of us is not on top of the others (i.e. me) everyone loses track of time. It's a constant harassment to get people to bed. Often 11:30 rolls around and that's when I'm saying good night to one of the kids. Except, that's when their troubles come to light. That's when they need or want to talk.
Last night my youngest had another meltdown, and didn't want me to leave his room. I sat with him in his room, with a headache so bad I was nauseous, until 2am. I crawled into my bed at 2:30, and then the kittens started playing at 5.
This is often what every work day looks like. I am lucky, INSANELY LUCKY, if I get even 5 hours of sleep - and it's not even uninterrupted. I can't get up earlier to work out. I'm stumbling tired in the morning, cannot even see straight.
By the time friday rolls around, I am so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up. Saturday and Sunday comes and my house is a mess, laundry, never ending groceries and dishes, yard work, everything... it all sits on my shoulders. And it's so heavy.
Lately the load feels so heavy that on the weekends I just want to sleep. Sometimes I go back to sleep after the cat's meds / feedings are done. The kids want to have fun and do stuff, and I'm behind. I am always behind. My house is a disaster and I can't even find the energy to get up and sweep the floor. My kitten seems to always step in his wet litter, so I'm constantly changing litter, cleaning mess.
Sometimes I look ahead, and the dreary monotony and stress seems to stretch ever forward, with no end in sight.
I know that my kids are 14 and 16, and that eventually they will grow up and things should get easier. I know that my kids should be doing more to help me. But I also know that their mental health issues, ADHD, anxiety, and (as of yet undiagnosed autism) mean that they are not able to help the way I need them to. They try, but it's not enough to keep me from feeling like I'm always one step from drowning.
I feel like I have not equipped them for adulthood. I feel like I should be doing so much more... but I also feel like I just can't do any more.
People say... find a way. If you want to work out, find a way. No room for failure. No excuses.
No excuses.
If there is no room for excuses, then how? How am I supposed to do it all?
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KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Another vent... feel free to skip. I just need to put it somewhere.SpoilerI get up at 6 - 630 to feed my 2 kittens, then go downstairs to test my diabetic cat's sugar, give her insulin and feed her. If I don't sit with her, she often doesn't eat, so I sit on the floor to have a cup of coffee and make sure she eats. I then go and change all the cat litters.
I then go and make sure my kid(s) are up and getting ready for school, get lunches and them out the door.
Then I work. I try to work through my lunch because I have to leave at 240pm to drive to get my oldest. Her school is 35 minutes from here, but by the time I get home, I've lost an hour and 40 mins. So I end up working until 6pm or later.
I haven't planned ahead, so then I'm working on dinner. We often don't eat until 7pm. Which is when Betty needs her second dose of insulin. We finish dinner and I try to get the kitchen and dining areas cleaned up. By the time all that is said and done, it is 8 or 8:30pm. At that point, I *could* go and workout. But I'm already exhausted.
By 10pm, I'm harassing my kids to be sure they have bathed, snacked and are getting ready for bed. Which they never are. We all have ADHD and if one of us is not on top of the others (i.e. me) everyone loses track of time. It's a constant harassment to get people to bed. Often 11:30 rolls around and that's when I'm saying good night to one of the kids. Except, that's when their troubles come to light. That's when they need or want to talk.
Last night my youngest had another meltdown, and didn't want me to leave his room. I sat with him in his room, with a headache so bad I was nauseous, until 2am. I crawled into my bed at 2:30, and then the kittens started playing at 5.
This is often what every work day looks like. I am lucky, INSANELY LUCKY, if I get even 5 hours of sleep - and it's not even uninterrupted. I can't get up earlier to work out. I'm stumbling tired in the morning, cannot even see straight.
By the time friday rolls around, I am so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up. Saturday and Sunday comes and my house is a mess, laundry, never ending groceries and dishes, yard work, everything... it all sits on my shoulders. And it's so heavy.
Lately the load feels so heavy that on the weekends I just want to sleep. Sometimes I go back to sleep after the cat's meds / feedings are done. The kids want to have fun and do stuff, and I'm behind. I am always behind. My house is a disaster and I can't even find the energy to get up and sweep the floor. My kitten seems to always step in his wet litter, so I'm constantly changing litter, cleaning mess.
Sometimes I look ahead, and the dreary monotony and stress seems to stretch ever forward, with no end in sight.
I know that my kids are 14 and 16, and that eventually they will grow up and things should get easier. I know that my kids should be doing more to help me. But I also know that their mental health issues, ADHD, anxiety, and (as of yet undiagnosed autism) mean that they are not able to help the way I need them to. They try, but it's not enough to keep me from feeling like I'm always one step from drowning.
I feel like I have not equipped them for adulthood. I feel like I should be doing so much more... but I also feel like I just can't do any more.
People say... find a way. If you want to work out, find a way. No room for failure. No excuses.
No excuses.
If there is no room for excuses, then how? How am I supposed to do it all?
I wish I had really good advice for you that would make everything easier, but I'm in the same boat. Between caring for my husband, coordinating with the hospice team, trying to work, making sure the animals are cared for, etc., etc., etc., there is just too much. And if I get an hour to myself (after everyone is asleep usually) I just want to zone out with the TV or a book. Except for stretches I need to do to keep my back tolerable, exercise has fallen by the wayside.
I tell myself I am doing all I can and if my house isn't as neat and clean as I like it's not that my standards slipped, it's my priorities have changed. Spending time with your kids and letting them know they are heard and loved is clearly your priority and you are a great mom for it.
Hang in there, workout when you can but don't stress about it - you'll get back to it.
Wish I could be more helpful.5 -
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I wish I had really good advice for you that would make everything easier, but I'm in the same boat. Between caring for my husband, coordinating with the hospice team, trying to work, making sure the animals are cared for, etc., etc., etc., there is just too much. And if I get an hour to myself (after everyone is asleep usually) I just want to zone out with the TV or a book. Except for stretches I need to do to keep my back tolerable, exercise has fallen by the wayside.
I tell myself I am doing all I can and if my house isn't as neat and clean as I like it's not that my standards slipped, it's my priorities have changed. Spending time with your kids and letting them know they are heard and loved is clearly your priority and you are a great mom for it.
Hang in there, workout when you can but don't stress about it - you'll get back to it.
Wish I could be more helpful.
it is helpful. I keep telling myself that I have to let go of some of my expectations of self, because I know I simply cannot attain them at this time. It's just so hard to feel like doing so is a sign of me being a failure.4 -
@KickassAmazon76 : since when are housework and cooking and all that *not* workouts? My grandma and mom never lifted DBs, but they carried water, milk, supplies for animals and they were muscular and fit.
If you're on your butt all day, yes, then you need to balance that and force in a workout or a run. But as active as your life sounds, just be kind to yourself, you desirve all the love and appreciation and understanding.
I think you're just wonderful and simply can't see it!6 -
@KickassAmazon76 : since when are housework and cooking and all that *not* workouts? My grandma and mom never lifted DBs, but they carried water, milk, supplies for animals and they were muscular and fit.
If you're on your butt all day, yes, then you need to balance that and force in a workout or a run. But as active as your life sounds, just be kind to yourself, you desirve all the love and appreciation and understanding.
I think you're just wonderful and simply can't see it!
That is so kind of you. Thank you.
I think that housework is definitely a workout... but it's not one that energizes me, or rejuvenates me. When I am able to lift, I feel strong and powerful, and able to tackle the things that are attacking me. It reminds me that the things I think I can't do, I often can. When I stop that, I seem to forget so quickly.
I HATE dishes and cleaning. It feels like punishment to me. lol3 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
That is so kind of you. Thank you.
I think that housework is definitely a workout... but it's not one that energizes me, or rejuvenates me. When I am able to lift, I feel strong and powerful, and able to tackle the things that are attacking me. It reminds me that the things I think I can't do, I often can. When I stop that, I seem to forget so quickly.
I HATE dishes and cleaning. It feels like punishment to me. lol
One thing I didn't see in your to-do list was carving out time for you. I don't know where you'd find it but, dear girl, you need it as much(if not more) than anybody!! I know you have a lot on your plate, physically and emotionally and I seriously wish I could be your next door neighbor so I could help you. Can you do more to help your children do more to help you?? Things don't need to be done perfectly and obviously I don't have a clue what their current responsibilities/abilities include, but can you make a list of stuff that needs doing, then somehow delegate some of it to them?
I don't have any good answers
but you definitely need some stress-free time in your schedule. You don't want your well running dry. 6 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Another vent... feel free to skip. I just need to put it somewhere.SpoilerI get up at 6 - 630 to feed my 2 kittens, then go downstairs to test my diabetic cat's sugar, give her insulin and feed her. If I don't sit with her, she often doesn't eat, so I sit on the floor to have a cup of coffee and make sure she eats. I then go and change all the cat litters.
I then go and make sure my kid(s) are up and getting ready for school, get lunches and them out the door.
Then I work. I try to work through my lunch because I have to leave at 240pm to drive to get my oldest. Her school is 35 minutes from here, but by the time I get home, I've lost an hour and 40 mins. So I end up working until 6pm or later.
I haven't planned ahead, so then I'm working on dinner. We often don't eat until 7pm. Which is when Betty needs her second dose of insulin. We finish dinner and I try to get the kitchen and dining areas cleaned up. By the time all that is said and done, it is 8 or 8:30pm. At that point, I *could* go and workout. But I'm already exhausted.
By 10pm, I'm harassing my kids to be sure they have bathed, snacked and are getting ready for bed. Which they never are. We all have ADHD and if one of us is not on top of the others (i.e. me) everyone loses track of time. It's a constant harassment to get people to bed. Often 11:30 rolls around and that's when I'm saying good night to one of the kids. Except, that's when their troubles come to light. That's when they need or want to talk.
Last night my youngest had another meltdown, and didn't want me to leave his room. I sat with him in his room, with a headache so bad I was nauseous, until 2am. I crawled into my bed at 2:30, and then the kittens started playing at 5.
This is often what every work day looks like. I am lucky, INSANELY LUCKY, if I get even 5 hours of sleep - and it's not even uninterrupted. I can't get up earlier to work out. I'm stumbling tired in the morning, cannot even see straight.
By the time friday rolls around, I am so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up. Saturday and Sunday comes and my house is a mess, laundry, never ending groceries and dishes, yard work, everything... it all sits on my shoulders. And it's so heavy.
Lately the load feels so heavy that on the weekends I just want to sleep. Sometimes I go back to sleep after the cat's meds / feedings are done. The kids want to have fun and do stuff, and I'm behind. I am always behind. My house is a disaster and I can't even find the energy to get up and sweep the floor. My kitten seems to always step in his wet litter, so I'm constantly changing litter, cleaning mess.
Sometimes I look ahead, and the dreary monotony and stress seems to stretch ever forward, with no end in sight.
I know that my kids are 14 and 16, and that eventually they will grow up and things should get easier. I know that my kids should be doing more to help me. But I also know that their mental health issues, ADHD, anxiety, and (as of yet undiagnosed autism) mean that they are not able to help the way I need them to. They try, but it's not enough to keep me from feeling like I'm always one step from drowning.
I feel like I have not equipped them for adulthood. I feel like I should be doing so much more... but I also feel like I just can't do any more.
People say... find a way. If you want to work out, find a way. No room for failure. No excuses.
No excuses.
If there is no room for excuses, then how? How am I supposed to do it all?
I'm going to have to agree with @ReenieHJ on this one. MAKE, not find, time for yourself to decompress some. Give the kids more to do with daily household stuff, or make it a group thing. Find ways to shave off time on something that needs to be done by interacting with them, while they help accomplish something. It's easy for us to spoil our kids while making ourselves crazy.... but to some extent making them understand "adulting" comes into play more regardless, and in your situation it will probably help.
If you can make time to decompress and relax some it can pay dividends. Don't just tread water, focus on moving forward. It's not easy at times, but sometimes slowing down and looking at the big picture can help you get there.
And to some extent, remember... kids learn from and usually long term appreciate structure. If it is part of their responsibility to at least help clean the house, learn how to do laundry, etc.... then you are killing two birds with one stone. And showing them the importance of family being a bond that is hard to break if you all look out for each other.
Will you make it to the gym? Maybe not. But you might find something you enjoy as much as the gym that you can fit in. Or maybe even find some at home exercise stuff to get a workout and involve the kids too, maybe even wear them down a little bit so everyone sleeps better.
You aren't making excuses, you are being a good parent. And it's hard to do at times. But vent whenever you want or need to.... we get it.6 -
I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?5
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?
Of course not.. feel free to share 🙂1 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?
Nope, everyone's welcome by what I've seen and read! If you need to vent/share, go for it! 2 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?
Everyone needs a place to lay their worries and troubles down, just to unload and/or vent so they're not adding another burden onto their family/friends. Please feel free to contribute. I think you'll find sincerity and empathy here, along with possibly others going through similar circumstances. Nothing makes a person feel more alone than thinking they're going through something difficult all by themselves.5 -
Sad but true - You really do see who your true friends are, when you stop being the one who always reaches out first.8
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I’m dealing with a lot of stuff with my chronic illnesses and trying to care for my two kids at the same time and sometimes it just gets hard. I’m so thankful that my husband is usually there to turn to for help, but it gets to me sometimes when I can’t give them a bath myself or wheel I can’t drive them to the park, most days I can literally just get them dressed and make food then sit on the floor to watch them play, other days I can get them to play with my hula hoop or have them help water my plants. A few weeks ago I fell asleep while my husband was working in the bedroom and the kids drew all over the walls. I could only clean the top half because I can’t bend over, so about 2 feet of walk from the floor up still has crayon on it. It just reminds me of what I physically can’t do rather than what I can do. I’m thankful we can both work from home though so I can always have help.11
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samcskelton wrote: »I’m dealing with a lot of stuff with my chronic illnesses and trying to care for my two kids at the same time and sometimes it just gets hard. I’m so thankful that my husband is usually there to turn to for help, but it gets to me sometimes when I can’t give them a bath myself or wheel I can’t drive them to the park, most days I can literally just get them dressed and make food then sit on the floor to watch them play, other days I can get them to play with my hula hoop or have them help water my plants. A few weeks ago I fell asleep while my husband was working in the bedroom and the kids drew all over the walls. I could only clean the top half because I can’t bend over, so about 2 feet of walk from the floor up still has crayon on it. It just reminds me of what I physically can’t do rather than what I can do. I’m thankful we can both work from home though so I can always have help.
You poured your heart on these lines. I can feel the pain while I read them. It is a real thing in your life and in the life of your family. I hope for the best for you, it seems impossible some days, like you say, but it will come. Sending lots of hugs4 -
@samcskelton
Caring for children is hard enough when a person feels healthy but suffering from chronic illnesses has got to be extra challenging. Be thankful for what you can do, especially the time you get to spend with your children. They're only going to be little for a short time.
I hope you can get some relief for your illnesses, through medical help, exercise, meds., whatever can help you. Try to be gentle with yourself; treat yourself the way you'd treat your best friend. Can you find some outside help, even just a couple hours might help? Any agencies locally that offers respite?
Good luck to you!! Wishing you well.2 -
Feeling pretty hopeless right now. Someone I am close to has been accused of abuse and I have no clue how to handle it. The person in question has never displayed abusive behaviour in the past so I am very uncertain what to do. The other problem is that said person has also gone into a depressive episode and is isolating from everyone and won't return calls or texts at the moment. I don't want to believe the accusations but I also know the person making the accusations and have so far not known them to be a liar so very confused right now. This has all come to my knowledge in the last couple of days and I am still processing.9
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Honesly I've been struggling as a dad lately, my parenting time went from a few times a week to every other weekend about a year ago and i just find myself not feeling like I'm doing a very good job. I don't know how to remedy this.12
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N0IR0p-3nhY
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